Hello. I’m from Odesa, Ukraine, and I’m trying to find out what really happened to my older biological sister.

Until shortly before my mother died, I didn’t even know that I had a sister.

My mother, Tetiana Bobkova (born January 21, 1973), was only 16 years old when she gave birth in Odesa Maternity Hospital No. 2 in 1989.

For years, all I had were family memories. My mother said she had given birth to a girl and that, under pressure from the family, documents were signed giving up the child. She also remembered seeing the baby alive.

Recently I finally managed to locate the original hospital archive.

The legal successor of Maternity Hospital No. 2 officially checked the surviving newborn register (Form No. 102/o) and confirmed:

March 11, 1989, 17:30 - my mother gave birth to a LIVE, FULL-TERM baby girl.

Then comes the part that changed everything:

March 17, 1989 - the same register says the child died.

So according to the hospital book, my sister lived for six days.

I asked the hospital for everything that might explain this: her medical chart, diagnosis, cause of death, medical death certificate, and the document that was the basis for entering “died” into the register. I am still waiting for their answer.

At the same time, I started checking the civil registry.

People helping me at the Ukrainian civil registry have so far been unable to find either a birth record OR a death record for this child.

Nothing.

No registered birth on March 11.
No registered death on March 17.

Another very experienced civil-registry specialist is now checking everything again independently, so I am not treating this as final yet.

And then something even stranger happened.

After I posted about my search on Facebook, a woman contacted me with her own story.

According to what her adoptive mother told her, she was actually born on February 9, 1989, also in Odesa. Her adoptive mother had allegedly pretended to be pregnant and arranged to receive a newborn through people with connections in a maternity hospital.

But here is the strange part:

the woman says she was never legally adopted.

In her official documents, the woman who raised her is recorded as the woman who gave birth to her.

Her official birthday is February 16, 1989 — exactly one week after the date her adoptive mother told her she was really born.

So according to her family story:

real birth: February 9 → official “birth” to another woman: February 16

My sister’s surviving hospital record says:

real birth: March 11 → “death”: March 17

I know this similarity does not prove that the same thing happened to my sister. It may be coincidence, and the woman’s story itself still needs documentary verification.

But it is the reason I am no longer willing to stop at one line in a hospital book saying “the child died.”

I have also found documented cases from Ukraine in later years where newborns were registered to women who had not actually given birth, using false medical paperwork. Again, that does not prove anything about my sister in 1989 — but it shows that falsification of newborn records was not impossible.

My current plan is:

wait for the hospital to show what document was behind the March 17 death entry;

get a second independent check of the civil birth/death registers;

look for former employees of Odesa Maternity Hospital No. 2 who worked there in the late 1980s;

take a MyHeritage DNA test and upload the raw DNA to additional genealogy databases.

I would really like to hear from anyone familiar with Soviet-era Ukrainian birth registration, maternity hospital records, abandoned newborns, infant death registration, or irregular adoptions in the 1980s.

In particular:

If a live-born baby died six days after birth in the Ukrainian SSR in 1989, what documentary trail should normally exist besides the hospital newborn register?

And has anyone ever encountered a case where a newborn was recorded as dead in one institution, but no corresponding civil death record could be found?

I’m trying very hard not to decide in advance what happened. I just want to follow the documents wherever they lead.

Hi there, I was wondering if anyone has any experience with a confidential intermediary?

My kids were adopted over 10 years ago. I am feeling selfish and I just want to see how they are doing, not necessarily with direct contact but with their adoptive mom. They are not 18 yet.

My questions are:
What does the process look like with a confidential intermediary?
How much does it cost?
Has anyone had any success with a confidential intermediary?
Alternatively, has it not turned out how you wanted it to?

Any advice you may have, I would really appreciate.

I am trying to obtain records of my mother's adoption. She was born in Honolulu in 1949. Can anyone tell me how I might request the adoption records? She has passed away.

I NEED SOME HELP

My best friend just found out that he was adopted, and he feels completely horrible and confused about it. He says he doesn’t know who he is anymore and feels like his whole life was a lie.

