i recently posted yesterday on this subreddit about my crayfish of around three years dying. i rly cared for him and loved him like a pet and his sudden death really upset me. im pretty sure he died of old age since he was an adult when i got him three years ago and thats pretty old for a crayfish and i did notice him slowing down sometimes.

it still saddened me and i posted on my personal instagram account story (only my friends could see it). i added pictures of him as a memorial and wrote “Rip Ghost 💔”. one of my friends of also three years commented on it. we’ve never had any issues in the past and we’re not very close, js friends. she commented on my story and i can’t help feeling upset about it.

since i can’t add attachments i’ll just copy what she said.
“So I’m thinking Maine style lobster roll with warm butter and gas fries”.
i don’t know where else to post this and it just really makes me mad. i know crayfish are more of an unconventional pet but shouldn’t ppl, especially friends, have more empathy when they die??? it also js feels really insensitive from her and i made it clear that i am grieving. am i wrong for feeling mad about it?

Tomorrow will be one week since I lost my ten year old dog. I loved her more than anything. She was my emotional anchor and the one I could express my feelings with without holding anything back. She was basically my whole world. So yeah, I'm devastated.

She was the only dog I ever had that kind of bond with, and actually the only pet my family has ever had. I named her, and there was always something especially close between us. I'm kind of a loner, not antisocial or anything, I'm actually pretty sociable, but at the end of the day I'm usually on my own. I'm also really not the kind of person who talks about or shows my feelings easily. It's actually the opposite. With her, I never had to hold anything back. She was always there with me, and even though she was part of the whole family, that bond meant everything to me.

Losing her has completely broken me. I still feel a lot of guilt about how everything happened, and I keep replaying those last days in my head.

I guess I'm posting here because I'd really like to hear from people who have been through something similar. What helped you cope with the loss? Did anything make the guilt or the emptiness a little easier to live with?

I'd also really appreciate any book recommendations about pet loss or grief, or maybe any other resources that helped you. They can be in English or Spanish. I saw "Goodbye, Friend" by Gary Kowalski mentioned here and I'm considering starting with that. Thanks in advance.

And just to add, getting another dog isn't something I can even think about right now. I honestly feel like she was my one and only. Forever.

My hedgehog recently died and I’m grieving harder than I expected. Mostly due to regret of what I could have done better. Hard grief.

I’ve had my dogs pass away and it’s terrible grief, absolutely terrible grief. But I’m scared I won’t see my hedgies again. I want to see all of my pets again someday..

Do you all think we will see ALL our pets again some day?

my baby boy passed away right next to me, in bed, at 6 am on wednesday last week. for a week he wasnt doing too well, he hadn't eaten, and he would only drink water. on wednesday around 2 am, he threw up and i finally decided to take him to the vet, because he wasnt getting better, so i messaged my dad at 3 am that i wanted to take him to the vet the following morning. i stayed up with him the whole night, and around 6 am, he started throwing up again, but it was brown. i started phoning the vet, and as i was on call, he lied down, and stopped breathing. he whimpered and just died. we rushed him to the vet, the whole time i was wailing, he didnt make it.

he was only 3. my baby boy, he was my whole life, he was my greatest companion, he was my soulmate, the one who understood me the best. we loved each other so much, im so so heart broken, its so painful, it eats me alive every second of the day. it hurts so much knowing that he wouldve been alive if i had taken him to the vet earlier. im filled with so much guilt, im so sorry my baby boy, i hope you dont resent me, i love you so so much. my beautiful sweet boy, i wont ever find another like you. i wish i had given you the life i had promised you, you deserved so much more, im so sorry for being so consumed by my problems.

it feels like my whole life was ripped apart, he was my soul dog, i adored him so much. i dont know what to do, the next 10 years were supposed to be with him, i wanted to see how much our relationship would change and grow, i wanted to give him a quiet home with nothing to be scared of, my baby my baby, im so sorry and i miss you. the pain is so much. my baby im so sorry. i love you forever my baby.

