It's really just set in on me that I'll have to take meds forever. That fucking terrifies me. Like it's not even an option for me to not be on meds. I get that it's a good thing to be on meds etc, etc but God, it's bleak.

Right now I’m out driving (pulled over currently) and I have the urge to just hop on a freeway and just get as far away from home as I can. I don’t think I’m going to, because I don’t have the money to do that. And I don’t wanna worry my family and I don’t feel like talking to anyone either. So I don’t wanna go home. Driving is kind of a safe haven for me, because whether I have super low energy or it’s super high, I feel steady and stable while driving. I’m staying safe, so no need to worry about that. Just wondering if anyone else can relate?

I’ve never experienced hallucinations or psychosis but something really weird, kinda twilight zone-esque, happened this morning. I was walking my dog (not mine, I’m a pet sitter, but I see him as partly mine because we have a good bond and I’ve been watching him regularly for four years) around 7:30. I looked out the window and it was raining. So I put on my boots and grabbed my umbrella and took him out. I live in a city so there’s always people out and about. Not a single person had an umbrella, coat, boots, or acted like it was raining. Cars didn’t have their headlights on, but I was too focused on the dog to see if anyone had their wipers going. It genuinely seemed like either I was the only person who knew it was raining (maybe it started right before we went out and people just weren’t prepared?) or, what worries me, is maybe it wasn’t even really raining. When we got home I dried the dog off and he definitely felt wet, as did my umbrella and rain boots. Since my husband is at his studio right now (basement, no windows) he can’t look out the window to check for me.

I already checked the weather app and it said it’s not raining which freaked me out, although it said it drizzled briefly at 8am but we were already back inside by 7:45. I literally have no one else to ask because I don’t want to freak anyone out or worry about my mental health because I have other (non-psychiatric) medical issues going on right now. I also don’t want anyone thinking I’m losing it, as I’ve been stable and euthymic on meds for a long time. This seems like the only place I can ask judgement-free to tell me whether or not I’m seeing something that may or may not be there.

I’m attaching two photos. One is the edge of the balcony at the dog’s apartment that looks wet from rain to me, and one is a section of the same tile dry. Can someone please just tell me that the edge where I’ve circled is in fact wet to calm my nerves?

venlafaxine induced hypomania led to strong cocaine addiction (almost everyday use), change of personality, alcoholism and xanax trials

have you had experience with coke addiction? how long? share your story please.. im scared

I don't know what to do. It hasn't been this bad in a while.

Consciously, I feel fine. Nothing is really happening in my personal life

But I feel the ache in my body and my chest. It's painful and makes me nauseous.

I'm on some new meds as of almost 2 weeks, and it felt like it was working. But for some reason, it really hurts right now

Morning walk was beautiful, bye summer hello fall!

Happy 1st September 🍁🍂

Why am I typing this again? Why do users not understand that it is hurtful and demoralizing to see venting posts about their bipolar partners? Why is this sub becoming a sibling of r/bipolarSOs?

Mods making a specific flair for this is especially a slap in the face. When my previous post about this has hundreds of upvotes with members agreeing how painful it is to see these posts.

Mods, just please explain, why do you find this ok? How do believe that people with a highly stigmatized illness, reading about people stigmatizing it on a community and support sub, is beneficial?

Why is it our job to “educate” and “support” those complaining about others with bipolar disorder? Why is our job to make them feel better?

Signed,
A young person diagnosed with bipolar disorder who is struggling to find their place in the world when it feels like others hate you because of an illness you didn’t ask to be born with. That people fear you when you just want to exist.

Thanks for reading.

Ive been on off lamctial for years. Ive also had bad eczema on and off (flair ups) since i could remember, as young as 5 years old. I haven't had a flair up in at least 10 years if not more. (Im in my late 30s now)

This time I started lamctial in February at 50 mg at night.

Yesterday my doctor up me to 100 mg at night. Woke up this morning super itchy in all the spots I used to have my eczema flair ups. I can see and feel the flair up. This never has happened before on any medication let alone lamctial for myself.

