I’ve been NC for almost 4 months with someone whom I talked to every day for almost half my life (13 years). Shits bananasssss.

How do you stay no contact when you miss them so badly it hurts? The heartbreak pain in your chest that makes you lose all your strength. I don’t feel strong enough.

Do you communicate your feelings to family members that you struggle with, or do you distance yourself and create boundaries without communicating your decision to them?

Been 2 weeks since the break up of 7 year relationship, at first there was on off contact but I ended up hurting her more, she asked me to go and since then I did not contact her. Been struggling and having terrible anxiety with wondering if she will ever come back. How do people even get over with the anxiety of constantly checking her profile and stories. I just want her back and hoping she will give me a 2nd chance. Damn, i really love her and miss her a lot.

Hi,

Im m31, and used to date a F26. last 2 months, After like 9 dates she decided that she didnt feel the spark. which is normal and honest. that was 5 weeks ago. After that we keep in touch and the contact become daily again even meet up 5 times. just to hang out.

Last weekend she told me in person that she doesnt want to give me any hopes of getting romantic. Because i told her last week that i really liked seeing her. And also told her that i didnt got any hope that she changed her feelings towards me. Because if thats was the case eventually its on her to tell me.

Anyway we didnt have any contact for almost 3 days now which i know is not long but it feels like it. i dont text her on purpose because i like her. and i found myself in the situation that her replys change my daily mood. even i liked her as a person to hangout and chat with. i dont to protect myself.

But im just wondering is it really that wrong to just have contact? or is it better for myself to give it some time? i mean she already know that i like her and all. and she also now if she changed her mind she is the one that needs to tell that. and not my trying to figure that out by having contact.

I promise you it gets easier and easier.

I just need a reminder that it's not a good idea. Been broken up for 5 weeks, no contact for over 3 weeks.

After the breakup i reached out many times. He sometimes responded and sometimes ignored me.

We dont have each other added on anything so I know he could reach out. Im just not sure he's the type of person who would.

I love him so much, but i don't know if he loves me anymore. I just dont know what to do

I cried a lot the first week and I still do shed tears here and there or get a little triggered hearing certain songs or randomly thinking about him talking to other girls. But that’s something I have to be comfortable with because he deserves to be happy just like I do.

It also doesn’t make a difference bc when I look back at us being together he was talking to other girls during that time too so the only thing that has changed is that I took myself out of the picture and no longer have to suffer that emotional abuse or constantly thinking I was crazy for thinking he was talking to other women but him telling me he wasn’t.

I just want to be completely detached though. I want to think of him and feel no emotion. Like just aw I hope he’s doing well. (Like I do with my old ex. He’s married has a baby I genuinely do hope he’s happy.)

How long do you guys think that’ll take?

We’ve been done for a long time like I’ve been checked out mentally for awhile.

I simply asked him to do a few things to save the relationship and he couldn’t even do that. Small things like go see a counselor , go to the dentist, go to a porn addiction support group, etc and he didn’t do any of those.
Takes 2 mins to make an appointment too.

Just sucks so give me some encouragement and advice bc I want to move on and get married and have a baby.

🙏 🙏

I broke the no-contact I asked for and got because if he broke it, I was gonna tell his family what a liar he is.
I asked if he needed closure and the classic, narcissistic response was a deflection: “I’m not perfect, I’m flawed, and I’m sorry for that.” The closure I wanted was an “I’m sorry for hurting you…I did love you, I’m just a manipulative fuck that knows no other way to relate to women.” Yeah the last part of that sentence was me describing him. There’s no getting what I needed so I shan’t continue texting him, as that’s what he wants. It took me long enough to leave him, I can see now he is not a nice guy, and I do deserve respect and kindness.
It still sucks. And hurts.

It has been 25 days and I am fighting the urge. She broke up with me suddenly asked me to try again 2 days later and then dumped me again 3 days later after flying out to see her. From there she dropped the let’s rebuild our friendship and she doesn’t have the emotional capacity for a serious relationship right now.. She had a lot of personal stuff going on at the time and we were together for 10 months but it was long distance.. everything I read said you can’t keep traditional no contact with an ldr.. but idk how to proceed here.. I doubt she will reach out, I never cheated or even raised my voice to her. She had an abusive ex and at the end she started seeing me through that lens on almost everything. It was such a crazy flip, she went from saying she wanted a family and loved me to doesn’t want me at all within a day.

We broke up 3 weeks ago. I’ve (21F) been having heart issues for the past year and he’s been the one with me at every appointment, taking care of me on days I don’t feel good, and being my biggest advocate. A week ago I finally got a diagnosis from my doctor.

We are no contact. He blocked me to avoid us continuing to reach out. I couldn’t tell him about my diagnosis. Today they called me and scheduled a surgery for next month. I won’t be able to tell him.

I’m so hurt and I miss him so much. But this is making it so hard. I can’t believe I’m going to have heart surgery next month and wake up and he won’t be in the room.

