Twins by Surprise

[u/raka712]

36M & 39F - have 2 yo. Just found out we are having twins. 7+1 weeks in. Di/Di. Was not expecting this. What can I do to help my wife who is shook over the next few months specifically? I travel a lot for work and am already feeling guilty about going anywhere but 2x babies means I gotta lock in. Also, what should I not do or try to do? I’m the funny guy and it’s too soon for jokes (I was told)

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[u/case_of_mobiles]

Congrats and also commiserations, what a wild ride you’re strapped into now

Best thing you can do is take everything off her plate that isn’t growing two humans, even the tiny stuff she insists she can handle

[u/aambivalence]

No advice but just wanted to say congrats! And we were also surprised two days ago at 7w1d by di-di twins! We know they are identical because we did IVF and transferred one embryo. We will be first time parents, equal parts terrified and excited lol

[u/RagingOrgyNuns]

"Well, I guess we are buying a minivan" was one of the first things I told my spouse. We have a singleton 17 months older than our twins.

Just tell her you love her and support her and that you are blessed to have twins. And I hate using the word "blessed," but in this case, just realize most people will never get to experience this.

[u/Individual-Cat5989]

If you can swing it, arranging help especially during the third trimester is huge. Hiring a cleaner, getting help from loved ones on freezer meals, anything else your wife needs to focus on resting and staying healthy toward the end. The last month especially can be SO UNCOMFORTABLE (I am living it now, the struggle is real).

[u/BlundstoneSandal → u/Individual-Cat5989]

Just know once those babies are here you will feel 1000x better physically. You can do it, so close!

[u/Individual-Cat5989 → u/BlundstoneSandal]

Thank you so much!! I am counting down the days to induction, relief is near!

[u/BlundstoneSandal]

Congrats! My husband and I also had a 2.5 year old when we found out we were having twins. My pregnancy was not great. I was exhausted all the time mentally and physically. Your wife’s pregnancy may be totally different, but the biggest help from my husband was taking on majority of things with our toddler - taking her to gymnastics, to the park, baths, bedtime, etc. Also make sure to check in on her with how she’s doing not only physically but mentally as much as you can.

Twins scared the crap out of us but now that they are here (3.5 months), and we got into our routine of things I couldn’t imagine things any other way!

[u/Ill-Wolf865]

Here’s all the helpful things my husband did:

Cooked almost every single meal (you can cook a weeks worth of food and freeze it for times you’ll be traveling). As time progressed I did get tired of him asking me what I wanted (lol) so he ended up just coming up with ideas and asking me if that was ok. And that was super helpful when I was further along and heavy and tired.

Took on the bulk of cleaning the house.

We decided to buy a mini van (my 11 year old nephew lives with us) so he took on all the research, planning and scheduling viewings etc.

He did his own research on twins and read books written by women about their pregnancy experience.

Went to couples therapy. Cannot stress how helpful this was. My pregnancy was fairly easy but we did have quite a few scares and therapy helped us navigating that plus equipped us with better tools on how to communicate and express our needs to each other better. We also were able to spend some time talking about our values and how we wanted to show up for the girls—which made planning a lot more meaningful and fun.

For every question that came up about pregnancy, he wrote them down on his phone and brought it up at our OB or MFM appointments. This was extremely helpful because my memory was crap and the Internet turned out to actually be a really bad place to turn for advice or medical information.

letting me vent without coming up with ideas or solutions.

filling up my water bottle and packing my lunch so it was ready to go when I left for work.

He’d also ask me about my experience a lot. I found this to be very sweet and endearing and made him much more attune when I was really struggling but didn’t want to talk about it.

I also changed my mind a lot lol. So just be very patient! I promise we’re not trying to be mean or short or rude. But a twin pregnancy, even the easy ones, are a lot.

Congratulations and best of luck to you both! ♥️

[u/colako]

Don't jump into big expenses.

For example, we had the same situation, a two-year-old plus twins and we managed with the same car, a very compact Chevy Bolt with three car seats. They fit!

Right now they are 8 and nearly 6 and you know what, they're still in the Chevy Bolt with two car seats and a booster. 😂 😂 

Support your wife, she may be very anxious during the pregnancy. it's a rollercoaster of emotions. Many women feel they won't be able to bond with the babies as well as with a singleton. Congratulations! 

[u/critical_ghost-57]

My husband travelled the whole first trimester. He got the pregnancy news and soon had to leave for work. The scan during which doctor told us, he was on loudspeaker with us.

Everyone and everything on the internet told me first tri would be brutal, but frankly is the very very mild. I just got nauseated with certain smell but was manageable inside the house.

Also, a big congratulations! Do not stress too much about it being two babies, as the pregnancy progresses you both will have plans and figure it out. ❤️❤️🧿🧿

[u/Ok_Anteater_8242]

Start saving for a night nanny!