I(20 F) started to resent my now ex** **boyfriend (21 M) .Its true, he slowly stopped loving me during the near end of our 4 year relationship, I no longer got those little compliments or attention, and it slowly trickled down to not showing affection for each-other and ending with just not saying i love you to each other anymore. I had to bottle up my concerns due to past efforts of me speaking up, ended up in my comforting him while he cried about it (he fully took the said concern away and shut down when mentioned it and got upset) or comforted me only to do the said thing again later.

I tried to believe that he still loved me, but it became hard to grip onto my delusions as he made me feel like shit. He was nonchalant and didn't really care about me, ghosted me a lot and claimed he was "busy" all the while telling me he hated his life whenever he could. It hurt me as i thought i wasn't good enough for a measly 2 second i love you text, or even a small compliment, but I'm good enough to be told he hates his life.

I slowly started to resent him for this, all the while feeling guilty for it, i am not one to hate people so this really messed with me mentally, battling my resentment and love for him. I finally had enough and told him everything, i told him how i feel worthless and how he never communicates anything, i feel not like a girlfriend but a toy that he only talks to when he is bored. Obviously not what i said but you know.

I told him my big speech that i had saved a lot of courage to tell him, all for him to say he may only live to be 27. His doctor had told him but he had yet to tell me, and he admitted he was not a good communicator at all and just didn't feel the love for me like he used to, that he didn't love anything at all anymore.

My heart broke into two. I knew he probably did not love me but it hurt to hear it, to see the words come out his mouth. I want to still stay with him till death but he no longer wants to date. I don't want to either but part of me wishes he would've told me so i could be with him till the end. We are talking about being friends and i think i can live with that, he has removed me on social media and is keeping it to a limited amount of friends, it feels icky that Im not there but we didn't really have much in common anyways. I just feel so many emotions right now, i wanna scream yell cry, but also want to know why even more but i don't know. Reddit I'm lost, i am truly lost. Please let mw know if you have any advice for this as i need a bit of help to navigate this.

Yes i have a therapist, yes i am going to talk the therapist, i just thought more insight would be helpful

Also i am new to being a reddit poster so if the formatting is weird i apologize, and if the story is weird, i am skimming some of it to get to the point and also because my mind is everywhere, so please let me know if more context is needed

Thanks!

My husband \[45M\] and I \[36F\] have been together 15 years and have 4 children. I find myself to be a more relaxed partner who doesn’t mind if he watches porn. However something new has come into our relationship. He has been hiding his phone, putting passwords on his computer. He recently left one of my children with his cell phone and out of curiosity I looked at his Facebook. He has been looking up young attractive local girls on Facebook. He says this is not cheating because he is not messaging them. However does look up the same ones multiple times. I am in my mid 30s I workout 6 days a week and find myself hit on a lot. I would never entertain anyone else or look up other people. These are all girls that live in the same city as us. Have I blurred lines by allowing the occasional porn or is this beginning to cross lines. When I brought this up to him he said I can not control his mind or what he looks up. He knows this bothers me. I asked him to please stop and I noticed he looked up more local girls last night after our conversation. Please help :(

Ho 21 anni, vivo in Emilia-Romagna (Italia)e in questi giorni mi trovo davanti a un bivio su cui vorrei un parere sincero.
Durante le vacanze ho conosciuto una ragazza tedesca di 32 anni, madre di tre bambini (circa 6-9-10 anni), che vive a Monaco di Baviera e sta per riprendere l'università a metà ottobre. Ragazza molto bella che dimostra molti meno anni di quelli che realmente ha, (le avevo dato massimo 27|28 anni).
Tra noi c'è stato subito un bell'interesse: avevamo organizzato di vederci la sera per andare a bere qualcosa sul mare da soli, ma lei, complice la stanchezza e i preparativi per il rientro, è crollata addormentata a letto mentre metteva a dormire i figli.
La mattina dopo è ripartita presto per la Germania, quindi di fatto dal vivo non c'è stato nessun contatto fisico o appuntamento vero e proprio, solo una reciproca buona impressione.
Dopo la sua partenza abbiamo continuato a sentirci per messaggio. Tra battute (in cui lei si chiedeva se sarei mai passato per Monaco) e flirt le ho accennato alla possibilità di salire a Monaco, per un weekend a inizio autunno.
Lei ha colto subito la palla al balzo, mostrandosi molto entusiasta all'idea e dicendomi chiaramente che ha un appartamento abbastanza grande e che mi ospiterebbe volentieri a casa sua prima dell'inizio delle lezioni.
lo ho precisato che non sono un tipo da feste della birra o grandi folle: se salgo a Monaco, la mia priorità è scoprire la città con calma e passare del tempo con lei.

