I just want this life to stop. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I don't like myself. I'm not capable of functioning normally in this world. I'll never have a partner. Never have a real career. I've lost any real chance to upgrade my living situation. Nothing is worth it here. And I don't understand why people are okay with this existence. Most people are beyond fake. God, I just want to walk into traffic. ​

...

I am in therapy and on meds. (I just had therapy last week, and have another appt next week. I do every other week.) I just don’t know what else to do. I do not have any family or friends to turn to…

I 32F am a stay at home mom. I have three children 15M, 13M, and 1F. I’m just severely struggling with my mental health.
I do not want to take my life nor harm myself. I just feel like it would be such a relief to no longer exist, I guess.
I would never leave this world and leave my children behind… I just want to be okay. I want to be better for them because they deserve a happy healthy mother.

I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was very young. I’ve been through every single kind of abuse consistently throughout my entire life.

I’ve recently stopped taking care of myself. I used to be big on hygiene but brushing my teeth and showering seem impossible and I will go 3/4 days without and I just do not have it in me to do so or even care anymore.

I’m just so tired of life beating me down and not getting any better. Going back to work is not an option right now, as we cannot afford childcare…

Any help, kindness, or encouragement of any sort would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I honestly am tired and have treatment resistant depression and have been depressed but part of me honestly wants to prove that me constantly talking about how close I am to suicide isn’t me just talking about it or some kind of attention seeking. I’m not even sure if that how people view it. But I don’t believe people actually believe me when I talk about how close I am. I have a plan for when I’m able to buy a gun, and I have fought my depression for more than 10 years.

Me, Male 26, born with Autism. Never realized how much it would effect me and my job. Today got write-up from my boss because I managed to make one little mistake at work(Not explaining what it is), and now the work place is at the stage of revaluation in 2 weeks. With Autism, I tend to forget things, even the little things. And now I feel like a complete failure because with my past jobs and my current, especially with my family. I always make mistakes, I feel like a burden, I feel like "Why am I on this world making people frustrated?". At this point, idk what to do anymore. And with how my life is, I can't even think any jobs would take a man with a disability. Like some would say "Try YT, might make a living out of it". A big might that is, and YT requirements on making a living has gotten even more ridiculous at this point, not to mention I wanted to start YT when I was 17, till my parents scold me down saying "People can't make a living off YT, don't be like those people". I just wish I was never born, I wish I can be perfect at everything I do.....

I want something that can bring me to life …like I want someone to change my think of life ,because I really thi that life is worthless ,I don’t want to live , I don’t want to get married and and … , but at the same time I see that this isn’t good choices, like I know iam wrong…but what can I do ? I couldn’t stop thinking about death. I actually never imagined my self in the future. Like I don’t see any future for me .soooo there’s two of me :one wants to change and want to be happy being alive, and one wants to die…..

I feel like I’ve reached a point in life where I don’t know what I’m living for anymore. I have no goal, no ambition, no direction, and sometimes not even the strength to imagine a future. I don’t have close friends, I’ve never experienced being truly loved or dated someone, and it feels like life has passed me by while I’m just standing still, watching everyone else move forward.
I feel so empty that even having feelings has started to feel exhausting. If someone asked me what I would want to be in my next life, I think I would say, “A stone.”
Not because a stone has a beautiful life, but because it doesn’t have to feel anything. It doesn’t have to feel lonely, unwanted, behind, confused, or afraid. It just exists—quietly, without expectations, without heartbreak, without having to wonder what it is supposed to become.
Right now, I don’t want a perfect life. I just want this unbearable emptiness inside me to stop.

I can't live with myself

I'm dumb, fat, pliant, a big fucking baby and I get shit for it

I thought I could be a man but I just dont have it in me to keep trying.

I'm seen as a predator cause I kept eyeing my 19yo coworker and whats worse is that I actually listened to her over a 60yo man that I was supposed to listen too

Wtf is wrong with me!