I honestly don’t know what to say or how to help him.

Ciao, sto cercando due fratelli

In cerca di Anastasia e Kirill, adottati negli USA nel 2002

Ciao a tutti,

Scrivo dall'Italia

Sto cercando:

Anastasia (Анастасия) nata l'11 settembre 2001.

Kirill (Кирилл) nato il 5 novembre 1998.

Storia:

Anastasia e Kirill sono stati adottati insieme nel 2002 dal Centro/Orfanotrofio Nadezhda (Надежда) a Naro-Fominsk (regione di Mosca, Russia). Sono stati adottati da una madre americana single e cresciuti negli Stati Uniti.

Aggiornamento recente:

Secondo recenti registrazioni russe della fine del 2021, Anastasia mantiene ancora il suo nome russo originale ed è stata formalmente registrata a un indirizzo a Mosca (insediamento di Kievsky, casa 11).

Se sei Anastasia o Kirill, o se conosci una madre americana single che ha adottato due fratelli dalla Russia (Naro-Fominsk) intorno al 2002, ti prego di contattarmi.

Grazie di cuore a chiunque possa condividere questo post o fornire informazioni.

Cross-posting :)

Hello

I was put up for adoption at 18 months old. My adopted parents have passed and were good people. My whole life I have had this cloud of doom over me and the feeling I am never good enough. I am 58 years old now and recently ran across some blood relatives through ancestry DNA. My birth mother died years back as well and have no information on who my blood father would be or if they still live. I know my birth mother had 4 children and gave away 2 which is myself and a older sister. None of them knew I existed. I will never get an answer as to why I wasn't good enough to keep or what the reason was and I have come to peace with that although I will always wonder why.

All my life I always felt like I am in trouble even when doing good things. I have never felt good enough. I have suffered from depression. I always figured how I feel was somehow deserved. It has effected my self esteem a lot. Only recently have I had enough and want to stop feeling like this. I just started to research this and found that I am not insane (well ok a little) and that this is normal for people like us. I have been reading about how to not feel this way and it was suggested to come here to find others like myself.

How to ya'll deal with it ? I get so tired of feeling cursed and I just want to find the happiness I have struggled to find my whole life. I recently told my wife of 27 years about how I feel as I had never told another person my whole life. She is very supportive and wants me to find someway to get past this. Any advice for someone who has gotten over this would be so appreciated. I read about that eye thing but I dont have insurance and all those places ask for that first. Prayers to others who suffer from the same. We deserve to have peace!

I'm a 28 year old male born and lived in VA my whole life. I was adopted by an amazing couple at birth (it was already arranged). My mother recently told me about va changing a law that previously required a court order to get original birth certificate. I have a always been curious about my biological parents and decided to apply for a copy of my original birth certificate, well I got it today and am kinda confused. On the birth certificate where it says mother's full maiden name it says alpha omega ***** (the ***being an actual name. I don't understand...there's no way her name was "alpha omega *****" so????the only other useful piece of info on here is her address at the time of my birth.. please help

I'm an adoptee who found my biological family with a DNA test. AMA.

I just reconnected with my foster brother after not seeing him for 20 years. We were in the same foster home for a few years as kids. He was adopted out when we were like 8 and I was moved to another placement. We found each other on facebook last month. its been intense. He still calls me his brother. i dont know how to feel about adopting my own kids now after seeing how he turned out. Hes doing good. im happy for him. but it makes me think about what could have been if we stayed together. anyway just wanted to share.

I want to but i wanna wait a few years and give relationships a try till im 30 atleast, then look into adoption. Im financially secure, educated, 25m veteran as well. I wanna be a dad more than anything and help a young child be on the right course in life and provide him love and everything else he needs to be succesful.

Obviously now you can do this, but is there a chance this will be done away with in the future? I get worried that if i dont act now, 5 years down the line single male adoption could go away. And then there is a chance I will miss out on this opportunity.

What do yall think? Am I overthinking? Or is this a real possibility? I've wanted to be a dad my whole life and im wondering if i should act now. im in the USA.