I miei dubbi principali sulla faccenda:
Conoscenza quasi tutta virtuale: Di persona ci siamo solo incrociati;
La lingua:
ci possiamo parlare solo in inglese, il mio livello di inglese non è molto alto ma nemmeno temendo: riesco a farmi capire e mi intriga intraprendere una conoscenza in un altra lingua diversa dall'italiano
La dinamica della casa: Andare a dormire direttamente a casa sua significa entrare nella routine quotidiana di tre bambini piccoli (sveglie presto, impegni).
Secondo voi ha senso, per un ragazzo della mia età, fare un viaggio del genere e andare a dormire direttamente a casa sua per vedere cosa nasce, io non voglio assolutamente nulla di serio, sarebbe solamente un esperienza di divertimento che mi ricorderei per anni.
Vi chiedo un parere sincero!

So I am a 20F and I live with my boyfriend 20M, but we live with 20M’s brother and brother’s girlfriend. I am extremely close to both of them and they are very understanding towards my feelings and the situation. They know exactly how he is and apparently he has been like this since a child, but emotions/mental health was never a topic in his family. His dad basically taught him “boys don’t cry”, so that mentality is already a lot to unpack. My question is if anyone has any advice on how to help a person who gets so mad at the game to the point of breaking/hitting things and yelling? My boyfriend is a very big rager when it comes to games, noted he does have anger issues/ADHD and I am very understanding towards that. It’s just now we’re at a point where multiple things are getting broken, things I’ve paid for with my own money. I personally struggle with c-ptsd and other illnesses that make it hard for me to stay in the same room as him when he rages and I get extremely anxious. So i’m just at a stand-still, we’ve had the same conversation over and over about how it’s an issue because of how it’s making me feel/the damage to our things. He promises and apologizes over and over again, with no change whatsoever. Last night it was about 1-2am and I went to go to sleep in the living room because he was starting to hit things and getting loud. I’ve tried telling him that I can help him find more ways to calm down or prevent himself from getting that angry. That if he comes to me then I will help, but he has continued not to come to me. I realize it could also just be him really not wanting to change but I genuinely feel like he could get help for this. I just need advice on how to deal with it or what ways that can help. I do not believe this warrants me leaving him at this point because he has also handled a lot of my mental health issues. Anger issues are very real and I would rather help him deal with his emotions than treat them like he just needs to get over it. Please try to be kind and respectful, very much appreciated.

Pata hai aaj kya hua So we were friends since 3 years and then he proposed me few days back and i said i would reply in person. I liked him and i was going to say yes. But there was an unsaid thing between us that I disliked people who drink because of my personal experiences and we were both good with that. Until today when he said he would not leave his occasional drinking habit. This thing i never knew about him till today because he used to say that he had left it a year ago. So i said that i can not date him because he is disagreeing to the basic thing we agreed to he would do. I don’t know if i did the right thing. Honestly it felt like the right thing to do because how could i stay with someone who can not agree to a thing we both knew wasn’t right at the first place. He was suddenly being so naive about it i don’t get why. For a person who was head over heels for me since three years now decided to make such a lame statement which he knew could end things then and their.
So i need your help and advice on if i did the right thing. Along with What should i do about it.

I and my GF, both 19, had an incredibly strong relationship. After some situations, we had to downgrade to being just friends. It's been a while now. It hurts. It felt amazing to be her favorite person, she'd talk to me the entire day, reply literally asap. And its all gone. First off, our talks just arent like then. Not the old chemistry, not the old style. It isnt bad but it hurts. Currently, she has short conversarions in the morning and then shes offline for the entire day. Usually its cause where she lives, electricity went out a lot, but even then she still made an attempt to talk to me. Fyi, shes the only friend I have. I go entire days completely alone and I cant do a single thing about it. I just really miss being able to talk 24/7 and have someone I can vent to whenever I want, joke with, flirt with, it was so sweet. I want that, but as things stand, its difficult to bring that back. We talked about it and we can both see ourselves getting closer but not to that level. It truly just feels really bad. She was everything for me and now shes gone, but not fully. Now, the second part of this. I'm horrified from the thought of her finding someone new. I cant think about it. It's just dreadful. And I never know whats going on behind me. I want something I cant get back, and it fills me with despair. We still have alright conversations but they never last long. We've had nice moments together but its nowhere near the old dynamic

im scared hes getting bored of me but everytime i ask or say anything about it he says everything is fine, but hes been very dry and idk what to do

​

27F, 26M, together 8 months.

