As a man myself, the Lindsay Clancy case has really highlighted how much women defend other women - sometimes to a fault (especially with this case).

I've noticed that men do NOT do that. In fact, it seems like we are always trying to one up each other.

We don't even have each other backs like women do. Why not? Can this be changed?

At risk of my main account: have been with a girl for a while. Found today she's reading a popular spicy novel, I asked in a joking way if she reads it for the story or the material, she said both. I looked up some of the content and it was incredibly explicit, definitely not just "romance".

For some reason, I didn't quite feel right about it. Of course I had recognized I had used porn many times before. And yes, I recognize that using porn is different, on many levels..

What I think the tricky part for me is, is that I haven't used porn since we've been seeing each other. Like, haven't wanted to and wouldn't. It's not something we talked about, just something for me that's a "no question" kind of thing; I don't "need" anything to fulfill that need but you, and I wouldn't feel faithful if I was thinking about anyone or any scenario but you.

Maybe I am too naive (I'm 31), or too old school, or something else. Trying to look inward here.

I spent my whole life being extremely shy and hesitant because of harsh words from my family which completely broke my confidence to the point where I feel anxious just going to a new grocery store Whenever someone disrespects me or takes my rights I stay silent and make cheap excuses to myself thinking I am being mature when deep down I know I was just scared My biggest fear in life is being helpless if my family ever needs protection and I genuinely want to change this from the core to build discipline physical strength and true mental toughness so I can finally stand up for myself and become a reliable man I can count on

Women expect certain qualifications in men - height, money, status, etc, and hence arises a situation that we know as hypergamy. But men have relatively low expectations from women. Women are not judged based on how much money they have. Perhaps beauty, but expectations are definitely higher for men. Why? Women earn as well. Height I can understand as Biological/evolutionary, but money? Money can be a standard of judgment for women to as well, can it not?

I (m21) have chosen to remain single forever. I do not want to be in a relationship with anyone. The problem is I don't have a template for lifelong singlehood. For most of my life most of my plans and visualizations of them (that i am now getting rid off) revolved around being a man who could eventually have and sustain his own family. Now that I have done away with those I realize that the templates I had for my future are ill fitting for this new life I've chosen. So i recalibrated.

After recalibrating, all I have is, get a high income, save and invest, be generous, be industrious, be respectful and kind, have a good reputation, develop hobbies now only for the sole purpose of alleviating boredom, ensure hobbies are challenging to slow cognitive decline without being unnecessarily time consuming, travel, get a dog or two. That's it. Feels like it's missing something or a few more things but I don't know what. Could be doing fun stuff with friends but I don't have high expectations there so I conveniently left it out. I'm not sure what else I'm missing or if my list is just fine because society hardly presents a reliable script for people who live their lives unpartnered.

For those of you who also do not wish to be in relationships and are thriving, what are some tips and pointers? I'm open to advice from others who are partnered as well. Thank you.

I shower daily sometimes even twice a day and there's still a musky scent down there after a while. Why do we have 50 brands underarm antiperspirant and deodorant, but almost nothing serious for your balls?

A real question

I graduated college a year back and have been working full time and living alone (no family) for a while. Most of my college friends live a bit far and also work so it’s a bit hard to plan time.

I go to places for golfing and softball pitching but most ppl I see are either a bit outside my age range, families, or something else. I’m pretty introverted but it feels impossible to find other people also have nerdy interests and also aren’t kinda “weird” about it (the more extreme ends).

Any tips?

30 yr old male here:

So pretty much what the title says I grew up as a single child with no father figure or older brother in my life. I realized this is crucial since I’m struggling with dating, becoming a complete man, and unsure what to do with life. I came across programs for boys who didn’t have fathers or older brothers but none cater to men my age. I tried dating coaches but they cost an arm and a leg and the most I can spent is 200 dollars. I do get anxious when talking to women. I’ve put a pause on speed dating and just focus on myself but I notice that women tend to make a move on me or “accidentally bump into me” especially at music festivals. One girl even slowly move towards my space at a club and grinders on me but not knowing what to do I stood there.

If anyone knows any programs for someone like me lmk

First of all, no judgement zone. This is not a weird power trip where I'm subtly calling you an asshole. I'm just genuinely curious!

In high school, I was treated a certain way by a lot of boys that I never truly understood. I don't even know if it's correct to call it bullying. I often sat alone during lunch by choice, and would sit in a little secluded hallway to work on homework or go on my phone. It technically wasn't allowed, but I was a good student so they turned a blind eye. I guess I also had kind of a unique fashion style? Nothing crazy or alternative, but I wore a lot of pink and skirts which was unusual for girls at my school. I had friends, but wasn't popular by any means, and didn't care much for boys in general. I stuck to myself but was sociable.

Boys would often act very weird around me, especially at lunch time when they found me. One time a group of four or five boys or so threw small rocks/gravel at me and ran away giggling. Another time, two boys stood over me asking what I was doing (clearly eating lunch), giggling the whole time. One time a boy sat on my desk while I was sitting there, to chat with friends. I often would find myself surrounded by boys who were giggling and going 'we're friends, right? Do you like him? What about him?'