Hi everyone. My girl Millie died after escaping the house. We found what was left of her in the woods after a coyote attack. I was out all night the night I think she died and I heard coyotes attacking something in the area we found her. I know it was stupid but I ran out there screaming thinking maybe it was her and wanted to protect her.

I’m heartbroken, devastated and just at a loss. Too many things lined up to perfectly for all of this to happen. Her collar with an Apple AirTag on it broke off, she somehow got outside which we still have no idea how she snuck out. And on top of all that someone had saw her making her way home before she got attacked, in the same area my boyfriend and I had been looking for about an hour.

Millie was my absolute world and my rock, she was only 4 years old and I raised her after finding her as a kitten sick behind a dumpster. She was the perfect cat and I’m so angry at how unfair her death was. She didn’t deserve that! She was the sweetest most friendly cat, she would practically race to the door when visitors came because THATS how friendly she was. And to die to coyotes? I’ve been throwing up at thought of it all. I’ve barely been able to keep anything down and I don’t know how to get over this. I don’t think I ever will. Advice is welcomed, I just needed to vent.

Here are some photos of her: Millie

for me, day 3 of losing my dog of 17yrs:

• i now understand the saying ‘grief changes ur address book’. most ppl in ur life will not show up when ur at ur absolute darkest.
• grief comes in waves. sometimes i burst into tears randomly.
• never knew death could hurt so bad. it’s honestly unbearable. i’ve lost family members (humans), but it didn’t hurt like this.
• changes in daily life. it’s the little things. for years, i didn’t have to set alarms bc my dog would wake me up. now i have to. it feels weird that i don’t have to plan my days around him anymore, weird to suddenly have so much free time, weird to feel like i actually don’t have to rush home anymore. my dog slept w me, so whenever i stayed up late, i always tried to keep the noise down so as not to accidentally wake him. just last night, i dropped something on the floor, i flinched, then i looked at his empty bed.
• logic doesn’t apply when it comes to grief. it’s easier said than done.
• u might spiral into a deep, dark hole thinking about whether u failed ur pet.
• wondering what my dog's doing in heaven. is he ok? is he eating well? is he sleeping well? can he even get used to me not being around? does he have his favourite roasted chicken, fried chicken, apple, biscuit, prawn cracker, etc.?
• putting a pet to sleep is actually more emotionally traumatic than i imagined.
• coming across my dog's favourite food is also tough. was out eating fried chicken tdy and realised i no longer have to buy extra to bring home.
• the most random stuff will set u off. my dog had always been afraid of thunderstorms, so i’d always need to bring him to our room. earlier tdy, there were some thunderstorms in my area. my first instinct was to carry him to our room. then the realisation hit again.
• grieving is exhausting, but at the same time, it makes my mind restless.
• so many more.

hi all. I've never thought about it before until my dog passed. she was with me through everything. she was 14. i grew up incredibly lonely and didn't have friends, she was it. she was with me through my dad passing. she was with me for every tear shed and it hasn't even been a week and I'm sick. at first I've always believed that there was something at least- even if i didn't know what it was. now I'm distraught and every day it's hard to wake up because it all feels pointless. I've been thinking of whether or not I'll ever see her again and my logical brain wants to think of basic biology and the fact that the brain dies when we do. and that there is nothing and we won't even realize it. I'm sick to think that I'll never see my little baby again. i didn't have enough time with her and it was so sudden. on the other hand, i want to consider paranormal experiences and think that i may see her again one day. i don't know what to do or think and I've never been more lost and confused in my life.

