r/roommates • u/Montanasloane • Aug 07 '20
Has anyone moved in with a friend and stopped liking them?
Is it possible to make the transition from ‘friend’ to just roommates once you learn that you and this person really have nothing in common, don’t share the same values and everything they do annoys the hell out of you. Has anyone achieved this?
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u/DiligentCourse5 Aug 07 '20
I cannot say for your situation, but I am in a similar boat. After years of living together I can confidently say that this is no longer my type of person and I think they may hold me back more than I’ve ever realized.
I find myself beyond annoyed and over them as a whole. I am hoping when the pandemic is over and life returns with some “normalcy” that I will be able to create space and therefore appreciate this person again as a friend.
I know whenever I decide to move out it will destroy the “friendship”, so a part of me thinks I hold on to the living situation to put the inevitable off. In my experience, this person never remains friends with friends who have moved out for any reason. If we were to demote each other to just roommates, there would probably be a tension in the air that would make this living arrangement unbearable. Though, for years now each of us refers to the other as “my roommate”, not “my friend”.
To match more with your post, living together is the only thing keeping us “friends” at this point. If we didn’t live together, I highly doubt we’d want to spend any time together after this.
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May 14 '22
This is like a snapchaz memory 1 year later, but if you see this, what did you do ? I’m sorta in tje same boat been living with my rommate for 2 years and if we were not roommates we wouldn’t be friends. I’m kinda scared of letting go because I hate going to new places and be the ‘new one’, and the same time it’s been a whil since we didn’t pick on each other
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u/DiligentCourse5 May 29 '22
My roommates barely around now so it’s really the only way I’m sustaining. I def know i will be moving out as soon as I’m able, despite whatever happens to our friendship. My happiness is more important
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May 29 '22
Mine is moving out by the end of June and I was so stressed about telling her that I don’t wanna move out with her this time since it felt like a vreak up, but as these final weeks go by I’m so glad it’s finally coming to an end
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u/furioushunter12 Sep 23 '22
I’m in this situation now… any advice?
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u/DiligentCourse5 Sep 23 '22
if you want to remain roommates out of financial convenience which is what i did just start keeping everything separated and meet new people. Slowly separate your lives together but out of peace make the time together spent relaxing at home your friend time. We’ve had countless awful subletters and one current one we’re having a hard time getting rid of and that kind of brought us back together in a “we’re the only people we trust splitting a living space with” type of way. I still genuinely do not enjoy my friend much anymore but there are still things we can do together at least for now while we’re both unable to afford living entirely alone. It’s basically the lesser of two evils, because the alternative option has proven extremely painful for each of us.
I do think that eventually when we move out we will remain friends, but we are in our 30s so life just gets busy at that age so I think it will be completely normal if we’re not as close as we used to be.
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u/furioushunter12 Sep 23 '22
My situation is a dorming one. Best friends last year, this year I can’t stand them. And that’s pretty much what I’ve done, just getting new peeps and ditching these ones
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u/Queenbee5488 Aug 07 '20
I’m going through the same thing. I am starting to hate my roommate. I have a problem with confrontation and saying how I feel towards her. She’s childish and immature and I’ve got almost 5 years on her. We were both living with our sisters and I think she just saw an opportunity to take advantage of me because I made more money then her and had a car. She never cleans up after herself I have to tell her to and she’s just disgusting to live with. I hope this year flys by fast. We have almost 8 months left to our lease
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u/grandpapii Jul 11 '26
Hey, i know this is supperr late but I’m curious to ask how those 8 months went. I have 11 months left and im wondering if I move or try to ride it out
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u/Skybelly Aug 07 '20
Oh boy. Moved in with my best friend of 10 years. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she went downhill very fast and took it all out on me. She was doing drugs in the apartment, having sex with different guys every other night. She even invited some dude off the street inside by yelling at him from our balcony. (Although I think that was after I moved out but I'm not 100%) And yet I was the bad one because I left dishes in the sink. Needless to say it destroyed our friendship and 3 years later we still don't talk or have each other on social media. In fact, one time I was starting to settle down about the whole thing when she and her male fuck buddy drunk called me at 1:30 a.m and he threatened to rape me while she laughed her ass off in the background. Literally unjustified I hadn't spoken or bothered either of them in 7 months. So there goes that possibility of redemption on her part.