The relationship wasn’t always like this. In the beginning he made genuine effort, met my parents, made time for me and we talked about marriage, living together, saving money and kids. I felt loved and chosen. That’s why I’m confused about what changed.

Gradually I started feeling like I had to ask for basic intentional effort — checking on me, being curious about things I share, thoughtful gestures etc. I naturally do these things for him. Even small things like sending music/movies became an issue. I don’t expect him to like everything, but when his first response is “not interested,” I feel dismissed.

He says we lack a friendship bond because I take jokes personally. I agree we’re different, but some jokes about my body/appearance/family genuinely hurt me and I’ve told him.

The biggest issue is emotional support. When his friends/family are hurt, I’ve seen him defend them and care about their feelings. When I’m hurt, I sometimes hear “deal with your problems,” “control your thoughts” or “I’m frustrated.” I know I have to manage myself, but I still expect comfort from my partner. I’ve also shared very painful things from my past, including sexual abuse, and sometimes felt I received advice rather than emotional support.

His past relationship also confuses me because I keep hearing new details/context about the same incidents. I don’t bring it up because I’m obsessed with his ex; I question it because the story seems different at different times.

I also feel his friends have a different place in his life. They call/check on him and he’s relaxed with them, while I often feel like I have to ask for care. There were times he wasn’t comfortable saying he was with his girlfriend. When I was in TVM, I was sitting alone while other partners were checking on each other. My sister also once messaged him about my safety, which he saw but didn’t tell me about.

We used to discuss our future seriously, but now I feel uncertainty. He has also said “I miss old you” despite previously saying he fell in love with present me.

I know my part too. I’m emotional, overthink and explain too much when I’m scared. He says this exhausts him. I understand his side, but I also feel some of my insecurity came from the relationship.

After our latest argument he said:

“let’s take a break.”

He then said the break “is not to leave,” that he’s “not leaving,” but he won’t text or call “for sometime.” He blocked me on WhatsApp, but also told me to eat, sleep and take care.

It’s day 2 and there’s no timeframe.

What do you think changed? Different love/communication styles, or has his effort/feelings changed? And would you take “I’m not leaving” seriously despite the blocking and undefined break?

Hello,

I am a 25 y/o woman dating an almost 27 year old man who I have been with for the last 2 years. In those 2 years we have been through deaths, cheating, moving states, homelessness, etc but for SOME REASON he feels sex is literally the end all be all of a relationship and what makes the difference between romantic and platonic relationships, which I can understand TO AN EXTENT.
Recently I’ve been getting more and more annoyed with his constant sexual innuendos and need to hump me at ALL TIMES even when there’s other ppl feet away (not looking but still wtf) and then gets “upset” and starts sulking and avoiding me when I move away, if I ask for a kiss I’m told “I’m good”. I’m getting to a point where I’m constantly turned off by this and have expressed this but he doesn’t seem to understand and just uses the excuse “that’s how I flirt” and tries to claim I don’t love him or don’t love him as much as he loves me (he literally cheated on me completely unprovoked, in February and is still lying abt remembering it and why he did it).
I’m reaching the point where maybe I’m not sexually attracted to him anymore but shit like this is literally the reason why, he objectifies the ever loving shit out of me and then claims to love me so much on top of the fact that he breaks up with me and packs every time we argue and the cherry on top… a couple weeks ago he straight told me he didn’t love me anymore and would never want to marry me only to take it back later under the excuse “he was just hurt and wanted to hurt me too”
This is just the tip of the iceberg with our relationship problems
I love him but I don’t know what to do. Is it worth fixing or do I just throw in the towel and start over ??

I met my boyfriend 6 years ago, and we became very close so quickly. I was 18 at the time and in a different relationship that ended up lasting 9 years. I definitely had a connection with him because we were so alike but I didn’t want to make my partner uncomfortable so I cut ties with him. When that relationship ended (after 6 months of depression) I reached back out to him(my now boyfriend) and it felt like we had never even been apart. He always wanted me then and was just as serious about me now. So after a couple of months we started officially dating. I grow closer to him everyday. We have now been dating for 10 months.