I dont want to be here anymore

I understand what I am

A 30yo man baby and Im never going to get passed this

I will never be the man I dreamed of being, do the things I dreamed of doing and I think I finally accepted being a failure but I dont want to go through that mountain to be better.

My spirit is low,my energy is low,my drive is dead,my thoughts are unclear,my demons are awake,my failures are conspicuous.I could go on and on stating all these bad staffs but it's God who has put me here and it is him who will take me off the Quicksand

​

I don’t really know how to write this, but I just want to put it somewhere.

I’m 20, a B.Com student and a Rapido rider. I came here thinking I could study, work and slowly build a life for myself. I had some money when I came, but things went wrong and I lost it.

Last night I didn’t sleep. I kept riding because I need to earn something. Now I’m sitting in a mall, completely exhausted, eating a meal with the money I earned yesterday.

It’s a strange feeling when you’re eating a meal you worked for the previous day while having no idea where you’ll sleep that night.

I still have my bike and my books. That’s pretty much what I have with me right now.

And I know what being outside like this can mean — no proper sleep, nowhere to keep your things, nowhere to shower or rest properly, constantly worrying about your phone and bike, trying to look normal around everyone while your mind is just running through “what am I going to do next?”

I’m tired. Really tired. I feel cooked.

But somewhere inside me, I still have a little hope. I didn’t come here to give up. I came here to study and work, and I still want to do that. I just never imagined that getting through one night would become something I had to think about.

Right now, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. I’m just waiting for some opportunity, some small break, something that helps me get stable again.

Maybe this is just one really bad chapter. I hope someday I can look back at this post from my own room and think, “I actually made it through that.”

For now, I’m just trying to keep going.

If anyone can help me from this phase pls help me I am tired and idk what to do

I guess I just feel like a lot has happened in the last few years.

Every time I pour my feelings out like this, it's usually because I've hit rock bottom again. I don't really know when it will be the last time. Maybe that's what scares me the most.

Sometimes it feels like the things that happen to me are things I've somehow manifested. I don't really know how to explain it. I just know that whenever something good happens, it feels like it always comes with a price.

And somehow, I'm right every time. Haha.

I haven't been a good child, a good sister, a good granddaughter, a good cousin, or a good friend. I always feel like I've never been good enough to be anything to anyone.

I've always felt like that thing sitting quietly in the corner, waiting for something to happen and hoping, just hoping, that whatever comes my way will be something good. I've never really been the take-it kind of person. I've always waited for things to happen to me instead of reaching for them myself. Even my prayers were never good since the only thing that is consistent with my prayer are my hope to die in a away that instant and doesn't hurt or just don't harm and be loss for people.

I've spent so much time asking God what I'm alive for. I don't always feel like I get an answer, but somehow I still wait for the day when I can understand for myself why I was born.

And, honestly, I am happy that I've been able to help my parents and the people close to me, even in small ways. I know I've been useful sometimes. I know I've been able to make things a little easier for people I love.

But somewhere inside me, I still feel like I'm tolerated at best and a mistake at worst.

There aren't many things I feel like I excel at. I've regretted so many things I've done. I've said things I didn't mean, done things I didn't mean to do, and kept too many things to myself.

I've never been good with people when I'm barely holding myself together inside surviving my own thoughts.

I think I'm rambling again. I'm probably going to delete this later.

I've always been disappointed in myself in the way I do things, the way I treat people, and the person I think I am.

My reasons for doing suicide probably seems ridiculous for you that read this or just people in general that knows idk.. But please know that i am happy being alive.. but living? not so much.

I've been fighting in my head for who knows how damn long. Always staring blankly in the walls, questioning why I'm still here and when will it ends, going places where my mind has gone to die.

All I know is that I've wanted to be fixed for a very long time.

I've prayed and begged for this feeling to stop. I've spent so long fighting inside my own head that sometimes I don't even know what I'm fighting anymore.