I can’t believe I am even here writing about my little baby kitten that I got last Saturday. I had him for a week when he was in the ER vet already declining. My perfect black cat boy. Fluffy, cuddly, snuggly, funny, sweet as hell. I miss him so much and I don’t understand how I’m supposed to process this type of grief when you plan an entire life with someone who is just gone so suddenly when you barely have time to get to know them. I brought him home and he was immediately part of the family. So quickly fit right in. Everything reminds me of him. I wish he could’ve gotten more time for me to love and spoil him. His short life was meaningful to me. Despite the ending, I am so glad that I got to be there with him holding him and telling him how much he was loved. How much he mattered. That I would keep him safe. I still do because he lives in my heart now. I always will.
He declined so quickly and had no WBC, was anemic, had sepsis. I have gone back and forth on it but I think we did the best we could with the ER vets. I feel guilt for making the call to let him stop suffering because of that lingering “what if”. I just didn’t want him to suffer. Through all of this, I just want him to know I loved him so profoundly. I LOVE him so profoundly still. I cry for him and mourn him because he was important to me. He got to have a family. He got a name, a couch, blankets. Food and treats. Toys. He will be missed immeasurably and remembered fondly. There won’t ever be another Laika. There should still be a Laika and I feel robbed. It feels so unfair. It’s so fucking SAD. I MISS YOU, LAIKA. I AM SO SO SORRY THAT THIS HAPPENED. YOUR SHORT LIFE MATTERED NO MATTER HOW SMALL. I CARE ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

My dog was getting older and sometimes she would drag me out in the cold in the middle of the night to go, sometimes I think she just wanted out

It was so beautiful

She also loved being outside all the time and got me out too even if I had to make a safety plan to cover her paws (I’m in Canada winters can get super cold) she would sometimes loose a boot

My point is she is my moon and stars and got me out even when cold was painful I’m just sad I guess
I wonder how the winter will be

My dog died just over a week ago.

Everyone expects me to be ok now but I’m not. I’m not the most expressive guy so I think everyone thinks I’m alright, but I can hardly work. I’ve tried talking to my closest friend about it but she’s too focused on her love life right now to care. I feel stuck.

How long does it take to stop hurting? I’m so so sad. I miss her so much. I really am not coping very well. I just want someone to care about her.

It’s nearly been 8 months since I lost my soul dog. I still can’t really look at photos and videos of her as I feel like I can’t breathe when I do. I got my girl when I was young and coming away from my abusive family, I really spent this whole time living for her and now I just don’t care about anything anymore. I can’t find joy or comfort in anything and I miss her so much it hurts. All I do is go to work and then on my days off I just sleep. I have lots of support around me but nothing helps because having her back is the only thing that would bring me comfort, I thought it would start to feel better by now but I feel it’s getting worse - I think initially I was in shock and now the realisation has hit and I can’t cope spending everyday waiting to see her again. Sometimes she visits in my dream and it’s so beautiful but then I wake up. How does this get better? My whole life was for her.

My cat had random health issues starting a year ago that were always well managed, but it did make me start thinking about what I would do when it was “time.” I went through every scenario in my head, and decided I would make sure she didn’t suffer at all if I was able, and that I’d rather do it two weeks too early instead of two weeks too late.

Well then I had to put my money where my mouth was because she got a cancer diagnosis that I was told would likely come back even with treatment. So I had to start thinking about her quality of life.

She wasn’t in critical condition, but she was uncomfortable. Prior to the diagnosis, she was barely sleeping and eating a lot less (she is very food motivated). Prednisolone fixed both of those. She drank water just fine and used the litter just fine (her chronic constipation issues that started last year notwithstanding). So I thought, “she’s fine, we’ll be together for a few more months at least.”

But then I looked at her, with her hunched posture and sad expression. My cat who was obsessed with me, would have burrowed herself under my skin if she could have (she was a sphynx). My cat who now almost never sat with me, and if she did it would be for 5 minutes max maybe twice a day. She hardly purred anymore. She seemed relatively indifferent to warm blankets out of the laundry, another thing she would previously bulldoze over anybody to get to. She didn’t lounge on the couch or the bed, she now either sat hunched over on a warm gaming console or slept in one spot in her cat bed so much she was getting a bed sore. The prednisolone didn’t fix those things.

And I thought, “functionally she seems fine, but her light is so dim.”

She was incredibly food motivated, and all of her bursts of energy and glimpses of “herself” were there during mealtime.

I decided I didn’t want the last of her favorite things to burn out before I made the call, and did an at home euthanasia yesterday.

But when I read most peoples accounts of doing it too soon, they say they knew because the pet wasn’t eating, was soiling themselves, had weak legs, etc. Maybe it’s selective bias, but I feel like I don’t hear “my animal just seemed sad, so I knew.”

