My mom and old friend used to mess with me, take money from me and not plan to pay me back then call me an asshole if I snapped. This was OK to do because I had a reptation having stolen a few petty times, but the kids who were stealing blamed me when they got in trouble so my "good" name was slandered and attributed to crimes I never committed and my upper middle class family and peers turned on me constantly. Agreeing to stealing from me and organizing to take my money then blaming me for calling them out because I deserved this in a nice society.

This was 10 years ago. Today, I was messed with at my school, workplace, and gym by family who kept me close to keep their enemy closer. They shafted me from my chosen career by making me lose internships asking where I applied and contacting them saying I am a bad person. I became disgruntled having to work in pharmacy a bit and making 14 an hour out of college so I was a bad person for being upset. So they had to teach me. They had a workplace intimidate me to try to get me to leave. The HR department said they had a complaint from a girl who was rude and dismissive when I tried to talk to her saying she felt stared at, while I was sitting in my cubicle. Then when I didn't get the hint they stared me down walking by at my desk. Every single person passing by. Sometimes pretending they had "guests" or raelly other departments get up to walk and intimidate me. Then they watched me on my breaks, disrupted them. One guy sat inside the stall my entire break when I hid in a bathroom. I left and they had the next job pretend I am completely incompetent, know nothing and fired me after 6 weeks when I wasn't done with training. The next job fired me in 3 months. The next job 5 months. I had to get a meantime job worked 5 months before recieving a job in pharmacy again. Worked 1 month before being stared down, followed on my braeks, told I am in competent again. Stuck through it for 4 months before I protested being stared at by not working and having my managers pulled me aside. I got upset in their office and they had me on a month break. Then my dad gave me a check for $500 cause at the same time I told him I had video evidence of my mom and sister stealing from my bedroom while I lived with them for graduate school (they were always staring random fights saying someone stole, never accusing exactly but making huge fusses while I am in graduate school, I was sewing after school and work). They have me arrested just as I start the next semester. I am messed with for a month where gaurds never gave me hygiene products only inmates and they put me on suicide watch for fun, took my clothes for 3 days saying I could hang myself with my shirt and pant. Cranking the AC> Not toilet paper. I am released suddenly one night after a month and got an eviction during that time. My fmaily withheld my things for 6 months while I had to live in hotels with no jobs and ate my savings. When they gave me things back furnitrue was broken and things missing. I go to a new city from my hometown, now not in graduate school. The pharmacy was an LGT pharmacy part of my community as a gay male and they all intimidate me and leave notes like I want to murder you at my statoin. show boating in general and calling me a loser. They made up that I left out a drug a pharmacist was supposed to put away and fired me after 3 months. THey made it so no pharmacy would hire me for 6 months, had one more pharmacy hire me for 3 months to fire me after making something up about a supervisor who likes to gaslight people and was pushing me to do gurnt work. They waited for me to siggn a lease, acted like everything was fine then said theres lay offs and I go right after. That was last year, this year same thing no one will hire me and I find out my parents had someone break into my rental units where landlords messed with wifi, used cookies and tracking from google after using hometown cops to contact google to trace my device, control my device, delete files and block websites and change requirements to where I can use a virtual phone to sign up and while I have no money can't get a rael phone number. Limit any social media so I can't talk bad about them online. I kept applying anyways and right as I got a job at a coffe shop by walking in, so they couldn't track and thwart this job in any way, afte rthey found out from a fake homeles s person they send to talk to me, pretending to be frinedly at the park behind my place and telling them what I tell them, they give me a rael job in pharmacy again. Just for them to say my first day my drug test was invalid by phone, dont return my calls (this was a contract job) the second company doesnt cnntact the parent company so I pay for parking for training just to find out I was never actually hired with the company. They were kind enough to pay me after 8 months no work and the benefits coordinator in my state messes with my application cause the police contacted them as well. Now they did this again with another job 3 months later and I found out today that my result werr invalid and I do not hav ea job again. It will be 1 year in a month without a job. 4 years I cycled through 9 jobs. 9 years working in a field I had to take to try and seek entrance into my intended field. 13 years of my parents tormenting me setting up fake friends, bad jobs, watching and stealing and messing with me. I haven't mentioned the two more evictions, two more car braek ins, breaking my trunk, terrorizing my cats with homeless the graduate school failed me despite good work so I wasted 25k plus 5k they took from me and wouldnt pay me back when I dropped courses on time and played a stupid email game where they were "out" didnt see it and wouldnt honor it. A roomate who drugged me with tons of acid to get back at me for being bad to my homophobic mother. IDK what I did to deserve this. I don't think stealing or bad attitude warrants being terrorized by terrorists, gangsters, gas lighters, liars, jealous.

TLDR

for roughly 13 years, family and other people connected to them have repeatedly interfered with education, career, housing, finances, relationships, privacy, and employment. family kept close while undermining you, including allegedly contacting potential employers and portraying you negatively, which prevented you from entering your intended career.

repeated workplace intimidation and job losses, including being stared at, followed during breaks, accused of incompetence or misconduct, and fired from numerous positions. Over about four years, cycled through nine jobs, despite having worked in your field for years.

major disruptions to graduate education and housing, including being arrested during graduate school, spending about a month in jail under conditions you describe as degrading, being evicted while incarcerated, having your belongings withheld for months, and later discovering missing or damaged possessions. You estimate losing roughly $30,000 through education costs, money allegedly taken by family, and other financial losses.

After moving to another city, the pattern continued through additional pharmacy jobs, housing problems, alleged break-ins, vehicle damage, harassment, and interference with employment opportunities. More recently, your family and/or authorities have monitored or interfered with your devices, internet access, social media, job applications, and employment background or drug-testing processes.

You currently say you have been unemployed for nearly a year, after another prospective job fell through because you were told your drug-test result was invalid. Devastated and confused about why this has happened and emphasize that, regardless of any mistakes, bad attitude, or conflicts you may have had, those things justify years of harassment, intimidation, theft, or having your career and life repeatedly disrupted

I’ve been attacked so much because I posted this and people have been calling me a homewrecker, even though I haven’t even pursued him lol I enjoy a little bit of chaos, I’ll admit… I support women’s rights, but I also support women’s wrongs, kind of thing. I’m a little messy, but my morality draws the line at infidelity. So here I am. I’d genuinely love to know what you think.