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u/Greenjumbo1 Aug 07 '20
I’ve experienced moving in with a friend and then their true colors coming through. I had no idea they were a narcissist until it was too late. So if you’re moving in with a friend make sure you know exactly who they are, how they react to stressful situations and how they deal with confrontation/conflict.
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Aug 07 '20
Yeah, our expectations for living situations were different. I knew her for almost 10 years and at the time we considered each other super close friends. I started getting extremely annoyed of her 1 month in, and then the pandemic hit and I was stuck with her. I found out her morals/values/ethics didn’t line up with mine. Her life style was different than mine. Overall not a good person to live with. I accepted the fact that we weren’t going to remain friends early on and it made it easy for me when she moved out. Sucks it took living with her to realize she was an awful human being, but I’m glad I see those things and that we’re no longer friends.
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u/Brilliant_Key2231 May 14 '24
It can be great and sometimes it can be too much all at once. Sometimes it’s like hey sister how are you and sometimes it can feel like that person is depending on you 24/7. I guess it really depends on who it is that’s moving in and you have to realize if you guys can really talk about everything without getting offended. It also means compromising, and realizing that people and situations change over time. I would definitely say I don’t regret moving in with my friend but I think after 3 years it might be too long now and it’s time to look at other options before the friendship is ruined.
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u/grandpapii Jul 11 '26
How did things work out for you? I’m also hitting about 3 years and don’t know if I want to continue living with them the next year after the lease ends. They’re a decent friend but living wise not so much. Were you able to maintain your friendship after splitting ?
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u/KSTornadoGirl Aug 07 '20
Three different roommate situations. The first, friend and her grandson evicted and moving in with me, turned into an absolute shitshow. We both had our huge stresses. She may have had very early Alzheimers. I own my share of the bad, sadder and wiser. The friendship did not survive, and the woman I later learned died some 9 years later. I tried to pass a message of apology for my part through her friend when I ran into her. Don't know if my former friend received it.
The second situation was me moving into a different friend's house. She knew what I'd gone through before, and I was trying. Still, things were kind of awkward. There was some drama at the very end when I think she just wanted her house to herself again, but by a year or so later we had moved past it and were friends again.
My current situation has been longer than either I or my roommate could've predicted. We've each separately and as a team wrestled with some major life stresses. She knows how much I long to be able to afford my own place again. I am working on trying to be more patient and chill because I do like her and want our friendship to continue as well. My problem is that I feel so disempowered to affect my finances, being on disability - and then I get resentful, become a control freak over petty things, etc. I apologize when I know I've been a jerk, yet I struggle with a tendency to be nitpicky and I know it's just a manifestation of stress that I need to find better ways to cope with.
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u/livinlikeriley Aug 07 '20
Guess you did not get the memo. You don't live with friends for extended period of time.
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u/sandwichesman Aug 11 '20
Maybe an unpopular take but if you and your friend have a good understanding of boundaries and communication then you should be fine. Also, being considerate and not taking advantage of a friendly relationship is good. I've only known one friend who lived with a friend they knew prior to moving in with him that had issues with that friend after moving in. It was because he was inconsiderate (left his trash out) and also weirdly avoidant about hanging out with my friend. Everyone else was fine, but it really depends on who you are and the type of friends you make. My friends have only had bad roommates with shitty people they didn't know and it wasn't because they didn't know them. It was because they were shitty people. Shocking. I know. The younger you are the more chance your friends will be inconsiderate and immature about the living space and any potential conflicts. In terms of personality differences, I guess you both just need to adjust your expectations and boundaries as you go. Living together doesn't mean you have to hang out with that person 24/7.
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u/definitelymisbehavin Aug 11 '20
I think there’s just some people that are better as friends than they are roommates and sometimes you learn it the hard way. living with someone now who I thought was super cool, and mostly still is, but has turned out to be quite the inconsiderate tenant.