I remember the first time I hurt myself. At first, it was more about wanting to feel something physical while I was crying and everyone else was asleep. Then it happened again. And again.

Eventually, I hurt myself badly enough that I panicked.

Not necessarily because of the pain, but because I was afraid someone would see what I'd done.

Sometimes I think I wanted evidence that something was actually wrong with me. Maybe I wanted proof that I wasn't simply being dramatic or weak. Maybe I just wanted to get all that misery out somehow.

Either way, I know that I was the one who hurt myself.

And sometimes I feel like an idiot for holding a receipt for damage I didn't cause.

Maybe that's also why I sabotage my romantic relationships.

I feel so miserable sometimes that I'm afraid I'll infect the people who are happy. Like if someone gets too close to me, eventually they'll start seeing everything that's wrong with me too.

I do have faith in God. I just don't have faith in myself.

It always feels like the same pattern.

I've tried.

I've tried building healthier thoughts and healthier habits. I've tried believing that if I loved myself enough, maybe I'd finally stop abandoning myself before anyone else had the chance to.

Sometimes it works.

Sometimes I really do love myself more than I did yesterday.

And then something shifts.

Suddenly I'm right back where I started, and the thoughts get louder.

I hate that I can love myself more than yesterday and still wonder why it isn't enough.

Somewhere along the way, I started believing that if I just loved myself correctly, I would finally stop hurting.

And every time I fall back into my old patterns, I feel like I've wasted every ounce of progress I've fought so hard for. Like all that progress was just a temporary disguise covering something fundamentally broken inside me.

But who am I even to complain if I chose my own poison and suffering accordingly.

I always wonder what people would think if they knew how much I've kept to myself. I wonder whether they'd be angry that I didn't tell them. I hope they don't blame themselves. I don't want them to.

I've been writing this for hours now.

And I don't really know what I'm trying to say anymore.

Will it end or will I end? Hahaha.

I feel so lost and exhausted idk what to do anymore I really don’t
I have no home, no family, no support. nothing. And I feel so unheard when I do talk or try and open up I genuinely have nothing. And I have no one :(

10 years down the drain
2 kids alienated from a parent because I’m not staying with you..
years and years of narcissistic abuse with DV and family violence.

And I still love you, I still want you to care for me (which you never have or ever will)

Why do I hate you but love you all at the same time. You cause so much anger and sadness

Help

34 m

Feels like the world 🌎 is out to get me. Really 95% of life feels like garbage 🗑 complete dog 🐕 💩... but I feel like I'm starting to go numb to it. 1 step forward 2 steps back thats just reality. Most of the time it feels like my heart is going to pound of my chest, everything could crumble at any second, life is hanging on by a thread. Didn't used to feel that way ( and yes I'm in therapy, come on now this is reddit after all). Anyways hit me back if you'd like, we don't have to talk about it if ya don't wanna... I'd consider a mile stone for me to be creating something out of inspiration just for the sake of it💁‍♂️🤘

I can’t do this right now because my firm will be fucked if I’m hospitalized. They’d be fucked if I was dead too, but some would have more empathy and not blame me if it actually worked. However, if I tried to kms and it didn’t work, I would 100% just be the unreliable person at the firm that made everything harder for everyone else. So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I acknowledge and address my mental state right now, I will not be functional enough to complete the responsibilities at my job. (Right now, I am currently the only person at the firm that is comfortable processing and sending out new lawsuits and we are in the middle of busy season - which means 300+ new suits a week) So, while I’m alive, everyone will hate me for leaving them stranded while I try to get back to normal. The only other option is dying while maintaining a positive image, and therefore positive memory, that should last because it will be their last memory of me. I don’t want their last memory to be me leaving them in a fucked situation. I know it probably sounds crazy that that is my priority when my mind is definitely made up, but I would also rather my memory not be tainted.
I just need a fast way to go when the time comes. I an trying to preserve as much trauma as I possibly can beforehand.