When we are together I feel like it’s a fairytale, nothing could be more perfect, I know I’m all he’s ever wanted. But I find when we’re not I feel a larger distance growing each time. He doesn’t tell me as much as he used to he just tells me he loves me when he says anything. I should add recently I have had a flare up of my chronic illness so I’m currently not working, so I have more time to ponder on things I’m sure. He has been working a lot more, and recently started working for an old friend that is really REALLY not a good guy. when he started that it was assumed that he would only work for him shortly and then end up creating something of his own. And I’ve supported him through every part of that but I won’t deny that I have made it I clear I really don’t like the person he’s working for, and I don’t want him in my life.

The only other super big argument we’ve had we both were drinking and a lot of lines got crossed. Yesterday was the first time I was drinking since then, he mentioned he now wants to do a partnership with this old friend and I made the mistake of making some passive aggressive comment about it. I have been and always will be an honest person and even more so if I’ve drank. this REALLY upset him. He told me that I never believed in him and no one is there for him, it only escalated from there. I’ve never seen him this upset in our entire relationship. He really does have a hard life with a lot of pressure from external forces and I try to be the opposite of that. I want him to know I’ll always be there, but in this moment he refused to hear anything I had to say.

He kept shouting that he was done, he’s not stupid and I think he’s a big joke. All of my other actions say otherwise in our relationship though. I understand where it comes from like a trauma of all these people walking on him but it’s so hard to swallow such harsh words from a person you love, the big point I’m going to struggle with is that he wanted to end the relationship and a few times told me to shut the f\*\*\* up and also “F\*\*\* you.” He has never said that to me before and it literally sends a sharp pain through my chest.

I know I hurt him by what I said, I know I’ve said things before that made him believe that I didn’t trust or believe in him. But I do, and I’ve never said anything like that to him. We ended up sitting in silence for a long while and he told me he loved me and never would want to lose me he is just really scared that not even the one person he loves trusts him. It’s like he’s trying to run away before I do. I just don’t know where to go from here because he’s never yelled at or said things like that to me before. I love him more than anything, I need help.

so that is the introduction. they are talking even after she confessed her feelings which he said he is in a relationship now and it wont happen. I am an overthinker. i overthing a f\*cking lot. he asked me if he should continue talking to her or stop talking to her completely. i asked him to decide. he told me he doesnt want to lose a friend. so i said continue talking to her but please dont give her hope. he said okay. he constantly reassures me about his love for me and i am and i will always be the only one whenever i talk to him about my overthinking. we are even planning to take huge steps in our relationship. but sometimes if i get reminded of it even a little bit i will start overthinking and get hurt. i trust him completely..i really dont want to ask him to stop talking to her but it hurts me when i overthink and i am trying a hell lot to calm myself but i am struggling. i have bpd and ptsd so i think its because of these problems i am overthinking. please help me here. will someone give me advice on this situation? how can i calm myself down? i know he loves me a lot and i love him like crazy but sometimes my effing crazy mind loses it and starts ocverthinking everything. please help me

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I’m starting to wonder if I have a problem when it comes to relationships.
I can develop really strong feelings for someone and genuinely care about them or atleast I think I can but when it comes to actually maintaining a relationship, I seem to struggle. I overthink things, get caught up in my own feelings, and sometimes I don’t know how to handle the uncertainty of not knowing exactly how the other person feels.

My close friend has been with his girlfriend for over 6 years. They have a ton of history and have been through a lot together, but for a while now, they’ve been stuck in a cycle with recurring differences they just can’t seem to resolve.

The pattern is always the same: they argue, have a long conversation to "clear the air," things feel fine and relieved for a couple of weeks, and then the exact same underlying issues trigger the exact same fights all over again.

I’ve spent hours listening and trying to support him, but I’m honestly stuck on what advice to give at this point.

I (20 F) and (22 M) have been together for 1 year and 3 months we have two cats together and been living together for 9 months in an apartment. My bf is an amazing person and great partner it's just these past months. I've been feeling so lazy when he's gone off to work that I lay in bed all day just to wait for him and I hate it. I always go back to when I was single and I had more motivation to do a lot of things, it's not that my partner doesn't motivate me, It's just I can never motivate myself when I'm with him. And I'm the type of person that needs my space and he's the complete opposite he's very clingy and I'm grateful for that, it's just makes me feel like I need my own space from time to time. I always try to bring it up with him if it'll be best for us to separate and live back with my mom (she lives an hour away) or if I could live back with my mom and we could still be together but it wouldn't work for him bc I will be too far. I just need some advice on what I should do with this relationship I don't know what to do anymore, desperately need help on what I should do.

