r/AskMenOver30 • u/Mental-Statement2941 • 1d ago
Life Does it truly ever get better?
I'm at the start of my 20's (I'm 21) and I've already made a few mistakes. I keep seeing online that as a man, as long as you keep going, keep pushing for your dreams and never give up on yourself that when you reach 30 you'll look back and be happy that you tried.
I have what one would call unrealistic dreams especially for someone from my country. I'm from Botswana and I want to be a published fantasy writer and comic book writer. Not like the top 1%, just have a smaller secondary writing career to a day job. Have a small niche audience that enjoys my work, my own mini community. Only one from my country has gotten to that point so I know it's possible, I just carry heavy self doubt because all I've done in my life is fail but I've wanted this since I was 15.
I'm going through a rough time and I'm trying to hold onto hope that for as long as I keep pushing, keep grinding that someday it'll all make sense. People keep telling me your 30's are when as a man it makes sense or at least makes more sense.
Even if my dreams never come true, I might end up in a place I'm happy with because I at least tried.
Right now I just want to genuinely ask, does it truly get better for as long as you put in the work?
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u/Mental-Statement2941 1d ago
I just wanted to be a published fantasy writer as well as comic writer. I don't even aim to be 1%, just to have a sizable enough audience to just have own mini community yknow. Have that whilst having a day job that pays the bills.
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u/JTitch420 man 30 - 34 1d ago
Good dream! Keep it up.
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u/Mental-Statement2941 1d ago
It's not unrealistic?
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u/ClassicYotas no flair 1d ago
I don’t think so. Nor should you limit yourself to the scope of your country. What I do advise is to make this a secondary pursuit and use the time in your 20s to get solid skills to place you comfortably into your 30s.
You can do both.
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u/yumcake man 40 - 44 1d ago
Doesn't sound unrealistic, some aspect of talent is inherent but it's mostly a function of focused practice, and goal is certainly achievable as the Internet has a lot of room for subculture communities to form. So long as you create a good product it will find an audience. Commercial success takes a lot more than good product, but simply forming a following requires a much lower bar of advertising.
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u/Wonderful-Height-540 man 35 - 39 1d ago
Then write. Don’t expect your 1st, 2nd 3rd, 4th book to be the one. Make writing enjoyable, easy, and do it often.
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u/Bombillobamba 1d ago
Have you written your first fantasy novel or comic book yet? Do that, try to publish it, and see how you feel about actually being a fantasy novel writer and comic book author. The only way to really know is to do it.
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u/WordPunk99 man 50 - 54 1d ago
As a guy who started writing in his forties, it has never been easier to be published.
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u/cuddytime man over 30 1d ago
There’s a lot of unknowns in your dream.
Like you could be a goated artist already, etc.
Are you rigid in your dream or flexible (ie. Published print or would you consider digital to be a success?). Also spend some time trying to figure out why you want to be those things.
For example, if I really just desire community connection, then I would just be a digital kink comic (lol tbh).
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u/Chronoglenn man 35 - 39 1d ago
Being published is easy nowadays. You can self publish easily. I have a friend I work with who is published and has a decent goodreads score on his fantasy books. He's told me so much about the industry. You just have to write.
Hell, I did a tax return for a guy who wrote a YA fantasy story a couple years ago. Just do it.
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u/rippingbongs man 30 - 34 1d ago
Sorta agree but it also depends on what sacrifice your making in pursuit of your dream.
Most people spend their free time jerking off and binge watching bullshit on their TV and eating junk food.
Spending your free time attempting to achieve a dream is a worthwhile use of time, even if you fail, you will be better for it.
If your only sacrifice is free time, and the rest of your life is still healthy and functional, then giving up for peace of mind and relaxation may not result in this happiness you speak of.
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u/sekuharahito man over 30 1d ago
Life isn’t going to go exactly the way you want/plan. That is universal for everyone. Having your happiness tied to a dream or goal is the problem. You need to find a way to be happy regardless. Everything you need to be happy you have with you now.
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u/Detail4 man 45 - 49 1d ago
Idk what’s your dream?
I could grind all I want but I was never destined to be an NBA player.
Make a plan for where you want to be and work backwards to daily steps. Yes you can plan to be an outlier but you can’t plan to be a 0.000001% outlier.
