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u/GuineaKeet 4d ago
When my ex asked me "what are you gonna tell our future child why you have those scars?", scars I had for years prior to him mind you. I am so fucking glad that future child doesnt exist
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u/ZuzaProwadzi 4d ago
Honestly that seems like as good reason as any to have a mental health talk. Maybe that hipothetical child would be less likely to get scars on their own thanks to that.
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u/JayKazooie 4d ago
I have had an entire two people admit that their daughters engaged in head-hitting after learning that I used to hit my head so hard I would see stars. I informed them that the first antidepressant I tried took away the urge and saved me from a further decade of pain and brain damage, but I don't know if either of them took the advice to get their daughters checked out for mental health problems. I hope they didn't dismiss it as attention seeking behaviour, anyway.
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u/EmptyKetchupBottle9 4d ago
I wish people would realize that if anyone does go that far, even if it is for attention, it still deserves attention and healing (not trying to argue against you, just adding on)
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u/JayKazooie 4d ago
Yeah, no, my thoughts too. If your kid needs to hurt themself for attention, they must be lacking something incredibly crucial.
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u/EnsoElysium 4d ago
I once got "youre just doing this for attention" and my response was "of course I am! Something is very wrong and I need you to pay attention to that!"
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u/Ashamed-Raccoon-1387 3d ago
Especially since a lot of mental health can be genetic so if the child is biological, they're likely to have the same struggles.
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u/Elrond_Cupboard_ 4d ago
When my kids were little I told them it was from a car accident. When they got older I told them I tried to take my own life.
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u/Icy_Dig_3691 4d ago
When I was really struggling, my mother saw the marks on my arms. She showed me hers and said, "I understand what it's like. I've been through this too." It helped me. Seeing my mother still standing after everything she'd been through gave me hope in a way; I knew it was possible. Maybe you would have saved your future child's life with those scrares
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u/JARStheFox 3d ago
Thank you for this. I'm gonna remember this if my daughter ever struggles this way. 🫂
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u/wave-tree 3d ago
I have bipolar disorder. I attempted suicide years ago. My wife found me and saved my life. We knew there was a chance our child would have some form of clinical depression. When they showed signs, we got them help, like we got me help. They know of my scars, and they know it's not a taboo topic of conversation.
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u/Grant1128 4d ago
At the time, me having a future was not part of the plan
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u/two-of-me 4d ago
Exactly! But somehow I’ve made it to 39 and tattooed over all my SH scars. Never thought I’d be there.
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u/emotionally-battered 4d ago
I want to do this so bad, would you mind sharing or talking about it with me?
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u/PeachyFairyDragon 3d ago
Why tattoo over them? They're marks that show you're more powerful than forces that would kill most of the mentally healthy population if it were to leap out of our heads and into theirs.
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u/two-of-me 3d ago
I was triggered by them and had flashbacks of the SH act itself. My tattoos have given me a lot more strength. Plus, getting tattoos feels soooo good. So it’s a win-win. I respect people who leave them as is, but personally I couldn’t handle seeing them anymore. It took maybe 15 years between the last time I SH before I started getting tattoos, so I feel like I had given myself enough time for them to stop affecting me, but they never did.
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u/PeachyFairyDragon 2d ago
That's understandable, I had not thought of it like that. I guess because I forget for weeks or months that mine even exist, even though they are up and down my left arm and I exclusively wear short sleeves or tank tops.
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u/two-of-me 1d ago
It’s totally different for every person. Personally, I’m a very private person and it’s not that I’m ashamed I used to SH, but allowing people to see the scars is essentially telling them something I didn’t plan on sharing with them. I do commend people for not covering them up; I think that might be a strength I just don’t have.
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u/MidwestNonbinary 4d ago
I didn’t think I would live to hit 20 years old. I’ve known how I want to be buried since I was a young teenager. How do you plan for a future when your brain has decided that there wasn’t going to be one.
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u/EnduringFulfillment 4d ago
Throwback to when my mom took me to laser scar removal instead of therapy
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u/Throwaway61085 3d ago
My mother keeps trying to push it on me because she‘s embaressed by my scars and thinks they make me unemployable (they‘re not severe at all)
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u/ReigenTaka 3d ago
Yeah, after my attempt my parents just didn't really bring it up. That was fine, but when my mum finally did bring it up it was to tell me to rub cocoa butter on the scars everyday to make them go away.