These boys would specifically always hang out with and date girls who had fake tans, blonde hair, and dressed in white or gray clothing. That style was very popular at my school, and they all acted basically identical- but some of those girls were really nice, while others would also giggle around me and go 'hey, we're friends right? You like me more than her, right?' and laugh at everything I said.

The gravel incident sticks with me specifically. Did any of you do these things in your childhood? Why? Did you do it to girls specifically? Was it because they were introverts or wore different styles? Because they were pretty or ugly? The age old 'they had a crush on you!' never felt right to me, because it was obvious they were mocking me. And how do those conversations even start? 'Let's throw rocks at this girl, it'll be funny!' It never made me angry, but I did have to move lunch spots multiple times.

Anyway, I'm just curious. No one judge each other in the comments please, everyone does dumb things in their teenage years. Part of me also wonders where those boys are now.

I'm asking men who are 30 or older, both those who are in a relationship and those who are not... Because I want to figure out how men even get to be happy in a relationship.
I know what I'm about to say may sound fucked-up and immature to most of you, probably... But I hope some of you will understand what I'm talking about:

I let time pass and see if my vision of life changes, but until now my idea of life, as a man, is still the same and gets more and more clear: the peak of life is not being in a relationship, the peak is the moment when you are dating a girl/woman, when you're flirting, eventually getting laid a few times, or just once, or even none... Maybe even before that, maybe the best moment in life is when you're able to catch some women's attention, when a pretty girl FINALLY shows some kind of interest in you and starts checking you out. And of course it's more fun when you perceive the girl as at least a bit out of your league... when it happens, and if it happens, that's just so nice, as if life shouldn't go any further... The moment you're impressing one girl is just the sweet spot.

Idk, but personally I never expected a relationship to be "fun" or fulfilling in any way... How am I supposed to have fun doing stuff along with a gf? No way it is going to be more fun than doing stuff with a bunch of friends or even alone, so you can just answer for yourself... Yes, of course there's sex and cuddles, but it still gets boring not having to "fight" for that anymore... This may sound very controversial, but having sex with a person who "loves" you and gets affectionate toward you, as if they were close family, gets less sexy... I don't know if it makes any sense.

You need a woman to have kids and build a family, all right... But why should I even desire having kids? Idk, I never understood why people would want to have kids if not just out of the pure fear of loneliness... Or, in my very personal understanding: women are the ones who want kids and are actually built to give birth to them. So I would have kids because I fall in love with a woman and give her kids... But how much should I love a woman in order to take such a huge risk and responsibility?... Idk, I never felt that way, never felt such a deep love for a woman that it made me want to take action on that.

To make it even more simple: I just lose all my motivation after getting into a relationship... even if I like the woman and I consider her to be clever and we get along well... I literally don't know where to find any energy and positivity to do stuff. Since I was an early teenager, it has worked this way: I just got myself motivated to do the shit, to study, to take care of myself, to do whatever, because if not, I'm invisible to girls. It hasn't changed since then.

I feel so fucking lonely being like that: I see most men around me, if not everyone, just can't wait to get into a relationship and settle down... like they don't even make any selection, a "free" woman is a good woman and she's long-term material... HOW?

I mean the term lightly. However, I’m asking if a man should see the woman that he’s with as “the most beautiful woman in the world”, or close to it. Of course beauty is subjective. However, to me, that makes the question even more simple. Because shouldn’t she be the most “subjectively beautiful” to him?

So I’ve been trying to get this summer a little more momentum, I’ve got my hair changed, I’ve been trying to get ready for dnd when school starts, been trying to draw more so my cousin doesn’t see me on my computer 24/7? But every time when I see someone or when someone asked me what I’ve been doing when I say what I’ve been doing like
“Oh what a been up to?”
“Been trying to draw.”
I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s skin, my drawings aren’t good but I’m tryin to get better everyday. I’m not the best Dm but I’ve been watching videos, and trying to learn the dos and don’ts. I’m not the best brother, but I’m trying to get my brother away from watching things that don’t help him grow. I changed my hair, not because I like the style, but because it needs to grow more so I can work with it soon. Everything not there YET but it feels weird. Been trying to spend more time with my brother, well simply just check what he’s been watching, I know he lies about what he watches, and I’m trying to make sure he talks to himself less. He doing better, but I think I just need a few minutes to breathe, I’m doing everything I can but why does it feel Weird?

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been seeing this pattern constantly and it really makes me think.
It opened my eyes for some things and I really want to talk about it.

And just to clarify: I’m going to describe this pretty technically on purpose, i want my point to be clear. This isn’t necessarily how I personally date or choose people; I’m trying to describe a pattern I’ve been observing and understand whether other people notice it too.

I don’t mean the usual “men will sleep with women they wouldn’t date” thing purely in terms of looks/sex/compatibility etc.

I mean the social side of choosing a girlfriend.