Has anyone else have their eczema resurface after starting / taking lamctial?

This will be a bit of a lengthy post - I am ultimately seeking opportunities to respectfully exchange with others about navigating bipolar

I learned that I am bipolar 3 months ago. It was the shock of my life, to say the least. But I am embracing it....

I want to start out by saying that I am extremely grateful to have found this (and similar) online spaces. I joined this subreddit within a handful of weeks of learning about my bipolar. I came here to not only process my own condition, but to also learn from others lived experiences with bipolar. I have learned so much from everybody!

I am starting to struggle with my own personal experiences with bipolar - as my experiences don't always "match up" with the things that I am reading about and taking in on this and other subreddits. I am seeking an honest conversation where I would like to be open about how I have experienced bipolar as I am currently trying to chart out my path toward treatment.

First and foremost, I want to name the fact that I am of color - I know well that I live in a system that can sometimes neglect certain populations and that conditions like bipolar can get missed. When I learned that I am bipolar, I immediately realized that I have been this way since I was a child. It's not entirely a story of neglect though - because when I was in 2nd grade, my school teacher at the time referred me to the school social worker - whom I stayed with until I graduated in 8th grade. This was actually a really positive thing for me, as I have been in therapy my whole life - and yet, somehow, my bipolar was always missed. Nevertheless, I have always been in therapy because my mental health has always been pretty off.

My teens, 20s and 30s actually follow a pretty "common" theme: I had an active SUD that put me into a mixed way for a good solid 4-5 years where I behaved terribly, hurt other people, and did a whole bunch of things that I deeply regret and feel forever ashamed about. I am only now piecing these parts of my life together. They never made sense before - it all makes sense now.

I think that the place where I am starting to get stuck is that I have lived my whole life not knowing I have bipolar disorder. And while there are clear signs and signals of my condition all throughout my life, I have also lived a relatively stable life.

A bunch of people in my family are bipolar - I know it sounds crazy, but we literally had no idea. Schizophrenia exists within our family. We do know this. There is a lot of openness about schizophrenia and those with schizophrenia in my family are diagnosed and they are all in treatment.... this has always been an open conversation in my family. There is no shame and we love our family members with schizophrenia deeply.

Some of us just learned within the last 3-5 years that bipolar can split from schizophrenia. We literally had no idea. We suspect my mother - who is approaching 80 - is also likely bipolar.

A bunch of us have literally lived our lives "raw dogging" bipolar disorder (pardon the awful anaology here but i have no idea how else to describe it) .... and guess what? We've all lived relatively stable lives. And when I say stable, I mean stable with an asterisk* ..... A bunch of us are college graduates, have successful careers, marriages, families, etc ... granted, some of us (like myself) are known to be a little on the spicy side - but ultimately, i think what i am trying to say is that our lives, and our families didn't implode .... We're all actually doing okay - well, in fact. Undiagnosed. Untreated.

Speaking for myself personally, in spite of being on the "spicy" side, I generally live a happy life. I am stably married and have a career.

I want to be clear about the fact that I am not advocating that people with bipolar live their lives like undiagnosed and untreated.... I guess I am just trying to say that I need a little bit of a different conversation about my experiences with bipolar ..... I do have a differential diagnosis of BP II with psychotic features that will become "official" this month (september) and I will begin treatment with a Psych NP that I hand selected and feel I am a great match with.

This post is already super long - but i also want to put it out there that i have been planning on medicating with Lamictal .... but as I approach my appointment later this month, i am having second thoughts about it. Not because I doubt by diagnosis - but because I have spent my whole life trying to manage my mental health (because i am definitely squirrel-y) and have managed to put together a successful toolbox for myself with my therapy team that really helps me with my symptoms.

This is a genuine question that I feel like I need to have: If I have managed to arrive at a stable euthymic mood using whats in my personal toolbox, then is medication necessary for right now? It doesn't mean that I would not consider medicating in the future when the need arises... I am very clear about my depression and the fact that i will absolutely medicate with the appropriate antidepressants the next time i fall into depression.

