Hi

[u/6995luv]

I can't sleep again :( not a heavy subject , I just went thro my fiance's 37 bday. But if you are a widower and awake and would like to share anything go ahead.

I'm honestly surprised there isn't more post like these given the messed up sleep pattern after loosing someone so close

[u/Squishy6813]

Yesterday (the 31st) was the 4 year anniversary of losing my husband. I struggled throughout the entire day, tried to keep myself busy and occupied. The worst part ?? Nobody bothered to check in and see how I was doing, no fb posts, nothing. The people closest to him didn’t seem to notice, their world just moved on. It was mine that stopped. I guess I just thought people would care, but I was wrong. So here I am at 530am on Reddit spilling my feelings because you all know what I’m feeling

[u/Turbulent-Choice2495]

Nearly 12 months. M 66. Felt overwhelmed at night with emotions. Became immensely stressed. Raised heartbeat and sweats. Magnesium Glycinate worked for me, improved sleep. A natural relaxant.

[u/dirtydutchman3]

My husband was 37 when he passed 13 years ago. I STILL have trouble sleeping. Feel free to message me anytime.

[u/Mental_Signature_725]

Day 246 for me. Its 230 am here in Utah. I don't sleep at all even with meds. Some nights are better than others. Im mentally and physically exhausted bit sleep alludes me. I am still in our home. I have changed everything in it but our bed and his favorite couch. Life is hard

[u/Fabulous_Job2288]

I bury my husband tomorrow on what would be his 30th birthday. I can’t eat or sleep since Saturday when he was so cruelly taken from me.

[u/yannberry → u/Fabulous_Job2288]

My husband’s funeral was in February, just 2 weeks before his 40th. Sending hugs x

[u/Mission-Box-2017]

5pm in Australia here. I know those hard late night moments all too well. Tell me about your fiance, how did you both normally spend birthdays? Lots of love

[u/6995luv → u/Mission-Box-2017]

He was a big kid ! A big tough guy but also a big kid lol he would make a mess I would always be like "j' clean that up lol. He did stupd things like putting my daughters little mermaid wig on and singing under the sea , things like that haha

[u/Mission-Box-2017 → u/6995luv]

Sounds like he was a warm soul and a kid at heart! My nickname is ‘Jay’!!

[u/gil2val → u/Mission-Box-2017]

I'm hoping that you are able to sleep by now. I understand if you are still suffering and not sleeping .

It's 4.25am right now in Colorado, and I finally chose to get out of bed and come back here to this forum,

[u/ResponsibleSweet3645]

It’s hard to sleep most nights. Even the meds the doctor prescribed don’t work

[u/Motherofdragons_05]

I know the feeling all too well. I unexpectedly lost my loving husband of almost 9 years, this past July 30th. My sleep pattern has been off since Nov 9th, 2024. When my husband (then was my fiancé) went to England to visit family. They’re 8 hours ahead of me in California. In a super small nutshell, we had to fix his papers to be able to come back to America. Which was taking longer than expected. My sleep schedule was all over the place. We would start our video calls and msgs around 8-9am his time and between 12 midnight to 1am PST. We would chat and video call throughout the early morning and up until around 10:30 -11pm his time and 2:30 - 3pm my time. That went on until the day he passed away. Now it’s 1:41 am and I’m awake and he’s not here for me to call or msg. I miss him so very very very much…more than words can describe. I need to retrain my brain to sleep normally.

[u/Apart-Development-79]

Hi OP and others, I don't know if you know about this sub https://www.reddit.com/r/WidowAndBored/s/AFnaMom3BU

There's a lot of us on there at late nights / early mornings. Worldwide, so someone is usually around, or will be shortly

[u/Ok_Strike_8784]

I had my gall bladder removed on the 28th (exactly 6 months since I lost my fiance) and I've been having so much health anxiety since he passed, so I've pretty much spent my whole post-op recovery so far knocked out alone in my room trying to sleep through the anxiety spikes. I wake up, take my meds, try to walk around and eat, and then go back to sleep when I start overthinking. Usually he would be sitting next to me reassuring me. It's so hard to get on without that. :/

[u/Love-lost-23]

I woke up from a bad dream at 3:38am. Not about my late wife but about the abusive relationship I got into after a started dating again.