I have been in survival mode for years and have had a Hollywood movie level of trauma in my life. I have been unemployed for months after a sexual assault caused me to lose my previous job due to them retaliating against my ADA accommodations and purposely scheduling me to be at the business by myself during late night shifts. I've managed to get by with temp jobs and family help, but I just got rejected from the 160+ job I applied to, and I can't fucking do this shit anymore. I cannot afford to live on my own. I have a family who helps me, but only helps to the extent that they choose to. My mother pays for my 21 year old brother's entire existence, he has had 11 cars, failed multiple years of college, yet she pays for everything in his life on her dime. She even let's him live in her 2 million dollar lake house with his girlfriend, rent-free and bill free. She even buys groceries for them and anything they want on Amazon.

I suffered immensely with my mental health throughout my life because I was the one who always had to take the brunt of the abuse to protect my brother. Weekends with our drug addict/drug-dealing dad where we would be starving and I would have to find expired canned foods to feed my brother and our dogs. Being forced to take bubble baths with my father and his stripper girlfriends. Being severely beaten by our mother while she took out her anger for life on me, showing up to school with bruises. Getting bullied in school for my race to the point where I began having my first suicide attempt (of many) in 8th grade by trying to hang myself in my closet with a scarf, but the scarf broke. Growing up and ending up in an abusive relationship at 18 in college and ending up having a suicide attempt so bad that I died and had to be brought back. Leaving my abusive household to start a life of my own in a bigger city only to end up meeting bad people who put me into dangerous situations, numerous jobs busting my ass and my body to ruin, getting raped multiple times in the 7 years I have lived in said city. Going through years of transformation and changing my life in so many ways, going to therapy, taking the accountability I needed for my own suffering. Going through the motions of spiritual discovery, self-discovery, etc. Somehow finding a relationship with God, albeit a shaky one.

This rejection just feels like a kick in the chest, down a million steps to say, "No matter how fucking hard you try, you will never escape the misery of your life. You will NEVER escape the life you have and be given more." I don't know what the fuck else I am supposed to do. I am exhausted, burnt out beyond the depths of my soul, and I do not want to ever get to a place again where I feel like death is the only solution. But I genuinely cannot see why the fuck I am supposed to just keep trying, and trying, and trying- only for me to be shown by life that I cannot get what it is that I am fighting tooth and nail to have.

I wonder if I should just give up and move home with my mother (who stopped beating me years ago; now it is just the emotional, financial, and psychological abuse that I have experienced my whole life) to stabilize and just SOMEHOW go back to school by taking out a fuck ton of loans. I wonder if I should just submit to getting married to a guy who has wanted to marry me for years, but I haven't wanted to because I find him repulsive in more ways than one (super religious, Trump supporter, racist, etc.) If I should just sell everything I own and become nomadic and go around the world. I just don't have the strength in me anymore to "keep going" and to "stay strong". I'm tired of people thinking my lifetime of suffering is some testament to tenacity in life. I am tired of people who had healthier support systems their entire life making it seem like I am not trying hard enough, or that I live in a victim mindset. I have survived things in my life that people would never be able to. I know that there are those with worse lives out there than me too, but that doesn't make the suffering in my life any less painful or invalid. I can't keep living this way. I cannot keep trying so hard to be in control the best I can, only to be shown every time that there is no point because I cannot control anything. Let me be crystal clear, I am not suicidal- I just cannot keep going like this, something has got to give. I have no energy in me at all to try to live the life I want to anymore, because clearly it is not mine to have. It is either for my mom, that weirdo dude, or the world's to have.

I’m a 19 male and can’t stand myself. It’s not even that I hate myself, it’s more so that I constantly have this voice in my head that shows up whenever I do anything wrong to criticize me to the highest degree, I hate it. I can never do anything right. For years life has felt like a blur passing me by, like, I’m surviving, but not really living. Every day I feel nothing but a deep sadness and constant loneliness.

