Hey all,
[CN: there's a minor (spoilered) mention of body image in relation to approaching PTs]
[Context: 44 y/o trans woman, medically detransitioned at 26, have alopecia, planning to medically retransition]
So, I started pole 4 years ago, at the age of 40. Until then, I hadn't had a fitness discipline that I stuck to. I tried roller derby1, and did bad things to one of my adductors very early in training. Mostly, I did a lot of walking.
Now, I'm at the point where to advance in pole (or even just not get injured), I need to go to the gym. So, once I was reaching the end of my last stint in physiotherapy, I signed up to my most local gym (10 minutes walk from my house).
The thing is, it's looking like I might get on hormones in the foreseeable future. So, I'm also interested in a bit of targeted lower body work2. And I hate taking exercises off the internet because I like having real-time in-the-room feedback about what I'm doing, what I'm doing wrong, and what I can do to improve (at least at the start, and I get to a point that I can catch myself).
For example, I know that RDLs are going to become my best friend. But, from researching them, I also know that keeping my spine straight is really important, and I don't know the cues to make sure that it is, so I don't trust myself to just watch a youtube video and do 3 sets of them.
Right now, I can go to the gym, and continue doing my physio homework for my upper body, so I don't feel like the gym membership is going to waste. But expanding into new exercises seems daunting without some human oversight.
So, naturally, I'm looking at the bios of the PTs who work out of my gym. But, when I look at the page, holy essentialism batman!
I'd swear all but one of the guys are "Sport! Sport! Sport! Get swole with me! Swole-swole-swole!" (the exception is a guy who opens that he was also a dancer, and then leans into the "sport! swole!" blurb), which just reeks of trying to appeal to guys on that same level. No shade, it's just very obviously not where I am or want to be. I genuinely hope they get the sorts of clients they're looking for.
But then the women's bios will have really relatable stories that can very much reflect how I feel about my body, and what I want to do with it. Then I go to their IGs and there's a slogan of "helping empower women" or some variation, maybe a mention of how they're a mum. And I honestly don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but to me there's a silent "cis" before every mention of a woman. And, you know if I saw even a single pride flag, or statement of queer or trans inclusion, I'd be signing right up. But, no.
And, I dunno, one of my friends from pole is a PT. I'd go to her except for how overworked she seems to be right now, but I remember her talking about how she doesn't want male clients, and has shown me messages she's gotten from guys (including a sissy asking her for humiliation). And... I don't want to approach these folks and run the risk of being lumped in with them.
(CN body-stuff) Given I basically look like a fluffy brick, I really am genuinely worried about being lumped in with the guys who want a female trainer for all the wrong reasons.
Now, personally, I have a strategy to help me find someone to work with. It's going to be something like, turn up to the gym on a regular basis. And to book and turn up to classes on occasion to get a vibe of the PTs who work there (who do I think I can work well with). And once I've turned up enough to just be one of the faces, then I'll approach a PT about potential 1:1 stuff.
But, my vampire tendencies (not entering a space unless explicitly invited) are really messing with my head. I know my gym has an explicit trans-inclusive policy (they don't really advertise it but I know it's there). I know every member of staff and PT in that gym have been fully informed about that policy. And I know that when I find a PT, I'll probably realise I've been worrying about nothing.
I know a bunch will be surprised because they've got this baseline of "trans woman are women" in their head (god bless the younger generation), and don't feel the need to advertise that they're inclusive. Even my PT friend, who is actually enthusiastic about having trans women as clients, doesn't really say anything about being trans-inclusive. She has the same blurb. If I didn't know her, I wouldn't approach her either.
But, I'm trying to find someone to trust with my body, and I'd really like to know that they are inclusive. Because the ones who aren't inclusive say "women" with the silent cis before it. And, on the internet, I don't have a way to tell one from the other.
So, sorry for the vent. But if anyone else has had trouble navigating this, do you have any advice?
1 And if I'm being honest, it wasn't just the DIY culture at the time, and the physical nature of it, but also the fact that it seemed every skater seemed to end up with absolutely phenomenal legs.
2 That's just the polite way of saying I want to have shot at having an damned ass. Not just for my vanity, but also because ass-shaking is pretty much written into the pole curriculum in my studio; at least if you're doing heels choreography.