My baby could function just fine…and she still had food, her most favorite thing. I feel like I robbed her of this final happiness and should have waited for a physical sign instead of changes in her character. I feel like I betrayed her. I thought I would feel at peace with my choice, and instead I can’t sleep thinking I stole my beloved pet’s life. I read people say, “at least you know they aren’t suffering anymore” but she wasn’t suffering, at least not physically, she just had slightly less joy - but is that a reason to do it so soon? Slightly less doesn’t mean none. She could have had so many more snack times.

my 8 year old baby, the most beautiful calico cat you’ve ever seen. was diagnosed with stage 3 CKD last week but was declining rapidly and yesterday night had a stroke. i feel like my heart has been torn out of my body. i woke up yesterday with her on my chest and today she’s gone.

i don’t know how to deal with this. this is the worst pain ive ever felt in my life. i wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her. she walked into my apartment and saved my life 6 years ago. i am in such immeasurable pain i can’t breathe

my crayfish died today. i found him stiff (rigor mortis). i had him for three years since i was in sixth grade. we got him at a supermarket and we were going to eat him but decided to keep him. his name was ghost and when we had him he molted once. i miss him. rip ghost. i feel stupid for feeling sad but i still cried over him

This is gruesome but I need to get it out. He was let out Thursday morning (yes I know, you can call my family stupid later but this is not the time) earlier than he should've been. My mom mistakenly thought it was 6...it was 4:30 in the morning. He always came back at 7 AM but he didn't this time.

We immediately knew it was odd, he has a great sense of navigation and he doesn't like being outside during the actual day, he finds it too hot. I immediately had a bad feeling in my stomach but I pushed it away.

We searched for him the whole day, finally two nice girls let us know they did see an orange cat...on the road in the morning. Me and my mom went to go make sure and ....there he was. There was my orange, flattened to a pancake clearly hours ago baking in the Texas sun. I couldn't even get his body cause it was just so baked into the road and cars kept coming and running over him over and over. I think about how he was alone, how a mistake in timing lead to this, how I was running up and down the neighborhood all day not knowing he was already gone for most of it.

Most of all I think about how I can ever forgive myself. He was spoiled rotten since a stray (turned our cat too) gave birth to him in our backyard on 01/03/26, and his flame was cut so soon. What happened wasn't fair to him, I wish he could've seen us as the last thing before chasing the lights in the sky, I wish we could honor his body the way he deserved, and I wonder what I can ever do to make it up to him.

I have beautiful photos of him, and maybe I'll share them here when I'm ready, but not quite yet. I want to remember him as the fiery energetic cat I knew, not what his corporal form ended up as.

Thank you for anyone who read this.

We just put down my family dog (Riley) who was with us for 15 years… he was around when I was 15 years old now I’m 30, he basically has been here my whole life, he was my whole world, I feel so so alone. We have lost a member of the family I right now I feel l absolutely heartbroken and empty, a piece of my heart feels like it’s been ripped out, I don’t know how anyone else has dealt with this.

He all sudden took a turn and within 24 hours he was gone, I feel sad and regret we didn’t put him down at home but it would have been cruel to keep him alive any longer… I still feel guilt he even suffered, even a little bit.

He was so so beyond loved, he was the truly the best friend, best son, best brother our family could have asked for. I can’t even imagine anyone replacing him…

I want you to know the love of my life, my baby, forever puppy. I love him so so much, I really am not coping. He is was a sassy shihtzu, with so much love and kisses to give. He just wanted to be near you, and love you, he big such a big personality and I’ll never ever get over you. Hug your loved ones even harder tonight.

I love you Riley aka my forever puppy x

Hi all.

Its been a few weeks and ive had such a tough time putting this story together.

My dog, Jana (pronounced Yana), was my life. I had adopted her last year, and she was by my side daily. She was so crucial when I had to put my cat down who ive had for about 9 years earlier this year. Even beyond we were inseparable.

She was likely from a bad breeder originally. I did a DNA test on her and through Embark, she was about 13 different breeds. Also. The Embark test did a genetic health panel screening. That was what I cared about more so I can do whats best for her as early as I can to hopefully mitigate any upcoming issues.