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Mar 06 '24
i was roommates with this girl freshman year and we quickly became best friends, we spent pretty much every waking hour together for almost an entire year. then she moved back home for a year or two and when she came back we decided to live together again. unfortunately i quickly realized it was a bad idea as she started acting strange, being rude to my friends that would come over, get annoyed at me for anything, etc. it was kind of like a flip switched, and it bothered me at first but i don’t care anymore. she pays rent and is hardly ever here so me and my other roommate have the place to ourselves 99% of the time! its awesome honestly and kinda funny because i never had a problem with her to begin with aside from the times she was openly rude, but i tried communicating with her to solve it (to no avail). 🤷🏽♀️ no idea what happened to this day, and the lease is almost up so i might live on my own or with a different friend
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u/Otherwise_Success Apr 05 '24
Yes. Moved in with a friend of over two decades and regretted it almost instantly. I had moved to another state for about 15 years and was contemplating moving home to be closer to family. It turned out my friend’s husband had left(“out of the blue/everything was great between them”) lher and she couldn’t afford the house without taking on a roommate. She preferred me over a stranger. Seemed like an easy landing spot in my hometown. Well it turns out her husband left her because she’s an alcoholic and a total slob. Arrived at 3pm on a Sunday and she was falling down drunk. The house was infested with fleas and mice. Dogshit everywhere. It didn’t last long and I haven’t spoken to her in 11 years
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u/lilacb54600 Apr 12 '24
I’m so glad I found this thread cause I’m going through this rn!!! I’m in college and decided to room with one of my close friends but now she is one of my only friends. I feel like I’m putting too much weight on her opinion of me and seeking her validation more often. Basically putting all my eggs in one basket. Nooow I’m slowly starting to get sick of her so not only and I annoyed at her but at the same time also seek validation from her for being a good friend😅😖 can’t wait for the semester to be over
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u/OkReference7899 Aug 17 '24
YES! It's sad because I see this being the end of our long friendship but yes, even though I was encouraged by this friend to move in with her, she appeared to resent my presence there almost from Day 1. Routinely ignores me and/or gives curt, one-syllable answers if I try to initiate a conversation. I just basically hide in my room until she leaves the house. I will never punish myself by doing this again.
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u/Laboofanita Feb 12 '25 edited Feb 12 '25
Well, my friend and I, being very good friends, after 4 months have been counting down the months for the lease to expire. It isn't toxic because we talked about why this was a bad idea, but we're still friends and will be after. The basic points of our roommate conflicting is that they're dirty and I'm pretty good about keeping stuff clean. As a person with a "few" years under my belt this situation is an unexpected development. I've just accepted that if I don't want to live in a shithole I will be doing most of the legwork. I suggest anyone having this issue just try to find the bare minimum of shit you can get someone to do for whatever you personally can put up with, outside of paying for everything of course...
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u/Top-Discount-8316 May 15 '25
Feel the same. Three of us all started thick as thieves... I pushed myself too hard to become a "perfect housemate" and realised housemate A wasn't doing shit. Currently does nothing after years of housemate B and then myself asking them to contribute to the chores etc.
Housemate B and I are still close, but we don't hang out as often as we used to... I think we'll get closer when we move out in 6 months. I look forward to that time.
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u/Silly_Chemical_3790 Sep 18 '25
Dealing with this right now OMG it's a Trainwreck. I'm in an apartment with husband, 4 young children, our dog and 2 cats so already a full house. Was given a sob story about how no one would let her move in with them and I can tell why because I regret it. She has her own 3 cats and only dumps her 2 cat boxes twice a month does not scoop them at all, her room smells like a dumpster and is a health hazard to my children. She was supposed to be out before my 4th came it's been 2 months since lo was born, but she didn't have a job the majority of the time living with us(she had one when she moved in but got fired a couple weeks after moving in with us) and has barely paid any rent if you can called 20 bucks here and there rent idk. She's always partying coming home late at night waking up my children when they have school tomorrow. She has 0 concept on how to be quiet she yells and slams things around ALL DAY if not all night as well. I like to keep a clean home I clean for hours everyday and she doesn't contribute to cleaning other than cleaning the hallway and bathroom maybe once or twice a month plus all the mess is hers anyways, she leaves things everywhere including vapes within reach of my toddler, shes honestly lucky I haven't caught an assault charge from all this. And believe me I have talked to her about it, she blames it on mental health, I have diagnosed mental health issues as well but I still make myself have respect for other people and if the mental health is that bad then why hasn't she went to get help for it? She's a complete slob of a person and honestly after she moves out I want nothing to do with her ever again.
