thats really it. like some overpriced shampoo and conditioner for curly hair that ill use in the shower. makes them very soft afterwards so it seems to be good quality. mwhahahaa

When I was 7 and my brother was 8, our dad bought a juicer. For a normal family, that’s just a kitchen appliance. For us, it was the beginning of a gastrointestinal disaster.
We started making fresh juice all the time, and my brother and I went absolutely feral for the apple one. Glass after glass. Especially him. He drank it like apples were about to become illegal the next morning.
Obviously, his eight-year-old stomach did not forgive this betrayal.
That evening we went to stay at our grandma’s house, and pretty soon there was a full-scale civil war happening inside my brother’s stomach. It was rumbling, twisting and inflating like someone was pumping up an air mattress in there.
At some point, he thought he just needed to fart.
And that was the biggest mistake of his young life:
he trusted the fart.
It was not a fart.
He shit his shorts.
And the best part? He decided to tell NO ONE.
He just sat there with a completely straight face, pretending everything was fine. Like he hadn’t just created a localized environmental disaster inside his own pants.
There was only one problem.
The smell.
He could deny everything he wanted, but that cloud already had its own passport, citizenship and permanent address.
Then our grandma walked into the room.
She took one breath.
Paused.
And her internal detective solved the case immediately.
Her eyes locked onto my brother.
“DID YOU SHIT YOURSELF?!”
My brother, who had been holding his defense like a war criminal under interrogation, instantly burst into tears.
Now, our grandma was old school. There was no, “It’s okay, sweetheart.”
She handed down the sentence:
WASH THE SHORTS BY HAND.
So there he was, eight years old, standing over the sink, washing his own shit-covered shorts while crying his eyes out and repeating through the tears:
“I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WASH CLOTHES… I DON’T KNOW HOW…”
The level of tragedy in his voice made it sound like Grandma had sentenced him to twenty years of hard labor.
And I just stood there watching the whole thing like the only surviving witness of the Great Apple Juice Apocalypse.
Years have passed, but the phrase “I don’t know how to wash clothes” still deserves to be the official soundtrack of that night.
Moral of the story: never underestimate fresh apple juice.
And never. Ever.
Trust a fart after drinking way too much of it.

this has also carried to what I'm finished reading, mainly out of habit. so even if I've finished something, I don't usually talk about it.

Especially if they are a regular content creator. Spend the money and invest in a tripod or clamp or something. You’re here clumsily trying to dice onions with your left hand only while holding your phone in your right and wasting both our time 😡.

I’m not leaving hate comments or anything. But I’m seething about it on the inside.

sometimes i’ll put something in the microwave and then immediately start doing random things around the kitchen instead of just standing there for 30 seconds.

i’ll open a cabinet, move something from one counter to another, check the fridge even though i know there’s nothing new in it, and suddenly i’m acting like i have a whole list of important tasks to complete.

then the microwave beeps and i instantly walk over like i’ve been waiting patiently the entire time.

Tonight: cleaning up from dinner (washing dishes, putting away leftovers, wiping tables), vacuuming the kitchen, cleaning the cat box, taking the trash out, reading a chapter of a novel, making this post, all while tending to the kids. He’s still in there. What is happening?! Anyone else?

So this happened a while ago and I still cringe when I think about it. I was on a date with my boyfriend and there was some kind of celebration with a ton of food. Of course I wanted to try everything, so I ate way more than I should have.
After that we went for a walk and maybe 30 minutes later my stomach suddenly decided it was done with me. I told my boyfriend I had to go home because I had something urgent to do. He looked so confused because we were literally in the middle of our date, but there was NO WAY I was telling him the real reason.
My house was only like 5 minutes away by bus, so I thought I’d be fine. I was not fine. Those 5 minutes felt like an hour.
When I got off the bus I realized there was absolutely no chance I was making it home. I ran into a little store, bought toilet paper, was so stressed I didn’t even wait for all my change, and ran outside.
And yeah… I ended up going in some bushes 😭 The whole thing probably took less than a minute but at the time it felt like a survival situation.
Then I just went home and pretended nothing happened. My boyfriend never found out why I suddenly disappeared in the middle of our date. He still thought I had something urgent to do at home.
Technically, he wasn’t completely wrong.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Idk why, but I always worry that it’ll somehow become my “signature” and people will figure out who’s in the stall just by hearing what I’m watching 😂