When I was in high school, I was pretty avoidant when it came to relationships, and I didn’t really grow up having crushes. But there was this one boy I liked. He was attractive, didn’t do very well in school, but he was smart and sweet and we shared so many ideals. He wasn’t really shy, but he was with me. Everyone knew he liked me. We had a college prep class together and he used to walk me home. One day I finished early and left, and he run after me to catch up… but he. never. made. a. move. on me.

However, there was this crazy girl in class who was obsessed with him. One of his friends, who was mine too, told me to not worry because he was not into her, only for them to show up together later. My ego was crushed, and we didn’t really talk during our last year of school.

It’s been 10 years, and somehow he’s still in the back of my mind. I have him on Instagram, and I know him so well I know exactly which stories he’s going to like, and he does it a lot. He responds sometimes, but I never know what to say back. He’s a pretty reserved guy. He only posts his girlfriend (who’s a little bit younger than him, I must say), but it feels like he truly loves her. I even think they’re going to get married. but there’s a part of me that simply needs to tell him, at least, or I’ll never be okay with myself.

Is it not respectful to his relationship? am I being unfair? a bitch because I think I have a chance? lol. I need advice, please.

This is very complicated with lots of names, so I'll do my best. I'm currently living in a three person apartment, and none of us were required to put down a security deposit when we moved in with the office. According to my lease, the deposit remains with the lease, so the original person who paid it left years ago without getting it back.

The three of us on the lease are Sophia, me, and Cassidy, arriving in the order of the names listed. So out of the three of us Sophia is the oldest in terms of tenancy.

When I moved in, I could see there was a deposit on file, and I asked Sophia about it, and she told me to pay her $800, as she had paid the original deposit and wanted to be reimbursed. So I did, via zelle.

When Cassidy moved in, Sophia told her to zelle her $1100, as she was giving it to the departing tenant who Sophia was replacing.

Fast forward a month. Cassidy questions Sophia on this, and finally Sophia admitted to pocketing it. She said it was in case someone broke something or left early. She also said no one has a right to have the money back, and it Cassidy takes her to court, she (Sophia) will definitely win. She also started crying and screaming hysterically when Cassidy accused her of stealing it.

What do we do?

I (20M) receive and allowance for things like food and gas. I have a job so I do earn my own money but I get this on top of it. It’s really not a crazy amount though because as I said it’s only for food and gas.

I unfortunately owe some money to my mother for something, and she wanted me to pay it. Which makes zero sense because I will be receiving the same amount back in allowance. I told her this and she said it doesn’t matter and I still have to pay what I agreed to.

AITA for being pissed at my guy friend after he got my cousin taken off the bus he drives because he got a girlfriend?

I need some outside opinions because this situation is honestly ridiculous.

I have a guy friend who drives a bus that my cousin normally rides. They were friends before all of this happened.

Then he got a girlfriend, and suddenly things changed.

He made it so my cousin could no longer ride the specific bus route/bus that he drives. She wasn't banned from riding the bus system in general, and she hadn't done anything that would normally get someone removed from a route. She was specifically prevented from riding the bus when he was the driver.

From what I've been told, this wasn't because she was causing problems, breaking rules, or making his job difficult. The issue was basically that he didn't want her riding his bus anymore now that he had a girlfriend.

So essentially, my cousin went from being someone he was perfectly comfortable having on his bus to someone he wanted removed once he entered a relationship.

She was obviously hurt and confused by this, especially because they had been friends.

What makes me angry is that instead of acknowledging that his decision was hurtful, he refuses to take any accountability for it. He has excuses for everything and acts like my cousin is ridiculous for being upset.

And that's where I have a problem.

If he wanted to establish boundaries with her because he has a girlfriend now, that's his choice. But making sure she can't ride the particular bus you drive and then refusing to acknowledge how humiliating and hurtful that is is a completely different thing.

I'm not saying he has to be friends with her. I'm not saying he owes her anything romantic. I'm saying that if you deliberately make it so someone can't ride the bus they normally ride specifically because you don't want them on your bus anymore, you don't get to act shocked when that person is hurt.

I've told him I think he handled the entire situation badly, and now I'm apparently “taking my cousin's side” and involving myself in something that doesn't concern me.

But she's my cousin. Of course I'm going to have an opinion when I see someone treat her badly.

At this point, I don't even care about getting an apology. What bothers me is the complete refusal to admit that he did anything wrong.

So AITJ for being angry with him and refusing to let him rewrite the situation as if he simply “set a boundary,” when he specifically made sure my cousin couldn't ride the bus he drives anymore?

This happened a couple years go, but i still wonder if i crossed a line.

My ex and I lived together for three years. We were both single parents with daughters the same age, and i thought we’d created a happy blended family. The problem? His family. Especially his mother. She loathed me for ”taking her boy away from his real family” meaning the 32M was building a life with me instead of remaining attached at the hip.

Things got so bad went no contact after she tried to pick up his daughter from school when she wasn’t allowed, pushed me, and screamed “ i wish you were never born B***“ In front of teachers, parents and children. Adorable family dynamic, i know. Two weeks later those same parents packed up my daughters and my belongings, and dump them at my parents house, than he ghosted me.

I was devastated.

Weeks later, he came back wanting to fix things. We did couples therapy for two months until he stoped showing up. Ghosted again. I changed my number and moved on.

Two months later, he moved another woman in. Shortly after, they were engaged. Yes, you’re correct. The math was not mathing.

Almost a year later, he found my new number, claiming he wanted to return sentimental belongings and apologize. I met him for one drink, got my things, and thought that was closure. Jokes on me! He started texting me asking to hook up. I shut him down and reminded him he was engaged. His response? “Im not married yet” -gross- Sir you’re fiancé excuse regardless of whether the invitations have been sent out.

Then, two days before their wedding, I woke up to a “Come over and f*** me, the front door is open” This was my breaking point. I told him he was embarrassing himself, and wished him a happy wedding weekend, gathered screenshots, and sent them to his fiancé with a brief message stating i didn’t want him back. She deserved to know before marrying him.

She accused me of “manufacturing” the screenshots. So i screen recorded the conversation, verifying they came from his number. My phone was blowing up from calls from my ex and his fiance. She still didn’t believe me and he was trying to recover this fumble.

