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u/MarmotMeiche Apr 17 '23
This is actually a really good definition of a thing that deserves its own word.
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u/sharkboy1006 Apr 17 '23
Not exactly but, third wheel
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u/MarmotMeiche Apr 17 '23
I don't think that is third wheel, it's just a third friend acknowledging spacial realities.
Third wheel is bringing your best friend on a date, not being the considerate person in a group of three.
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u/maiden_burma Apr 17 '23
it's just a third friend acknowledging spacial realities.
it's two friends mutually and subconsciously deciding to walk together, forcing the third friend to walk behind or off the sidewalk
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u/MarmotMeiche Apr 17 '23
I disagree. I was best friends with two girls in elementary/middle. We took turns in the back. The anchor friend is like a sports position. We liked each other and this was just respectful.
Someone had to be in back but it was usually the person with less to say in a conversation. We rearranged thru a walk.
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Apr 17 '23
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u/mayojuggler88 Apr 17 '23
That seems like a dangerous line. I realize, to an extent, you're right. You can't say someone didn't have an experience, but disagreeing with how they perceived it seems critical to opening your mind to other lines of thought. Allows one to gain perspective on an experience.
E.g. someone who read this, may be helped by how someone else perceived a situation that may have been the same or similar
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Apr 17 '23
Absolutely, I also don't get how the person they were replying to wasn't doing the exact same thing: having a different perspective. This a conversation & everyone should feel free to express theirs.
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u/MarmotMeiche Apr 17 '23
Yeah, I think I just interpret this differently. I was the friend in back too. I never thought it was being left out in my experience.
I didn't mean to dismiss someone's else's view or experience. Sorry
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Apr 17 '23
Yeah, the OP meant the person who walked in the back always.
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u/MarmotMeiche Apr 17 '23
The way I interpreted it is shes kind of accusing him of not taking his turns. Like the guy who always gets the window seat, or shot gun, or big room/bed on vacation
You want a friend who takes their turn in the back and does their share. He's a guy who yells shotgun, instead of saying "I rode in front of the way, I'll sit in back on the way home."
I felt it as an accusation of not being a good friend in that way, by always staying in front.
That's my view tho, I think a reader's prior interactions in a trio are casting some influence on how we're interpreting it differently.
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Apr 17 '23
They didn't say "in my experience" or "usually" they said 'it IS'. So yes, they can disagree. That is not always the case.
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Apr 18 '23
It's the Tertiary friend
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u/MarmotMeiche Apr 18 '23
Dude, nicely done. Technically exquisite, accurate, and does not hurt any feelings.
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Apr 17 '23
The expression is fifth wheel. A third wheel isn't redundant, but a fifth wheel is.
It doesn't refer to the number of people involved.
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u/GreaseBeast550 Apr 17 '23
I dunno if this is a joke but couldn't you just Google fifth wheel and see that there are 0 results on the entire internet that support this and nobody says this?
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Apr 17 '23
You're just bad a googling.
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u/GreaseBeast550 Apr 17 '23
You're still wrong about the common usage and unappreciative of hyperbole. Nobody says this lmao
Edit: sorry I didn't click your link, it actually agrees with me entirely. Enjoy your outdated 17th century terminology that 0 people use.
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u/EmotionalKirby Apr 17 '23
You could atleast read the link he shared, or any of the others in your search. They are interchangeable as depending on what site, the two are swapped back and forth. but there is a definite difference between the two. One is a friend who tags along, like being the third on a date. The other is a friend who isn't wanted, like only being invited because they have to.
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u/GreaseBeast550 Apr 17 '23
Yeah there is a difference, people use one of them and they don't use the other.
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u/Aramor42 Apr 17 '23
Yeah, gotta be careful with getting things like that wrong. Your one-eyed henchman might shoot you while you're in the pool for stuff like that.
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u/Socksandcandy Apr 17 '23
Somebody find a German!!
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u/DiscombobulatedDust7 Apr 17 '23
- Gehwegplatzmaximierer - someone who maximises the space on a path
- Bürgersteiggruppenverengungsexperte - pavement group width reducing expert
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Apr 17 '23
"Pavement group width reducing expert" sounds like an amazing job title.
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u/SuspecM Apr 17 '23
It also sounds like a made up promotion title to give someone who suffered workplace injuries due to neglect on behalf of the company so they didn't sue them.
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u/katestatt Apr 17 '23
I can only think of Ersatzfreund or Reservefreund which basically means substitute friend
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u/dzhastin Apr 17 '23
That’s what those words would mean in English as well. Well, ersatz in English means “imitation” instead of “substitute,” but close enough for government work.
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u/DylanFTW Apr 17 '23
The anchor friend
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u/Altruistic-Cod5969 Apr 17 '23
I think the cool think about language is that you can absolutely invent one. If people like it and use it, it's a new word or phrase.
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u/MarmotMeiche Apr 17 '23
Yes I love this too. But it's how it spreads that is fun. You can have great ideas, but not everyone will pick them up.
Have you seen r/boneappletea ?
It's people misidentify common sayings. Like Bone, apple, tea instead of Bon Appetit. I love that phrase though, because it makes logical sense you could invent a story behind.