Hey everyone, hope you’re having a good day so far. Really sorry for the long read but i could really use some outside opinions cause i really don’t know how to feel, my situation is as follows.

I’ve been with this girl for about a year, give or take. To be honest I don’t remember exactly how we started. It was kind of a friends to lovers thing so to my memory it just kind of happened out of nowhere to an extent.

Apparently, the moment she realized we were “in a relationship” was during an early argument we had right after we first started talking a lot. I mentioned the phrase “breaking up,” which confused her and made her think to herself, “how can he break up with me if we were never even together?” But she never said that out loud,l because according to her she was scared to lose me and that we were in too deep. That’s the backstory.

Fast forward to today. We had a little argument about something pretty trivial nothing serious and we talked it out, then we started talking about how we love each other and how silly arguments like this shouldn’t come between us. Apparently that conversation made her feel extreme guilt, and that’s when she confessed.

She told me that for the past year, since we started “dating,” she never really considered us a relationship, because it happened out of nowhere and she felt like she never actually has a say to to it and in a sense forced.

I don’t really buy that, honestly. All she had to do was correct me. I get how it could’ve started as a misunderstanding on my part, but it never got corrected. She just let it go on. And it wasn’t until today that she confessed she always felt single this whole time. That was heartbreaking, because we were a couple by every measure. I called her my girlfriend, she called me her boyfriend, we talked every day, called every day, we’re completely exclusive to eachother, told each other we loved each other, got jealous over each other, and even talked about our future together. She told me her friends know we’re dating.

That last part changed today. When I started asking questions after her confession to properly understand what was going on, I asked about her two best friends. I asked what they think. She came clean and said they know she loves me and I love her but they think I’m in a relationship and she’s not. That really hurt, the idea that even her best friends see it as me dating her and not us dating each other.

While I was trying to understand all of this, at one point she kind of flipped it back on me. She asked why I thought we were together in the first place, why I took it that way. That stung because it felt like she was putting it on me for believing what she herself let happen for a year.

During her initial confession she told me this apparently isn’t the first time and that this same thing happened with three other guys before me, guys who thought they were in a relationship with her when according to her she wasn’t. So now I’m sitting here wondering if this is just something that happens to her, or something she does.

Another thing that hurt was when I asked her what she’d say if a random person asked if she was single. She said she wouldn’t know what to tell them. I can appreciate the honestly but fuck how does one even begin to process that.

We talked for a while. I was distraught, but I think I kept my composure decently considering everything. I was just trying to understand what was going on. She kept apologizing, saying she shouldn’t have done it, but I don’t know what an apology does at this point when I’ve spent almost a year of my life on something that feels for the most part fake now.

She says the love wasn’t fake, that she really does love me more than anybody, but she just didn’t feel like she was in a relationship because of how things started. She said if instead of bringing up “breaking up” back then, I had directly asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship, she would’ve said no, which to her means this whole time we weren’t actually together, she said it wasn’t just me but if anybody no matter how much she loved directly asked her for a relationship she would’ve said no.

Now i feel like she’s trying to say anything to make it right. Things along the line of “We can be in a relationship if that’s what it takes, that’s what I want.” I can’t help but think if you want to be in a relationship now, why couldn’t you just consider that we already were? Why did you have to tell me all of this? Why now, all of a sudden, I really don’t know what to make of any of this.

I would really appreciate any advice🙏

She and I met 5 months ago and fell deeply in love with each other. During that period she and I both did our best but lately she started to act cold and started stating conversations about how bad she is and that I deserve someone better.

And one week ago we had a fight and she said that she is done and broke up with me.

Meanwhile the next day I begged her that it was my fault because I said too much but she still insisted that we should break up.

Many problems in the relationship, but one that happened yesterday that don’t even make sense:
He has promised me multiple times that he’ll change and do better for us, yet problems I’ve addressed multiple times since 2 years ago still persists. He told me he’s improved even if I don’t see it. So I asked for an example. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right? if not why would he say that he’s improved. Then, he begin to tell me that he’s actually been setting daily alarms at 7 am. I asked what does he do? At 7 am? He says he wakes up to turn it off and goes back to sleep. ????? What????? No he’s not waking up to exercise, have breakfast, to study or work NONE OF THAT. Please tell me this is ridiculous. I’ve told him this is ridiculous. And all he says is I may not see it but he is improving??? What is there to see???? That was the only example he could give. When I asked for more after that, he says I can’t deal with you now anymore. Even after being confronted again TODAY he doesn’t have anything else to say. It is so frustrating and hurtful to deal with this kind of nonsense.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 2 years. Its a long distance relationship, that's why i feel the beed for reassurance.

