I, "Spencer 261120" (1M, brown tabby and white) live in a government apartment. My son "Remus 261125" lives in another government apartment in the same cell block apartment complex. Before that we lived with Cranky Lady in Meowmy's apartment after Meowmy left. Then Cranky Lady dropped us off at the jail government apartment building.

Anyway, at first I was terrified of the government apartment and the housekeeping staff. But now I've learned how to get a lot of extra snacks from them: they tip me with treatos or churu for singing The Songs Of My People. These songs are very culturally important to me so I'm passing them on to my son (I got separated from my daughters by the housekeeping staff). So my son and I have been singing duets to keep our cultural heritage alive. They go something like this:

MEOW ^meow MEOOW ^mewmewmew MEOWOWOWWWW

You get the picture. Anyway, the housekeepers keep complaining about it.

AWTC for trying to keep our culture alive??

Loki. Big boy like tiger. Orange. Has tail.

Mummy and Dada gets up early before Mr Sun wake up birds go tweet not in house place.

And Mummy goes Loki Mummy go on plane to see frien and be back.

I tend not hear and do one yawn and no big boy Loki that bigggggg stretch and tends go back sleep and not give no kisses.

You know why Loki give no kisses and tends to sleep cos frien has oh my gosh big dog wif teef and eyes and says bark.

I thinks that mummy will run and hides cos I tells her dog over road yells and does swear words and dogs are looking with eyes.

Mummy no listen so I no listen.

But am I naughty cos I tend to sleep cos mummy no listen.

Henlo frends. It is I Data G Bird (10m), and I has a problems. Mommy got big hurts in the ankles so Grandma and Grandpa hads to comes over and be with Mommy so Mommy no fall agains. I loves Grandma and Grandpa very muches. I was sads that Mommy was hurt but then Mommy wents to Grandma and Grandpa WITHOUT DATA BIRD!!!! OVERNIGHTS!!! Leaving me at home with Daddy. 🙄 So I was mads at Mommy for leaving poor Data Bird behind. But glads Mommy is home now. AITC for being mad because Mommy lefts me at home with Daddy for a night?

Data's Mom: I severely sprained my ankles and had to have someone with me at all times for two weeks in order to ensure I dont fall and to help me with everyday tasks. I am better now!

Ok, so we knows this sound bad, but hear us out. We is pet rat girls Finduilas and Morwen (19mo) and Lalaith and Belladonna (6.5mo). We has human mom.

Recently, mom move to new place. Cage stay same, but place outside cage different. We has playtime in bathroom. It ok, even though mom block off all the funnest corners.

Mom gib us litter box in bathroom. That very convenient. But sometimes we poops outside it fur very good reasons. First ob all, Morwen take *furever* to poop. And she fat so no one else cans fit on box when she there. So sometimes, we poops just outside box while waiting fur turn.

Also, we needs many poop corners. Sometimes not convenient run all way back to litter box. So we has designated cardboard next to door and space under towel shelves as extra poop places. Under shelves acause it cozy and safe. Cardboard in front ob door acause it different texture so clearly poop spot.

Finally, sometimes we is falsely accused! Maybe playing near litter box and poop fall out. Or run around and drag it on accident. Yes, poop on floor, but we is not *pooping* on floor. And it not fresh poop. So mom just being silly.

Mom say we is little cloacas acause she hab to pick up poop right after shower. But we never ask her pick up poop. It fine where it is! We already make many compromise fur her. Right after move, we used bath mat fur poop spot. But she really no like that so we change it. Now she want us gib up other poop spots. Is completely unreasonable! What you think?

Hi, everyone! Glad to have everyone [EDIT: in my family] back in Califurnia with me!

Well, earlier today Grandma was taking a nap, and I wasn’t allowed in the room…but I didn’t like that because I wanted to be WITH her! So while Mommy and Grandpa were watching TV in the den, I would keep going back to Grandma’s attached door and scratch at it because I didn’t want it to be closed. And those scratches didn’t make the door open but I had to keep trying again because maybe each new attempt WOULD work!