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u/Mental-Statement2941 1d ago
I just wanted to be a published fantasy writer as well as comic writer. I don't even aim to be 1%, just to have a sizable enough audience to just have own mini community yknow. Have that whilst having a day job that pays the bills.
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u/Detail4 man 45 - 49 1d ago
Well a writer writes. That’s what they do, published and paid or not.
Do you write? And when you do, do you submit it to publications?
I used to write, more journalism than fiction. I’d do profiles, deeper news stories and features. I had quite a few things published on the web and in magazines, that was the easier part. The hard part was earning a living from it, which is why I quit.
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u/Mental-Statement2941 1d ago
I'm trying to write my first novel now, I've done some short stories before but this is my first real attempt at a novel and I'm just full of doubts
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u/timothythefirst man 30 - 34 10h ago
Just write every day. Or at least almost every day. It doesn’t all have to be some masterful work that gets published in your novel. But you need to spend a lot of time writing.
I’m not in a creative profession but I’ve made music and done a lot of writing as a hobby over the years. The people who are really good didn’t just sit down and write their best novel or record their best album and publish it. They probably have 100 throwaway songs that nobody will ever hear for every 1 that gets released, or a ton of short stories/novel chapters that will never see the light of day.
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u/Innuendum man 35 - 39 15h ago
No it doesn't get better. No upgrades, sidegrades at best. Dowticks guaranteed, upticks are not.
The realisation that there is no meaningful influence one can have on the course of human animal pets' lives as most of it is luck of the draw makes for being ethically childfree (not childless as that indicates a lack).
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Here's an original copy of /u/Mental-Statement2941's post (if available):
I'm at the start of my 20's (I'm 21) and I've already made a few mistakes. I keep seeing online that as a man, as long as you keep going, keep pushing for your dreams and never give up on yourself that when you reach 30 you'll look back and be happy that you tried.
I have what one would call unrealistic dreams especially for someone from my country, I'm going through a rough time and I'm trying to hold onto hope that for as long as I keep pushing, keep grinding that someday it'll all make sense. People keep telling me your 30's are when as a man it makes sense or at least makes more sense.
Even if my dreams never come true, I might end up in a place I'm happy with because I at least tried.
Right now I just want to genuinely ask, does it truly get better for as long as you put in the work?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/jimbalaya123 man 40 - 44 1d ago
I feel like this needs more context. What country are we talking about here? Some countries or situations are pretty hard to move up in. In my situation I’m really upbeat but I realize 99% of that was the insane luck of being born to who and where instead of me being fantastic or something.
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u/ununderstandability man 40 - 44 1d ago
No. Not on its own. You have to make it better. You have to put in far more than you hope to get out. Incremental improvements stack up over time until your life is unrecognizable.
Think about how many thousands of pounds you have to lift just to increase your maximum by 25 lbs. How many hundreds of miles you have to run to shave 30 seconds off your mile time. How many months of study to narrowly improve your expertise in a single subject. The effort you have to put in for small, incremental gains is always outsized. Expect it and perform accordingly
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u/The_Caleb_Mac man over 30 1d ago
To quote a movie line: "never give up, never surrender."
Keep working, keep moving forward, you will find something worth the effort, sooner or later
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u/cootershooter420 man 30 - 34 1d ago
Does life get better if you try to make it so? Of course it does.
What is with this young generation and their doomerism? You are 21 years old, pretty much a child. If you’re not happy you can fix it. I don’t know anyone chronically depressed that consistently works out and does their best at work. Get priorities, keep them in check and enjoy not having to stretch for 20 minutes before playing sports.
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u/Consistent_Week_8531 man 50 - 54 1d ago
I thought I’d be in a famous band and came awfully close to it. Took me years to wrestle with how close we came without the payoff (we had a record deal and got dropped in a mega-merger). I even stopped playing for a while I raised a family. I never spoke to the guys. Then in my late 30s I took it up again purely for pleasure and found it to be a force for good in my life even if it wasn’t “what I do”. Find the things that give you joy and do them. It won’t matter whether you make money at it or not. You may find yourself making money at it.
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u/Pale-Ad6216 man 50 - 54 1d ago
I would consider the places you keep “seeing things on line”. I’m 50 with a 28 year old son, and the things that he tends to gravitate towards online are nothing that I would consider helpful in forming a world view. If you’re pushing yourself into endeavors that bring you no joy, that ain’t gonna self correct when you hit 30. But understandably, people your age often don’t have a clear path to success and financial security. And there is more bullshit online pushing ideas of wealth and success that are largely fictional.
