For me it really made me rethink how much self loathing I've built up around my own masculinity, just because of how my community reacts to it, but I'm curious about other people's thoughts

So, I'm a transmasc femboy and whenever I mention this ppl tell me to use the word "beauboy" instead. I absolutely do NOT like this word and I really don't want to refer to myself by this word.

To me personally, it's just (ironically enough) an ugly sounding/looking word, and as someone who struggles enough to spell "beautiful" correctly first try its also just so awkward to type out. It doesn't make me feel valid in any way cause it just looks like its trying to censor or replace the word "feminine", like being feminine somehow invalidates my gender identity as a boy, when cis femboys are completely fine.

Aside from all that it's just completely pointless to me cause "trans femboy" and even just "femboy" works completely fine for me anyway. Plus, I don't always like to point out my transness in the first place so "femboy" by itself helps with that and is already a very gender-affirming term for me.

Is it okay to tell ppl that I just don't want to refer to myself as a "beauboy" even if the definition is accurate to my experience?

I wish for people to call me the right pronouns and when it dose it makes me feel weird what’s up with that? Im scared that this means idk something is missing maybe im hiding something from myself im scared that just because i find some discomfort in my name and pronouns it means im not trans and if im not trans im not a woman so in short im afraid that im not a women

but i still feel like that doesn’t answer why i feel uncomfortable with my name and pronouns he him feels normal but is that just because I’ve been desensitized to it

i also wish to be called girl and her and by my name Adalyn maybe it’s because i dont have approval from my mom and dad?

Maybe its just because i dont expect it and im shocked by it like today i got a message from my hair appointment or whatever saying Adalyn (last name) has made an appointment with bla bla bla yk

and it was weird the feelings i got from it i got a feeling of ew kinda feeling pit drop in my stomach to woah thats cool im so happy that im being called Adalyn but it was all in one moment

maybe its just because i expected that they would use my dead name because my mom made me write my dead name “for legal purposes”

but like im going to get my hair done not going to get my teeth pulled but even then do they really need my legal name?? So I was kinda expecting all the conformation stuff to have my old name and when it didn’t it was kinda a surprise but it didn’t feel good but it did????

THIS IS SO CONFUSING GAHHHH😩

I’m scared that one day I’ll get assaulted or something worse killed and it’s made me think of is transitioning worth dying over I live in Canada in a city that’s safe for the most part but anything can happen I’m just scared that one day I wear the wrong thing in the wrong place wrong time I’ll get hurt by someone verbally physically or anything really I still boy mode a lot and I have been using the woman’s washroom more constantly all times I’ve been alone or it’s a single stall but people still clock me should I stop using the right bathroom? Sure I’m in a progressive area but someone gets the wrong idea I get my ass beat or someone calls the cops I have gently had a ignorance is bliss approached to my transition so far I’ve been socially transitioning for a couple of months I wear a bra with padding rarely go out in feminine clothing I’m not very connected to my local trans community I have friends but no trans friends that are really close I’m 18 right now so I can’t really go anywhere to meet people like the club or anything the gay bar what ever right now I’m getting my first gen hair cut and I’m hoping to get into therapy and I wanna get on estrogen before I’m 20 idk if that’s unrealistic but that’s what I’ve set out I just don’t know I’m afraid that the farther I get into my transition the harder my life will get and it makes me wonder is this worth getting hurt over I guess it is the ladder is being measurable like I have been every day and denying myself from my truth

Can’t believe she’s gone.

I'm in the middle of uni entrance exams and it's a very small selection pool (20 of us). I'm the only guy, the school does not accommodate preferred names or genders, everyone already only knows me as a girl with my dead name, and all the apartment rooms for rent are for women only, which is not a problem now as I don't pass well but will be a problem once T kicks in. I think my only option now is to take a gap year, hope I pass well enough to be stealth by this time next year, and try again. It's such a pity that there are so few universities with my degree offered so I'll likely end up back here next year but I'm hoping that I maybe get some documents changed up too in time for that.

I'm just sort of bummed out because I've been so excited to start university this year, just to have it be crushed by transphobia 🫤

When. I was 17 I started playing around with my gender. I had like an ulter ego that was a guy and I would dress as him and I looked like an emo guy. This was 2011. A gay guy was interested in me and my mom found out and forced me to never talk to him again. She was homophobic about it and used AIDS as an excuse as to why I couldn't be with that guy. My mom also found out I was pretending to be a guy and took all my masculine clothes away and replaced them with glittery t shirts and bright colored skinny jeans and mini skirts. She took away all my gender neutral clothes too. She didn't tell my dad.

6 years later when I was 23 I experimented again. I was in a relationship where this person (I'm not sure of their gender now.) and I would be guys together. We explored gender together. But they left me for a girl that pretended to be a guy because she fetishized gay men and trans men. Their relationship ended badly because she admitted she wasn't really a trans guy and that she just thought it was hot for a guy to have a vagina and thought it was hot when two men had sex.