I was old enough that I was already seeing a psychiatrist. Mine were certainly more supportive than yours though, good god, I would have raged out if she did that.
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u/emotionally-battered 4d ago
My childhood friend told me they’re battle scars, so it helps me not feel so bad about myself
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u/FalseEqualsTrue 4d ago
I don't have visible scars, but my therapist keeps telling me I survived. It doesn't always feel like I really did.
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u/GamingGeekette 4d ago
Well, that's not untrue, if you think about it. Every time you make a mark, you're fighting a battle. Every time you don't do it or don't do anything worse means you've won every battle so far.
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u/Alpha-Cor 4d ago
I love my scars and if anybody calls them ugly they can fuck off. Those are battle scars. I fought to be here.
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u/abstractiish 4d ago
no bc be so fr
like ffs bro why didn’t you help before if you were so concerned abt my future huh
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u/LeadershipLumpy2746 4d ago
It's 'cause people don't usually care about the person with the scars, they care about how the scars make them feel uncomfortable.
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u/myplantisnamedrobert 4d ago
If I see visible scars on someone I think "If this person asks me for help, I will go out of my way to help them" but I don't walk up to them and bring it up. I'm pretty sure that's the normal reaction? People who fetishize them are not the normal, and neither are people who look down on them.
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u/coffee--beans 4d ago edited 1d ago
I've gotten to the future where ive stopped and im working in a place where my arms are exposed to everyone and the customers and literally nobody gaf
They dont look at them and they dont talk about them it's literally fine
Edit: ok my manager asked abt them but I managed to play it off as cat scratches despite them being quite big so dw abt it
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u/emotionally-battered 4d ago
I try to just forget about them :/ they’re ugly but I have to not think ab it or I’ll spiral lol
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u/AffectionateOne7553 4d ago
I don't know if it helps but it's a different perspective
I tend to look at my scars as a part of me. I don't know the "me" that's without them. They signify all the things I went and still is going through, and I would never want to get rid of them or cover them permanent.
There's some beauty in scars, not necessarily aesthetic beauty, more like poetic beauty.
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u/JeebsTheVegan 4d ago
I show mine to people as an example of why you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
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u/madtastic225 4d ago
This. Or when kids stare at the scars and ask what happened. After all the reactions and stares, I decided to just get tattoos everywhere to cover them! You really can’t tell most of the times, just make sure you get a good payout for yourself! And you’d be potentially saving people from gnarly skin damage
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u/ReigenTaka 3d ago
After my parents found out about the self harm (after an attempt) they basically didn't talk about the depression, self harm, or attempt with me. The next time my mum brought up the situation was to say "Make sure you rub cocoa butter on those [scars] everyday to help them go down." (Or something.)
I was pissed. Like I got used to you ignoring the depression, that's been my whole life, but not a single god damn "hey, how are you doing? / how are you feeling lately?" Just a "you need to work better to hide that shit"?? Really?!
The irony is that the scars were on my forearm had been for 2 years by then. They never noticed them and I'm not confident they ever would have. Why not just go back to not seeing them? (Other people do actually notice them eventually. I've even had strangers ask about them.)
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u/Pale-Teaching6392 4d ago
As someone who engaged in SH behaviors due to sensory reasons… the futures kind of hard to picture when your body goes into fight/flight and your own body is the target. Don’t have many scars though since it’s hard (not impossible, I have proof, but hard) to tear through skin without sharp nails, use of teeth, or tools. Thankfully (and not thankfully) most of the time I was targeting my ears so I couldn’t get to bite at the offending bit.
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u/AffectionateOne7553 4d ago
Yeah when we did it we didn't expect to live. And if we did we didn't expect it to scar. And when we expected scarring, that was the point.
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u/EnsoElysium 4d ago
Probably the best counselling I got for my SI was when the guy went "boy didnt those hurt?" And then we talked about that, uncovering the reason I did it, and offering me solutions that felt like weaning/substitutions, instead of giving me "shouldawouldcoulda" like so many others.
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u/Interesting-Issue218 4d ago
My mum has said this to me. But also, more shockingly, a mental health nurse told me not to harm myself because then I wouldn't be able to wear nice tshirts, and people would judge me even if they don't seem like it. She was the same nurse who told me to just go to A&E then hung up on me after I called the crisis team.