And one of those times, Mommy just stared at me and playfully muttered, “Definition of insanity, Riley.”

Now, I don’t know the meaning of the word “definition”, and the group of letters in “insanity” just sounds crazy together. But I do know the fourth word she said because that’s MY name! And like we all learned in puppy school, we have to look at our pawrents when they say our names so after she made those sounds I stopped the door scratches and turned to look at her!

Well, Mommy found that hilarious because she didn’t even say those words that loud but I STILL know my name! That said, AITC fur not being Einstein?

I'm little bald eaglet (age abutt les dan six moths) has many molts n wite n brown fezzers n I m lerning 2 live indee. impy... by my ownselfs!

I wuz eeting a ded grown-hawg-bean on da dry ribber dat runs by weere I liv. N dis weely-bote sloes down n stops. I no wanna share food wif weely-bote so I no moov. Weely-bote bork @ me n I sed baby no share wif u! Den a hoomin-bean open da hatsch on da weely-bote n I nope on owt. I cudnt fly so gude cuz I'm baby n moult but I flys better dan hoomin-bean.

So AITC for being greed n not getting off da rode?

P.S. I dunno why dey call grwn-hawg-beans dat cuz dey not pig-beans

[ I need to get a dashcam to record my bird adventures. I wasn't sure if this little beast was a young golden or young bald. Attitude and the juvenile coat weirdness = bald. At least it moved, unlike when I had to get out of the car to chase a real stubborn adult off the road ]

Mellie. Kinda round, most colours. Lady cat.

G'day.

Yous dont know me alright.

And I am cousin to Seven and Loki.

Loki is alright. Few kangaroos loose up in the top paddock if you know what I mean.

Never met Seven. But hear she was a top Shelia.

Anyhow. I was living out in the country and my real mummy fell on the floor and forgot about stuff.

So my cousin was coming out to my joint every day to give me me tea and play.

And then I moved in and I was living in the back room by myself and was not allowed out, and then I was allowed out.

Now it tooked me a bit but eventually I was yeah this place is safe and I don't gotta hide.

So when that tall cousins who sounds funny goes to big bed I to big bed.

The short clumsy one is already sleepin side ways with the sheets everywhere sound like one of them diesel engines.

So funny sounding one talks like them ones on the movies says Mellie you come to bed, this is where Seven used to sleep.

Now, I don't know nothing about this Seven character but she seemed real special and I don't wanna be filling no ones shoes and making people sad when they got the food and loving.

Am I the cloaca for sleepin in this spot.

I'm Majin Büu Berry, ownr of all I si, witch iz rediculusly smol and sisfur of Deezl. Butt it haz ays fissy machine ware mahma gess fissies fur watr bol. Is noiz. I invessigat. Sumtiems invessigat frum onn top. Yahg push me of wif CURL STIK? I very AFFRONTED!

I canit bea da butte.

I'm Sal (Spooky boy/boo, Sally boy, Boo McGoo, Salvatore, house panther), 10M. I like to sit on my mom's lap but sometimes when I'm there I also want to play so I'll lightly bite or swat. Sometimes I'll pay when Mom offers me toys but I really want to play with her like I do my sissy (13F tortie) by play wrestling/play fighting. When that happens Mom tells me I can get off the lap, but I don't want to-meaning mom picks me up and puts me on the ground (I jump back into lap a few minutes later most times).

Am I really the cloaca because I want to cuddle and play fight at the same time? I don't really want to have to choose.

