Im having awful thoughts im scared to say what they are in fear of being taken too seriously im not a bad person I promise im so ashamed and scared to admit the thoughts im having but its very bad and my mom is not helping me get real treatment im on only fucking vitamins to medicate my fucking bipolar and bpd im fed up im not ok ive been starving myself so much i hate it i hate everything im not being treated with the urgency this deserves this is torture I feel like im gonna hurt myself im losing my mind ​

So I'm on an ADHD med that makes me manic and I can't get my other med that helps with my lows for a week. Any tips on how to deal with being manic and not doing stupid things. Any advice will be helpful!

Hey everyone, I am a 29 yr old dude and I recently got diagnosed with BP2 and just found this page. I will say its comforting to a certain degree, to see everyone interacting with one another. With that I have a couple questions.

Is it normal for people to not really know how you are feeling? Currently I think im in the hypomanic phase but I am unsure. The other day I was very sure because paranoia/anxiety kicked in, but after that, I have been confused. I do have a good bit of energy though and have done well at work.

Hypersexualality. Do any of you have the burning desire to cheat or pleasure yourself (often)? After diagnosis, I definitely could see my patterns based on how I was using the NSFW space of Reddit... lol.

Maybe by posting this I am showing myself how I really feel lol. Anyways, thanks for reading and hope to see some comments. Also, apologies in advance if I do not respond to everyone. That can be a very daunting task.

I (20F) have not been formally diagnosed yet. It’s complicated but basically the first evaluation ruled out bipolar and didn’t even do any testing (even though I told him I’ve had hypomanic episodes). And now I’m dealing with doctors not getting back to me. I am titrating onto lamotrigine and I just went up to 50 mg last night.

Basically, this week I’ve been in a really weird up-and-down state with my mood. And these past three days I’ve only gotten 5-6 hours of sleep. I usually wake up energized, but then my energy will fluctuate throughout the day.

But today I found myself driving back from therapy and I had the urge to just hop on a freeway and keep driving. So that’s what I did. It ended up being a 160 mile round trip. And the whole time I was in a really weird headspace. I was just feeling kinda blank emotionally and didn’t really have a plan where I was going. After about an hour and a half I took an exit to a small town with a hiking trail.

I got out of my car and walked the trail for probably about a mile. On the walk I was kind of acting weird like kind of floaty. I wasn’t really walking in a straight line although I wasn’t really trying to, and I was kind of giggly. I was just acting kind of weird.

Eventually I made my way back, and the drive home I was mostly tired and pretty embarrassed by the whole thing. Especially knowing I’d have to explain it to everyone when I got home. Although they are under the impression it was just a spontaneous road trip.

I am not sure what I’m looking for with posting this. Just tell me whatever you think I need to hear. I’m just pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. And I’m kind of irritable right now because as soon as I walked in the door, my whole family started giving me the third degree and I just didn’t have the energy for that so I went alone to my room. And the weird way I was acting well on the trail. I wonder if I wasn’t intentionally leaning into the weird state I was in as a way of trying to prove to the doctors that my symptoms are real? Not sure. But I appreciate any thoughts you guys have.

Anyone have experiences on lithium 300mg for ocd symptoms? I take 200 mg lamictal for my bipolar and just started lithium to help my ocd. I hate thinking I need to be on meds my whole life lol sometimes I get scared my symptoms were just ptsd and the lamictal made me better by being a placebo effect so I feel like I’m on meds for nothing LOL love this life

Ive been on off lamctial for years. Ive also had bad eczema on and off (flair ups) since i could remember, as young as 5 years old. I haven't had a flair up in at least 10 years if not more. (Im in my late 30s now)

This time I started lamctial in February at 50 mg at night.

Yesterday my doctor up me to 100 mg at night. Woke up this morning super itchy in all the spots I used to have my eczema flair ups. I can see and feel the flair up. This never has happened before on any medication let alone lamctial for myself.