But anyway, I ended up moving back home to my parents. At this point I had socially transitioned into male. But my dad started being hostile towards me. Eventually he escalated and told me if I was going to act and dress like a man he was going to hit me like a man. And he beat me until I said I'd grow my hair out and dress like a woman again.

A year later I married my wife. She is trans but my dad doesn't know that my wife is a woman. He thinks she's a man. My wife didn't tell me she was trans at first. And when she told me I reacted badly. The year prior I had just gotten beat so badly I couldn't see my eyes were swollen shut for being trans. I freaked out. Looking back I know I freaked out because we weren't in a safe environment for her and my dad was a violent trans/homophobic piece of shit.

I ended up repressing myself from age 23 to 31. I turn 32 next month. Every time I would even consider myself to be a man. I'd have panic attacks and cry uncontrollably. I recognize now that reaction was due to my dad beating me until I was barely conscious and being trans didn't feel safe.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I feel sad that I couldn't be myself for almost 8 years. I hate what caused me to finally admit that I'm a man. It was misogynistic bs from my wife's brother directed at me because I'm acting in place of a husband and my wife acts like a wife. He said I needed to learn my place as a woman and that my wife needed to learn how to be a man instead of a little bitch who lets his wife run things and makes decisions. He knows my wife is a trans woman. He doesn't know I'm a trans man. He thinks I'm a lesbian in a relationship with a man that tricked me into thinking he's a woman.

My mother in law accepted us as being trans but she's horrible at pronouns but she corrects herself without me correcting her sometimes. I've been slowly teaching her about gender and how genitals aren't what makes someone a man or a woman. But she's in her 60s and it's a slow process. My wife's dad doesn't even try to understand he's in his 70s.

I'm gradually socially transitioning again. But my wife's brother thinks I'm having an identity crisis and I said "no when I used to be hyper feminine that was the identity crisis." All my life no matter how girly I looked I was always too masculine to people. Now that I'm masculine I'm too feminine to be masculine. I can no longer ignore how my voice doesn't sound like it belongs to me. I can't ignore my breasts and I can't stop wishing I had a penis. These things don't cause me destress but I wish I had been born in the correct body. If I was born male I would still be gender non-conforming as I love make up and jewelry meant for women.

For context I’m a 15 year old amab demiboy and I shave my body hair because I don’t like it.

This morning when I came out of the shower I noticed I had chest hair??? How do I get rid of chest hair? Do I shave it? Do pluck it like eyebrows?

I forgot chest hair was a thing :(

Thanks for the help!

I don’t think this person knows how being trans works… And it wasn’t even relevant to the topic lol.

(Estrogen can make you infertile as far as I know? I don’t think testosterone can as far as I know? Can someone please correct me on that if its wrong because I genuinely don’t know. But this person didn’t even check if I was a trans woman or a trans man)

I genuinely laughed when they replied cuz it was just so out of pocket (is that the correct thing to say??)

Uh yea just wanted to share this absolute insane thing someone said just cuz I have the little trans flag cuz I found it so weird.

This post is me just getting something off my chest. I appreciate any support or shared experiences.

I’ve had this feeling since early adolescence. I’m twenty-six, autistic (Level 1), and only discovered a year ago that I am a non-binary trans lesbian. Being trans had never crossed my mind before, but now I recognize a feeling that was always there. The issue I have regarding what is called a "body" was at a level that’s hard to explain. But now I can. The thing is, I never identified with any self-help messages about loving oneself or accepting one’s body. I always saw that as a privilege reserved for people who actually *have* a body. It sounds strange, but it was deeply ingrained in my mind. I’d read those messages and feel excluded.

The truth is, my revulsion toward my own physicality is so intense that I’ve always viewed myself as an abstract entity trapped in a mass of fat, flesh, bone, and hair—with a particular, agonizing emphasis on the fat and body hair. I don’t have a body... I’m trapped by the ideal of a future, distant female body. I don’t have genitalia—not because I reject my own, but because I don’t feel I have the right to be a woman, yet I’m not a man either. I don’t even picture myself having them; I just have this mass of fat. I’m still on the waiting list for hormone therapy. I can’t afford laser hair removal, and I lack the motivation to lose weight (I’m tall and overweight, though not obese). That’s because I prefer to focus on cultivating my mind and pretending this mass of fat and hair doesn't exist. It’s hard to find the strength to care about my health when I feel like I don’t have a body.

I realize now that I spent a good part of my life idealizing romance, thinking that if someone liked this "thing" I’m trapped in, I might finally feel like I had a body. I see now that this was problematic; I shouldn't seek external validation. But honestly? I’ve always been my own harshest critic. I feel such revulsion toward my body that I prefer showering in the dark. I keep wondering if I’ll ever have a body to call my own.