OhHey! Ai am Puppy D. Luffy, that is, Luffy... aka Areyufrweekinseereeus, Dudereawrly, Owdatsmaifoot, an DammitAisedzdrwopit, among udder naems. Yesserday, da mommy an dadman did me a noo wae! Nao Ai maiself am beeg hyooj ill eagle smol wut wae 95 pownds! Ai weel be 8 mumps old in too mor daez! Mommy sez herm felted sumpin coll 'faint'. Herm sez buddy pweez stahp doin da grwow. Herm sez yu tu hebby fur pownce on mommy an da gurrrl (FYI grrrlz is so mutch awsum an dey smell gud an hab hare yu can lix an muntch an dey do sumpin cawl skweel!!! Aww! So eksite!!!) Awlso mommy getz noo stupf on herm fayce cawl peer sings? In eyezybrow an in nos trill?? Herm sez Ai can noe gibs herm kissiez on herm fayce! Ai fink mebbe her brakin da law on dat wun. So ennywae... if Ai not stahp doin da grow, WIBTC? - Luffy

Okay so. Hi. I is Duchess, bunny, 3 and a half. Am oldest bunny now and I take my job VERY seriously. I have a bigger baby brother to protect now, so I need you to take that into consideration VERY SERIOUS with your judgmental. Okay?

I take keeping clean and tidy space very serious. Dat means all hay and poops IN POTTY BOX. Dat means toys stay in their area. Dat means CLEAR OUT roots and branches and twigs from warren, okay? Sometimes they're really spicy and bite me back but it is IMPERATIVE to keep the warren clean.

Well, recently I find BIG BRANCH on floor. Very spicy. Mommy say it fall by accident in the night. Which is FINE because I HANDLED IT. I ATE IT. It was VERY SPICY and my tummy aches but my brother is safe and hooms is safe so what's the big deal? Apparently i could have burned down the WHOLE WARREN but there was a BRANCH that did. Not. Belong.

*BIG THUMP*

Anyway. Now me and brother really hot and wearing thick fur coats. Mommy said big branch was air condinner to keep house cool. I say it was in the way. Am I the cloaca for being offended by branch and heat, or is Mommy cloaca for letting big branch fall on floor?

Please advise.

Love, Duchess.

HELLO pets who I think are out there across the Internet! Long distance Riley here; I haven’t seen Mommy in eight whole days cuz she and Grandma and Grandpa decided to go to the Main[e] fur no good reason! Apparently I’ll see them again on Monday but Monday doesn’t exist right now so right now I’m sad.

Anyways, tonight my whole family was having dinner with Grandma’s sisters and my cousins (ie, Grandma’s sisters’ doggies)! Grandma’s big sister’s doggy isn’t pick up-able, but her little sister’s doggy Lucky is only a bit bigger than me so she still fits in my Mommy’s lap!

At first Lucky was in her Mommy’s lap (even though they were all at the dinner table so she wasn’t even s’pposed to be there), but since my Mommy was sitting next to Lucky’s mommy that meant that Lucky was able to go right into Mommy’s lap!

Now, usually I’d have no idea that this happened except that Grandma took a photo of Lucky on Mommy’s lap and sent it to Treat Stranger and then Treat Stranger sent Grandma a very dignified photo of me looking cute but also all alone.

Why am I all alone though? Why couldn’t I go in the Zipper Box tube last week with my humans? I want a chance to compete with my cousins fur Mommy’s attention too!

Hello friends! Iscar the tabbycat here, also known as Big Baby Boy.

So every day after breakfast I fuss ALL over my Mumma when she says she is doing Work. I also do a Flop and Sad Eyes so my Mumma HAS to cuddle me.

So then Mumma picks me up and holds me like a Baby. I snuggle on Mumma's face, but then I don't want to. So I do a Wiggle and a Jump.

Mumma says I am Cloaca coz I "don't know what I want". Am I Cloaca?

Hello, furry and feathered friends. I am Butler, the most glorious tuxedo cat. I have been on holly-days. Firstly I stayed with Old Man Cat Slave and Old Lady Cat Slave. Cat S;ave 1 says they are her parents, and they looked after me whilst she went away with skin kittens that she teaches.

Then CS1 came and OLCS and OMCS went away. Then CS1 went away, and OMCS put me in moving box, then CS1 came. Then CS1 put me in moving tube and brought me home.

CS1 went out today. I felt a bit lonely and sad, even though CS2 was working from home and could give me fuss and cuddles. So I gave CS1 a little momento of me by doing hork hork hairball on her bed.