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u/Junior_Smoke_9425 May 31 '26
Became friends with an old co worker and we decided to move out together. This was both our first time moving out. When I look back on it now, I should’ve known not to. She was one of those friends who I could only be around for so long before everything she said and did would annoy the hell out of me. After about 6 months of living together our friend group had gone on vacation together and that’s when I had enough. I think i was around her way too much. She also is HORRIBLE at cleaning. Her rooms an absolute disaster (whatever it’s her space) but she makes 0 effort to clean the common area even after i’ve talked to her about it politely. She leaves food in her room in the dishes that we share till it molds. She blames it on the fact that her dad never taught her these things but now we’ve lived together for a little over a year and nothings changed. I’ve just accepted she will never be a good roommate and our friendship is pretty much non existent. We barely see each other, sometimes in passing but a whole week will go by and i won’t see her which is probably for the better. She’s even invited people over without letting me know which is super inconsiderate especially since we’re both women, what if i wasn’t dressed??? Anyway, my lease ends in about three months and once i’m out i doubt we’ll ever speak. She’s super upset we aren’t close anymore but i’ve just clocked out of the friendship.
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u/furioushunter12 Sep 23 '22
How did this end up? I’m in this situation now
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u/Montanasloane Sep 25 '22
We are not roommates or friends anymore. But trust that people are either meant to be in your life or they aren’t. Trust that your situation will work out for the best. In my situation, she moved out and we weren’t able to stay friends.
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u/Loose-Set-5516 Sep 21 '23
Oh my gosh. So glad I found this. I think we stopped being friends the moment we moved in together.
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u/Fififeb Jan 24 '24
I feel like that now, not even 2-months in and I'm already counting down the days til my 6-month tenancy ends
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Oct 18 '23
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Oct 19 '23
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u/morrigan04_ Oct 19 '23
i hope it gets better for the both of us. i’m currently trying to move out.
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u/Fififeb Jan 24 '24
stay away from her as much as possible! and leave as soon as that tenancy ends.
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Dec 23 '23
Moving in with friends or family is always a bad idea. Only family that you should be living with is the one you build
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u/Sad_Calligrapher9192 Jan 25 '24
I’ve moved in with my friend of ten years and was super excited about it. Unfortunately, it was the most horrible experience ever. A lot of things happened including her cheating with our mutual friends boyfriend when I am not at home (she admitted that to me later and wasn’t hiding it eventually so I was put into situation where “I had to keep a secret” but also lie to our other friend) couldn’t wait to move out. We kept minimal contact afterwards because she got mad with me informing our friend about what’s happening. Within the time living with her my sister got into an accident and was on the death bed in a different country. I had to flew there with a days notice and all she said was “make sure you find who is gonna take care of the dog when you away”. I was literally gone for couple of days and at the time, she was a full time student and spend most of her time studying at home so in my opinion, taking the tiny dog out around the block for 10 mins, three times a day for a couple of days should not be problem, when your best friend is at the sisters funeral. I ended up flying the dog with me and leaving him with my parents permanently because it was just too complicated to fly him back. I did her a lot of favours and took care of her when she was going trough the hard times and genuinely enjoyed it because I considered her my bestie but she broke my heart. After about a year from me moving out, we became close again but that did not last long as she kept behaving the way I don't agree with.
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u/Odd-Schedule4582 Feb 24 '24
I did. Then I sued her and won. Her court defense was hilarious. We aren’t friends anymore.
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Apr 30 '24
[deleted]
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u/Odd-Schedule4582 Apr 30 '24
She brought her boyfriend/future husband to court and he sat at the table with her. Never figured out why. He was not part of the case. I had her new lease that she had signed while still under ours, an envelope that she had sent to the management company that was dated differently than some other info. A threatening letter on HIS company letterhead. I had pictures. He took a cellphone call and was trying to answer questions directed at her. Then she had friends come try to back up her story but they contradicted each other.
The judge was LIVID. She chewed them out and gave me everything I asked for.
Last I heard she was divorced and couch surfing.
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u/Odd-Schedule4582 Apr 30 '24
The issues were numerous. She trashed the kitchen. I came home to food dripping off the cabinets. She was constantly an emotional wreck over a man she was never even dating. She couldn’t take care of herself. I am not her mom.
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u/Suitable_Storm_2579 Mar 02 '24
That’s the worse thing to do is move in with friends even with pre set standards it never works or it’s the best thing if you dnt want to be friends anymore lol
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u/ihatethiswebsite10 Aug 07 '20
I think moving in with friends is always a horrible idea unless you are so close already that you are basically like siblings and you've entered into that zone where you could literally call each other down to the dirt but then be fine again the next day (I have screamed at my sister telling her to never speak to me again, and then like 3 days later we're in the same bed watching Big Brother).