I just need to have a different conversation - one that is both scientifically grounded, but that also does not default to the medical model of understanding bipolar - especially when the medical industry does neglect certain populations - we've been forced to creatively come up with our own ways of understanding, coping, and ultimately managing.

I would love to hear from others - especially folks with bipolar who may also have other marginalized identities and who also experience that neglect within the healthcare systems and have been forced to learn how to navigate conditions like bipolar in different ways.

Thanks!! 🙏🙏🙏

-------------

TLDR: just learned I am bipolar at the age of 50 and my experiences living my life with bipolar disorder without knowing it don't always match up with the things i am reading about on this subreddit and i am seeking conversations / perspectives about different ways of understanding my bipolar and my journey with it. Please do feel free to respond - but please keep the discussion respectful... Thanks! <3

As the title say🤷🏽‍♀️

I’m currently in my second romantic relationship. My first one was terrible and he treated me horribly. This one is completely different, but there’s something in common between the 2 relationships. I can’t tell if this is true or not, but I think romantic relationships make me gradually become less stable.

When I’m experiencing hypomania I’m extremely passionate about breaking up with him, as well as when I’m depressed. When I’m more stable I love him and can’t imagine life without him. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s the disorder. Typing this out makes it seem more black and white but It’s so confusing.

Obviously frequently threatening to break up with your partner IS abusive so I keep those thoughts to myself. I definitely think bipolar definitely comes into play significantly in romantic relationships.

Just wondering if anyone else has had any similar experiences and how they dealt with them?

I am currently medicated and have my first therapy appointment coming up in a week.

Hello! Newly- ish to be diagnosed with BP2 after about a year and a half of misdiagnosing as cyclothymia. Very new to this subreddit.

I have a friend of over 10 plus years. We are both 29 and have been through a lot together. My mental health has been a big part of my twenties. My friend and I have lived apart for the majority of that time. She lives a very alternative lifestyle on the otherside of the continent of me where she is around people constantly and sometimes on tour with them. In the last five years especially its been harder to let her in about some of the tougher parts of my life because on phone calls sometimes there will be people in the background. She gets a little weird if I ask for us to chat alone (I think the request feels really formal to her). Anyways so theres been some distance combined with my mental health being worse.

When she visited for Christmas I told her about my BP2 diagnosis and she was a bit dismissive saying shed never seen me hypomanic. We live on the otherside of the continent and dont talk much so I think that can be taken with a grain of salt.

This month she released an EP and the first song on it is about me. She didnt tell me it was beforehand but there are several references to me that are pretty unmistakebale (references to what I do for a living, my name, etc). And the song is about our friendship from her perspective. Its about her and her friend who she tries so hard to reach out to, who she tries desperately to save but her friend is always always always slipping away and hiding. She wrote a line about me playing gamea and disappearing.

It feels very framed like I am this sick manipulative person who is helpless and like she is this devoted friend who has trying to help me.

I am really uncomfortable about this. On one hand, I think anyone has the right to express themselves through art. But this story she is telling about our friendhsip genuinely feels so off. And it feels like she is both dismissive of my diagnosis and treating me like this fucked up creature.

I dont know what to do or say. I feel a bit in shock. I feel angry. Sad. Really disappointed. Like I have not shown up for her the way she has expected me to when I am depressed. But I also feel like there is way more to our dynamic than my mental illness. But maybe I am wrong.

I was wondering if there are people in this community who can give me some advice. I have friends who really accept this part of me and I work hard to not let my depression be the driving reaction in my relationships while letting people know it is something I experience and do not have a lot of control over.

I feel really hurt and I feel confused about where to go next.