After I graduated Highschool I never really had a life plan, my mother, who I loved dearly, passed away a few years prior and I was still struggling with that. It had gotten to a point where I was contemplating suicide multiple times, and I’m scared of turning back to that.

All of my friends seem to have their life figured out, they’re going into college, are buying their own apartments, and have a real support system. Meanwhile I can barely hold a conversation with another person, am going into college for a degree I’m not sure I even want, don’t have a job or any money saved up, have no future goals or plans, and have nothing to be excited about in the future.

Last night it was like all of these built up emotions came pouring out and I sobbed alone for a good 45 minutes, hugging myself in an attempt to soothe my mind, wondering how I even got to this point. Even now, I’m writing this with tears swelling up.

I feel like a failure, I feel like my mother and younger me would be disappointed in what I’ve become and who I’m becoming. I don’t want to live like this, but it’s been so long that I’m not sure I even know how not to.

Does anyone have any experience in this? Did you get out of it? Will it ever get better, or will I just have to learn to live like this?

No I am not suicidal nor do I have any current intentions of harming myself. I’m too much of a coward anyway.

So i m male 21, India.

Some months ago i completed my graduation and after i thought to have a job but its rlly hard nowadays to get a job.

One of relatives son is working in a bpo sector so they told my parents about this i told them i can't work there.

As it is a night shift i have a lot of health problems like High Blood Pressure, Anger issue and many things.

I am trying my best to get a job as soon as possible so that i can financially support everyone i am trying my best but they are just forcing me to go there and if i don't want to go there get a job within a month.

I am so stressed and i can't focus on my further studies as well

Nowadays they just keep on forcing me i feel like i am getting traumatized.

I was about to attempt suicide today so that it can end and there will be no problem but i don't know how i suddenly stopped.

I am currently relying on my parents money rn but i wish i get a job soon.

The only place i can feel safe and good is my gym where i can actually feel comfortable and focus on myself .

Whatever but i wish i succed soon 🙃

I’m really depressed I tried everything but it just doesn’t go away and i can’t stop thinking about it about ending my life but the only thing that stopping me or actually the two main reasons iam alive right now is writing this first is faith this will end somehow the second is my family I don’t want to be selfish but iam really hurting but i know if i did what i want to do they are going to be in so much pain they might also get depression which i will never want for them .

september is suicide prevention month i survived a suicide attempt and i’m still here if you’re struggling please don’t give up on yourself you deserve to stay

Hey everyone just wanted to post this on here in case I ever end up actually doing it,
I’m a 18 year old male who started seeing the very early signs of hair loss at 17 and I’ve been obsessed with it since then I’m currently sitting at almost Norwood 2 no scalp thining only frontal area affected…
My family history is Moms side has no hair loss grandpa Norwood 2 at 64 and his brother 54 Norwood 1, on my dads side tho I’m cooked my dad went bald in his 20s just like his brother…
My current routine is like this
-finasteride 1mg daily
-minoxidil 5% every night
-shampoo 3x times a week that contains amenexil and vitamin E
-scalp massager
I’ve been doing this routine for 4 months and the hair is actually better I think I’m starting to go back towards a Norwood 1.5 and got like 20% density back but I’m still really worried about the future I’ve decided that if I can’t beat this curse I’ll end up taking my own life I’m very anxious and always have been and now because of this it’s even worse and also massive depression I can’t find any happiness in life dating completely ruined can’t even enjoy my favorite sports because of the bald head curse I’ve started watching haircafe as a motivation he’s goated but I just have a feeling that I’ll go bald anyway…. So if anyone has any suggestions for my future pls leave them down below….

