r/shittysuperpowers 3h ago

Good luck using this… You can teach line dancing to humpback whales

3 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 9h ago

This power is just a bag of dicks You can de-escalate any road rage incident by running said person over.

5 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 16h ago

Just low-tier, nothing more, nothing less. Optionally: Whenever you roll a six sided dice, it occasionally lands on seven.

16 Upvotes

But only if you want.


r/shittysuperpowers 9h ago

Put this power in the bin, it's trash Everyone on Earth hears when you fart, along with your surroundings during the fart. Nobody knows anyone else hears it.

3 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 5h ago

Just low-tier, nothing more, nothing less. You can keep people at arm's length

1 Upvotes

If you don't want someone approaching you, you can stretch out your arm and prevent them. Like an invisible force field they could do nothing to close the gap.

It only stops a person from approaching you beyond your hand, doesn't prevent them if they use something long, or just high fiving you.

It would stop neither a bullet nor a knife, but a snotty kid couldn't wipe his nose on your brand new jacket.


r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

Yeah, this is shit When you want to shit, you can pass the urge to someone nearby.

18 Upvotes

When you want to shit, be it IBS or you ate something wrong, etc., you can pass that urge to someone else. That person must be nearby you within 5m or less (i.e. in the same room, visible to you). And no you cannot pass it to someone that you see on the TV or online.


r/shittysuperpowers 17h ago

Just low-tier, nothing more, nothing less. You optionally can give anyone who looks at you: mild hiccups.

3 Upvotes

It’s optional and controllable, meaning you don’t have to give them mild hiccups but only if you want.


r/shittysuperpowers 17h ago

Just low-tier, nothing more, nothing less. Whenever you flip a penny, you can optionally toggle it where you always land on heads. As in “heads up”

0 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

Just low-tier, nothing more, nothing less. By snapping your fingers, a banana will appear randomly somewhere in the world where no one will find it

8 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

Oddly specific After arguing with someone for 3 hours. They'll straight up admit your right and move on. This makes you the winner in the minds of everyone who witnesses this argument and the loser aswell. Whether your actually right is another matter.

55 Upvotes

Note if you stop arguing or the person disengages at any point before the 3 hour mark,this power will not work.

Also if you leave,and comeback the timer resets.

The power does not work if the person doesn't respond back within a minute.


r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

Goofy ASF The ability to see through your moles.

10 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

Oddly specific So, this is something that I have actually been able to do IRLfor thirty years: I can paralyze myself for ten-twenty minutes

541 Upvotes

Like, if I lay down on my stomach, I can make it so that I literally cannot move for up to twenty minutes.

No matter how I struggle and try, I can't get off of the ground.

I finally feel the "power" coming back to my deltoids after my mind powers wears off, and it's weird as hell.

Then I slowly push myself up by the shoulders lol.

I don't know what the hell this is, but I have been doing it for more than thirty years, just as a lark


r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

This power is just a bag of dicks You can eject your guts from your body like a sea cucumber on command.

22 Upvotes

This will not kill you, and your guts will regenerate quickly.


r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

Oddly specific You get an extra life where you get reincarnated into a random monkey in the amazon rainforest

5 Upvotes

You get a second chance in life as a monkey


r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

Just low-tier, nothing more, nothing less. You have heelys in your feet

14 Upvotes

You have a little wheel in the back of your foot you can kick out to glide


r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

Goofy ASF Dancing provokes the insatiable urge in others who perceive it, at any instant, to dance twice as long as you have.

5 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 1d ago

Good luck using this… You can make your drive thru order the Pay it Forward order from I Think You Should Leave

1 Upvotes

Full order: 55 BURGERS 55 FRIES 55 TACOS 55 PIES 55 COKES 100 TATER TOTS 100 PIZZA 100 TENDERS 100 MEATBALLS 100 COFFEES 55 WINGS 55 SHAKES 55 PANCAKES 55 PASTAS 55 PASTAS AND 155 TATERS

You can make your order that by just activating the superpower. You don't have to say the whole thing. You still have to pay for it. It also only works for drive thrus that have all the items in the order (you can't activate it at a Starbucks cuz Starbucks doesn't sell pancakes).


r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

This power is just a bag of dicks You can convince any sufficiently powerful person that you’re immortal

10 Upvotes

All the kidnappers and experimentation of an immortal manhunt without the benefits of immortality.