I’ve noticed men who are pretty ordinary themselves with average/middle-class jobs, not wealthy or exceptionally successful, seem to choose serious girlfriends who have a certain kind of socially desirable life around them.
By that I mean things like: she has a good social circle, travels, has friends and connections, comes from a respected or interesting background, is socially polished, has hobbies/accomplishments, is well-liked, gets validation from other people and generally looks like someone whose life is “going somewhere.”
She may not even be particularly rich or professionally successful. It’s more that she has social capital and looks good as the woman he publicly chose.

Meanwhile, another woman may be attractive enough for him to sleep with, talk to for months, have a situationship with, seek attention from etc., but he never seems to seriously consider her as his girlfriend.
It makes me wonder whether it always works like that for most men.

Like the two different thresholds:

Private attraction versus Public partner selection

Or in other words:
“Do I like her/ want sex / enjoy her company?”
And
“What does having her as my girlfriend say about me? Does she fit into the life/image I want? Does being associated with her increase my social standing or give me access to a better social world?”

Again, I don’t mean some billionaire looking for an heiress. I mean completely normal men potentially caring about the social value of the woman they publicly commit to.

Do you take into account how socially ‘well-matched’ you look with a woman when you decide whether to make her your girlfriend?
Like, not just whether you’re attracted to her privately, but whether she fits your social circle, lifestyle and public image and whether you look like a ‘good match’ to other people?

So I am in an interesting spot. Recently I got out of a 5 year relationship that was highly traumatic. This was about two months ago. Right since the start of it I started seeing a classmate of mine, and it was a bit overlapping but nothing physical happened until after the breakup.

We were going very slowly and that was fine, I needed it, but she left for a semester abroad recently. In the weeks leading up to it, I wasn't hearing much from her, and finally in the nights before she goes she calls me over and we talk, and we hookup. Problem is, I can't get it up. I've been wanting this for a long time, I was genuinely shocked when I looked down and I was tiny as hell.

Next three nights, she has me back every single night. I eat her out a bunch, she says she has a great time. But each time is a bit of a booty call, last minute plans. There are also emotions and feelings here between us we have talked about, but I just feel like I'm not having any say in our plans. We wouldn't be hooking up so much if she wasn't leaving for this trip of course, we would be going slower. On the last night I was feeling really good but I self sabotaged- I got drunk at a bar before and it was over from the start.

Anyways, I feel TERRIBLE. She says she had a great time, she sends me pics from overseas, she texts me, she's engaged. But three whole days of trying, I can't get it up, and some of the attempts are so embarrasing so I just stopped thinking of my own enjoyment and focused on hers. I won't see her for a few months now... I know it's not okay to say, but I really wanted that sex before she left. It would have been a proper connection. Usually I'm a machine in the bedroom and have spent years working on it. This was gonna be my big day, and it flopped (literally) every single time.

How can I emotionally recover? How can I still have confidence that she likes me and that she wants to see me and continue on when she is back? She has big big feelings for me, I can tell and she's said it. All I can do is replay those bad attempts in my head and how my body just shut down completely. Genuinely I am in so much pain from this, I was all ready to go. I can only chalk it up to the emotional whiplash of her being bad with plans before she left. I now have major imposter syndrome that she just pities me and won't let me down easy, that she will fuck some guy out there that will change everything for her like she siad I would (and like she said I did while I was eating her out.)

Note: Before you ask, yes I have a therapist who I am close with, and no, we are not monogamous and that is not our style, we probably never will be, but we do care about each other.

So im 17, and I wouldnt say im ugly, but im definitely not within like 8-10 range, more like 7 probably. I havent really had a girlfriend, ive kissed a few girls but thats it. I am content knowing that I am an average looking guy, but I struggle sometimes with the fact that there will be guys better looking than me that will probably have an easier life than me. Also at this point, i dont really care if my girlfriend is ugly, i just want one for the experience. Maybe im delusional but this is the way im thinking.

E.G. Clint Eastwood, Sean Connery or Jonathan Banks.

this is a genuine question, and i'm sorry if it comes off as blunt but i just need to understand. does it feel good for you to kiss this way or have you just never really thought about it? what is the appeal? i don't want to deny my kissing partners something that feels good to them, but i'm having a hard time finding the pleasure in it. please advise

You walk outside, you hear moaning and shouting in the distance, then a 5 year old girl with a pistol comes out a bush and starts shooting, 4 bullets hit you hard, then the girls crew of older kids take control of and loot your home.

I’ve been pining recently over a girl and the relationship that could have been. I always liked her and it all started at a party when she came up to me and started talking. We have always been friendly but this was different. Her friends told me later she liked me and that’s when I thought something would happen. But every night out after that nothing did happen. It was close and it was like we were both waiting but nothing came. Maybe I was too scared or maybe she didn’t push but when we were together nothing came. I asked her to the end of school balland we went and had a blast, but now that schools over it’s like I’m empty and waiting for what could have been. I spent so much time thinking about something that could have happened. So many mixed signals and messages and I just keep wondering what could have happened and what I could have done differently. I put her on a pedestal I can’t take her down from. By the time the ball came we both just knew that it was as friends even tho it was never said. And I accepted that even though really I wish I just did something more.