Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/FMjtk60tPT

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1w3po7r/aitah_for_choosing_my_mom_over_my_girlfriend_on/

Someone tell Shyawn!

I (28f) moved to a new city last year. A couple of months ago my sister (26f) asked if she could stay with me for two months while she does her mandatory internship at the nearby hospital. I said firmly said no. After even all the badgering from my entire family couldn't change my mind, she eventually accepted my "no". But now she asked if she could stay with me for two weekends instead of two months, and I still said no. I should feel like I protected my peace but I feel shitty instead, so I'm curious to see what you all think.

Here are the relevant details:

I share my new apartment with my best friend. The apartment has two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and our shared study. I love it! First time I truly feel "at home" somewhere. We don't have a guest bedroom and my sister would have had to stay in my bedroom for the entire two months and share my bed.

Now, I have a difficult relationship with my sister. We shared a room for twenty years growing up and we were (and still are) polar opposites. Unfortunately for me, she was extroverted, decisive, and vocal about what she wanted, while I was quiet, desperate to maintain the peace, and a bit of a doormat. So, she mostly got her way and I just dealt with it somehow. I don't think she even knows that I hated rooming with her.

So, I told her, I wouldn't host her for those two months. At first, she couldn't quite believe I was serious but I stood my ground. She ended up getting our entire family involved, all of them insisting that that's just something family should do for each other. I disagree. My family was horrid to me growing up, and I am doing so much better now that I have distanced myself from them and all of their bs. So, I kept saying no. And I know I'm not the asshole for that. Having someone invade my safe space would be a *huge* detriment to my quality of life, I'm not about to bear that for a sister I find exhausting as a person.

But now, she told me she made different arrangements and is staying with her bf for the two months. However, the hospital requires her to be on call for at least one weekend a month, and her bf's place is too far away, so she couldn't get to the hospital within the thirty minutes time limit. So, she asked again if she could stay with me. And I said no again.

During these two weekends, she would sleep in my bed, maybe have to get up in the middle of the night, hang out at my apartment. And I don't want any of that. At first I sent her a message saying that I'd rather pay for a hotel room for her for those two weekends (would probably amount to ~400 euro dollar). But then I thought about it and she has been working part time for years now while our mother covers her rent, insurance and probably groceries too. My sister should easily have the money saved for that. So, I deleted my first message and sent her the link to the hotel and advised her to check with the hospital because if it's mandatory for her to be on call, maybr the hospital has to cover some of the hotel cost.

I feel like rationally, I made the best decision to protect my peace. But I feel horrible about it. So, am I the asshole for saying no to my sister's request to stay with me for two weekends?

*Small note, English is not my first language, i translated this text with chatGPT, but i can give details on this story to prove it's real!*

I'll try to keep this short because I probably wouldn't have enough characters to tell the whole story.

Basically, I had a happy childhood. My father was always someone I considered a genuinely good person. However, as I grew older, I started discovering worse and worse aspects of his personality, including drug problems and, at times, domestic violence.

I chose to distance myself from him after a rather stupid argument. It's been six years since then, and we've had absolutely no contact. I don't even know if our family dog is still alive. For example, if the dog passed away, he never told me.

He believes he was right about that argument. Personally, I've moved past the argument itself and focused more on the fact that he never tried to contact me afterward. I've also reevaluated many of his past behaviors.

In general, I see him as an extremely immature person who constantly plays the victim instead of working on himself or genuinely growing as a person.

I recently found out that he's seriously ill. He never told me about it, and I honestly don't know what to do.

Part of me feels that the right thing to do would be to try to be there for him, but another part of me has no interest in doing that because, to me, he's someone who doesn't deserve my time or my love.

So, AITJ if I continue to ignore him?

TL;DR: I went no contact with my father 6 years ago due to drug issues, abuse, and emotional immaturity. He’s now seriously ill, but I don’t want to reconnect. AITJ if I keep ignoring him?

UPDATE, and the reason why i reposted this;

So, i tried to talk with him, after reconciliation everything was fine, buut after a few weeks i saw my uncle (his older brother) and i ask him about how he was dealing with my father situation. Well, turn's out the motherfucker is fine and he lied, he's fine, just too much of a coward to talk to me and had to find an excuse.

I didn't even call him, just disappear, since then he tried to contact me and sending pathetic messages with more excuses, everything but apologizing for what he has done.

Original Post

I 28M have been married to my wife F30 for 2 years now, together for 5. We were going to start trying for a baby but that got put on hold and might not happen anymore. My wife and I both work and we make about the same amount and work about the same amount of hours.