This is when i got petty. I sent his final “come over” message in a group text to his mother, father, and sister. Yes. That family. The same people who spent years making it clear they wanted us apart. Then i blocked them.

They got married anyways. Afterwards, they demanded i tell people I’d lied. I refused and blocked everyone. I don’t care if I’m the villain in your story, because they are the clowns in mine. And i was telling the truth.

So, AITJ? I don't think telling his fiancé was wrong. But sending the final screenshot to his entire family? That may have been my petty little victory lap.

TL;DR: AITJ for not only sending incrimination screenshots of my ex trying to hook up with me to his fiancé 2 days before their wedding but also to his family in a group text?

I set it up to meet my tinder date at an arcade. She was late. I got a bit bored so I played with a claw machine. I won this plushie in this minion claw machine. I noticed this young girl, staring at me, sorta following me around. I looked around and didn't see any adults supervision. I assume she is a worker's kid. I avoided her.

Later, my date told me she's not available. Oh well. It hurts. So I was feeling quite depressed and hungry. Then again, I notice that same little kid looking at me, probably wanted the plushie. I looked over at the worker and mimed that I am giving it to her. The worker just smiled and shrugged. So I gave the kid the plushie. At least one of us is happy.

Leaving feeling like a failure, I heard screaming and crying. I checked it out, it was a parent returning the plushie and candies back over to the counter and was lecturing her child about lying and stealing. Kid insisted it was given to her. So the worker is not her mom. The worker looked as terrified as me for the mom's overreaction.

I was terrified of what was happening but I told her I gave it to her. She slapped me across the face. It stung. My ears were ringing and I could barely understand what she said, something along the lines of me of being a pdf. I felt so stunned I walked out.

I went home and sat on the couch stared at the empty space in both mentally and physical pain. Didn't realize I sat there in silence for two hours. My date didn't show up. I tried to do something nice but was called a pdf and slapped.

TL;DR Tinder date stood me up at the arcade. I gave prizes I won for her to a kid. Parent thought I was a creep and hit me.

I’m 18M, and I recently ran into someone I’ll call “Shay,” who was one of my biggest bullies throughout elementary school. I was at an event for the school district I grew up in, which is also the district my younger half-brother currently attends, and I was there with my best friend. I recognized Shay almost immediately, and she came over acting extremely friendly, saying things like, “Oh my gosh, look at you!” as if we had never had any problems. I didn’t say anything to her, got back into my car with my best friend, and left.

For context, Shay’s bullying wasn’t just normal childhood teasing. She made fun of practically everything about me: how I dressed, how I looked, how I sounded, and basically anything else she could find. One of the things she targeted most was my skin color. I’m very dark-skinned, and she constantly made comments about how dark I was and how ugly she thought I looked. She and her friends repeatedly made me feel ashamed of something that obviously wasn’t something I could or should have been ashamed of.

The bullying affected me much more deeply than I think anyone around me realized at the time. I developed extremely low self-esteem and started doing things to myself because I genuinely believed there was something wrong with me. At one point, I was struggling so badly that I had a serious mental-health crisis and my mother was terrified for my safety. Even years later, those experiences continued affecting how I viewed myself and my worth. I eventually begged my mom to let me leave that school district because I couldn’t handle being around Shay and her friends anymore.

There was also an incident where Shay accused me of touching her inappropriately while we were walking to lunch. I knew I hadn’t done anything, and she had several friends backing up her story. I was taken to the office and police were involved, and I kept telling everyone to check the cameras because I knew the accusation wasn’t true. I was told that if the cameras proved she was lying, she would owe me an apology. The cameras proved I wasn’t where she claimed I was, but I never received that apology.

After this exchange, Shay somehow got my phone number and texted me after the event asking, “What’s your problem? I was just trying to say hi.” I ended up telling her exactly what I thought. I explained everything she had done to me, how badly it affected me, and how much resentment I still carried from those years. Instead of acknowledging any of it, she basically told me she never did anything to me and that I needed to get over it because “we were kids.”

That’s the part that really bothers me. Yes, we were children. I understand that children can be immature, stupid, and cruel without fully understanding the consequences of their actions. But being a child doesn’t magically erase the things you did to someone, especially when those things had serious consequences for the person you were bullying. She doesn’t have to remember everything that happened for it to have been real, and I don’t think I’m obligated to forgive her simply because enough years have passed.

Some people I’ve talked to, other than my mom and my best friend, think Shay has a point. They’ve told me that we were little kids and that I’m holding onto something that happened a long time ago. They think I should let bygones be bygones and move on with my life. I understand that perspective, but I don’t believe that forgiving someone is something they’re automatically entitled to just because they’ve grown older.

I’m not going to lie, I hate Shay, and I hope the worst for her. I simply don’t want a relationship with her, and I don’t want to pretend that what happened didn’t matter just because she’s being nice to me now. Maybe I’ve been too stubborn about forgiveness in general, because once someone seriously crosses me, I have a very hard time ever trusting them again. So, AITJ for refusing to forgive my childhood bully and choosing to walk away when she tried to talk to me?

TL;DR: My elementary-school bully repeatedly mocked my appearance and skin color, made false accusations against me, and contributed to serious self-esteem and mental-health struggles that affected me for years. I recently ran into her, and she tried to act like everything was fine; after she contacted me afterward, I confronted her about the past, but she denied doing anything and said we were just kids. Some people think I should forgive her and move on, but I don’t want her in my life. AITJ?

My grandma left some money for my niece years ago and asked that it be kept aside until she was older.

My sister was having money problems at the time and actually asked me to hold onto it because she didn't trust herself not to dip into it if things got bad.

So I did. It's been sitting in a separate savings account ever since.

My sister has checked on it plenty of times over the years too. Every so often she'd ask how much was in there and I'd send her a screenshot of the balance. She knew exactly where the money was and that I hadn't touched it.

My niece is getting ready for college now, so a few weeks ago my sister asked me to transfer the whole amount to her. She said she'd handle tuition deposits, a laptop, housing stuff and whatever else came up.

I told her I'd rather transfer it directly to my niece or pay the expenses myself when they came up. Grandma left it for her, so I didn't really see a reason for it to pass through my sister first.

She got annoyed but eventually dropped it.

