r/scrubtech • u/baejaewae • 1d ago
Surgical tech student struggling in clinicals and it is seriously affecting my mental health
I am currently in a 13 month surgical technology program, divided into 4 quarters. The first 4 months were primarily classroom/lab, and clinicals/more classroom started after that. I’m now going into my third quarter
I’m currently finishing a 3 week break and I’m extremely anxious about going back. I feel like I don’t know enough and that I’m going to walk into the hospital and immediately be exposed as incompetent. I’m learning things, I’ve improved in some areas, and it’s not that every case is a disaster. I have also done well with didactic portion with an A in almost every class. But overall, I feel like I’m struggling with almost everything: instruments, setups, anticipating, procedure flow, adapting to different CSTs, and communicating. I’m extremely anxious about going back to the hospital. I think about clinicals constantly, dread returning and feel like I’m going to walk in and immediately be judged for everything I don’t know.
My program director came up to me on the second day of lab and essentially implied that surgical technology might not be for me because I wasn’t speaking up enough. I was just trying to absorb the information at this point and wasn’t aware I had to be speaking up, there was nothing to “speak up” about at the time.
I’m naturally extremely quiet and reserved, especially around authority figures or people who intimidate me. Communication is something I genuinely need to improve. However, I want to clarify that I’m not completley silent in the or. I ask questions when I don’t understand something, I speak up during counts, I ask questions and try to communicate when I need clarification. I’ve also had multiple instructors make comments about me being too quiet or not speaking up enough.
My clinical exposure has been 8 days in cysto, 4 in dental/orthopedics, and 6 in GYN/general/vascualr.
I studied a lot of general surgery because I expected to get repeated exposure to it, but I’ve actually had relatively little general surgery experience.
Another thing I’m struggling with is that every cst has their own way of setting up and only allows me to set up their way. I understand why. They need to know exactly where everything is, and they have developed their own habits and preferences over years of doing the job. If I set something up differently from the CST I’m working with, they’ll often interrupt me, correct me, or rearrange things.
I understand that their way works for them and that consistency matters in the OR. But as a student, it’s difficult because I can learn one setup from one person and then the next person has a completely different arrangement. I have not had a chance to set up from start to finish yet.
I’m trying to learn the underlying principles instead of just memorizing one person’s exact setup, but when I’m still learning the basics, constantly being corrected makes it difficult to know whether I’m actually doing something wrong or simply doing it differently.
I was placed with a CST who does a lot of robotic cases. Ihad no robotic experience or knowledge going into the case and told her that beforehand. So far I only scrubbed robotic/laparoscopic cases around 5–6 times and am still not comfortable with things like the trocars, setup, and robotic equipment.
I obviously understand that I need to learn it, there wasn’t much patience for the fact that this was completely new to me.
Before one of the robotic cases, she was talking to her coworkers while I was right there and said:
“I hate when I am talking to someone and it feels like I’m knocking on the door and nobody is home.”
It wasn’t explicitly directed at me, but I was standing there and it felt very obvious what she meant.
Two different CSTs at the clinical site have also said “nobody is home” to their coworkers in front of me and negative feedbacks to my preceptor.
My lab instructor/clinical coordinator even jokes that I was kicked out of the main or. My preceptor came to me on my 14th day of clinical and told me that she keeps getting feedback from the techs and nurses that I “need a lot of help” and can’t do things on my own. I don’t feel like I ever got a proper description of what was expected of my by my first clinical quarter. Nonetheless I still did well grade wise for the first clinical quarter. But many mistakes were made and I feel that I have seriously damaged my standing at this clinical site. No faculty at the school, preceptor, or any staff at the hospital care to treat me with any bit of respect. My school has a very difficult time getting clinical sites (this is their only guaranteed one) so the director puts a lot of pressure on us to not embarrass the school.
I’ve struggled with understanding the flow of unfamiliar procedures and anticipating what comes next, or what needs to be done. I’ve had situations where I don’t know what instrument is coming next or where something belongs.I’ve also had cases where I did much better and gotten a complement from a doctor, though only for simple cases.
I know I have so much to improve and learn. I’m now going into my third part of program and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m simply experiencing a really difficult learning curve or whether I’m genuinely not progressing enough.
I’m also naturally very quiet, and I know that can be a disadvantage in the OR. But I don’t want to assume that being quiet automatically means I can’t become a competent CST.
How concerning would you find my situation?
How much should I be concerned about the fact that several people have independently commented on my communication/reserved personality
What would you recommend I focus on during the rest of my clinical education?
At what point would you tell a student that they’re genuinely not progressing enough and should reconsider the career?
Right now I genuinely can’t tell whether I’m a struggling student who needs more repetition and confidence, or whether I’m showing signs that I’m fundamentally not suited to surgical technologist.