In spiritual spaces, the “gender war" is often related to releasing anger for one another.
TLDR: women do not want war, we want acknowledgment that the patriarchy is real and benefited from.
To me, that feels a lot like standing on a busy subway while being repeatedly groped by those around you, while everyone else looks away. When limits are reached and you yell, "Stop it!” Finally, someone looks up and says, “Don't be angry, it's not spiritual.”
Even calling it a gender war is detrimental. First, it trains us to treat people as players on a team instead of individuals. We pick a side by looking at what's between our legs. We then collect stories and “data" that confirm the team we've already picked.
I have been guilty of this myself. I have thrown out statistics, true and researched ones, to raise my “batting average,” because it often feels like numbers are the only real defense I have that does not require going low. I do not want to become someone who manipulates and harms men for advantage. The facts can still be right and still be used as team ammunition. I've realized that feeling like you have to swing that way is part of the problem, not proof you are winning.
Like politics, we've turned sexism into a team sport.
The REAL truth is, we should be taking each and every act as done by an individual, and not a gender. There should be no scorekeeping. We should all just be on “team human”.
Most women do not assume all men will be violent or treat us badly. Most men we meet are not that.
Yet, we also realize that we have always lived in a patriarchal culture. And that is what we ultimately need men to profess as well.
Women are not outside the culture. We reward status, excuse cruelty in our own circle, and sometimes treat men as providers or opponents instead of people. That is not a free pass for anyone. It is why the scoreboard is a trap.
The patriarchal culture started long ago, so a reality driven woman should put no blame on a man for that culture existing.
The part that actually divides us is when men will not admit that this culture exists. This is the CRUX of the issue for so many women. When men see another man being awful, cruel, degrading, predatory, or dismissive, too many stay silent. They look at the floor or change the subject, as if calling him out would mean calling themselves out.
When we should all call out harm, no matter who the victim is.
Men often bring up the times they have been hurt by women as a counterpoint to a testimony of trauma. That pain is real. Yet, it does not cancel the duty in front of them. Protecting your team, or protecting your self-image, is not the same as protecting the person being harmed.
This is why so many women get upset over the “battle" comments. It's because not standing up for others as individuals is actually a FAILURE OF CONSCIENCE, not a war.
As humans, one of our greatest needs is to be believed and given acknowledgement of our pain. But we have to do that by each individual case, without comparison. We've all been hurt, we've all suffered trauma. But it's the denying of that trauma because we associate with one gender or the other, that is devastating and extremely dividing in spiritual and worldly spaces.
Only when this reality is acknowledged can open communication and true healing begin.