My boyfriend went on a trip yesterday. I asked him to keep me updated. On my end i would have updated him every 2 hrs but he updated me at 3 with videos of him and girls around him enjoying and running around (i have already been someone who gets somewhat jealous of seeing other girls around him but I didn't react this time. And at the trip there were 25 people 5 bos and 20 girls ) but i felt like he was not updating me enough because i saw girls then called me at 7 i told him that i was out for shopping i didnt called him back because in the morning we had decided that i would disturb him by calling again and again and we both agreed to that. Then at nine i called him and said to him that he didn't really update me enough i thought he would update me with scenic pictures and the food and videos of or something. But when i said he didn't update me after that his tone changed. At night he told me he was not feeling well so i kept on calling him because i just wanted to make sure he was okay. Because of him updating me less i felt unimportant. But i didn't react much

I was hurt the next day we didn't talk much i did ask about if he was okay. Then we didn't talk much. At night i was just trying to ask for his reassurance we got into arguments then. Then today i was trying to maintain silence so that we don't get into arguments. I was seeing his Stories with the girls videos of them I couldn't bring myself to talk to him in the evening i tried talking to him his energy felt so law towards me . So in that moment i said why is your energy so low while talking to me he got triggered.

I feel hurt but while being hurt i say something as such that i have to apologise. How to let him know i was really feeling unimportant and just wanted reassurance. I know i might be wrong for being busy at 7.

My partner is 63 (m) and I'm 29 (f) How to help my partner who has shut off his entire emotions and has started to see me as a friend and not as a partner we recently lost his dad about 7 weeks ago and he has been finding it difficult to say what is going on he normally tends to show it with in a year or 6 months and I will try and support him and be their for him but I'm not sure how to he has started saying he isn't in love with me and that he only sees me as a friend but I don't want to walk away from what is left of the relationship?

Me (33F) and my partner now live together (one month) and my boyfriend has masturbated to porn 3-5 times (while I was out of the house) compared to our ~4x/week sexual encounters. He’s said he sometimes has issues staying present and it has nothing to do with me but he finds it hard at times to want to have sex with me because of those issues so would at times rather choose watching porn by himself. He has assured me I am his first priority “like 99% of the time” but won’t always be, realistically. He can’t promise that. And he doesn’t like to be told what to do. Wouldn’t the only way to know if it is TRULY affecting our sex life be for him to omit it for some time to see if our frequency and/or quality changes? Also, I have a higher need for sexual intimacy than him. But especially now since we’ve opened up this pandora box about porn.

TLDR; I been dating a guy for about a month and I’m seriously considering ending things, but I’d like some outside perspective on how to approach it.
He says he is currently earning around €32K in Ireland, which is roughly €2,200/month net. His rent is around €800, so I understand that he doesn’t have a huge amount of disposable income.

I also don’t earn an unlimited amount and have quite a lot of expenses that I handle completely on my own, so I’m not in a position where I can comfortably take on someone else’s financial difficulties either.

From the beginning, I’ve tried to be understanding. We mostly spend time at my place because he says he doesn’t have much money. I’ve taken him to restaurant, and at one point he didn’t even have €5 to top up his transport card, so I paid for it. I’ve also helped him quite a lot professionally — working on his CV, helping with job applications etc.

What is starting to bother me isn’t simply that he doesn’t have much money. It’s the overall dynamic. He almost always comes to my home and has never invited me to his. When he comes over, he generally doesn’t bring anything and doesn’t really help around the house. Even small things like taking the rubbish out or cleaning up after himself don’t seem to happen unless I ask. We always spend time at home, he cannot even afford cinema etc.

I’m also travelling soon and he hasn’t offered to help with things while I’m away. I increasingly feel like I’m making his life easier, while he isn’t really making mine easier in return.

I’m now feeling quite turned off by the dynamic. Part of me wonders whether I should have communicated all of this more directly before reaching that point, rather than just becoming increasingly frustrated.