CS1 was so happy when she came home to her present. She stripped her bed, which is always a fun job for me to help with. Then I was so tired from all my fun I fell asleep.

CS1 says I am cloaca for hork hork then falling asleep like a baby angel.

I'm Eyeless Grace (14/f/void). I was Pirate Gracie for awhile. I live with Dad (73/m), his brother Uncle (68/m) and his sister Auntie (60/f). I had eye Herbies when I was a kitten and it resurfaced when I got old. One eye was damaged this spring so it came out. I had to walk around with a lampshade on my head. Last week I had the other one removed and I'm walking around with a lampshade AGAIN.

The paper the eye-snatcher gae the humans said to give me soft food for the first week. I hate soft food! (but lunchmeat. Now you're talking!) Auntie tried shoving some canned food in my face. I wasn't touching that poison. Then she put water in my regular food. NOPE. I went right over and ate the regular food I like that goes crunch. Dad caught me but he acted like he didn't know.

I pulled off my lampshade (the nasty big plastic one) multiple times when the humans weren't looking. They got real annoyed and made me put it on again. Finally Uncle gave up and grabbed the cardboard lampshade I wore when my first eyeball was snatched. I haven't gotten that off my head yet...

So...AITC?

[ She was already rapidly going blind before her first surgery. Funny thing is she rarely runs into things now that she has no eyes??]

GRAPHIC eye stuff: Gracie developed a perforating ulcer on her left eye and aqueous humor started leaking so that came out first. Her remaining eye developed a worse ulcer with worse leaking and her eyeball was starting to shrink.

I am a black-capped conure parrot named Danny. I am 2.5 years old, and I've been told I'm very cute. The other day, my hooman was washing the dishes while I perched on the faucet, occasionally taking a sip of water. I am a very clean little bird, and I poop-peed on a dinner plate that mom was washing. She had the gall to say, "EWW, Danny!" How insulting. Should I feel shame and guilt? AITC?

Frens, we needs halp. Ours hoomin is sumtyms okay - like when they gives us squeezytube yums - but now they says we is clocka, an we no thinks is true.

See, we is two big hansom ornj boys. Wash 9. Hims has biiiiiig appurrtight. Eats ebithing. Verr brave. Verr stronk. Squeak prolly 8, but we not sure, becoz hims just appeared under rose-mary bush one night and did screms. Hims verr scared of hoomins, but Squeak and Wash falled in love. Squeak no leave. Slowly, verr slowly, Squeak becamed little bit less scared of hoomin who gives us noms. But still wilds at heart.

Problem comes at night when big stranger cat does introod in our home. He try steal foods. He bite open food bag! Our foods! We supports crime, but stealing our foods is not okay!!

Stranger cat is verr scary. Squeak screm to tell Wash and hoomin there is introoder. Wash make hiss hiss hiss. Hoomin come downstairs, chase introoder, hims leave. Good hoomin. Hoomin sleep rest of night on couch by window. Not much sleep. Is good! Hoomin must learn from catto: day is for sleeps, night is for adventpurr!

This happens again next night. This time introodercat go up stairs! Squeak screm. Wash screm. Hoomin chase introoder agen - good hoomin - but then hoomin do bad thing: they close window. We is used to one window always open so we cans go into garden. Other side of house always close. No go into street. Just garden. But Squeak must be able to go into jungle garden when wild cat heart needs it!

Now, all of sudden, all windows close. No night jungle! No moonlight dance after hoomin goes asleep!

Of course, dis make Squeak heart verr sad. So hims sit at window and cry. Hoomin calls. Hoomin gib yum-yums. Hoomin sez is for own safe tea. Hoomin sez themselves open window again at six ay em. But no belieb. Squeak keep screm. Human dare say Squeak is clocka for screm screm screm.

What say yous? We should do soo?

I am an elderly tuxedo gentleman, and obviously, it is important for me to stay hydrated because, as we all know, the risk of kidney disease increases with age in cats.

I work hard at my hydration, drinking from my water fountain and from the bowl of water outside and from puddles when available. So, I consider myself well-educated in the realm of hydration.

