r/problemgambling • u/Thick-Big-3435 • May 19 '26
Trigger Warning! Again and again and again
Hey, Ive been reading this subreddit often as I battle my own problems, nice to see so much support from everyone. I‘ve decided today will truly be my final attempt at making anything back. it’s time to close this chapter.
I started gambling in 2023. First the sums were small, but I had almost no disposable income. £50 could become £500, that meant I could drink and snort anything. Otherwise, I would just take cash out with my Credit Cards, either way if I needed to get high or drunk I had a way.
This mix of addictions eventually made me rack up £20,000 worth of debt. Towards the end of summer in 2024 I tried to overdose and luckily failed. I woke up in a pool of sweat feeling the coldest I’ve ever felt.
I called my parents and told them all of my problems, but I didn’t tell them I also gambled. Somehow drugs seemed less weak than being a gambling addict. I moved back home at the end of 2024 with a new remote job, and a mission to pay off all my debts.
Throughout the year, I kept gambling but not usually enough to lose my salary. I always gave back over £1,000 to my debts and slowly punched that number down. By November 2025 I gave it all back and stopped gambling completely. by February 2026 I had £10,000 saved up. As a reward I stupidly gambled again, won another £10,000 on top. By the end of March, I had lost £20,000, maxed out all my overdrafts and credit cards, so far I’ve lost both salaries in March and April.
I owe £5,500 as of today.
I’ve been on a rollercoaster for the last few years. I’ve been Sober since the end of 2024. Gambling is my final hurdle.
This time the road to get out of debt is much shorter, but I have set up a repayment plan that will last 9 months as a monthly reminder of what will happen. This will also let me see the number in my bank go back up again, which hopefully motivates me.
The only way I will win now is if I stop. Even writing this now I’m thinking if I should try just one more time. But there’s more to life than giving away your hard earned money to those who see people as cattle to feed on.
Apologies if this has poor readability, my first draft disappeared so this one is a little rushed!
I’m gonna use this post as a journal.
20 May - Feeling good this morning, usually I’ve made a deposit by 8am.
21 May - Gambled again, lost £1,000. A physical barrier is critical. Talked to myself in the mirror and felt slightly insane.
22 May - physically can’t gamble as I don’t have any cash left. Will receive my salary today and will protect it with my life. Today Is Day 1 again. 15:09 got paid, scrambled to figure out how to deposit but the physical barrier is working so far.
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u/Thick-Big-3435 May 24 '26
May 24 - Mentally unable to come to terms with how much I’ve lost, the want to gamble and try to make something back is too strong. I’ve implemented physical barriers, sending all my finances away from my immediate access. Leaving myself 200 euros~ for spend on random shit monthly. I’ve also created a calculator up to 20,000 euros, and every time I have a ‘Want’, I will not buy it until I have said no to 20,000 euros worth of ‘wants’.
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u/Thick-Big-3435 May 26 '26
May 26 - been a few days since my last bet. I’ve got 2000 euros in my savings locked away. Left myself 300 for the rest of the month. Debts are still there but with repayment plans I’ll start chipping away. Within 9 months I should be debt free again. 15k saved too by then. Payed off an 800 euro fee to do my driving finally.
It’s not a lot but it’s a starting ground.
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u/Thick-Big-3435 May 27 '26
May 27 - Just on the 🚽 thought to make an update.
It’s really tough, the road to clearing out the mistakes seems like a long one which isn’t helping. The thought of it maybe being possible to win and pay off my debts at the very least is haunting me.
However, I’ve realised how much time I actually have to do things I wanna do. I can actually put my mind to my job, i work in sales and have consistently been in the top 10 since I started even when I was spending 4-6 hours of my working hours gambling. Managing to do a full day of work, get to the gym, and also work on my business in the evenings has been amazing.
Also, little things that used to bother me because I saw them as a waste of time, no longer seem like a waste of time. If I could do something as mindless as gambling, then anything else just feels better.
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u/Thick-Big-3435 May 28 '26
May 28 - incredibly I managed to find a way to gamble. Lost 240 Euros until I managed to tell my head to stop and it listened. Not got much left of ‘spending’ money. Day 0 once again. Fortunately I didn’t go into the savings account as I feel it could have been another day where I lose it all.
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u/Thick-Big-3435 May 30 '26
May 30 - Fucked up again. I don’t even feel pissed off at myself. I’ve realised this will be my life and I need to learn to manage it as opposed to trying to force it out of my brain.
What worked for me is repeating insanity or death in my head for the duration of my gambling until I finally stopped. Must have said it in my head 1000 times, once for each euro that I lost i suppose.
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u/Thick-Big-3435 May 31 '26
May 31 - We go again. How many more promises do I need to make before this hell is over.
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u/Thick-Big-3435 Jun 09 '26
June 8 clean, June 9 clean
First time in years it feels like I might beat this pull to gambling.
Weirdly ive had access for 9 days, I have some cash left and my laptop with a vpn to access offshores but I’ve managed to abstain thus far
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u/Thick-Big-3435 Jun 09 '26
June 9 not clean unfortunately,
Not a huge loss cash wise, 170 euros, but still feeling shit. Only have the money left on my credit card to get me through the month
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u/Thick-Big-3435 Jun 16 '26
June 16 - Slightly different approach. I have gambled a few times here and there. I’ll put some numbers to it just to show a comparison.
My average losses up until May were approximately 4/5k per month. Which is funny because I make 3.
June I have lost a total of about 550.
I’m gonna take this as progress.gonna push for July to be even lower hopefully 0, but I believe this is the last lap of the rollercoaster.
Fuck them all 👍
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u/Thick-Big-3435 Jun 22 '26
22 June - losses this month have stayed at 550 which is good. No gambling so far.
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u/Thick-Big-3435 Jul 12 '26
Just a smol update. Since I last posted I’ve probably lost 1k euros which in comparison to what I could lose this isn’t too crazy.
As of my next pay cheque I’ll technically have more money than my debts, but I won’t be paying them off in one. The reasons for this:
1) paying debts off gives me too much liquid and I’ll have access to thousands to lose again.
2) monthly payments and the ‘stress’ of paying gambling debt off is a good reminder.
3) the interest is cheaper than the risk of maxing out the cards again.
Anyways not feeling so suicidal anymore, so that’s nice
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u/Thick-Big-3435 18d ago
Not going 10/10 but it’s better than usual.
I have probably lost 1.5k since my last post here, some relapses here and there.
Currently have 5k in debt, 7k in funds.
I can’t really clear the entire debt straight away but the fact i know I’m not in a minus overall is a nicer feeling. Paid soon again so I’ll be more ahead over time.
What sucks is just how slow it all feels, a single income paid in once a month just makes this journey feel like it’s not progressing that quick. The goal is to be debt free by January.
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u/monoville_music May 19 '26
You already know that winning doesn't work. If you won £50k you'd gamble it all away and more, you know it deep down. As you say, you win when you stop gambling