Anyways, June 16th we had her annual vet visit. All was great. They checked stool and blood sample, no issues, and gave the usual annual shots. Clean bill of health. The only comment was they said she could lose a few lbs but she was only ~5 lbs bigger than what she said was ideal, but she wasnt concerned at all.

A few weeks later, I finally felt ready to adopt a new cat. It had been 6 months since I put my cat down and I was nervous and excited. I get the cat on monday and bring her home. Instantly, her and Jana bonded. I probably took 100+ pics of them two that week. By wednesday night, they were cuddled up in my bed together and it melted my heart. I remember looking at a picture of my Apollo and in my head I asked if he is ok with this. And I know its a coincidence but I heard my new cat, Demi, meow and come up to me. I didnt say anything out loud but it just felt like this was Apollo giving me permission.

And now we get to Saturday....

My roommate was at her parents place and had forgotten something at our house. We had planned to meet in the middle at this park, walk the dogs and go on our way. And we did. It was a cool morning around high 60s. Cloudy and seemed like rain was coming. The park we were meeting at was an easy flat park walk, maybe about 2 miles in full. This was normal for us. We went to a park or trail almost every weekend (weather permitting of course) and we went to this specific park probably 100x since I got her.

We finish the walk and I noticed she seemed like was panting a bit. So we stop at the parking lot, give the dogs fresh cold water, and just chill. After a few minutes she was back to her normal happy smiling self. She was radiating with happiness bc shes with her two favorite people, her dog bother, and at a park she loved. I remember right before we left the park, I saw a big smile from her.

We get in my car, roommate and her dog go their way.

My dog is tail wagging, looking out the window and all completely normal.

We start driving back home, she eventually laid down and fell asleep. I heard her snoring and I remember I just turned the radio off and just cruised back home. I was petting her and just listening to her snore laughing to myself about how I at first was annoyed by her snoring and how quickly I found it soothing.

Were cruising. Speed limit set on cruise control and im just driving taking in the sites of the hills in eastern ohio. Debating if I should see a movie that night.

I went to call for Jana. She normally instantly would jump up when she heard my voice. She didnt respond. Ok no worries she must really be knocked out. Shes still breathing and snoring the same. A few min pass and I try to call her again. Still no reaction not even her ear moving. So I go to give her a tiny shake, nothing. I panic and while driving on the highway still, I try to like lift her up a little bit and she just plops on the seat like dead weight.

I still can hear myself when that first cry and scream came. I called my roommate in a panic bc I didnt know who else to call. She advised me call medvet and get there ASAP. I hang up with her and I noticed medvet was about 12 min away from where I was. I call them and im explaining everything to them. They ask me if shes still breathing and I said yes just no responses. I look back and i see her and my hand is still petting her. She shakes once. And she stopped breathing.

The next bit is a blur. But I pull up to medvet and they were literally outside waiting for me. I pull up and they get jana out. One vet runs back with the techs while the other chats with me on what's going on. I explain everything as best as I can through my crying and shaking. Im showing the vet the step counter app I have, the vet knew the exact trail we were on and she also knew the weather as well.

Unfortunately they couldnt save her. It was too far. She went about 9 minutes from when she stopped breathing to when I pulled up. They checked everything they could externally and saw no signs of anything to lead them to know what happened. My roommate had pulled up at this time. And while she isnt a vet either, she grew up on a farm and has had dogs her whole life. She was there for the whole walk and all and saw nothing of any concern. Ultimately the vet said it was a silent cardiac arrest likely due to all the mixed breeds and that it was just her time. That I should find comfort in knowing she did what she loved, she was with me, and she wasnt in pain.

It hasnt brought me comfort yet. A bit more since it happened but im still filled with guilt inside. I keep replaying the scenario over and over again. Did I miss something? Did she give me some kind of sign and I just didnt see it? And then I think about the timing. While i normally dont speed, I usually will be about 5 mph over the speed limit, sometimes 10mph over while on freeways if no traffic. But for some reason I decided to set the cruise control right at the speed limit. Basically, if i had drove faster, I would have been that much closer to med vet.