Like, I know it’s extremely unlikely that anyone is actually standing there listening to what people are doing in the bathroom, but still… my brain is like “what if they recognize the video/audio and know it’s you?” 😭

So I usually end up watching everything on mute.

Am I overthinking this or does anyone else do this?

Like Amino, I was so happy when Amino got shut down & the stuff couldn't be recovered/archived. Everyone from there could get a new start in that regard ? Does this make sense?

I don't like how easily your life can be ruined online, how information that isn't true can spread, among many other things. as a teenager you don't really think about digital footprint & how awful people can get it so I want to start over, I could try to prevent it all from happening again if there was just a clean slate online.
:(

For context:

1. I have a rescue dog and do not actually know her birthday
2. a vet made something up at some point
3. the only day that means anything to me re/her is the day I signed her adoption papers
4. my current vet sends cute doggy birthday emails

…so I got this cute doggo birthday email on this random day. Which is fun and cute and all but it doesn’t match the only day that means anything re/my dog for me. I’m considering taking her adoption papers to the vet office and asking them if they can change the day some random person made up at some point to the only day that it makes sense for me to get a celebratory email about my dog.

It feels kind of silly. But I sort of very much still want to do this.

I was buying groceries at the store that begins with an A. Cashier was asking everyone “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

I prepared my answer:

Me: No

Cashier: What did you not find?

Me: Hugh Jackman.

Cashier: ::Stops scanning:: “What?”

Me: Hugh Jackman, I heard he shops here.

i was that one kid who ripped silent but deadly farts in class all the time since the school food messed up my stomach pretty bad. in 5th grade, i was sitting at my desk working and I had a case of the bubble guts. i farted and the smell was sooo putrid that my classmates started coughing and gagging, covering their noses. the teacher was looking around, standing in complete shock. i couldn't stop farting though and as every minute passed, the stench continued to get worse and worse. one kid asked, "who pooped in their diaper?" i played along acting like i wasn't the almighty farter and covered my nose with my shirt but underneath, i had a devious smile on my face. eventually, some kids evacuated the classroom and waited it out until the coast was clear. it is one of my proudest farts that i've done, what can I say? :D

Recently, I booted up my NES because the last time I used it was in around 2017, and my grandmother liked the game before she died this year. (I was 11 at the time, and my family collects retro consoles, with our oldest console being an Atari 2600. We always had a love for old stuff)

After doing a lot of test runs, I've actually mapped out the entire game and have actually tried multiple speed run attempts on a game made in 1988 with some of the worst translation errors to ever exist for a well-known franchise. (That's why it's usually ranked quite low on most Castlevania game tier lists, as well as being pretty confusing for new players)

After I played it for the first time in a while, I started to remember the times when my grandmother would watch and help 11-year-old me decrypt some of the more confusing clues that had me stumped. After my fourth recent playthrough, I got the best ending with a lot of time to spare.

It just reminds me of simpler times. The world is very complex to me due to some of my mental disorders (autism, ADHD, and bipolarity), and it sometimes becomes a bit much for me. Sometimes, it's simple things that can make someone's day.