\*\*If you were in this situation, would you have a conversation and try to reset the dynamic, or would you see this as a fundamental incompatibility this early in dating?\*\*

30/M 35/M, my brother (35m) I’ve known him all my life so let’s call it 26 years I’ve known him as a person. We have been verbally scrapping as of lately. Primarily because we started a business together. So I will never discredit the fact that he had helped me start this business in the first place. The problem is we are supposed to be 50-50 partners and he has not been contributing 50-50 pretty much since the beginning. He did give me some initial startup cost and he helped me buy some equipment upfront and help me pay for some licensing (2-3k) which I am very grateful, I make it very known. For context, this is the food business. It started out as something that we were kind of doing on the side and selling coffee and some handhelds at the farmers market once a week in the summer of 22. Soon after that in November, we decided to take the full leap and get into an establishment so that we can start selling food via the third-party apps, DoorDash, Uber eats, etc.. ghost kitchen adjacent.

The problem starts there where he says he starts setting up the systems. The next problem being that that he did do those things, but he didn’t do anything else outside of that so there was no system to do the ordering food or inventory, pay the taxes, all of the stuff that was supposed to be outside of the kitchen function was supposed to be done on his behalf. Customer service, Google Maps, yelp, marketing, website, all of these things we’re supposed to be his responsibility and pretty much none of it got done in which it ended up falling on me. Note that I am also the culinary person (cooking for 15+years) behind this food establishment I created the recipes. I did all the ordering and I did all the testing. I physically did all the licensing. I did the health inspections. So all that to say that I was somewhat unpleased, but he was still showing up and I could at least deal with the fact that he was still doing stuff like the register and helping me clean. It was fine, but probably I around a year and a half into the business so fast forward to after summer of 23. He decided to leave pretty abruptly at that and did not show up for well over two years. He didn’t even wanna take phone calls. His phone number would still be on there and he’d be yelling at me about him receiving phone calls from the restaurant so far well over two years now going on three years I have done very literally everything.

Fast forward to this year we had to leave our former spot and then had to completely redo the process of opening a new establishment which I found so I spent the last six months trying to open up this restaurant and my brother has had nothing to do with it. I tried to bring him in for the soft opening pretty much after six months of doing all the work and so after doing eight hours of work for the first time in almost 3 years, he is back with his hand out. I told him I pay him for his labor, which I sent him a check totally fine, but we got into it into a really, really bad argumenty going into this really rough situation where he is essentially just disrespecting me. Calling me a slew of slurs, R*tard, F\*ggot, C\*nt,* incompetent, selfish. Shortly after because that phone call was in the car, I decided to text him and I told him that you can’t talk to me like that particularly if you want to be business partners, he doesn’t talk to any other of his business associates like that. I told him I had to enforce a boundary around, not name-calling me and as simple as just you gotta respect me. He then proceeded to completely steamroll those boundaries telling me “oh it’s about the money, it’s about all this other shit” and I was like no this is very literally about enforcing my boundaries and baseline respect and he just completely inflated everything and saying like you don’t even own this business, you wouldn’t be anything without me and just exhibiting quintessential fucking toxic abusive behavior.

Honestly, this isn’t even the first time like this is just how he kinda operates like this is how our father is and it’s like he’s trying to do this thing where he tries to teach me trying to quote on “do high-level business and honestly, I could give a fuck so at this point I don’t even know if I can have a relationship with my brother, which is the worst she ever because this is probably the most important person on the planet to me. You know we lost our mom and our grandparents and our dad‘s kind of a piece of shit so the only person we really care about is each other but he can’t fucking get out of his own way so I don’t really know how to do myself. Do you think that this is something that I can accept or is this something that I can go to therapy around or I don’t know I don’t really see a simple path to solution. I even willing to give him a severance package in the business, but he has just refused time and time again so I don’t really have you know I don’t really know what to do here.

Do you think this relationship is worth saving?