Like in the olden days they had many courses so you say bone, apple, tea to the chef meaning perfect from start to finish. There's a weird language migration I like in that.
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u/UndeterminedError Apr 17 '23
"The Lancer" if you go into TV tropes for fantasy main casts.
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u/Wooden-Jew Apr 17 '23
Isnt the Lancer a rival and usually better than the MC but eventually becomes his best friends and right hand man?
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u/TheBallotInYourBox Apr 17 '23
Sounds like it according to TVTropes.org but I’ve never heard of this term before. So I’ve no idea.
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Apr 17 '23
Selfless
It's the idea that the third friend is being kind and spacially aware to their own detriment
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Apr 18 '23
In French we have the "bouche trou" which literally means the "hole filler", as in the person you don't really like that much but you invite or keep around because you needed one more person or because you didn't wanna be on your own.
Not exactly 100% accurate, but this is very much how it feels when you're constantly the thrid friend walking behind on the sidewalk. Like you're not really wanted here.
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u/acctnumba2 Apr 17 '23
I feel like that type of behavior is named after that person in the groups name.
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u/MarmotMeiche Apr 17 '23
I think if you are all good friends that isn't the same person. It's the name of that position, which any friend may take as appropriate. You take turns being that guy.
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Apr 17 '23
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u/OmgThatDream Apr 17 '23
This is the comment i was looking for, i hear you. Same here it fucking sucks.
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u/MReaps25 Apr 18 '23
Yah, sadly my friend group has started having more and more interests in things I don't care about. Having guns, sports. Hockey specifically. While I'm here just talking about soccer and trying to convince them to try a new game I found. It fucking sucks feeling like it would have no difference to anyone if you die tomorrow
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u/HockeyPotato838 Apr 17 '23
I was that friend...I had to run on the grass to hear the conversation.
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u/Ryanw441 Apr 17 '23
Pro tip: walk in front of the other two and establish dominance.
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u/Kasetonix Apr 17 '23
But then you still can't hear the conversation well.
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u/DrinkingSand Apr 17 '23
Walk in reverse
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u/Tastebud49 Apr 17 '23
This is unironically what I do. I never wanna be the one behind so I walk ahead and walk backwards.
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u/sleepyotter92 Apr 17 '23
done that, almost fell. don't recommend.
also, in my country, there's a religious superstition that walking backwards is giving the devil a path to follow you. my grandma would always yell at me to not walk backwards because of that
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u/OldAccStolen Apr 17 '23
nah that's worse. you walk too fast and they won't catch up. too slow and they walk into you, getting annoyed, or just pass through you and now you are at the back. Or worst of all, they take a turn when you are not looking.
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u/Suqa-_- Apr 17 '23
If they do that then they're just not your friends. If you have to keep sure you're keeping up with them, you should probably just give up.
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u/kennethjor Apr 18 '23
Yeah, I was about to say. If they walk past you and don't acknowledge you in any way, it's time to just turn around and go do your own thing.
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u/GoodOlSpence Apr 17 '23
I have often been the third person that walks ahead, but it's only because y'all walk too slow.
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u/Tybolt_Silver Apr 17 '23
Get a fourth friend
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u/ahzidalPrime Apr 17 '23
Instructions unclear… now there’s a baby.
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u/Tybolt_Silver Apr 17 '23
Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
Teach baby how to walk. Then it will walk beside you.
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u/SaltyLonghorn Apr 17 '23
Its too slow but its also beating me at CoD already. I hate new friend.
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u/witcherstrife Apr 17 '23
Until that fourth friend would rather try to awkwardly squeeze in with the other 2 rather than walk with you
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u/Spare_Bad_6558 Apr 17 '23
jokes on you i was the third kid who walked ahead of the others cause they were all slow as fuck
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Apr 17 '23
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u/ComradeYoldas Apr 17 '23
Then the random stranger behind you is like: "Fucking people hogging the FACKIN sidewalk"
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u/mustafaaosman339 Apr 17 '23
Me and my 2 friends(3 straight males) squash together basically cuddling in these situations.. That or I wander off myself and they'll follow...
Some people need better friends tbh.
I say this coming from being that third that walked behind all the time and that sucks.. Realized those people weren't real friends anyway
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u/Tucker_077 Apr 17 '23
Tell me how you get that friend group. I’ve been the third wheel for 22 years and I hate it
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Apr 18 '23
Me: lags behind slightly because I feel I'm in the way
Friend: instantly notices and grabs my arm to pull me up with the rest of them
This is the sign you have great friends who genuinely care about you!
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u/TooCupcake Apr 18 '23
Did you find one of my best friends from high school? That’s how we used to walk on the street all the time. Good catch she’s awesome.
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u/jmangan27 Apr 17 '23
Some of y’all don’t realize that some people didn’t have friends to walk with anywhere and it shows
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u/Famous-Yoghurt9409 Apr 17 '23
I jumped between having no one to walk with and walking behind "friends" throughout my teens. I couldn't tell you which I liked less.
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Apr 18 '23
I think this is really a good case where "Better on your own than poorly accompanied" applies.