My mom and I have a terrible relationship, it has had ups and downs throughout the years but it just got worse once I got engaged and had my first child, I end up crying every time I talk to her and even decided against having her with me for the birth of my child.
Our relationship is so bad that I even ended up moving away to a different continent hoping some distance will make it easier, and it did, until I got pregnant. My partner’s family have also been a big eye opener, seeing how caring and kind his parents are has made it more obvious how toxic my mom is.

A little more context in our relationship: she was a single mom (my dad and her divorced before I was born and I never met him) and my grandpa took the roll of my dad. My mom never worked a day in her life so my grandpa was kind enough to pay for basically everything. When my grandfather died my aunts and uncle kept the inheritance and we ended up with nothing so all the responsibility relayed on me. I ended up working 3 (at times) 4 jobs to pay the bills plus her life style, she refused to sell the house in the opulent neighborhood she lives in to this day so the bills and maintenance of the house were higher that in other areas, I was living with her because I couldn’t afford paying for two houses. She kicked me out and even threaten to call the police on me once, if I even attempted to get near the house and all of this was because I ordered take out only for me and not for her, that was one time but she will put me on the street several times throughout the years, the first time she did it was when I was 15, it was always her go to when she got mad at me for anything. At some point I got pregnant and ended up having to end it because I knew that realistically I couldn’t give my kid the life they deserved while taking care of my mom and she bluntly refused to help me (by helping herself) in any way. That was the last straw for me though and that’s when I ended up moving abroad, at first things were going better but now that I had my kid is so bad. She tries to manipulate me, criticases everything I do, plays the victim and constantly puts me down.
I have tried to go no contact since I was pregnant but always end up talking to her again. The most pathetic thing is that she doesn’t even care I always go back on my own.
When I go no contact I feel like I miss her but I just miss the idea of a mom, specially now that my father figure is gone.

People that has to no contact, how have you managed to do it? I wonder if is just me that is weak. I feel like I just love her because she is my mom and I’m supposed to love her but I don’t even like her as a person. She’s very lonely also, she has pushed all of the family away and has cut ties with all her friends because everybody has done her wrong according to her, that also doesn’t help, knowing that I’m all she has and if I walk away she will be 100% by herself.

My ex and I have had no contact for about 4.5 months. She blocked me on Snapchat shortly after everything ended, while I have never blocked her.
This morning, while I was asleep, I received a Snapchat notification related to her. When I woke up, the notification was already about two hours old.
It was a Flashback/Memory from August 31, 2024, from when we were still together.
What really confused me is that her current Bitmoji appeared in the notification. She changed her Bitmoji after blocking me, so I had never seen this new Bitmoji during the entire 4.5 months of being blocked.
When I tapped on the notification, Snapchat showed:
“Something went wrong. We couldn’t find the user.”
We have many old Memories together, but this is the first time in 4.5 months that I have received anything like this.
Another strange thing is that my landline was called three times today by an anonymous/hidden number. I have absolutely no idea if this is related or just a coincidence, but the timing made me wonder.
Could this happen if she briefly unblocked me and then blocked me again? Or can Snapchat somehow display someone’s current Bitmoji in a Memory notification even if that person still has you blocked?

Has anyone experienced something similar?

i won’t break no contact but if you ever do i wouldn’t not answer. i wonder how long that sentiment will last for. i wish i would know to not answer.

I finally went to my first therapy session Saturday, and honestly? It was the best decision I’ve made since going no contact.

We spent the whole hour unpacking what happened with my family last year and, more importantly, what this past year has been like without them. For the first time, I didn’t have to defend myself. I didn't have to rehearse my "why." I just got to say it out loud and have someone actually validate that my peace matters.

But here’s the part that’s still eating at me—and my therapist and I talked about this too.

So many people in my life (friends, extended relatives, even acquaintances) have told me I need to reconcile. Some have gently suggested it, others have straight-up demanded it. When I push back, they act like I’m being stubborn or holding a grudge.

From my point of view? Going back and reconciling feels like handing my family a "get out of jail free" card. They hurt me, they haven't acknowledged it, they haven't changed—and yet I'm supposed to just show up and pretend everything is fine so they can feel better? That wouldn't teach them anything. It would just show them that my boundaries are negotiable.

Which brings me to my question for this community:

Why do people consistently expect the person who initiated NC to be the one to "fix" things?

Why is the pressure always on us to be the bigger person, to forgive, to forget, to show up for the holidays? Why isn't the pressure on the family members who caused the damage to do the work, get therapy themselves, or at the very least, respect our decision to walk away?

It feels like society has this script that says "family is forever" and the person who breaks that script is the villain. But I'm done playing the villain in a story I never asked to be in.

Would love to hear how you all handle this pressure, or if your therapists have given you any good comebacks for when people demand you reconcile. Stay strong, everyone.

i typically abide by no contact because if i don’t i know that means im striving to continue the relationship and i don’t want anything to ruin my progress. do people break no contact truly to check up and keep it pushing or is always/mostly subconscious way to wiggle their way back into their ex’s life for another potential shot ?