Then at a family dinner my niece suddenly asked me why I was refusing to give her the money grandma left her.

Apparently my sister had told her that because I'd been holding it for so many years, I was now acting like I had the right to decide when she could have it.

I was completely caught off guard.

My sister immediately tried to shut the conversation down and kept saying we could talk about it later.

So I pulled out my phone.

I showed my niece the account balance, then the messages where my sister had been checking on the money over the years, including the recent ones where she asked me to transfer everything to her instead.

My niece got really upset with her.

My sister left and later called me saying I humiliated her in front of her own daughter and made her look like she was trying to steal the money.

The thing is, I don't even know if she actually planned to use it for something else. I just didn't want to hand over money that was specifically meant for my niece.

My mom thinks I should have dealt with it privately instead of exposing all the messages at dinner.

I probably could have, but I also wasn't going to let my niece believe I was holding her money hostage.

AITJ?

TLDR My sister asked me to transfer money our grandma left for my niece directly to her. I refused and said I'd give it to my niece or pay her college expenses directly. My sister then told my niece I was refusing to release the money, so when my niece confronted me at dinner I showed her the account and the messages proving what actually happened.

My sister is getting married soon and a while back she asked if her and the bridesmaids could get ready at my apartment. I live really close to the venue and their bridal suite costs extra, so I said sure.

The problem is my sister and my girlfriend have never really gotten along. Nothing huge happened between them, just years of little comments and arguments and they basically avoid each other now.

A couple weeks ago my sister told me she didnt want my girlfriend at the wedding because she didnt want any tension there. We've been together almost 4 years, so I told her I wasnt comfortable going to a family wedding where my partner was specifically excluded.

It turned into a pretty bad argument and eventually my sister said if thats how I feel then I shouldn't come either.

So I told her okay, but then she would also need to find somewhere else to get ready.

Apparently she thought those were two completely separate things. She still expected to come to my apartment at 7am with the bridesmaids, photographer and makeup artist while I just made myself scarce for the day.

My parents are saying I should just let her use it because I already agreed months ago and changing plans this close to the wedding is petty.

I just find it weird that I'm not wanted there but my apartment apparently still is.

AITJ?

TL;DR: My sister wanted to use my apartment to get ready for her wedding because it's close to the venue and would save her some money. She told me my girlfriend couldn't attend, we argued, and she eventually told me not to come either. I told her she can't use my apartment anymore.

I genuinely need outside perspective because I’m so angry right now that I don’t trust my own judgment anymore. I’ll call myself A and my friend B.
B and I have been friends for 4 years and flatmates for 2. We are very close. We have always joked around with each other pretty heavily. B is more hot headed and can be very blunt (and sometimes mean) while I’m more of a “make a joke and move on” person and i hate confrontation but i can be a little sensitive and moody.

Ps: we come from a muslim background so that might explain some the purity story going on here.

The current argument started over something that honestly feels so stupid to me. B has a history of hiding dates from our friend group. At one point she went on a date with a guy and ended up kissing him so it became this whole thing because this friend kinda has a purity thing where she took pride in never partaking in that and put me down for it . She told us about it and it became a joke in the group. She laughed about it tooso we weren’t secretly making fun of her while she was uncomfortable.

Recently she was talking to someone and considering going out with him, and after her being silent for a but she came back saying she already went out with him and we were shocked and a little disappointed tbh. I made a comment along the lines of “you’ve done this many times before it’s not the first time you hide a date” I was speaking GENERALLY about her hiding dates which happened with multiple guys. I was not referring to the guy she kissed and I wasn’t even thinking about that situation when I said it.

B got extremely angry and told me to “close the fucking subject or we’d stop being friends” (in a very agressive manner) I was genuinely shocked and asked if she was serious because I couldn’t understand why the reaction was so strong. This was over whatsapp because we are on summer break from uni and we don’t meet. She then cut me off basically and stopped answering even in the WhatsApp group where 4 girls are. (Funny enough another friend made the same joke and she didn’t say anything).

Apparently B says she had told me multiple times before that she didn’t want this subject brought up because it hurts her n I genuinely don’t remember her saying “don’t bring this up again ”

What makes it even more confusing is that shortly before this, we had been on a video call where this exact subject came up and we were joking about it normally B didn’t react badly then. So from my perspective, I had no idea that saying a general joke about hiding dates was going to be treated as this huge betrayal.

I eventually reached out because I didn’t want things to stay like that. And this is where a lot of the old resentment came back for me.
B told me that she was angry because I didn’t even ask why she wasn’t talking to me for over a month. Her argument is basically that if I cared about her and our friendship, I would’ve noticed and asked.

I told her that I DID notice. I just didn’t want to chase someone who had clearly decided not to speak to me especially when I didn’t understand what I’d done that was serious enough to deserve that.

There was another incident years ago that is part of why this is such a sensitive issue for me. B once asked me in public with a bunch of people what was wrong with me. I said something like “nothing is wrong but even if there was something, I wouldn’t tell you here” meaning I wouldn’t discuss something personal in front of other people. She interpreted it as me saying I wouldn’t tell HER. She cut me off for around two months. I was basically left out of our group and stayed alone for the duration of that fight.Eventually I was the one who apologized and came back to fix everything.

B can be very harsh with me. She gets angry, raises her voice, says things that genuinely hurt me unprovoked etc. There are things she’s said to me that I could have made into huge issues, but I usually just swallow them because I don’t want every disagreement to become a massive conflict. I hate confrontation because my dad is a bit angry and truthfully i feel around her like i feel around my dad, walking on eggshells always scared of saying anything because she might snap.

For example, years ago, when I had my own kissing situation, she joked that my future children would have a “pure mother,” basically implying I wasn’t pure. That really hurt me, but I never turned it into a huge friendship ending conflict. If i said that to her it would’ve been game over.

I genuinely texted her with the little patience i had left hoping she would appreciate the gesture and move on. Especially because i’m not going to apologize this time because i think she has gotten her way multiple times. But she refused to budge and was arguing non stop cuz she thinks I’m refusing to admit that I did anything wrong.

And now I’m honestly DONE. Not necessarily because of this one argument but because I feel like this argument brought every previous conflict back up and I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m always the one who has to swallow my pride, reach out apologize and repair things.
The thing is, I also know I’m angry right now. Like REALLY angry. I’m so offended by some of the things she said to me that part of me doesn’t even want to talk to her again.