I feel like as an adult, there are so many responsibilities laying on my shoulders and so much stuff I should do- I have to take care of a lot of paperwork for my insurance, bills and stuff for my inheritance, I have to have somewhat of a plan for what I want to do with my life (I don’t. I have no idea what to do and I have half a mind to make it through today. I can’t picture myself being alive in a year, a month, not even a week), I have to clean my apartment and I should talk to my friends and family because they understandably get upset if I ghost them, I should go outside and do something, ANYTHING, but I can’t, I have no energy at all, all I do is lie in bed and maybe if I’m lucky I get one random spurt of energy a day where I can decide if I’d rather fill out one form for my inheritance, do the dishes, make myself something to eat, go out for 15 minutes or answer an email. I’m trying really, really hard but more than that is just not possible at the moment. How do normal people do it? How do people manage to do all of these things and more? Sometimes it really feels as if I’m just incompatible with living

idk if anyone is even gonna understand what im trying to say here, but idk where else to say this.

im 15 rn and i feel fucking tired of everything.

im actually crying while writing this. im really bad at expressing my feelings, so i usually just keep everything inside until it becomes too much.

since childhood, ive had chronic asthma. i could never really enjoy the outside world like other kids. i couldnt run properly, and sometimes i couldnt even walk without struggling to breathe. i also became extremely underweight. when i was 13, i was only around 30kg.

but thats honestly just the beginning.

my home life has never really been peaceful either. my younger sister has fought with me over the smallest things since we were kids, and my parents have been constantly fighting and shouting at each other for years now. literally every day, day and night.

sometimes im trying to study while hearing them fight in the background. sometimes i just put on headphones and try to escape from everything.

and today it happened again.

i finally sat down to study after wasting so much time. i opened my books and was actually about to start, and then my sister came in and started fighting with me.

my entire mood was destroyed.

i know people will say "just ignore her and study", but when you're already mentally exhausted, sometimes one small thing is enough to break whatever motivation you had left.

im preparing for JEE and ive already wasted around 5 months out of the 18 months i had.

and that fucking scares me.

because i actually have dreams. i want to work hard. i want to achieve something in my life. but every time i try to move forward, something pulls me back.

my family, my health, my own mind, my addictions, my loneliness... everything.

ive been struggling with an addiction since i was around 10 or even younger, and every time i fail to stop, i hate myself a little more.

and u know the worst part is, my parents re mocking me that i am wasting there money coz i am not studying.

its not that i am bad at studies, in fact i might be intelligent guy, but what do i do of the intelligence if i am fucked up in my life.

ive also lost almost all my friends this year.

im extremely introverted and i dont know how to talk about what im feeling. i have people around me, but somehow i still feel completely alone.

and im gonna be brutally honest about something.

ive had suicidal thoughts before.

if i had never found anime and if my friends had never introduced me to games, i genuinely dont know if id still be here. those things gave me somewhere to escape when everything else felt unbearable.

and the people who helped me probably dont even know how much they actually helped me.

there are just so many things happening at once that i dont even know how to explain everything anymore.

im only 15.

and sometimes i wonder how im supposed to handle all of this when i havent even figured out how to handle myself.

i dont want sympathy.

i think i just want someone to understand that im trying.

i really fucking am.

i still want to live. i still want to clear JEE. i still want to achieve my dreams and experience the life ive imagined for myself.

i just dont know how to get there from where i am right now.

im just really fucking tired.

I don’t feel like doing anything. Everyone around me looks like they have figured out life. Idk what I want or what I like. I want to be happy. But not able to be happy. How to be happy? I am just 24 and life sucks already. I had little toxic parents. They never motivated me or appreciated me for my achievements. I was topper and got into top ug college and earning well now, still i feel empty. Relationships too did not work for me. They say guys don’t generally reject girls, but as a girl I was rejected many times. Look wise i am not very beautiful but not very ugly. Average looks. What should i do to be happy? I tried lot of things - solo travel, journaling, reading books but nothing worked. When i wake up in the morning, i feel oh no i have to survive today somehow. I just want the day to end. This is not normal right? If anyone has faced such situations please advise me what to do.