r/Adoption • u/hermione_moon • 2d ago
Name Change Name changes
Hello, I’m kind of just sharing this because I’m curious about other opinions. I was adopted when I was 2 years old. My biological name was beautiful. When I was adopted, my name was changed from Harmonie to Kylee. I’ve always disliked my name and always wished they hadn’t changed it. I felt guilty for wanting to change it because the reasoning was biblical. They told me when Jesus‘s disciples started following him. He changed their names. That’s the reason they decided to change our names as well. There were 10 other children that were adopted, and they changed all of their names as well. I recently decided to start going by my biological name due to unfortunate circumstances in regard to my adoptive family. I’m sure they’re upset by it, but am I a horrible person for not wanting to go by the name they gave me?
23
26
20
u/Responsible_Leave808 2d ago
Absolutely not. In fact, once you’re an adult you can legally change it. I’m an adoptive parent. I wish I could go back in time and kept their given names. I’m sad I took that away from them.
11
20
u/Necessary_Holiday144 Adoptee 2d ago
You are not horrible for wanting to reclaim your name.
They were horrible for forcibly converting you.
Please, do not feel guilty.
16
u/DeansDalmation 2d ago
I changed my first, middle and last name when I was 21 years old. I, honestly, forget that I had a different name. The one I gave myself felt more authentic and it was honestly so freeing. I’m glad I did it. I felt way too much shame with my other name.
10
u/OverlordSheepie Chinese Int'l and Transracial Adoptee 2d ago
They are using religion as a weapon against you.
I do not believe Christianity or Jesus (in my experience of growing up Episcopal and practicing for a while as a child) would use that as a justification to change your birth name. That is what your parents say to make themselves feel better. They are using the Bible and religion to suite their needs, it seems like.
9
9
u/OliveJotter 2d ago
Omg I am so sorry you’ve been put through this abuse. It’s astonishing how strong you are. I recently found out all my original, meaningful names and it makes me so incredibly sad. I’m old now and don’t even know how to change my names but if I had youth and strength on my side, I one thousand percent would.
4
u/just_anotha_fam AP of teen 2d ago
That's the dumbest reason for a name change that I've ever heard.
And then there are the names themselves. I agree with you, your original given name is lovely. Your assigned name is far less sparkly. I don't blame you at all for hating it.
6
u/orangepinata 1d ago
Its wildly unethical that adopters are allowed to steal our names from us. Mine also gave me a trash name that has made my life unnecessarily more challenging, but DCF won't give me my full file so I don't have my real name. Fortunately you know your real name and can revert back to it, unfortunately undoing the harm they caused by stealing your name will cost significant time and money to resolve.
4
u/hermione_moon 1d ago
Is your adoption file sealed as well? My adoption file is sealed for 100 years and has to be taken before a judge in court if I want it unsealed. I think it’s absurd that I don’t have access to the information about the adoption process and I’m 26 years old!
1
u/NotaTurner Adoptee in reunion 1d ago
Do you mind if I ask what state you are in? If you're fortunate your state will open up the OBC's. Problem with OBC's are you can't guarantee you're getting true information. You can always do DNA which is really the number one way to find out the truth.
Also don't feel bad for changing your name to anything you want. No one is ever going to love you as much as you'll love yourself!!
-1
u/yippykynot 1d ago
Get a DNA test
2
u/orangepinata 1d ago
That only potentially answers some questions. It doesn't provide the documentation needed to do mundane things like get a passport since adoptees need additional documentation that we don't readily have access to.
Yes my file is sealed, and I have some information from it, but like you would have to petition the courts for more paperwork.
-1
u/yippykynot 1d ago
Ok so I read your post WAY TO FAST! I thought all 10 of you were looking for change and all had closed adoptions…… don’t ask, ADHD is real😅well, if I would have answered this the FIRST time I would have said it SUCKS that they changed all of your names (but it’s to late to go back in time) and if you love Harmonie so much tell people that’s what you go by now, they’ll get used to it after some time(people change shit all the time, your not the first! Do it for YOU Harmonie🌷)that’s what I would have said from the beginning….. you can keep Kylee as a middle name if ya want?!?!?!
3
4
4
u/CollectorOfWords 2d ago
Adoptive mom to 5 here - you are absolutely not a bad person to want to go back to your birth name. I don't know how your parents will feel but if you're an adult it's now your decision. Even biological kids change their names sometimes when they become adults. Do what makes you feel most authentically you. If you think it will cause your adoptive parents to be upset do you even have to tell them? Maybe just go by their name when you're with them. Just a thought. Good luck to you! ❤️
0
u/coobal223 2d ago
Adoptive parent of one, and I grew up in a religious family. This is something I’ve never heard happening. We spent some time in counseling groups, and this is a new one.
1
u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption 2d ago
Adoptive parent here: No, you're not horrible at all.
Also, you didn't ask but, I think their reasoning for changing your name is inappropriate, at best. It's also not, afaik, historically accurate. It's just a story that the Christian religion promotes. Anyway...
1
u/painerabread 13h ago
i changed my name a couple years ago. i was adopted at birth, and im sure my name was chosen long before my adoptive parent got me. it has never felt "me". i keep my legal name for legal things, but nearly everyone calls me the name i chose for myself. in a lot of ways, it felt like a new period of my life where im actively healing and unashamedly being true to myself. i've gotten no backlash over it, and even friends who have known me from childhood have gotten used to it by name. i personally had a great experience in changing my name
1
51
u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) 2d ago
It says a lot that they put themselves on the same level as Jesus. 🤦🏻♀️ They have a very literal savior complex.