r/venting • u/Intrepid-Scar-1038 • 22h ago

I really hate myself

I want to change and be better so badly and I keep promising people I will but fail to do so. It’s not like I’ve made no progress but still. I can’t forget the things I did in the past. I so badly want to prove myself but I can’t. I can’t forget anything. I keep wondering when I’ll be punished for my sins. I have so many of them. No one really knows what I’m like deep in my heart. I’ve hidden so much from everyone. I keep thinking they’ll end up hating me. I’m always making the people around me angry without even trying. It’s only a matter of time before it all ends. I’m not trying to act like a victim I know I’m not one but I’m really hurting!! Is there something I can do to be better!!

3 Upvotes

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2

u/Additional_Rent1770 22h ago

for what it’s worth, the fact that you’re this torn up about it means you’re not some lost cause. shitty people don’t lose sleep over being shitty

progress isn’t a straight line and dragging yourself for every misstep just makes the next one more likely. maybe stop promising other people anything and promise yourself one small thing tomorrow, something so tiny it’s almost stupid. fold the blanket. drink a glass of water before the coffee. build from there

2

u/Mess_Moir0252 21h ago

If youre upset about upsetting others, thats a great start because it shows you care, and when you care you can change. I get where youre coming from, I have bipolar disorder and its a balancing act but when I chose peace for others I found peace in myself

1

u/MovieFan1984 21h ago

Do you forgive people? Would you allow people to forgive you? Don't shut people out, people can forgive, you'd be surprised. Why are you so hard on yourself?

1

u/AckAckAck__ 12h ago

Think about this:

Let's say you had kids. Let's also say your kids are doing what you're feeling so guilty of.

Would you forgive them if they came clean and talked with you about it?

If so, you need to give yourself that same grace. Carrying shame around for a lifetime will make everything 100%more difficult.

feel free to DM