I know this may sound stupid, my ex-gf broke up with by a blindside text in April. I loved her and I didn't get a chance to say what I needed to say, so I wrote her a letter, just told her what needed to be said.

I sent it 2nd class on Thursday, so I would anticipate her getting it on Tuesday/Wednesday given the bank holiday.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation? Did they ever reply back? I feel a bit better that I sent it in all honesty, its been eating up at me for months and I don't want to live my life with no regrets.

I don’t know what made me come on here and do this, me and my ex dated for around 4 years on and off, we broke up in October of last year. I haven’t spoke to her but 1 time since then when she followed me around the bar and was making out with men in front of me to make me jealous ( at the end of the night she came up to me ) I can say never breaking the no contact did a lot for my mental. I pride myself on being able to give good relationship advice. Now I can say what I’m saying and actually give an example. I don’t think she’s a bad person and I hope she finds what she wants in life. But going through the process of losing someone in your life is hard and sometimes it’s nice to know that I handled it the right way. I’ll probably never speak to her again. But knowing that I blocked her and cut her off is somthing I’ll be able to live with everyday and that makes me happy.

**Day 6 of No Contact**

It’s been six days since we last talked, held each other, or saw one another.

I honestly thought the pain would be easier by now. I was wrong.

Working from home has been brutal. Even with more than enough work to keep me occupied, I still woke up at 2 a.m. instinctively reaching for my phone. Around that time, we’d usually just be ending our nightly calls before saying goodnight.
I miss her.

That’s the simplest way I can put it.

The hardest part isn’t even the silence. It’s wondering if this feeling will ever go away. I’m scared that a part of me will always carry her.
Out of curiosity, I downloaded the dating apps again, hoping they’d distract me. They didn’t. I wasn’t looking for someone new—I was looking for the feeling I had with her. I quickly realized that people aren’t interchangeable.

She told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She wanted the freedom to rediscover herself, and the only way I could truly give her that was to stop reaching out. So that’s what I’m doing, even though every day I want to break no contact just to ask how she’s doing.

I still catch myself wondering why we met at a time when I was finally ready to love someone, but she wasn’t ready to be loved in the same way.

I hope she’s okay. I hope she’s eating well, sleeping enough, and finding the peace she was looking for.

I hope one day I understand why someone can come into your life, make you feel so seen and so happy, and then leave just as quickly.

For now, all I can do is miss her, respect the space she asked for, and hope that time eventually does what everyone keeps telling me it will.

Day 6 is harder than I expected.

​

I'm 35, living on the other side of the world from where I grew up. I moved here alone. Long history of trauma I won't list here. Mostly estranged from my parents and siblings. Fifteen years of heartbreaks.

The good side: a career in tech sales I built myself, financially secure, friends who are kind and smart and healthy, freediving and dancing. Four years of trauma therapy and medication that have helped me improved from CPTSD, with abandonment at the centre of it.

My last relationship lasted 18 months. It was beautiful, healthy, safe, reciprocal, with incredible chemistry. I never doubted him. His love showed up every day in small, meaningful actions. We never fought, and we could talk about hard things without it turning into a war. I thought I'd found the right person. The one thing that didn't fit was that he was reluctant to move in together. First red flag. After a lot of conversations about it, he told me he didn't see a future with me, and we broke up. I wouldn't label him as avoidant. He openly told me he loved me and was very consistent. Felt Secure.

I thought the breakup was just a phase. We stayed low contact for nine months. I fell into a depression severe enough that hospitalisation was on the table. I didn't go, because I couldn't justify $20k, so I committed to more outpatient therapy instead.

Through all of it he kept telling me he was there for me any time I needed him. That I meant so much to him. That I was the best person he'd ever encountered. That he was sorry for the hurt. That he couldn't explain his aversion to long-term commitment. That he'd made the right call at the right time, that it wouldn't have been fair to drag me along, but that he genuinely loved me and was attracted to me the whole way through. He also said, when he broke up with me, that he wanted to stay celibate and do therapy. That he couldn't picture himself with anyone else. That if it didn't work with me, it wouldn't work with anyone.

Recently I got back from a diving trip in Borneo, where I swam with whale sharks. He started interacting with me a lot more. It was warm and friendly, and I thought: okay, I'm ready to have a coffee with him. He was very enthusiastic and wanted to hear all about the trip.

Today, five minutes in, he jumps in to say he took a trip recently too. I asked if he went with his family. Very casually: no, with my new girlfriend.

I felt the coffee come back up my throat. I thought I was going to faint. He kept talking and I have no idea what he said. I whispered congratulations and left. That level of cruelty is a different version of him than the one who wrote me those messages.

Voilà. I feel very silly. Trust me when I say I tried my best to move on. I think I really loved him, and I felt safe with him, and there were all those trips we did together. It was special. I put a lot of meaning into it. He didn't.

Tonight my mother's voice is very loud in my head — the one that says I'm worthless, that no man will ever love me, that I was easy to leave and easy to replace. I know it's her voice. I can't feel the difference right now.

I'm posting because I survived the breakup thanks to stories people shared here. I have never felt lonelier in my life.