Im having awful thoughts im scared to say what they are in fear of being taken too seriously im not a bad person I promise im so ashamed and scared to admit the thoughts im having but its very bad and my mom is not helping me get real treatment im on only fucking vitamins to medicate my fucking bipolar and bpd im fed up im not ok ive been starving myself so much i hate it i hate everything im not being treated with the urgency this deserves this is torture I feel like im gonna hurt myself im losing my mind ​

So I'm on an ADHD med that makes me manic and I can't get my other med that helps with my lows for a week. Any tips on how to deal with being manic and not doing stupid things. Any advice will be helpful!

Hey everyone, I am a 29 yr old dude and I recently got diagnosed with BP2 and just found this page. I will say its comforting to a certain degree, to see everyone interacting with one another. With that I have a couple questions.

Is it normal for people to not really know how you are feeling? Currently I think im in the hypomanic phase but I am unsure. The other day I was very sure because paranoia/anxiety kicked in, but after that, I have been confused. I do have a good bit of energy though and have done well at work.

Hypersexualality. Do any of you have the burning desire to cheat or pleasure yourself (often)? After diagnosis, I definitely could see my patterns based on how I was using the NSFW space of Reddit... lol.

Maybe by posting this I am showing myself how I really feel lol. Anyways, thanks for reading and hope to see some comments. Also, apologies in advance if I do not respond to everyone. That can be a very daunting task.

I’m 20f was diagnosed bipolar2 early this year, i have had panic disorder for just over a year now, taking any medications is just hard and causes panic attacks, ive taken risperidone for bipolar in the past and stopped about after 2 weeks, thats the only medication ive taken for bipolar and for now id rather be unmedicated for the bipolar until i get my panic disorder under control, im going to be starting busbar (busprione) here soon for panic attacks, has anyone tried it while unmedicated for bipolar2? and what was your experience on it?

there was talk about risk for hypo manic episodes, luckily i live with family who would be able to tell if that was happening, did it affect your bipolar in any way? and did it help with your anxiety?

I (20F) have not been formally diagnosed yet. It’s complicated but basically the first evaluation ruled out bipolar and didn’t even do any testing (even though I told him I’ve had hypomanic episodes). And now I’m dealing with doctors not getting back to me. I am titrating onto lamotrigine and I just went up to 50 mg last night.

Basically, this week I’ve been in a really weird up-and-down state with my mood. And these past three days I’ve only gotten 5-6 hours of sleep. I usually wake up energized, but then my energy will fluctuate throughout the day.

But today I found myself driving back from therapy and I had the urge to just hop on a freeway and keep driving. So that’s what I did. It ended up being a 160 mile round trip. And the whole time I was in a really weird headspace. I was just feeling kinda blank emotionally and didn’t really have a plan where I was going. After about an hour and a half I took an exit to a small town with a hiking trail.

I got out of my car and walked the trail for probably about a mile. On the walk I was kind of acting weird like kind of floaty. I wasn’t really walking in a straight line although I wasn’t really trying to, and I was kind of giggly. I was just acting kind of weird.

Eventually I made my way back, and the drive home I was mostly tired and pretty embarrassed by the whole thing. Especially knowing I’d have to explain it to everyone when I got home. Although they are under the impression it was just a spontaneous road trip.

I am not sure what I’m looking for with posting this. Just tell me whatever you think I need to hear. I’m just pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. And I’m kind of irritable right now because as soon as I walked in the door, my whole family started giving me the third degree and I just didn’t have the energy for that so I went alone to my room. And the weird way I was acting well on the trail. I wonder if I wasn’t intentionally leaning into the weird state I was in as a way of trying to prove to the doctors that my symptoms are real? Not sure. But I appreciate any thoughts you guys have.

A lot of posts on here describe hypomania as being fun and productive and not being able to tell if it’s hypomania or just a good mood. But my hypomania feels more intense and obvious than that.

When I was in hypomania, I thought I could become an actor and an overnight sensation (I hate acting and I have never taken acting classes in my life). All I would think about is acting. When my mum doubted me wanting to act, I got so filled with rage that I ended up breaking a chair.