‘Sufficiently powerful’ is net worth over 50 billion dollars or being at the very top of their nation’s government.


r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

Literally Just a Warcrime You xan pop a zit with the force of a bullet a distance of 1000 ft

1 Upvotes

With great acne comes great responsibility.


r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

Confused but has the right spirit You can convince anyone to be happy.

5 Upvotes

Doesn't matter if their dog died, or clinically insane. All will immediately be happy on command like a drug.

Doesn't make them succeptible or mania, just good mood. They could be pure evil, and now just evil in a good mood.


r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

Yeah, this is shit You can swap injuries with Friends

4 Upvotes

if you and a friend are injured you can swap injuries with them


r/shittysuperpowers 3d ago

Literally Just a Warcrime If someone flips you off out of actual anger and you can grab their middle finger before they put it back down, they will see how the next pet they will have will die before they have it.

33 Upvotes

r/shittysuperpowers 2d ago

Just low-tier, nothing more, nothing less. Through the power of belief, you can increase by 1 percent the probability that any mechanical or electronic device will work when you are using it

8 Upvotes

All you have to do is believe that the device will work. This is an absolute 1 percent increase, not 1 percent of the device's current probability of functioning. The only requirement is that whatever you are trying to use must be an identifiable collection of parts, attached together to resemble a real, currently existing, machine.

Safe, efficient, and correct functionality is not guaranteed, merely that there is a greater than 0 chance that the device will power on / activate and keep working for some amount of time afterward. If the device is already working perfectly, nothing really changes. If the device turns on reliably, and missing or damaged parts make it not 100 percent functional, the device's functionality will increase by 1 percent.

If the device is completely broken, as in the parts are mostly there but simply don't work, you can attempt to turn it on a bunch of times, and it will turn on eventually and have some fraction of its intended functionality, even if it shouldn't. It will probably break down shortly after, and it will definitely not be operating safely, but it will turn on and stay on for some amount of time.

Bonus points:

- If you paint the device red, it permanently works 1 percent faster while you are using it

- if you paint the device blue, the odds of good things happening to you increase by 1 percent while using the device

- if you paint the device yellow, the noises it makes are permanently 1 percent louder while you are using it

- if you paint the device purple, there is a 1 percent greater chance that other people will not see the device

- if you paint the device black, it will be 1 percent more durable while you are using it

- if you paint the device white, it will operate 1 percent less safely while you are using it

- if you paint the device green, other people are 1 percent more likely to complement you about it while you are using it

So if you really wanted to, you could make some crude looking gun parts that look like they shouldn't work, assemble them into something resembling a gun, and pull the trigger a thousand times. At least one of those times, something will shoot out of the barrel, perhaps not quite in the direction you were aiming. The next time you pull the trigger though, it will probably explode.


r/shittysuperpowers 3d ago

Good luck using this… You can summon and ask a single question of a random pirate ghost

17 Upvotes

Think of a question, and flex your will, and the spirit of a deceased pirate will appear to answer it. That is, the spirit of any deceased person who was, at some point in his or her life, a pirate by some definition.

It could be one of the Sea People from the ancient Mediterranean. It could be a French privateer from the Age of Sail. It could be a Somali pirate from the 2000's. It could be someone who played Captain Hook in an off Broadway production of Peter Pan. It could be someone who spent a lot of time on Napster.

Your dead pirate, whoever he or she was, will be able to speak to you in your native language, and will make a sincere effort to answer your question honestly. They will have no memory of anything that happened after they died (so no asking about the afterlife or anything). They can only answer questions they actually know the answer to. You will be able to ask brief clarifying questions (eg. "And where was that?"), but they need to be related to your initial question, and the longest they will stay is about 15 minutes. After they finish answering your question, they will vanish.

The ghost will not be visible (or otherwise able to be sensed) to anyone or anything besides you. They will be unable to affect the world in any material way.

Cooldown one hour.