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u/Then_Ad_1791 3d ago
the only reason i didnt burn myself years ago was because im too afraid of pain. “scars? what scars? im not gonna live to 20! 🥰” never even thought i’d make it to this age, and i think the only reason i didn’t jump out my second story window in the sixth grade was because I didn’t know suicide existed.
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u/Hot-Inspector-5115 3d ago
Jokes on you. Once you get tattoos over them no one asks about the scars anymore
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u/PassiveParty0 3d ago
FYI scars are neither ugly nor aspirational. They're a feature that exists. Like any other feature, some people will be unusually rude, or be attracted to it, but most of the time people are neutral.
Edit: grammar
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u/tzentzak 4d ago
My family doesn't say anything anymore but when I was younger my grandma would harp on me all the time about how I'm going to regret self-harming in the future. I just see the scars as a part of me now. Sure, sometimes I get odd looks or questions but it's not that big of a deal. My stepmom's sister is a dermatologist and offered me laser scar removal for free but I declined, because while it was a sweet gesture, there's a part of me that doesn't want to erase that aspect of myself.
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u/PhaseNegative1252 4d ago
I don't have scars because I thought I was gonna have a future to live.
Now I'm living that future and while it is terrifying to an extent, I'm far more proud of myself for getting this far and for still being here.
If you're still here, good. That can be enough. You are enough.
Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow.
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u/Imaginary-Curiosity 4d ago
I was told these things when I was young, now it's 20 years later, I'm married with kids and literally no one GAF. The scars have become such a normalized part of who I am, that neither myself or my family really notice them.
The only time it affected my life was when I worked for a religious nutjob and she judged me for it. But she was literally unhinged and her business failed after she fired me.
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u/Bureaucrap 3d ago
Even animals harm themselves when stressed as a stress reaction. It's actually quite normal response to stress.
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u/TricellCEO 3d ago
“It’s not that I wasn’t thinking about the future. It’s that I was thinking I didn’t have a future.”
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain 4d ago
I used them to connect with people that also had attempts, to give them hope. If I was able to make it, they might able to make it too
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u/RithmFluffderg 4d ago
"Ah yes, by shaming you after the fact for an action you took due to (insert any number of self esteem issues), I will somehow turn back the clock and prevent you from ever doing it in the first place. I am so smart."
I am so tired of people who just... refuse to even try to understand.
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u/Simple_Employee_7094 3d ago
FYI: EMDR therapy has helped me find and make peace with my part who was suicidal and it helped ENORMOUSLY
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u/SeaWeird4920 2d ago
My niece is obsessed with kpop demon hunters. I tell her I’m like rumi! For kids too young to understand/non relatives, I just tell them I got hurt when I was younger.
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u/Key-Pomegranate-3507 2d ago
Late to the party but this hits hard. I refuse to take off my shirt in front of anyone except my wife. Doesn’t matter the context. I won’t do it. I was fortunate enough not to cut on my forearms so I can wear short sleeve shirts.
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4d ago
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u/GeckoGecko_ 4d ago
A rage-baiting pussy is no better
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u/Super_Huckleberry663 4d ago
Only pussies self harm.
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u/Then_Ad_1791 3d ago
don’t say that. don’t fucking say that. I don’t give a single fuck what your life is like right now, whether you’re at your lowest low or the most privileged person on the planet. don’t fucking say that.
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u/Super_Huckleberry663 3d ago
Why not? It's true.
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u/Then_Ad_1791 3d ago
it’s fucking not you piece of shit. who the hell sees somebody suffering so much that their only reprieve is hurting themselves and calling them a pussy?? you need to talk to a fucking therapist, because this complete lack of empathy is frankly concerning, but choosing to be a dickhead is a choice. if you saw somebody in real life who had harmed themself, would you call them a pussy? what if it was your sibling, friend, parent, child? would they be a pussy then? shut your fucking mouth.
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u/ecosynchronous 4d ago
That's nice, dear, but it's awfully late for a kid your age to be up bullying people on the internet. Go take your melatonin and go to bed, tomorrow is a school day.
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u/thanksimcured-ModTeam 3d ago
Try to avoid personal attacks, critique the idea not the person.
‘Remember the human’
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u/ostapenkoed2007 4d ago
fr... one time my ma told me that i could get disabled if i jumped out of the window...