So AITJ? If so why?
TL,DR: my friend got pissed at me for a joke all my friends make and got even more mad when i didn’t chase her to apologize after she cut me off for a month for it.

Apparently I need Reddit to determine whether I’m the jerk because basic math stopped making sense in this friendship.

I had a guy friend who told me he didn’t have time to date.

Okay. Cool. I believed him.

Then he got a girlfriend.

Suddenly, this man discovered the revolutionary concept of having time.

Amazing. Inspirational. Truly a medical breakthrough.

To be clear, I don’t care that he got a girlfriend. He is allowed to date whoever he wants. I’m not sitting here crying because another woman “won” some imaginary competition.

What bothers me is that he apparently had plenty of time and energy when it came to the people he prioritized, while I was expected to accept every excuse, every change in behavior, and every bit of disrespect with a smile.

And when I finally said something about it?

Oh, NOW there was plenty of energy.

Just not the healthy communication kind.

He cursed me and another friend out after we politely told him that we felt disrespected.

Because obviously the appropriate response to someone calmly saying, “Hey, that hurt my feelings,” is to verbally unload on them and announce that you’d rather not be disturbed until further notice.

Nothing says “emotionally mature adult” quite like putting yourself on a self-imposed diplomatic lockdown because someone dared to hold you accountable.

The funniest part is that I apparently became the problem for noticing the difference between how he treated me before and after getting a girlfriend.

Apparently I was supposed to be completely oblivious.

“Oh, he suddenly has less time for me, communicates differently, puts in less effort, and gets defensive when I mention it? Surely this is completely unrelated to anything.”

Right.

And I’m the unreasonable one.

I never demanded that he choose me over his girlfriend. I never demanded his time. I never told him who he could date. I never asked for special treatment.

I asked for basic respect and honesty from someone who called himself my friend.

Somehow, that was apparently too much.

So now I’m being accused—directly or indirectly—of causing drama because I refused to quietly accept being treated differently.

At this point, I’m honestly grateful he cursed me out.

Because sometimes people save you the trouble of ending a friendship themselves.

He basically handed me the exit sign and then got mad that I read it.

So, AITJ?

Was I supposed to continue pretending everything was fine because confronting disrespect might hurt his feelings?

Should I have congratulated him on finding time to date while simultaneously pretending I couldn’t see how conveniently his priorities changed?

Or is the real crime here that I noticed the difference and had the audacity to say something?

Because apparently friendship now comes with a terms-and-conditions agreement:

You may be lied to.

You may be deprioritized.

You may be disrespected.

But under absolutely no circumstances are you allowed to notice.

My bad.

Next time I’ll make sure to ignore the giant flashing neon sign.

I’m Rebecca, 17F, and this situation started when I was around 14.
My cousin Paris was 16F at the time, but she is now 19. When she was 16, she got involved with drugs. She met a guy named Timothy, who was 22M at the time, and he became involved in that part of her life. They were both using Xanax and, from what I understood, he would encourage/condone her drug use and do it with her.
They became addicted together and have been on and off ever since. Thankfully, they have both managed to get away from the addiction at different points, but their relationship has also continued to be on and off.

During all of this, I ended up being stuck in the middle.
My cousin’s mum would come to me and ask what was going on because she was worried about her daughter. I wasn’t trying to “snitch” on my cousin to get her in trouble. I was telling her mum because I genuinely wanted her to be safe.
There were moments where I had to see my cousin completely off her head, with her eyes rolling back, while both of her parents were terrified and emotionally breaking down because they didn’t know what to do.

At one point, my cousin even wanted to fight me because she was angry that I had told her parents what was happening. That really hurt because I wasn’t doing it out of spite. I was genuinely scared something was going to happen to her.
Thankfully, we’re good now and we don’t have problems with each other anymore.
The problem is that I still don’t support her relationship with Timothy.

Paris is now 19 and is at university. She’s working toward her future and has a lot going for her. Timothy is now 24, and from what I see, he hasn’t really built much for himself financially or career-wise. He doesn’t make a particularly decent living for his age, and honestly, I don’t think he’s good enough for her or that he’s going to help her move forward in life.
I know money and income aren’t everything in a relationship, and I’m not saying someone needs to be rich to deserve love. But when I look at their relationship as a whole — especially knowing how it started, what they went through together, the drug use, and everything her family and I witnessed — I struggle to understand why she’s still with him.
I just don’t feel comfortable supporting the relationship.

I don’t necessarily want to control who she dates, because ultimately she’s 19 and she’s going to make her own decisions. But I also don’t think I have to pretend I approve of something I genuinely have concerns about.

I’ve also gotten to the point where I don’t really want to give her relationship advice anymore.
I’ve given her advice so many times, but if she isn’t going to take it, I don’t want to keep repeating myself or feeling responsible for what happens. I love her and I’ll always care about her, but I feel like I’ve been in the middle of this situation for years, and I’m exhausted.

Part of me feels guilty because I don’t want her to think I’m abandoning her or that I don’t care about her.
But another part of me thinks she’s old enough to make her own choices, and I’m allowed to step back.
I can love my cousin, be there for her if she genuinely needs me, and still not support the person she chooses to be with.

So, am I the jerk for not supporting their relationship and for refusing to give my cousin relationship advice anymore?
please do not write anything mean abt my cousin you can have an opinion but i still lover her endlessly i just wanted tell opinions Thanks!

I (21F) met in college this guy (24M) in college. We didn't talk much. Only when we were paired up.

During the last week of March(?) He asked me out to watch a movie. I obviously said yes. It was an eenie miney mo situation between a friend of mine and me. But I obviously went because free movie, duh. He and I talked a lot. Things about our past love lives, friendships, etc. A friend of mine (20F) liked him as well. When he and I went to the movies, I mentioned the possibility of someone liking him, to which he immediately found out. I didn't need to say any names because to him it was incredibly obvious.

So a couple days later, I ended up telling him that, and he told me (because we talked about it one on one) that he wasn't interested on her... we went on a date. He took me to places I haven't been in years. Our date concluded when we went to the beach, and had a kiss. Back on my place, we made out in his car for a couple of minutes before he left.