I checked and turned my entire house upside down. I saw nothing that would have lead to this. I try to not eat many sweets but i panicked thinking what if something had fell and I didnt see it and she got to it. But I hadn't had any chocolate for weeks, and given how much Jana shed, I had to vacuum almost every other day so I would have seen something.

I looked at every possible thing I could. I even went to talk to Janas main vet about it and she agreed with the hospital vet. That if it was her time it would have happened regardless. I remember saying i wish I didnt go to the park or what if my roommate didnt forget something and we just stayed home. But I also know I probably still would have taken her somewhere because it was weekend and weather was cooler. So if anything im glad my roommate was there so days when the guilt is heavy she can remind me that its not my fault.

Im hurting reddit. Im in therapy and likely have some PTSD. I cant look in the backseat of my car without hearing myself scream and cry. I struggle turning into the driveway still because I dont see her face in the window waiting for me.

To add more pain here. I had accepted a job that was going to be WFH. I remember when I did accept and give my job my 2 week notice, I kept telling Jana how much more time wed have together since I wouldnt have to leave for work 8-9 hours a day. She died before my last week at the old job. I could barely function. I did tell my manager because even though I was leaving it wasnt bc of anything bad or issues. But I knew my mood was not going to be great and I didnt want anyone thinking I hated them or the job. I just focused on making sure to clean up what I can and just cried at my desk avoiding everyone. Then starting the new job it was a blur the first week with how silent the house was.

So all in all. I feel horrible. I feel like I missed something somewhere. I struggle to find belief in the words from people, both friends and professionals, that it wasnt my fault. Even when people say "well if I sped what if I got in an accident" which i do see the counter and I cant knock it. But its tough to believe.

When I got Janas ashes I sat with them and just cried and I kept saying im so sorry. I know she knows she was loved. I had this daily thing id say where id do a little baby voice and say "hey jana did you know that your the best jana" or "your my baby jana my jana banana" . I still say that to her toys and her pictures that I have.

Im just hoping i can see her in a dream and feel that sense of forgiveness and to know she doesnt blame me. I know her brother Apollo was there waiting for her on the other side of the bridge. And I hope that when its my turn to go, I am reunited with them both again.

So to those that took the time to read. If you still have your pet please give them extra love from a random reddit user. Our time with them is short and as ive experienced twice in 6 months, it can go from all is perfect to them being gone in a second. And I hope that nobody ever experiences the type of emotional roller coaster that I went through.

And please if anyone has a rude or nasty comment, just dont. Not here. I already feel like crap and am hoping to find some support. Not something that will only make me feel worse. Im trying to take care of myself not worsen myself.

Thank you.

His name is Jackson. He was 8 1/2 year old golden doodle, and has been my world since I picked him up from a horrific breader. I changed my lifestyle because I fell in love with this dog as a puppy. I became responsible, focused on my health and work more than I ever had as an adult. I traveled for work, and the only thing I could think about while traveling was my companion and how he was doing.

On Saturday 8/29 at 3:00 PM, he jumped on my lap as I was visiting with my parents and laid his large body across my legs. This was the first time he had done this in quite a while. He stayed there until my legs hurt, and finally jumped down, only to turn around and sit in front of me so I could pet his stomach. He then stood up, stretched and then became unstable. I thought it was his leg or hip as he had dysplasia his whole life, but after he walked behind me, I could tell something was wrong. He couldn't hold himself up. I rushed him to the vet, and within 5 minutes of arriving, they came out to tell me that he was in critical condition. The Doctor came in the room and shared the devasting news that something ruptured around his heart and she couldn't hear his heart beating. There was fluid around his heart which was preventing it from beating. They could sedate him, and drain the fluid but she assured me the fluid would return, and sedating him wouldn't be safe.

It all happened so suddenly...I went in the back to see him, just laying on his stomach, almost lifeless. He picked his head up when he heard my voice, and I balled my eyes out while telling him it would be okay, and that I'm here.