But I don’t think the answer is grind until you’re happy.
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u/Aesion man 25 - 29 1d ago
Nearing 30 here. It gets better, it just doesn't mean that you will achieve everything you want, in the most perfect order you imagined.
Me and everyone around me had several moments where our plans failed. Things didn't work out like we thought and drastic changes had to be made. However, sometimes the place we ended up after that allowed us to do incredible things only possible through the route we were, from meeting new wonderful people to having satisfactory jobs or hobbies.
Trust that you will always act on your best interests and never look back, with the benefit of hindsight, and think that you did something terrible and should have done X or Y. The past is the past, and if you did something, that is because you truly believed it was the best approach. Sometimes your objectives will be achieved, sometimes they will be changed, but it gets better as long as you keep trying to make it better, eventually.
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u/blzrlzr man 35 - 39 1d ago
My man, fall in love with the process. You already have an audience so you’re actually in the process of achieving your dream.
You are young. The best thing you can do for yourself is to develop a process where you create work on a regular basis that you are proud of and get a feedback mechanism (existing audience and maybe a mentor)
Life is going to have way bigger highs and way lower lows than where you me at right now. The key to your success, especially as a creative is what you do in between those highs and lows.
Get lost in the process. If you want, you can dm me some of your work. I would love to see it!
Good luck man
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u/pietroconti man over 30 1d ago
I don't think it's unrealistic. I think it's actually pretty attainable. I think a fantasy or comic book based on Botswanan folklore would be interesting instead of getting the millionth reboot of something existing.
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u/monkeyrebellion117 man over 30 1d ago
I've been consistently happier as I move through life. When you are around 30, things start becoming a it more clear. All nighters have become hard though.
I think a good side hustle is respectable. I recommend finding what helps in self publishing/marketing in addition to writing, this way you can gather and start developing a community.
The time you put in your teens and 20s compound and pay off big time. If you play your cards right, you might be able to pick up your side gig full time.
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u/zentimo2 man 40 - 44 1d ago
Can't begin to describe how much better 30s were than 20s for me (and that is a very common pattern in people I know). Most likely, the best is yet to come.
I'm a writer too, and the 20s is really hard for that too, you're right at the beginning with a big mountain to climb. But just keep plugging away, keep trying to learn and develop, and don't put too much pressure on yourself, enjoy the journey along the way. Writing is play, after all.
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u/contentatlast man over 30 1d ago
Live your life. Don't try to conform to expectations that anybody tells you. ESPECIALLY these redpill idiots online.
Just live your life for you and the ones you love. All this extra shit is just putting undue pressure on yourself. Who cares what anybody thinks? Fuck em.
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u/Iamwomper man 50 - 54 1d ago
Keep pushing. Push as hard as you can, and then push more.
Give it all you got. Hope and determination will pay for itself
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u/hiddentalent man over 30 1d ago
It can. But it's not guaranteed to. Some people do everything right and luck and circumstance lead them to suffer. Some people do hardly anything right but end up successful and happy. That's life. There are no absolutes.
The chances of things getting better increase astronomically if you put in a good effort and treat people (including yourself) with respect and kindness, though.
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u/natty1212 man 40 - 44 1d ago
For some people, no, it does not. It just gets worse and worse.
I really hope you're not one of those people.
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u/Vash_85 man 40 - 44 1d ago
Does it get better? Not the answer you want, but sometimes, sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.
That said, putting the work into achieving your goals pushes things a lot more in favor of it getting better than it does if you give up and don't even try. Sometimes, as you are putting in the work and effort towards your goal, other doors and opportunities open up that you may have never thought of which then push you to new goals and opportunities.
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u/IndicationOver man 40 - 44 1d ago
This world is so screwed up. Just live and be happy, I am not saying to be a bum but many people are so clueless to our volatile world these days. A.I., climate, I can keep going…
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u/RedEvil7 man 45 - 49 1d ago
No, it doesn't. So all you can do is take care of yourself & the ones you care about the best you can.