My wife and I originally had a chore system set up where we just rock paper scissor-ed the calendar for our days off. We got a pretty fair cut I want to say but she did get more dishes days. I got more if not all the laundry. My wife HATES washing dishes. She hates it with such a passion that she sometimes just shuts down and cries when she sees them in the sink. Before when I caught her crying, I immediately went to help her, switch chores for the day, calm her down and then it was fine.

But because I was doing this, I noticed that she was crying on purpose, so I washed the dishes. I knew she was faking it because the second I took over her tears stopped and she'd go do something fun that she liked without a care in the world laughing and smiling. No wind down like before. Because of this, we changed our dishes to "whoever makes the dish washes it" like children with the exception of cooking. Whoever cooked doesn't have to wash the pots and pans because they put all the work in for dinner (this was also her suggestion which I was more than okay with). This was working out for a little while until I noticed that my wife made a lot more dishes than me and just didn't want to wash them. I asked her when she planned on washing dishes after I made dinner at her request and she blew up on me telling me to quite literally "fuck off". I did as she said but left the dishes. The next day she asked me why the dishes weren't done and I told her because she didn't do them. This started a fight and I washed them but I was unhappy.

I do most if not all of the laundry because she just won't anymore and I refuse to wear dirty clothes. The only thing she has to do with the laundry is put it in the basket. That's it. We have a basket for darks, colors and whites. She insists on her own basket for underwear and whatnot so that's its own thing and I hand wash it. She's been not putting her clothes in the basket. At first I picked up all of her clothes and washed them because it was no big deal, but when I watched her take her clothes off and just leave them on the floor because "I always pick it up" I chose to leave her clothes there. She asked me why her clothes weren't done, I said because she didn't put them away and she blew up on me. Same story.

Recently this all came to a head with all the fighting. My wife has been getting lazier and lazier to push back because of our fights and at first, I was doing all of her chores on top of working, but I had a little moment of "why am I even doing this?" and just stopped. The dishes piled, her clothes were dirty, crumbs were everywhere on her days. On my days everything was spick and span. She decided that she's going to just start buying more dishes and clothes to combat not doing her part. I cannot tell you how frustrated this made me. She was buying plastic spoons and forks, paper plates, Walmart t-shirts and whatever other cheap alternative to the nice ones she has at home. I just decided to start tossing them.

When she noticed that I was tossing her cheap alternatives she blew up at me again and for the first time since we've been together, I raised my voice. My voice is deep and I'm a big man so this scared her which I regretted. I immediately lowered my tone and told her that she just isn't doing her part and that she's wasting money buying useless things when all she has to do is just clean up after herself and put clothes in a basket. She cried and despite how many times I apologized, she told me that she doesn't feel safe with me and that maybe we're better off divorcing. This shattered me.

She's been cold with me, sleeping on the couch and playing "domestic violence signs" videos out loud. It's such a low blow. The videos usually talk about yelling, throwing away items, control, emotional abuse, and signs that they're going to get physical. I don't think I'm wrong for what I did but this is really wearing me down and I've been getting some texts here and there from our families calling me an asshole, an abuser for throwing away her things and yelling at her and that she needs to divorce me. The yelling was an accident. No one has wanted to hear what fully happened and it's making me feel alone and a bit crazy. My friends are either staying out of it or are on her side if they're women. I've been losing friends. I feel like the asshole now.

AITA? All I wanted was for her to clean up after herself. I'd never hurt her and I've never yelled at her before which I do regret. I didn't mean to scare her I was just beyond frustrated because this has been building for months. I get that it was probably immature to throw away the disposables and that I should've just cleaned up after her but I was just frustrated.

Tldr; Wife started buying disposable dishes and cheap Walmart clothes after she stopped doing chores and I didn't pick up after her. She found out, we fought, she's been cold and playing DV sign videos out loud. I feel like the asshole now but a tiny, tiny part of me still feels like I'm not.

Comment 1: NTA. Start documenting and having cameras around the house because she's trying to make a case for DV. She doesn't respect you, and is she trying to force a divorce but she's too chicken sh to pull the trigger?

Document the filth too and send that to the ones who keep calling you. You need to control the narrative

Comment 2: Lord, just divorce her. She sounds like a 12-year-old. Now she’s playing domestic violence victim because you yelled once?? Get out of there and find an adult to share your life with. 

Comment 3: Dude your wife is manipulating you. I say this as a woman; I’m surprised you didn’t crack sooner. This would’ve driven me up a wall.

Agree to the divorce. In fact, file now and tbh I would be careful around her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she does take this further. Don’t be alone with her

A classic. This one is for you Sean.