During this episode I felt extremely euphoric and high on life. I felt unstoppable and amazing like I cannot describe, you had to be in it to understand how amazing it felt. I had so much energy that I had tremors (I don’t drink caffeine). I slept between 2-4hrs every night for 10 days straight. I would stay up until 4-5am dancing to music in my room nonstop almost every night.

I felt soooo creative and was jumping between acting, video editing, script writing (I didn’t finish anything of course). I even signed up for a screen and media course that cost over $8000.

It was extreme and I had so much confidence and endless energy and zero anxiety. For reference, I’m an anxious and introverted person who hates attention and who gets burnt out fast.

Can anyone else relate?

Anyone have experiences on lithium 300mg for ocd symptoms? I take 200 mg lamictal for my bipolar and just started lithium to help my ocd. I hate thinking I need to be on meds my whole life lol sometimes I get scared my symptoms were just ptsd and the lamictal made me better by being a placebo effect so I feel like I’m on meds for nothing LOL love this life

Hi

my psychiatrist doesnt want me on a stimulant ever since i became manic on lexapro. I was wondering if anyone else here has adhd and your experience with stimulants/nonstimulants.

I got my genesight results and am upset because straterra was in the red and thats the one I wanted to try. I was also wondering if anyone here is using a medication in the red column and it has worked well for you.

thanks 😊

Hello! I’m starting Abilify for my condition and I wanted to know if there’s anything I should know about it? Drowsiness, loss of appetite, etc..?? I’m already on Effexor and Remeron so I want to know if there’s anything that it will add on top of these..

A little back story, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 almost 5 years ago. After trying just about every med and therapy you can think of, I finally found what works for me. I have been doing really well for a few years now. I genuinely love life, I love my job, and I am engaged! I am really thankful that I am where I am in life, as I never expected to still be earth side. I also know a lot of people don't have the resources or access to mental health care like I have. However, I sometimes grieve what my life could be or would be without this diagnosis. I had my first hypomanic episode when I moved out and went to college. I threw away my scholarship, spent thousands of dollars of my savings on junk I didn't need, drank way too much. I ended up dropping out, moved in with my best friend for a bit, and started working because what else was I going to do? I eventually found a psychiatrist that LISTENED to me, got me the help I really needed, and I've been doing great. But sometimes I wonder where I would be if I wasn't the way I was. Don't get me wrong, I love life and I don't want to change it. I wouldn't go back and re-do anything either. Sometimes though I wonder where I would be if I didn't have bipolar, or if I would've been listened to wayyyy sooner than I was, and got the help I needed when I first needed it, not after I blew up my life.

I'm divorced, mum of 2 kids ages 11 & 14. I have custody only 20% of the time. The kids have to cross a border (not national) to see me. Relations with other parent are functional but cool. The kids have certainly matured throughout the separation, but I'm trying to decide if it's right to tell them about my BP2. My main motivation is to give them the information that can help them form their own insights especially into their own mood patterns. My symptoms are mild in my own opinion, maybe they seem more severe to some people; I'm not sure.

The biggest reasons not to share is that the stigma of mental illness can just be destabilizing itself, and my fear that it could be used against me by my ex if things break down later.

Okay this is gonna sound weird but bare with me

When I'm having a hypomanic episode, sometimes I don't recognize it at first, but there's a few tells

- of course, lack of sleep, hyper activity, racing thoughts, typical symptoms etc

- I have trouble socializing and people definitely get a weird vibe from me which I don't blame them

- okay this is the random one which confuses me but is always a clear tell for me:

Harry Potter. Lmao for some weird reason when I'm manic I like Harry potter and think of watching it

The thing is, since J.K. Rowling came out as transphobic, I don't like Harry Potter anymore. I don't engage in any of that universe because of her. And I've outgrown that part of my childhood too. There's no time where I'm like man, I wish I could watch it. I don't even think about it. So why? Why this of all things?

I know hypomania doesn't always make sense but this really throws me off like why does hypomanic me suddenly fuck with a franchise I haven't watched in years. I'm bamboozled lol