BUT ITS NOT it's genuinely so good and I'm really embarrassed that I used to tell people it was overrated ;_;

so I was in 7th grade and we had our new math teacher and we had to invent some math games out of things and it was sooo boring, so I picked up the dice and went upside down and I saw a hole under the chair, I thought it would be a good idea to put the dice inside but I didn't think it was hollow and would get stuck, and when I realised that I just got two dice stuck inside a chair I had to tell my friend as I shook the chair and the dice was rattling inside, the teacher got mad at me and said I had to stay back at lunch or recess to get it out but luckily my friend did it, I laughed so hard at that and still find it funny now, not that im much older than back then

Yk when you take a sip of a drink but bc you’re used to smoking you accidentally ghost the drink.😂 Yeah I’m the opposite, I’m hitting my wax thinking I’m about to get a mouth full of Pepsi zero. I’m so greedy🤦😂

so, when i was in like grade 1 it was lunch break right? and I saw someones pasta laying around unattended and so I decided to eat it, it was sooo good I still remember it to this day, anyways I thought it would be fun to put sand in it and leave it there, and I dint put a sprinkle I put handfuls of it😭 Im pretty sure some ppl from my grade also joined in but I did most of it, but to be honest I dont even think they wanted it anymore and left it there on purpose, im not sure😭

so as a kid I would go to stores and break up chocolate bars and put them back in the aisle and I still sometimes do that😭but one day I was in an asian convenience store and I was bored so I decided to breakup some bean curd, turns out I got caught🥲 I think it was from the cameras but my parents had to pay for it😭 and yea I got in trouble, im probably gonna get a lot of hate for this but yea I dont do that anymore

I let a whole department think our office had a phantom rat for three months because I dropped an entire, unpeeled sweet potato behind a filing cabinet and was too embarrassed to move the heavy oak furniture to get it.

Every time someone complained about the mysterious scratching noises (it was just the HVAC vent above it) and the gradual, earthy aroma of decay, I nodded gravely and suggested we call an exterminator. When facilities finally moved the unit during spring cleaning, it had sprouted a magnificent, thriving jungle of purple vines in the darkness. I looked right at the facility manager, gasped, and said, "Nature is terrifying."

One of my earliest memories is participating in my first elocution contest; I was in grade 1. My father helped me learn my poem, understand what each line meant, and how to recite with emotion, but he failed to teach me what I didn't anticipate until the day of the competition: how to overcome stage fright.
Although I was prepared, as the other children and I lined up in our order to recite our poems on stage, seeing a large audience overwhelmed me; my nervousness was palpable, and I looked like a cartoon character whose heart was beating out of its chest! Just seconds before it was my turn to perform, my fright took over completely, and I felt a warm tsunami taking place in my pants; I had peed in them!
As I released my nervousness, my name was called. I walked onto the stage and stood in front of the mic. Everyone's eyes was glued to the wet area in my pants; the auditorium burst into laughter as if the audience had heard the funniest comedy set in the world. Ironically, the poem I was to recite was about being courageous; I wanted to run away from embarrassment.
However, to my surprise, after the laughter subsided, I sensed that the audience became even more intrigued and excited to hear me. Trusting that feeling, I recited my poem as my father had taught me, and when I finished, I gained the confidence to want to perform in the future because of the applause the audience gave me.
During the prize ceremony, I was elated to place first. As I went to receive my certificate from my principal, who, after giving it to me, refused to shake my hand for obvious reasons, said, "Well done, son. You were brave."
I'm not in grade 1 anymore; I am a working man. And although I have a strong control over my bowels, I don’t walk through life's stages unafraid. Their unexpectedness and challenges fluster, overwhelm, and scare me. But my experiences, such as this one, have taught me that facing my fears with courage is essential to winning. And even when we choose to be brave and end up losing, we should reward ourselves with a certificate that reads, "Awarded for facing our fear and doing our best!"

this is a long one, TLDR at the bottom

Take yourself back to November 2024, what were you doing? I was on a school trip to Barcelona (will include a picture of my camera roll if needed to BACK this up), the final school trip I would ever take.

It was the third day of our trip, we walked from that Spanish Village [literally called spanish village lol] place with the umbrellas down to this shopping strip (where Casa Batllo is) which is around an hour and a half of SLOW walking, which is a LOT for a group of lazy exhausted teenagers, but we needed to waste time before dinner at our hotel that night 🤷‍♀️.