I always try to use the woman’s when it’s a single stall but today I just didn’t care I feel so much more comfortable in the women’s room and I end up doing my biz a lot quicker then in the men’s bathroom i don’t think I pass super well but there has been some cases where women have asked me if I’m waiting for the washroom when I was in debate of what washroom I will use then the usual walk if shame to the wrong bathroom and then I end up just being in the men’s thinking about how I should be in the women’s and what if someone looks at me weird in here and yah i honestly think a lot of people see me as gender ambiguous I pad my bra so I have form but I also have gas rapid facial hair and my face is a mix between male and female I have long hare longer then most women but at the end of the day I still end up feeling weird for just using the correct washroom it’s like i don’t feel like it’s correct but it is at the same time I suppose that’s just imposter syndrome gender dysphoria and just not feeling like I’m allowed to be in the ladies gah hate my brain anyway I’m still proud of myself

Yes, this is pomegranateFit_2592 (I don't think anyone remember me on here, but everyone thought I was a troll and I constantly would post on here, idk) I had to delete my account as prevention of being caught talking about my gender again. I still wish I was a man, but I kinda have to give up on it now cos it's almost the end of summer break, and that leaves no leeway for gender expression. My school ID performing legally blonde this year, and as I have seniority, I wanna get a lead. If I'm being honest, I wanna get Emmett. But I can't, cos I'm a girlish thing. But yea, sometimes I wish he/him still have me gender euphoria. Idk. I just wish I was something more than me, and I don't care if I live or die, but I'm still scared of death. Idk if the mods are gonna take this down, but yea.

Plus, I have prom. And in my area, which is mostly conservative and in the centre, lib-dem, have mixed opinions about people wearing suits. But prom is my dream. I also just wish I had a mans body sometimes, and other times I think I'm okay with being a a girl. That means I could be a girl, and the more I think about how I'm growing up to become a woman, I feel more and more sick. And I still wish I was a dad, or a boyfriend. I wish I was a guy in a straight relationship, for a reason, even though I've only ever liked men, but I also wish I liked girls (idk why).

Yeah. I'll add to this post if I remember anything. Sorry about the absence, trust me, it's not great to lose almost every single note of my gender identity in the last year and a half. But yeah. I know that if I don't mind being a girl (looks wise, not secondary characteristics wise) sometimes, that means I'm probably gender fluid. But I don't want to be at all. Idk.

edits: truthfully, almost every single night since choosing to be a woman again, I have wished I were a man physically. one video of a blonde man with a cool haircut and a beard and it's all over. I think about it constantly and I still sometimes hope that I might end up ftm in the future, but now I don't think about it almost ever. guess I still think about it enough to write this post, though. I still like being called a dude, and I like things like tumblr forcemasc (non sexual) cos it makes me feel like someone's looking at me and just telling me to be a dude. idk where my feeling like I wanted to be a man every second of the day went, and I want it back to be honest. I just feel numb and gross constantly. I can barely look in the mirror, I'm always thinking about my weight and looks, and it doesn't help when I get a slight little bit of jealousy over trans men. some nights I think about how much I wanna be a boy and it makes me feel like I wanna Kms. but it also worries me as I think about the idea that maybe I'm just deluding myself and making this all up in my head. idk. maybe I'm just crazy. idk where my feelings have gone, sometimes I feel a slight bit of dysphoria, and I never feel euphoria. I don't think I have since I was identifying as a man to my friends and I got called 'he.'

also, I'm not saying women can't play Emmett and vice versa for Elle, I've seen great gender bent casts, but yeah. I just would rather be a dude when playing him. i also believe that I would be ugly as a man not because of my looks, but my weight too, and that's why I can't be on stage or in public binding.

For some background; I'm in the US. I have recently moved from a very red, small town in WI to the Twin Cities. I was more welcomed and accepted in WI than I have been here. I cannot establish any sort of foothold or find a job. So I have been looking for other options. And one that keeps coming up is the DFW metro. Friends and strangers all say it has a decent job market, is comparatively affordable, and a comfortable place to live. And I met someone who lives there that I would love to be closer to.

But, of course, it's Texas. And I am trans. I know what Erin says, what the news says, what the laws say...but lived experience can often be different from common belief. So how is it living in that area as a trans woman, really?

I'm AFAB but not cis and that's about all I know, I dont have any particular labels, I just use they/them. I'm not on HRT and how I dress and present myself is kinda all over the place so people would definitely assume that I'm a girl. I dont have any major issues with that but I'm late teens and wanting to go out clubbing and do loads of stuff I'll regret and I'm worried if someones interested in me but doesnt know I'm not a girl. I cant just casually drop in "hey by the way, I'm trans" mid making out or whatever. But it's not fair on them if I dont tell them and they find out by seeing that my chest is taped. I dont know how to navigate any of this, please help.