Now I'm conflicted, I just went on a date with this good guy. We kiss and make out. It went amazing. On the other hand, I had to talk about it with my friend (the one who likes him). Things got difficult between us, and we've stopped talking. At least for now.

As for the guy, we kept texting for a full week. But I kept thinking of my friend as we talked. So I decided to end things with him, and told him that I wasn't interested/ready for a relationship. He asked if it was something we could talk about, but I just told him I wasn't interested. He said he understood, and that was that. Honestly, more respectful than I anticipated. I feel bad because of how I ended up things with him, and for the way things are going with my friend.

Was I wrong for doing that? Was there a way I could have done things differently not just for him, but most importantly my friend? I really don't want to lose my friend over something that just came and went. Am I the jerk?

TLDR: A friend of mine liked this guy, but i ended up going on a date, and made out with him. I also told him that she (my friend) liked him. I ended things with him because I wanted to make things right with my friend, despite us talking to be a couple.

TL;DR am I jerk for getting a teacher sacked for messed up behaviour, many people back in my hometown think so.

Very long story here but I’m interested to know what outsiders looking in think.

I’m 22 now and to this day there’s individuals from this period of time that shun me for what I did, even though what I did, imo, was the right thing to do. There was a teacher that I will call Mr M who was my registration teacher in his late 40s. Every morning we would sit for 30 mins to catch up on the news, get our attendance mark and prepare for the day.

Mr M had noticed when I was around age 13 that I was withdrawn. At 13 I was questioning my sexuality, was deeply in the closet about being transgender too (the closet was made of glass) I was deeply, deeply depressed to the point where I needed safeguarding interventions and first aid etc. Those who needed to know in the school were aware. I remember he persistently kept me behind to ask what was wrong, I’d tell him I was fine and each day he’d keep me behind until I told him.

Eventually I cracked and he became my main point of call for when I needed to talk to someone. I remember I was outed by classmates one day and was struggling so he took me to this room, locked the door (I think it’s hazy) and told me he was gay and he understood me. At this time I was identifying as a girl, and wasn’t even sure if I was gay or bisexual but I knew I wasn’t straight. He told me I was gay too so I just went with it. He then said to me I could not tell any other student about what he had told me and said I could only speak to the school councillor about our conversations.

I never told anyone incase they judged him like others had judged me. I was so anxious if I were to reveal it to anyone, I was so scared of losing him or him getting angry at me. Throughout the years our dynamic became something so toxic to the point i would cry if he wasn’t there, he’d give me the cold shoulder after talking to other teachers about my problems, he’d also infer sexual things in our convos, and would sit and listen in to sexual conversations I had with other students (one who was also lgbt and my friend who comes into this story) that I should’ve been told off for, but encouraged it which made me try and impress him in a way. He’d occasionally tell me off for the odd thing that went too far but for the most part yeah he’d just sit and listen.

He then said he was leaving when I was 15 and I tried to go bye bye if ygm when he said he was leaving. He said he’d be doing supply and nothing more. I remember balling my eyes out to the school’s safeguarding person, said he was like a dad to me, he just told me how ridiculous I was to even think that and that he’d never be my dad.

I ended up in hospital when he left. Fast-forward to a few years later. I had came out as transgender (female to male) and had a friend who had been trans like me all the way through school. At this time I was 16/17? He was 19 and was a few years groups above me. We had both left the school at this point. He rang me one day to say he had hooked up with Mr M and that I must’t tell a soul as Mr M had told him to keep it between them.

This instantly made me realize what he did to me or well what he had tried to do. All the caring, all the time, all the secrets was a plan to lead me into his bed like my friend. I was devastated, I was being groomed and my friend had just had the final step in the process happen to him. Whilst my friend was 19, the guy had taught him as a child, I knew this wasn’t right and I said to him I was going to report it.

My friend instantly got hostile, and this is where I wasn’t great at managing things. My friend had upset me so much that instead of realising the problem was Mr M, I took it as they were also the problem. I told everyone, his friends, his family, everyone who’d listen about what happened. That was not my place to do so and I regret it to this day. I was so hurt by what had happened to me and where it could’ve gone that what was meant to be something to protect my friend ended up getting my friend even more hurt than they were. I will always have regrets about this.

Another one of my friends who sat next to me in registration, also a gay guy (not trans) was now my bf during this, and also revealed to me that Mr M had been sending him pictures of himself as both me and him had him on social media, Mr M had messaged him things like “I was always hard when I was sitting in front of you.” Etc

So I went to the school as neither of them were going to, and with what had happened to me and how much power he had had over me, not to mention the relationship he had forced with me, I went and told them what had happened with all of us. Subsequently Mr M got sacked as a supply teacher, but then rumours came about that I had lied and they all stemmed from my friend who Mr M had slept with. He was now denying anything had ever happened between them and how i shouldn’t have reported it. yeah it was a mess. To this day people back from my hometown think I was a liar who got an ‘innocent’ man’s career ruined, but I know what happened to me and I know what my friend had told me that night.

I also remember that him getting sacked wasn’t enough for me, I was in so much pain, the school tried to keep it quiet even after a second meeting with them to talk about what they were going to do some something like this never happens again, I had balls at 17, so I added lots of ex teachers on Facebook at the time, made a Facebook post about what had happened to me and others, to which I had someone else come forward and say he had gone through something similar at 14. The police were then called on me for slander and I was told to take it down which was lowkey wild but they didn’t have enough evidence for his wrong doings.

A few months later, something else odd happened enough, I had gotten a message off someone telling them to stop pretending to be an old dude on grindr. I was so confused!? Turns out he had been chatting to a 16 year old and when Mr M got caught and said I had made a fake account pretending to be him… I KID YOU GUYS THE FRICK NOT. There was no evidence of me doing this as I lived in a different town from him and I to this day don’t know what happened with that when I reported that to the police.

But yeah… all of this had effected me so much, but when talking about it folk never understood it. “He never touched you like them?” It got to a point that the psychological damage he did to me was justified because he didn’t get the chance to get physical/digital like the other two. I’m just known as a liar, and the 19 year old ex friend of mine, now 26 year old, to this day goes around saying I am just a liar. I know what I did by going around saying what had happened to him wasn’t ok, I should’ve kept it anonymous at the beginning and I did at the end like with fb post etc. But he just denies it happened and I’m crazy. I did wrong in so many areas, I was hurt just like he was. We were both victims, but for some reason I’m held with more contempt than Mr M ever was which is wild to me.