Hi all, this is my very first reddit post. I'm admittedly crashing out a little bit. I'm an almost 30 year old female adoptee (adopted at birth, open, kinship adoption). Long story short, I never had the chance to know my birth mom because she was murdered when I was 18 months old. I recently decided to reach out to my aunt (bio mom's sister) and we're supposed to talk on the phone soon. I met her once when I was a teenager and I remember she was very sweet. It took a lot to reach out and of course I told her I understood if she wasn't open to talking, and thankfully that was not the case. I'm just nervous about finally taking this step and talking to her. I'm afraid of asking any questions that feel too intrusive, and I'm also afraid that I will just start crying during the call and not be able to stop. I think I will just go into the call and start with asking about her life/her family, share about myself, then ask if she can share anything about my birth mom. Basically, any advice/words of wisdom would be appreciated if anyone has been in this situation or similar before. Thank you all <3

Hello, I’m kind of just sharing this because I’m curious about other opinions. I was adopted when I was 2 years old. My biological name was beautiful. When I was adopted, my name was changed from Harmonie to Kylee. I’ve always disliked my name and always wished they hadn’t changed it. I felt guilty for wanting to change it because the reasoning was biblical. They told me when Jesus‘s disciples started following him. He changed their names. That’s the reason they decided to change our names as well. There were 10 other children that were adopted, and they changed all of their names as well. I recently decided to start going by my biological name due to unfortunate circumstances in regard to my adoptive family. I’m sure they’re upset by it, but am I a horrible person for not wanting to go by the name they gave me?

My wife and I are in the process of adopting. Our look book is out, and it’s a feeling of nervousness and excitement.

Prior to getting to this point, we were able to learn SO much about adoptions, adoptees stories, parents who gave their children up for adoption.

After dozens of classes, as well as half a dozen legally mandated classes; my takeaway, open adoption is the best thing for any child who has been adopted.

So, to those of you who are unsure, do not understand or potentially even against open adoption. I promise you, the accounts we have heard say the opposite. Open adoption is a net benefit to your child.

We (white family) adopted my daughter and did not change her name. It is a multi/syllable name with Guatemalan heritage, but it is even considered unusual within that community. It is a beautiful name and we love it. It fits her perfectly and we love that it ties into her heritage. However whenever we introduce her or she introduces herself in public settings (restaurants, stores, cashiers) people always get the name wrong, often multiple times in a row. As an adult, I am willing to wait for them to learn to say it correctly, but my daughter is now three and is vocally displeased when people can't say her name right.

We use her name at home almost exclusively, but we also sometimes use a shortened nickname that uses the first syllable of her name and makes a more well-known, easy to pronounce, name. I won't share her name for privacy but a similar sort of name change would be using "Bri" for "Brizelda."

Is it disrespectful if we introduce our daughter as Bri sometimes in public interactions? Example: Old Lady at grocery store says, "She's so cute, what's your name?" Bri sometimes just offers Bri instead of the full name. The conversation moves forwards without a hang up on the name.

At home, with good friends, doctor visits, etc we go by the full name except for some nickname use from siblings. We want to cherish and respect this culture and those who named her and think the name is beautiful. We don't want to change it, only ease some interactions that cause my daughter stress at her age. Can using her nickname instead of her full Guatemalan first name be both helpful and respectful?

I just wanted to put this out here. This was my experience. I was actually adopted from Russia before they banned international adoption. I remember my parents telling me that they had to bring gifts to the orphanage for the kids like clothes, art stuff, hair things, and pay the orphanage money too. They did go through an agency. This was in 2007/2008.

I've been informed my parents are gone. That dad was from the UK, Brit and Indian, and mom was Japanese mostly. They were in the states for work reasons, I don't know what, when they had me and that complicated some things. I don't know the full details, only that we lived here for a tiny bit while paperwork and things were being addressed. Dad died in a plane crash, mom couldn't take it and died from her injuries, so I'm told, and I ended up adopted. I know I had siblings, but they were quite a bit older than me.