I am a type one diabetic, and at this point, my diabetes was managed shockingly badly. meaning this whole walk my blood sugars were hitting those high 20s due to the fact I was sharing sweets and drinks with my friend. Everyone knows that walking for a long time in heat makes you thirsty and sweaty, my fellow diabetics will agree that walking in 30+ degree heat with rising high blood sugar, sugary drinks, and 0 fucks about it.. I was ready to kill a man for water and chance to go to the toilet.

I know I could have asked my teacher, but like i didn’t want to be awkward and hold the group back and by this point I really didn’t care that much about my blood sugars.

Again, I was desperate for a drink, all I had was those MASSIVE Lipton Iced Tea bottles, and full sugar red bull, but again I would have done despicable things for a sip of water, so i took them. And for the final time, my fellow diabetics will agree that the urge to go to the toilet when you have high blood sugars can NOT be ignored. On this hour walk i stopped for a toilet 4 times. i did NOT want to make people stop a fifth.

Eventually we reached our destination, and in the distance, beyond the lululemons and the sephoras, sat a place I could only describe as heaven on a street, McDonalds. Me and my friend legged it to salvation and lined up for the toilet, and after we finished, I decided to buy myself some water to sustain the thirst till I get back to my room. So after putting an obscene amount of water bottles into my basket, I saw something on the menu that made my mouth water with need, a large sugar free McDonalds Fanta.

i quickly learned that in Barcelona, some places don’t put lids on your drinks?? but even if they had, i don’t think it would have spared this poor man. But since we were in a rush, we sped to the nearest table to start loading drinks into our bags.

I don’t actually remember this next part, I completely blacked out but my heart still races thinking about it, so this has been told back to me through several retellings every time someone brings up the drink Fanta. However as me and my friend were speeding through the crowd, someone pushed past us, and nudged my friend, who nudged me, which sent the large, uncovered, freezing cold drink all over this poor bald man and his innocent daughter. It was like a tidal wave.

I should have stayed, I should have apologised, I should have offered to clean, I should have done anything except start legging it, STILL holding the tray of water bottles and shouting for my friend to just run. We make it to the rest of our group and watch as security men from the nearby shops start looking for us. My friend is crying laughing and I’m laughing out of sheer confusion, again, I blacked out. Once we tell our teacher, she bins the tray and pushes us to the bus stop, hiding me and my friend in the middle just incase. and thus why I am known as Fantastic to certain people in my life.

To that poor man, I am sorry, I think of you every time I relax, everytime I get a moment alone, I wonder if you ever think about the time you got a shower of Fanta in the middle of Barcelona, and if you can now look back on it in humour the same way my friends can, yet I struggle to.

TL;DR I got Thirsty, Greedy, and Reckless. An Innocent Bystander got a cold shower. I get grief from everyone in my life since that moment.

This is dumb af, but I'm super vigilant about my online identity for no good reason; I'll regularly check on the videos or threads I've commented on to see if I've garnered some engagement (for further discussion and such).

But during that time, I might want to comment again or other comments might pop up as well and I'd get the urge to respond to them too.

Though wouldn't it be weird if an account happens to reply on a single piece of media too many times? Especially if that piece of media has a smaller audience and would've made my presence starkly known?

It's awkward, and I'd feel like I was a.) a bot or b.) a weirdly obsessed fan. So I just, use different accounts to act like separate people entirely just to avoid that shame.

I don't even do it to agree or defend my other accounts, I just do it for that sole reason.

Been using pads all my life. And I'll probably continue using pads until menopause. Still baffles me that some women choose to go through the effort of shoving stuff way up their coochie. I'll take just sticking stuff to my underwear, thanks.

Edit:
So I just realised that the reason why I find the idea of using tampons and menstrual cups so baffling is because of how I had to get a catheter inserted due to a urinary condition I had when I was a kid. The process was incredibly painful for me. So yeah, thinking about having shoved up me is... traumatic.