And this is where we’re at now. A few weeks ago I had gotten into an argument with this guy who was friends with the dude who has been going around calling me a liar, he decided to bring out my friend’s claims in an argument that we were having. He claimed that I was lying about the situation we were arguing about just like I was about that teacher.

It cut right through me.

Can I just say I’m in trauma informed therapy due to this and many other traumatic events, have been for years, and still even with a diagnosis of C-PTSD from this and again many other things, no one will understand how much this messed me up and still does to this day… all because I wasn’t touched myself. I stand by that I was groomed, and I’m lucky it didn’t get to the end stage. But a part of me wished it did so people maybe understood my pain better. It’s messed I know, but no one gets who traumatic the steps leading up to what could’ve been the end result was.

I know I wasn’t perfect in this, I was 17, confused, angry and hurt. The only father figure I had did this to me. I’ve processed it a lot now but boy did it cause me to have a nervous breakdown and yup it still haunts me now as I’ve displayed.

But from all of this it’s spurred me on to become a teacher myself in the future and to specialise in safeguarding within a school. I’m currently at uni just getting my degree at the moment but I will go onto to do teacher training. So at least something good will come from my pain and that’s protecting future young people.

Side note: If you’re gonna use this post to justify homophobia/transphobia pls gtfo thanks.

For context, my dad is retired and my mom doesn't have a permanent job. Right now, they mostly rely on whatever extra work my dad can get because his ATM is currently being used as collateral for a loan, and we were supposed to get his pension back in September.

I'm very aware of how difficult their financial situation is. They're still renting, and I'm the one paying their rent every month. We agreed that once they got the money back, they would start paying their own rent again, and I could finally stop covering everything for them.

But then there's the question of where my dad's retirement money went.

Apparently, most of it was spent on another woman over the course of a year. We've caught him several times, and every time he promises he'll stop, but nothing really changes. I'm not going to lie, it's exhausting watching my mom get dragged into all of this.

I also don't just give them money whenever they ask because at some point, you get tired of helping people who keep putting themselves in the same situation. The worst part is that when they mess up financially, my mom ends up suffering too.

Now, all of my siblings know how tight money is at home. My older brother, however, is the type who likes borrowing money whenever he wants something.

Then I found out that my parents lent him $1,000 because he supposedly needed it for something important.

Later, I found out he actually used the money for gambling.

My first reaction was honestly disbelief. Out of everything he could've asked for help with, he borrowed money from two people who were already struggling financially just to gamble with it.

And the worst part? The money came from the same funds tied to my dad's pawned ATM. The money we're all waiting for. The money that was supposed to help my parents get back on their feet.

I got furious at my brother and told him that I understand he may have his own problems, but knowingly borrowing from parents who are already struggling just to gamble was completely irresponsible.

He told me he needed help and that it wasn't my place to judge him.

Maybe it's not my place to control what he does with his life, but when his decision directly affects my parents' finances and, consequently, me, I feel like I'm allowed to be angry.

I also got into an argument with my parents. I asked them why they could somehow find $1,000
to give my brother but couldn't use that money to pay their own rent first. They already have a balance because some of the money I sent specifically for rent was spent on other things.
So my brother got the money he wanted, my parents are still struggling, and I'm still the one expected to keep covering their expenses.

At this point, I honestly don't feel guilty for being angry anymore. I've spent so much time trying to understand everyone, helping where I can, and adjusting my own finances around their decisions.

I'm just exhausted.

Their defense now is that I was too harsh with the way I spoke to them.

Maybe I was. I know I said things out of anger. But after everything that's happened, I genuinely don't know how much more I'm supposed to tolerate.

AITJ for getting angry at my brother and my parents after they lent him money that he used for gambling, even though they couldn't afford to lend it in the first place?

TLDR; My parents are already struggling financially, and I'm currently covering their rent. They still lent my brother $1,000 from money they desperately needed, and he ended up using it for gambling. I got angry at both of them and told them I couldn't keep cleaning up the financial messes their decisions create. Now they say I was too harsh.

​

At this point, I genuinely need to know if I’m the jerk—or if my friend has somehow convinced himself that basic accountability is a personal attack.

A friend of mine has repeatedly disrespected me and another friend. We didn’t scream at him. We didn’t insult him. We didn’t gang up on him. We didn’t even approach him aggressively.

We politely told him that we felt disrespected.

Apparently, that was unacceptable.

Instead of saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was making you feel that way,” he decided the appropriate response was to curse both of us out and tell us that he’d rather not be disturbed “until further notice.”

Excuse me?

You disrespect people.

They calmly address it.

You get offended that they noticed.

Then you curse them out.

And somehow WE’RE the problem?

The audacity is honestly impressive.

What makes this even worse is that this wasn’t some random one-time misunderstanding. There have been repeated instances of him treating us differently, dismissing our feelings, and acting like we’re supposed to accept whatever behavior he gives us without saying anything.

We gave him chances.

We tried communicating.

We tried being understanding.

And what did we get in return?

Disrespect followed by a temper tantrum because someone finally had the nerve to call it what it was.

I’m supposed to feel guilty because he decided to remove himself from the situation after being called out?

No.

If you need to scream, curse people out, and demand “no contact” because someone calmly told you that your behavior hurt them, maybe the problem isn't the people who spoke up.

Maybe the problem is that you don't like being held accountable.

And honestly, I’m done confusing someone’s friendship with their entitlement to treat me however they want.

I’m not apologizing for having boundaries.

I’m not apologizing for defending myself or my friend.

And I’m definitely not apologizing because someone got angry when we stopped silently accepting his behavior.

So, Reddit:

Am I the jerk for finally refusing to tolerate the disrespect—or did my friend just prove exactly why we needed to say something in the first place?

Am I the jerk for completely cutting off a friend after years of feeling manipulated, used, and constantly walking on eggshells around her?

I’m a university student, and I’ve been friends with this girl for quite a while. Over time, I’ve reached the point where I genuinely don’t like being around her anymore and I want to end the friendship completely.