However, today I was with my primary human in her room. She also drinks water, which I commend her for. I don't know about kidney disease in humans, but they probably do have kidneys.

And I just went to take one sip of her water to test it for quality and purity. Instead of commending me for hitting my hydration goals, she pulled me away from the glass of water and said, "No! Bad!"

I was so upset that I left the room and went crying downstairs to the other human.

Am I the cloaca?

Sam (15m gray and white piebald cat) here. I was trying to climb into bed with my mom and my brother, lost my footing and accidentally clawed my mom’s lower lip. She used some loud litterbox words and went to the bathroom. After she came back I jumped on the bed and kept headbutting her to make her feel better. AITC?

Hi! I am Mama Cat, and I live in a house with a few other cats and a dog and some humans.

The other day one of the humans came down to cook and I heard her all the way across the house asking why there was cat hair in the skillet! And then my own human said they thought it was me!

I've never been so insulted in my life! First of all, they have no proof it was me. Secondly, cat hair is a delicacy! Thirdly, it's not like I was sitting on the counter, I mean, really! Now the skillet is off-limits too?? What's next, I'm not allowed to sit on people's faces at bedtime? Unbelievable.

Good midnight (because 2:30 AM shouldn’t count as morning tbh) pets!

Well, Mommy is home fur tonight so yay! And she went to bed yesterday with her door open just like Grandma and Grandpa did (which is where I sleep). And a few minutes ago I was happy in dream land when I got waked up by the loudest of loud noises coming from Mommy’s Human Doggy Pad room.

Of course I went from one open door to the other to investigate the louds, and when Mommy came back to her room she heard my (less loud) jangly collar and paws which gave her good feelings because it meant I was nearby and possibly snuggle-able!

So she said my name and patted on her bed in hopes that I would jump up on it, but as far as I was concerned the Loud had disappeared so I guess it wasn’t as much of a threat anymore.

AITC fur denying Mommy her midnight snuggles once I made sure her room was nice and quiet again?

[I swear my own toilet has the loudest flush I’ve ever known.]

okay, okay, I Milo, I 1 years old kitty!

I knoes i use litter box. But i has gud excuse! so da floor in da bafroom had a wierd dent in da floor right n a scary stranger man came and he do the fixy fixy. but when he doing it, water started spraying everywere!! da humans said da water pipe got in da way. so he fixy fixy dat and he fixy fixy da floor but den da whole bafroom smells wierd rite, like water and fixy sticky paste. So Hooman left da door shut ta keep us outs bc they meanie. but oder hooman leave door open so I do sneaky sneak inside. I good kitty so I no pee on da floor rite? but I pee in da scary water tub so room smell like kitty again! room gotta smell like kitty because it's kitty house rite? deres me and funny cat I jump on and meanie cat I leave alone (he big scary).

But hooman says I cloaca bc i do pee in the tub n I noes better n I shuldnt be in bafroom it still drying. am I da cloaca?

Hello frens, I am Captain and I live with the Mom and Dad. I do not like sky boomies. We did not have those lots in our old house, but we drove forever to new house and they come a lot here. I am very brave and not at all afraid but someone (not me) was shaking and crying. I just meekly expressed my mild concern to the Mom and Dad in our special love language, which is me rolling my small heavy friends around the floor. (I will try to put picture of me sleeping while my small heavy frens guard my butt.)

Then the Mom helped someone (not me) feel less afraid of the sky boomies by explaining that they are actually Cheese Music. I see pretty quick the Mom is right and the boomies tell you cheese is happening. Someone (not me) got less worried and soon no more shaking (not me) or crying (not me). Now I am just a tiny bit anxious that the Mom might forget to celebrate the Cheese Music properly.

So I still am rolling my small heavy frens around, but now I stop and look at the Mom for cheese. Small heavy friends like to dance to Cheese Music, I like cheese, everyone is not crying or shaking (not me) and I go sleep the sleep of the Cheese Fairy. But the Mom say something about butt, head, hard wood, and floor. Lot of STOP in there but I was thinking about cheese. AITC?