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u/Roland-Deschain92 man 30 - 34 1d ago
I had a similar dream in my 20s. During my 20s, I worked my ass off trying to be the most famous musician I could be. I realized, though, that it was not doable in the way I was working toward it. So instead, what I focused on was making life livable first. Get a solid, reliable paycheck at an easy job first. Then, use as much of your time to focus on the art. This way, you're not worried about the rent every single month. You can breathe a bit and focus on your community and your writing. I can't guarantee that you will achieve your dream or that things will get better, but I do know that with the age of the internet, your country of origin means nothing. Nobody cares what country JK Rowling is from. When I was reading her books, I wasn't thinking "This person better be from America/England". Good luck friend
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u/radishwalrus man over 30 1d ago
If you're healthy, life is good. Take care of your health, the rest will get taken care of. OR do lots of drugs like stephen king, either way.
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u/PenguinColada man 1d ago
I basically hit rock bottom and kept digging from ages 19 - 29. I'm now in my mid-30s and have finally finished school and am in a really great career. I've cut out toxic family and acquaintances and surrounded myself with people who love me. Life is pretty great overall. My health sucks though. (THANKS CANCER)
Someone a long time ago told me that your 20s are for making mistakes and figuring life out and I agree. It'll get better, champ. But you gotta make it better.
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u/catcat1986 man 35 - 39 23h ago
Things do get better, not saying you shouldn’t have dreams, but you should have a plan in place. You got a tough dream, but not impossible. Keep developing your skill set, but also have a backup plan.
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u/kluddite man 45 - 49 20h ago
It does get better but that is because you get stronger. And what is hard today is easier for you because you get stronger.
That is why you should try and not just sit and wait. You are training your future self.
As for your dream: ultimately you want to write and have people read it and it doesn't need to replace your job. That is easier today than it used to be. What you will need to do is write and publish it online, then do a bit of marketing. None of this needs to cost you any money.
The marketing part is the one thing you may find difficult. But ultimately that is just another form of writing and convincing.
What I would suggest is to create a serialised set of short stories about a main character, have about 3. Then write an intro to the short story that makes people want to read the rest. This just has to reach people and a small percentage of them will want to read the rest. A small percentage of that group will want to read the next story and will sign up for a newsletter. Stick to a release schedule that people know about.
In terms of tools you could look into Substack and Patreon but i'd recommend to release it for free. Paid access should be for earlier access, chats, and once you have a strong community perhaps a few extra stories that don't change the plot.
The most important thing though, is to write. Because the more you do that, the better you get.
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u/krazyboi man over 30 19h ago
You could do nothing for a year except play video games and smoke weed and still turn your life around. You'd still only be 22.
The thing is life isn't a straight path and there's no way to predict the future. You just get used to striving for a better future and the change you live and experience will make you more resilient and more capable in your career or whatever you strive to do.
But when you're like 35 and your partner is also 35 and wants kids, the path to improve is much steeper and time is not on your side.
Right now time is on your side, you can still choose all of your decisions.
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u/Stanthemilkman8888 man 35 - 39 18h ago
Dreams? Dude. Writers and comic books don’t make money. You need money. By all means do it on the side on the small chance something will happen. But you gotta be serious you gotta get paid. You gotta to get a career that pays. Like chemical engineering or mining engineering.
Things get better when you are financially stable and have the choices money allows. Writing and comics by and large do not do that. They do the opposite
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u/Mental-Statement2941 18h ago edited 18h ago
I literally said SECONDARY SMALLER CAREER alongside my DAY JOB. Did you (with all due respect sir) even BOTHER to read my FULL POST?
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u/GSilky man 45 - 49 17h ago
Well, IDK if it's going to get better, but writers write. Start writing and submitting your work to publishers. In the USA, most writers have some grey hairs on the photo on their first published book. People like Margaret Atwood were in their thirties when they were finally published. So keep writing and drawing and submitting. This is a goal that can't be timed, it happens only after you put in a lot of work.
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u/SS2907 man over 30 3h ago
Dude if you weren’t born into wealth, you are on your own like the majority of us.
Just work towards something and chip away at it. Don’t put too much time constraint on yourself or you will give yourself anxiety and analysis paralysis and end up stressing yourself out.
Earth isn’t permanent. Try to do good for others when you are given the opportunity.
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u/mohawkal man over 30 1d ago
It gets better. But a lot will depend on having a realistic mindset. Realising that is what helps it get better.
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u/Odd-Cup8261 man 30 - 34 1d ago
eventually you will likely realize that anything external that you're chasing is just a phantom
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u/cootershooter420 man 30 - 34 1d ago
Wdym? I have chased down lots of goals and achieved plenty of them.
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