r/Bahrain • u/ijustwanttobeokaypls • 13h ago
☝️ AskBH Any Muslim here suffering from OCD? Posting here with the hope of getting some answers. Help me.
As Salam Alaikum
I have severe OCD, and while it affects many areas of my life, the one thing I don't want it to ruin is my worship and prayer.
Before salah, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the exact qiblah direction, often checking it repeatedly because I'm afraid I might be wrong. Then I worry about whether a strand of hair is showing, whether any skin is exposed, whether my feet or hands are covered properly, and countless other details.
During prayer, I sometimes restart because I think I did something "wrong." For example, if my mouth was open before saying "Allahu Akbar," I feel like that isn't part of salah, so I start over. Sometimes I become confused about whether I performed one sujood or two. Other times, when getting up from sujood, I start analyzing exactly how I pushed myself up, whether my hands were folded, spread out, or whether I used my knuckles, and then I either perform sujood as-sahw or repeat the prayer entirely.
Wudhu is also difficult. If I accidentally do something extra or feel uncertain about whether I washed a part correctly, I often feel compelled to start all over again.
It's becoming exhausting. Salah is fard, and I love worshipping Allah, but I don't want prayer to become something that feels unbearable because of these constant doubts.
I also struggle when the adhan is called. I feel guilty doing anything else afterward, even though there is still plenty of time before the prayer time ends. If I send a message, make a phone call, or continue a task, I become terrified that Allah will be angry with me. Sometimes I even worry that because the message remains stored in someone's phone or appears in a call log, Allah will continue punishing me for delaying prayer and will never forgive me.
I know some of these thoughts probably sound irrational, but they feel very real to me. I can't currently afford therapy, so I'm looking for advice from anyone who has dealt with religious OCD/scrupulosity or similar experiences or an Islamic expert.
How do I cope with these doubts? How can I stop restarting everything? And does Allah forgive someone who is struggling with OCD like this?