I'm approximately 34, my birthday and name both got changed, I don't know the original. I didn't even know I was adopted until a few years ago when my parent's neighbor dropped it on me. He never learned their last name, but my appearance hadn't changed much since I was little. I lost my job over the encounter when I asked my adoptive father who freaked out. I'm not allowed to ask much more and since I'm stuck living here... We'll put it this way, I'm not even in a position to do a DNA test right now. But it explained a lot to say the least. I'm female. I was left in the upper PNW. Dad was a marine, he must have taught me how to walk according to local marines. It's distinctive from an American marine's.

The descriptions I have, dad was tall, thin, grey hair and eyes, sometimes glasses, some facial scars from an accident. Mom was about five feet, dark hair and eyes. I don't know how much of what I've uncovered is hearsay, I am having a difficult time trusting, but apparently she had contortionism and was a fine ventriloquist. She had been a performer in her youth. I remember a pair of fans I'm told she had given to my adoptive mother to give to me from my grandparents, she had had them since she was a child, but my older adoptive sister got off with them when my adoptive mom died. They looked to be from roughly shortly after the Restoration, decorated with cranes. I'm about her height and build from what I understand, I had long brown hair as a child. Almost black eyes. I'm a little too bendy and would like to ask some health questions. I don't have any expectations or anything like that, I just want to know what happened, who I am, and what runs in the family if nothing else. All I get from my AP people is barked at or denial. I don't know what else to say...

I found my biological parents a few months ago and not only do they not respond to my outreach, they denied my existence to a cousin (who i met through ancestry. per my initial outreach to her, she asked my bio parents if they ever had a child they gave up for adoption and they quite angrily denied it and got defensive. which I can understand).

Come to find out from the adoption agency, my bio mom didnt know she was pregnant until she was 6 months along. she had a 19 year old daughter at the time and never told her about the pregnancy or birth. I doubt she knows to this day.

I got records from the adoption agency and I read the hospital record and case notes. She wrote that she never wanted to see me or know me, that she wanted nothing to do with me. The case notes state that once I was born, she angrily refused to hold me repeatedly and said "I dont want her!". My bio dad was even more resistant. On the document he wrote "too old, dont want it." ......it. It being a baby, it being his daughter. The agency told me they called my bio parents after awhile to let them know pictures and a letter had come from my adoptive parents but they got pissed off and didnt want them.

I recognize that giving up a child isnt easy and people cope in different ways but that doesnt mean what theyre doing isnt fucking shitty and im so tired of people defending bio parents. there's a very real part of me that is still little inside and wonders why I'm not wanted. I also learned I have a brother out there who was also put up for adoption and i want nothing more than to find him.

Ever since I've learned about all this (+ other things pertaining to the adoption) at the start of summer, things have just been really bad mentally. It's hard for me to get out of bed most days. Ive been calling out of work. I dont really speak to my adoptive dad anymore but now my relationship with my adoptive mom is suffering too (she can be quite abusive but my patience has gone out the window).

I just never wish I would've done this but I know I wouldve been miserable not knowing. There was a huge hole in my life. Now that I know the truth, it fills like that whole got filled with something darker than what was there before.

How do people handle this?

Long story short, our child was given to an orphanage by her biological father after her biological mother died in childbirth. She was later brought to our country, and we adopted her at 8 months old.

She's too young to really understand the concept of adoption, but when she is older we want her to know that she is adopted, but I feel like if we tell her how her birth mom passed away she will feel guilty, even though it's of course not her fault.

Any advice would be very appreciated.

Hi, I’m a single mother with 3 month and Im struggling bad with parenting all alone. I feel like I’ve failed my child by bringing him into this world where I can’t provide for him. I have no friends or family that willing to help me. The majority of my family knows that I have a child but aren’t willing to help which I know it isn’t their “child” so they don’t have to help me. My mother is helping me out but she’s struggling financially which, makes the situation even worse. I feel like we’ve gotten so attached to him.

Im thinking about putting him up for adoption to give him a better life. I really need to vent because I don’t have anyone to discuss this with. I truly feel like another family could bless him with a better chance at life.