I’m 28 female, my husband is 33 male. We both got tested to see if there is any biological reason for our lack of intimacy and he was prescribed viagra. Honestly sex between us sucks and it’s very rare we have sex. Maybe once a month because we know it’s “time” but honestly I think I’m put off from having sex with him now. I just want to cheat on him because he isn’t willing to put in more effort he doesn’t really like making out or cuddling or oral. I feel like I made a mistake and rushed to get married. We started couples therapy to help build our bond but even after a few sessions my therapist is trying to figure out what the root cause is. I guess he was more reserved than I was with his past and he didn’t have any girlfriends and stuff and I had a good handful of boyfriends but I’m at a point where I don’t understand people with really low libidos or men who don’t crave sex like he doesn’t really give me sexual energy at all. It’s almost like dealing with a shell of a person. I get thoughts about cheating on him because he says he doesn’t want an open relationship but if he’s not giving me what I need in our marriage what do I do. I do not condone cheating nor have I ever done that but I’m going mental a little because I feel like I’m not living life to the fullest. I can’t leave him just yet because I wouldn’t be able to financially survive on my own so I’m slowly just saving money.. but I work for the state and I’ll never make a lot of money. I’m scared to get divorced but I’m not completely stupid. I have my bachelors degree and I’m a legal assistant. But I don’t have an interest in going to law school. Maybe it’s an unspoken agreement between us that he pays for most of the bills and I just be with him to fulfill his requirements of having a wife and eventually have kids (even though I told him I won’t have kids with him until I feel emotionally stable in our relationship) we’re both Indian so we kind of did a somewhat introduction/dating arranged marriage. I wish I knew about his sexual habits before getting married because we just dont align in that department . And another thing to add - I sponsored him to live in CA. He had his work business visa where owning a business helped him stay in America but he NEVER TOLD ME BEFORE GETTING MARRIED HE NEEDED ME FOR A GREENCARD. We have a dog, bought a house, and overall have a “paper perfect” stable life but I feel betrayed deeply. I feel used and it doesn’t even feel worth it if I can’t get that type of sex or intimacy. He’s literally just now learning how to cook and clean and he’s been trying to show more effort in the marriage to make it seem more bearable living with him but I just think I’m over it. I don’t know who to trust. It’s not like he’s uneducated or anything but it seemed shady how fast we got married and we have bad sex and he rarely wants sex. So many issues and not enough benefits. Sure I get a house and a dog but I want more.

We meet in office, earlier she was my colleague. And now we r in relationship since 4 month. She changed the 2 company back to back due to companys issue. Now she joined new company, she completed her one month. But this company culture is also toxic according to her conversation.

1. Company policy says - no phone in office area, due to security issue.

2. She work extra two hours due to meeting and all.

3. Morning, she didn't get time to talk.

So I am so upset due to this non sense things. In home she can't talk even on WhatsApp. Due to strictness. Now my consern is the conversation I want it can't fullfill me. I am not asking for any thing I just want some time just for talk, but she didn't get that time.

When I discuss with her all this- she replies give me some time, after i settle i will be available for you. Actually she is mature and talk sensible.

But in a relationship conversation plays an important role, how should I react now....

My boyfriend was born out of wedlock, his mom had him when she was in her early 20’s. He never met his biological father. However, when he was born, his mom had another boyfriend and his mom decided to put her boyfriend’s last name as my partner’s last name to this day. That relationship did not last and his mom married a new guy who eventually became my boyfriend’s stepdad.

His stepdad technically raised him since he was 4y/o and his relationship with him was good. They tried to change his last name to his stepdad’s several times but they can’t cause mom’s ex bf needs to appear in court and give consent cause he is in my bf’s birth certificate. it’s such a long and stupid process since he was still a minor at that time.

I met my bf and he is still using his legal name (with the mom’s ex last name) it’s a generic spanish last name—“Martinez”. I honestly like that more compared to his stepdad’s last name. Main reason is because the stepdad’s last name has a funny and weird meaning in my native language and I just can’t see myself using that last name and be made fun of by other people who knows about it.

My boyfriend expressed his plan to change his last name to his stepdad’s and is determined to convince me that if we get married I should change it to his as well. this makes me so uncomfortable cause I really dont want to and when he mentioned to his mom that I don’t want to take their family’s last name, his mom’s words was “tell her to just suck it up.” that didn’t sit well with me.

I tried to convince him as well to just keep his last name and save himself from trouble of updating all his ID’s. He works in the military for 8 years now and he’s known for his last name Martinez already so it’s not too bad to just keep it. I told him that I would gladly keep his original last name but if he’s really gonna change it to his stepdad’s last name then it’s okay but I’m just gunna keep my current last name as I love my last name anyways.

Until now this is still a sensitive topic for him as he really wants us to have same last names.
I don’t know I just find it so weird as well because I grew up knowing last names are very important cause it ties you to your ancestry. taking his “whoever last name it is” makes me feel so unsettled. what should I do? am i overreacting or my reasons are valid?