Also, as a side question, I look cis, just with a small chest so how do I know that if someone likes me, they actually are viewing me as I am? I'm just worried that I might get involved with a straight guy who denies that hes straight because he likes me, but only because he see me as a girl.

Please tell me your experiences dating and hooking up, I dont have anyone in my life who I can ask.

Ok so I have a trans family member and the feel uncomfortable talking about certain topics and other family members who believes that they shouldn't be feeling that way because they feel they have been nothing but accepting but they refuse to try to understand the trans family members do you have any suggestions.

This feels so surreal to finally be able to have done this, but I finally was able to get bottom surgery! I’m a trans woman, and about 2 and a half weeks ago was when the operation took place. The last couple of weeks have been some of the most exciting and euphoric moments of my life. It’s also been incredibly difficult.

I knew from research that this was going to be a complex and difficult recovery process, but nothing could have prepared me fully for the ups and downs of this process so far. There have been moments I cried from joy, and moments I broke down crying from how overwhelming recovering from this surgery have been, and I still have a looooooong way to go until I’m fully recovered. They say the first month is the most intensive part, and being over half way through the first month has brought me a lot of relief. A couple days ago was the first time I could say I actually started to feel better, and have been able to start doing some things on my own.

I’m so fortunate my husband has been here to share in my happiness, and help me through the difficult moments. He’s been so good with helping me emotionally as well as physically, he’s been there to listen to me cry, pick up food, and get up and walk to the bathroom, all things I wasn’t able to do on my own, (except I’ve finally been able to get up and walk to the bathroom on my own over the last couple days! :D). I love him so much.

Anyways, I wanted to express this somewhere, and this seems like the right place to do that. While this post is mainly an outlet for me to express my happiness, I’m also open to questions anyone has about the process, whether it’s from someone looking for info for themselves, or just curiosity. I hope everyone has a lovely day! (:

For context, he noticed that my peach fuzz mustache was darker cus I used mascara for it, and he called me weird for it, and just basically made me feel fucking miserable.

And on Sunday, he was joking about my identity, going all some shit like “I identify as a girl and my name is [my deadname]”. Or “when I come back from the military you better be buff if you’re a real man”.

Basically making me feel dysphoric for not being seen as a guy, but being seen as someone who’s “pretending” to be one.

I can’t wait till he leaves the fucking house.

Testosterone has started to make my hair pretty wavy which is exacerbated whenever I use volumizing dry shampoo (which I have to use on most days because my hair gets greasy quick 💀) and I love the look. I like the star pimple patches, I feel like it adds fun to the fact my acne is pretty bad right now. That hoodie is technically a women’s hoodie I bought on Etsy but it’s my comfort hoodie now (I literally saw it in a dream, it’s a long story) and it’s even reversible so I can wear it many days without it looking like the same outfit 😄

Before transitioning, I didn’t feel dysphoria all that much, I did but it was mostly numbed by the fact I was pretty much dissociated 24/7. I had no concept of what I looked like. I never really found myself ugly or pretty because I just couldn’t really see myself at all. Now I’ve actually felt good looking and also ugly for the first time because I can actually see myself as I am. It’s so weird that I was hyped to see myself as ugly the other day, just because I could have an opinion on how I look. But I usually feel handsome on most days and that feels great ⭐️

How long do heatwaves last? It has to end eventually.

Apparently I had a deficit in summer clothing because I have been having to cut up shirts and sew tank tops, and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

One of the minor annoying things about being trans is clothing, replacing your wardrobe. I thought I was done replacing my wardrobe and was in a good place for the most part, but I’ve been having to make alterations just to avoid heatstroke. I can’t help but think about the process of replacing clothing, about how expensive it can be, and about altering clothing.

I just keep on thinking about how being able to sew and tailor your own clothing is such a useful, maybe even necessary skill for trans people. I think every trans person should learn how to sew, at least basic sewing.

I’m also thinking about what I should make next for this weather, and how lucky I was to get top surgery before this summer. I know a lot of people wearing binders are at an extreme risk of heatstroke, especially considering how most people who bind wear black and thicker fabrics to hide their binders.

Is everyone surviving the heat okay?

It was a lovely evening.

I’ve been on testosterone for 3 years, and life before and after is like a difference of night and day. I mean obviously transitioning has been wonderful psychologically, and Im much happier and more confident in how I look. But physiologically, I’m doing so much better. It’s to the point though where if I forget to do my shot for a few days, or god forbid a whole week, I break out in full facial acne, irritability, anger, extreme exhaustion. I feel literally ill without it. Testosterone is so magical but also curious if anybody else has such strong reactions