There wasn’t just one huge incident. It’s been a pattern of things building up for a long time.
One of the biggest problems was university. At one point, she took a piece of work that I had written and used it for her own university work. It became an academic issue. She received a warning, and thankfully the instructor understood that I had nothing to do with what she had done.

What really bothered me was what happened afterwards. After we were called in about it, instead of really understanding why I might need some distance after being put in that position, she was upset with me because I didn’t come and sit with her afterwards.

After that incident, I actually tried to distance myself from her. When she noticed, she started saying things like, “You’re so difficult when you’re upset,” and posting things about how she was secretly depressed, how nobody knew what she was going through, etc. I felt guilty and eventually went back to being close with her.

I can’t know whether those posts were actually about me, and I don’t want to accuse her of faking depression. She may genuinely have been struggling. But I realised that whenever I tried to create distance, I would end up feeling guilty and responsible for how she felt, and then I would go back to the friendship even though I didn’t really want to.

Academically, she also constantly expects things from me. I study throughout the semester while also juggling university, work, home and family responsibilities. She often doesn’t put in the same effort and then, close to exams, expects me to teach her everything.

She has also pressured me to help her cheat.
She wants my notes and has even expected me to type my handwritten notes into Word because she says she can’t understand my handwriting. It started feeling like the work I had spent the whole semester doing was somehow also my responsibility to prepare for her.

Another thing that bothers me is that she seems to feel entitled to information about me. Every time grades come out, she expects me to tell her exactly what I got. If I don’t want to share my grade, she makes comments implying that I’m weird, mentally unwell, or that I’m scared of the evil eye.

I’m a pretty private person. I keep my family life separate from my friendships. She is the complete opposite. I know an unbelievable amount about her family because she tells me everything: what her siblings like and dislike, what happens between her parents, how many times they argue, problems with relatives, everything.

That is her choice, and I have never had a problem with her choosing to share those things. But sometimes it feels like because she tells me everything, she expects the exact same access to my personal life. I don’t work that way.

She also talks badly about people constantly. Friends, relatives, her sister-in-law, random people — there always seems to be somebody she is criticising behind their back. At some point I started thinking, “If she talks about everyone like this to me, she probably talks about me like this to other people too.”

Even trivial things become exhausting. She believes heavily in things like astrology and signs, such as saying that wearing a certain colour means she will succeed at something. Obviously people are allowed to believe whatever they want, but combined with everything else, I’ve reached the point where even these conversations irritate me because I don’t feel connected to her anymore.

I also really dislike the way she behaves in public. Her phone is constantly on full volume, she talks extremely loudly, her laugh can practically be heard across the building, and she can be rude or aggressive towards strangers over very minor things. If someone asks her something the wrong way, she can snap at them and completely go off on them.

Being outside with her often makes me uncomfortable because I feel like she has very little consideration for the people around her.

There was also something that hurt me a lot regarding our grandmothers.
When her grandmother died, I stayed by her side and supported her throughout the funeral and mourning period because, regardless of the problems in our friendship, I knew she was grieving and I wanted to be there for her.

But the entire time, I kept remembering what happened when my own grandmother died.
When I had tried to talk to her about my grief, instead of comforting me, she made fun of my feelings and basically acted like my grief wasn’t that serious because my grandmother lived in another country.

That hurt me deeply.

After her grandmother’s funeral, she travelled. During the whole time she was away, she barely thought of me or contacted me. Then as soon as she came back, one of the first things she said was basically, “Why haven’t you been talking to me?”

It made me feel like the responsibility for maintaining the friendship was always somehow mine.
There are also smaller incidents that sound stupid when explained individually, but they show what it feels like to interact with her.

Recently at university, we were leaving and I simply asked whether she was going home using a different form of public transport. Normally I take the tram and she takes the bus.

Instead of just answering, she started laughing at me and swearing, saying things like, “Why are you asking me this time? You ALWAYS take the tram. Now suddenly you’re asking me?”

It was such a basic, harmless question, but her tone and the way she spoke to me made me feel so humiliated that I genuinely felt like I was about to cry.

That happens a lot. I can say something completely normal, fail to give her the reaction she wanted, or do something slightly differently than usual, and suddenly I feel like I’ve committed some massive offence.

I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells.
I also want to be fair and say that I haven’t handled every situation perfectly either. I’ve gotten angry and said things I regret during arguments, and I’m not claiming that I’m some flawless friend while she has done everything wrong.

But I’ve reached the point where I don’t think the friendship is fixable, and more importantly, I don’t want to fix it.

A few days ago we were supposed to go out together, and I cancelled because we genuinely had guests coming over. But if I’m honest, I was relieved to have a reason not to go. I don’t want to reschedule it.

Right now, I’ve stopped initiating contact. I don’t send her things anymore. I’ve muted her on WhatsApp, Instagram and Snapchat. If she messages me, I usually don’t respond unless it is something genuinely necessary.

The weird part is that even though I’m distancing myself, I still catch myself checking whether she has messaged me and worrying about how she is going to react when she sees me at university.

I think that says a lot about how anxious this friendship has made me.

I’ve forgiven a lot of what happened and I don’t wish anything bad on her. But I’ve realised that forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean I have to keep giving them access to me.

I don’t want a reduced friendship. I don’t want to “work things out.” I genuinely want to end the friendship completely and just remain civil if we happen to see each other at university.

I also think part of the reason this friendship has gone on for so long is because I’m genuinely bad at saying no to people.

I struggle a lot with setting boundaries, especially when I know the other person is going to be upset with me. Even when I decide that I want to distance myself from someone, I tend to feel guilty, second-guess myself, and somehow end up back in the same relationship again.

That is basically what happened with her. I’ve tried to pull away before, but the moment she confronted me, got upset, or made me feel like I was hurting her, I gave in and went back to normal.

I know that part is on me. I need to learn how to say no and stand by my decisions instead of constantly trying to keep everyone happy. But I also think that is why ending this friendship feels so difficult to me. It isn’t that I secretly want to stay friends with her. I don’t. I just struggle to tolerate the guilt and conflict that comes with saying, “I don’t want this relationship anymore.”

I’m worried that if I sit down with her for a long conversation, I’ll end up doing exactly what I’ve done before: feeling guilty, apologising, backing down, and somehow walking away still being her friend even though that isn’t what I want.

AITAH for cutting her off entirely rather than sitting down with her and trying to repair the friendship one more time?