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u/-Sa-Kage- Apr 18 '23
For me, it's the latter I dislike more. Being alone is fine, but being left out hurts.
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Apr 17 '23
Or the one who always sat in the backseat and was never involved in the conversation cause the music was too loud and they had the windows down.
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u/ByAPortuguese Apr 17 '23
Everyone was that friend at some point
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Apr 18 '23
i know people in my school who are clearly the more popular type
one time i talked to him about this "third wheeling" thing, and asked if he ever felt it before. he was like "oh yeah when people are around me they usually say something like that lol"
he is also territorial and full of himself and i wish the above scenario onto him so he knows what it's like
so yeah those people definitely do exist
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u/Xanxxlessrock Apr 17 '23
This made me cry LMAOWNDIFJ it bought back memories horrible ones they were only friends with me when they were both bored of each other. They’d bully me at school up until junior high😂I graduated last year but for some reason it still feels like a punch in the gut
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u/confabulatrix Apr 18 '23
I was in a friend group of three. We decided to get a three-piece heart charm which said “we’re best friends” so we could each wear one of the three pieces. I got the “We’re”.
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u/RF07 Apr 17 '23
Lol I am the third friend by preference! Never been much of a talker, so I have no problem just enjoying listening to my more chatty friends as we walk (or drive) along 😆
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u/blk_arrow Apr 17 '23
I was that friend for over a decade. Finally cut their losses when I realized their behavior was linked to jealousy because I was way more successful then they were.
They liked to pose themselves as an alpha type, but whenever I was around, they felt challenged even though I never tried too. I actually intentionally tried not to one-up them, which I think just made them more petty.
Anyways, just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening to my TED Talk.
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u/Dm_Glacial_Gatorade Apr 17 '23
I'd be jealous to when I found out that you were doing TED talks.
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u/Tucker_077 Apr 17 '23
I’ve been the third wheel for 22 years from all different types of friends and nothing ever changes. So if you know a solution, hit me up
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u/moonbyul_lover Apr 17 '23
no please i was in a friend group of 4 and even when the sidewalk was too narrow for 3 people they would still just squish themselves up against each other instead of one of them coming to walk next to me 🫠
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u/Alwaysinadaze Apr 17 '23
Some of you never had friends all stop listening to you except for that one friend that kept listening while everyone went on with a new conversation. And I feel bad for us all.
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u/oinguboingu Apr 18 '23
No i think i just understood that the sidewalk is too narrow and reassured myself past anxiety and insecurities that i wouldnt have been invited if i wasnt wanted there and then i usually enjoy my time with my friends.
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Apr 17 '23
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u/rupert_mcbutters Apr 17 '23
This sucks to read. Perfectly captures that situation. I didn’t feel very valuable when my “best friends” acted like this and reminded me that I wasn’t their bestie. The worst part is when they stopped trying as hard to hide their treatment of me. They probably thought I was too dumb to get it, but I was really just willfully ignorant and too tolerant of that behavior.
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u/thejexorcist Apr 17 '23
I was the one that always bumped into the person I was walking with, because I can’t walk in a straight line.
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u/tommytookalook Apr 18 '23
That would always allow me to recharge my social battery by giving me the time to be in a group but being by myself even for 5-10 minutes.
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u/Rogi629 Apr 18 '23
Jokes on you, I was the friend that was walking in front by themselves without realizing it
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Apr 18 '23
I was unfortunately always the "shot caller" guy, where I'd always be first to suggest stuff and we'd all do it, always upfront and leading shit.
Now, I still occasionally talk to the emptiness beside me, suggesting something fun to do to the friends that have long since moved on, and I'm just there alone as always, again. While it doesn't impede my activity, it does feel too quiet nowadays. Enjoy those friendships, because they'll evaporate quickly, no matter how strong.
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u/SadQueerAndStupid Apr 18 '23
I always walked in front instead so they couldn’t ignore me/forget i was there
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u/Feeling_Grade_2452 Apr 18 '23
Always been that friend, until I take my funny pills and my friends go away
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u/CTRL1_ALT2_DEL3 Apr 18 '23
The word "friend" has lost its definition down to its entirety. Sure, they care about you, as long as it's convenient for them (and also, all of a sudden, out of the thin blue!).
As soon as the door they seeked to open opens, even with you being instrumental to its opening, they have no longer a need for you, until further notice. This has been pretty much invariable.
Perhaps it's me being just different enough to be considered different, but also not enough to be considered so, so as to be perpetually stuck in Purgatory with no clear sign of progress.
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Apr 18 '23
My friends have found a work around, we rotate based on who is contributing to the conversation most.
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u/HellexJ Apr 17 '23
Is it that serious though? I’ve been this person not because I’m a third wheel but because it would be uncomfortable to try to fit three people shoulder to shoulder on the sidewalk.
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u/KingKingsons Apr 18 '23
Yeah, for my it's just a cue for them to want to catch up or something and for me to chill and listen to some music. We can all talk again when we're sitting somewhere.
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u/Heavy_Switch_9475 Apr 17 '23
Add on being the slowest walking one due to having messed up legs and being friends with a bunch of tall people and it's even worse
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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '23
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