I told the vet to proceed with the euthansia and laid there while she did it. This was the first time I had witnessed anything like this, and as an adult male (single) in my 40s, I've never felt so much pain...I feel guilty that I moved too quickly, but I didn't want him to suffer. Now all I can think of is the look in his eyes of fear....I'm broken. I haven't eaten or moved from my bed only to get water.

I'm not sure how to go on from here....

It hasn’t even been 24 hours, and I feel so lost without him. Bridle was out 8yo boxer hound mix. He’d struggled for the past few weeks declining rapidly and all of the specialists we tried desperately to get him into wouldn’t even see him. Yesterday I finally brought up to my parents how quickly he’s been declining and how I felt selfish for prolonging his misery. Yesterday at 12:40 bridle took his last restful breath. He looked the most peaceful he had in weeks. He spent every day and night panting, struggling to move. And we couldn’t fix it. The vet had made us aware that if his mass’s had spread as far and aggressively as the past few weeks. There wouldn’t have been much oncology would’ve done besides prolong the pain. In the end he got a bunch of good treats, pets, hugs, and kisses. He was surrounded by people he loves when they helped him rest peacefully. My only solace is knowing he’s not in pain but fuck. My baby’s gone.

I ran into my elderly, cranky neighbor outside my apartment yesterday, a week after my soul dog Leia died. She asked me how my pup was doing and I explained that she had just recently passed. Her response was "I know how much you cared for your animal. But at least you are not responsible for her anymore and you can do whatever you want. And you can always get a new one."

I was absolutely stunned, and unfortunately couldn't think of an appropriate response before she quickly pivoted and started telling me about her grandson who's in school to become an attorney.

I hope she has never been a pet parent, because I can't imagine that response coming from someone who has experienced this kind of pain.

I am set to put my dog down soon and I can't deal. Time went by to fast and well it sucks. Could really use some words of encouragement.

Our beloved dog died of hear condition a couple of years ago. It was our first dog and the first one of our 5 to go. To this day we still talk about her almost daily.

Last year, I was preparing paperwork for our taxes and decided to include a print screen of our home in the submittal. But it looked like a neighbor sent a requested Google to remove a stretch of our street. So I went to the street our backyard faces. It is an elevated road where people can see most of it.

First I saw myself sitting on the backyard, and right underneath my chair is a little white cluster of hairs. Then I look at the street view date and it is a month after she passed, which made me surprised and confused. Then I learned that date is when the image was processed, not taken.

I was so curious when was exactly the photo taken, so I keep scrolling that street for clues, making sure it has the same month and year. I got to the gas station few blocks away and narrow it down to the week based on gas pricing. Then compared it to my work schedule that week, then a photo where I am wearing the same pants but different shirt (I wear same pants for two days, and shirt only 1 day). It was only 5 days before she passed.

I'm so glad the Google car took that photo for posterity. What a coincidence it was 5 days before she left and I found it almost exactly a year afterwards. I saved it to my cellphone and going to have it printed out.

I was traveling. My cat wasn’t breathing well and I asked my sitter if she would mind taking him to the vet thinking it was just a respiratory infection. He had a mild cough the week before but it cleared up on its own. I thought it had come back. I thought I was asking her to just get him meds…

As soon as he arrived, they x-rayed him and diagnosed critical heart failure. They said even draining the fluid from his lungs wouldn’t give him more than a day.

My flight wasn’t for another 2 days.

I had to put him down over the phone. I had to ask my sitter to do something she should have never had to do.

She was so kind. So compassionate. And refused payment from me for her time.

I can’t think of a single thing I could ever do to thank her for being there with him. For comforting him when I couldn’t. For letting him know he was loved while he took his last breaths.

I am struggling so much coming home to his things and not to him. I keep seeing him out of the corner of my eye. Hearing him scratch at the door to be let in.

I know he was so happy these last few years. I’m so glad we got his meds to where he was more active, sleeping better, less stressed. He was at his best when I left him. I know that.

It just pulls so much from my heart not being there with him when he passed. I know I can’t change it but it keeps cycling back in my thoughts. A hopeless wishing and useless what ifs…