[u/yamijima]

I remember those days, you'll find sleep again eventually. My boyfriend died a few days after his 36th birthday, he'd be 41 this year. <3 Just take it as you can and be gentle on yourself.

[u/Inside-introvert]

It’s been 5 years since he died. Grief is still there (always will be) but it’s easier now to remember the good times. My birthday is important to me but he didn’t used to enjoy his. I changed that.
It gets easier to live with this pain - honest

[u/gil2val]

It is 5.35am, here in Colorado, and I just woke up after one hour's sleep. ONE HOUR - I just can't win., I grieve day and all night. I can't fathom the fact that he's really gone. He HAS to come back to me, or I will wither up and die. I miss him so much. He HAS to come back to me. I can't stand to see his empty patio chair where we used to sit together after our daily obligations and just enjoy life.

[u/Geshar]

I woke up today to a notification on my phone from my picture gallery. It wanted to show me a number of pictures and videos from our 'almost 20th' anniversary trip. My wife wanted a party for our 20th with our friends, so I turned our 19th into a two week trip. She was so beautiful, even when she was wearing clothing she took out of my suitcase that didn't really fit her. Her smile lit up every room.

[u/LOst8-28_9-17GoNe]

It’s been some time since my husband passed. Many times for the first year and off and on for 2-3 years I’d have nights I just could not sleep. Its been 7 years and still happens but not often. Your normal sleep patten comes back. I figure it’s just part of the grieving process..

[u/andresbc93]

I do not know what to do, here a widow from a month and a day ago. 33, my wife was 36 (she died one day before our birthday, same day). I am livinf in my brothers house with him and her wife. I try to help them with daily duties and my sister in law job (we used to work together many years ago).

More than that, I do not know what else to do, I am not even able to go to my house

[u/6995luv → u/andresbc93]

Oh man I was in your shoes. My fiance died at 36 as well I could not go back into the house and start living there until about two months out.... Very hard times I am here for you friend you can get through it just one day at a time. I am a year in now as of September/23, I had a bit of a drinking issue but I am here now and I feel more strong now. I am here for you ! ♥️ One day at a time

[u/andresbc93 → u/6995luv]

I am here for you too, every time you wanna talk and any time. It is totally difficult and I am not able to do many things, just eat fast food and smoke a lot. But just waiting and see what happens

[u/6995luv → u/andresbc93]

Msg me if you need . That's awesome tho keep yourself feed that's it. Work thro each day. I promise, the pain doesn't go away , but you slowly start to work into something new. Definitely be gentle with yourself, I'd say give yourself atleast a year to get through it.

It's tough man I know but you aren't alone !

[u/gil2val]

It is 4.05am here in Colorado. I tried to get some sleep a couple of hours ago, to no avail. I'm starting to get annoyed with myself since I'm not able to "go by the clock" anymore.

[u/Some-Tear3499]

I am blessed with a routine that I have been using for decades to fall asleep. I was using Benedryl for a while. By about two months after she was gone I tapered off of it.

[u/Serious_Ad_1420]

My friend I was up at 3am crying. Sometimes I just want to post and say  I HATE THIS PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! But I'd be doing nothing but posting!

 Believe me, you're not alone on those sleepless nights. There are a bunch of us looking over at the clock and wondering if we'll ever get rested. My therapist prescribed sleeping pills and sometimes they help.

 I no longer have a regular sleep pattern. I don't even have a bed. I have a chair bed or I make a blanket nest in the floor. I decided to heck with it, apparently my brain needs to rewire and has its own repair schedule.