Has anyone else have their eczema resurface after starting / taking lamctial?

venlafaxine induced hypomania led to strong cocaine addiction (almost everyday use), change of personality, alcoholism and xanax trials

have you had experience with coke addiction? how long? share your story please.. im scared

Okay this is gonna sound weird but bare with me

When I'm having a hypomanic episode, sometimes I don't recognize it at first, but there's a few tells

- of course, lack of sleep, hyper activity, racing thoughts, typical symptoms etc

- I have trouble socializing and people definitely get a weird vibe from me which I don't blame them

- okay this is the random one which confuses me but is always a clear tell for me:

Harry Potter. Lmao for some weird reason when I'm manic I like Harry potter and think of watching it

The thing is, since J.K. Rowling came out as transphobic, I don't like Harry Potter anymore. I don't engage in any of that universe because of her. And I've outgrown that part of my childhood too. There's no time where I'm like man, I wish I could watch it. I don't even think about it. So why? Why this of all things?

I know hypomania doesn't always make sense but this really throws me off like why does hypomanic me suddenly fuck with a franchise I haven't watched in years. I'm bamboozled lol

Im on Latuda. Recently my psych doubled my dose and its been fantastic. I told her i hadnt even felt suicidal, which is the thing i struggle with the most.

Except for today. Cant eat. All ive been doing is crying and mulling over despair in between apathy and staring at my wall. I even started kicking the cupboards because i got so mad over a bowl getting stuck in the dishwasher.

I thought i was supposed to be more in line with "normal" human emotions. Stabilized and not wanting to die all the time. Ive been taking latuda with the calories. Why am i crashing? Did i do something wrong? Why does life feel far too overwhelming? Like ive failed everyone in my life.

Last Thursday and Friday I was distraught - panic attacks, crying, not sleeping well but in a depressed way. Feeling ugly and fat. I told my boss I didn’t know if I could work the full day.

Then over the weekend I started feeling a little better. I kept busy with a new project and caught up on sleep. I cleaned a lot.

Now it’s Tuesday and I’m happy, content with my life, excited about my future. I have a few projects I’m working on, I feel beautiful, I love myself, and I’m hopeful about life, and I kept waking up last night and my brain was going constantly with excitement. I spent some money I shouldn’t have but I didn’t feel like I could help it. And I’m completely embarrassed by Thursday and Friday - like what was wrong with me and why did I tell my boss?

Why can’t I feel good all the time. I realize I’m slightly hypo. I realize this is just bipolar. But why? There must be a way to fix this. I just cannot accept this life and constantly feel betrayed by myself, surprised at my mood changes, and embarrassed by my behavior. Maybe I rapid cycle.

I just want to be a normal person so badly.

Right now I’m out driving (pulled over currently) and I have the urge to just hop on a freeway and just get as far away from home as I can. I don’t think I’m going to, because I don’t have the money to do that. And I don’t wanna worry my family and I don’t feel like talking to anyone either. So I don’t wanna go home. Driving is kind of a safe haven for me, because whether I have super low energy or it’s super high, I feel steady and stable while driving. I’m staying safe, so no need to worry about that. Just wondering if anyone else can relate?

I don't know what to do. It hasn't been this bad in a while.

Consciously, I feel fine. Nothing is really happening in my personal life

But I feel the ache in my body and my chest. It's painful and makes me nauseous.

I'm on some new meds as of almost 2 weeks, and it felt like it was working. But for some reason, it really hurts right now

Hello! Newly- ish to be diagnosed with BP2 after about a year and a half of misdiagnosing as cyclothymia. Very new to this subreddit.

I have a friend of over 10 plus years. We are both 29 and have been through a lot together. My mental health has been a big part of my twenties. My friend and I have lived apart for the majority of that time. She lives a very alternative lifestyle on the otherside of the continent of me where she is around people constantly and sometimes on tour with them. In the last five years especially its been harder to let her in about some of the tougher parts of my life because on phone calls sometimes there will be people in the background. She gets a little weird if I ask for us to chat alone (I think the request feels really formal to her). Anyways so theres been some distance combined with my mental health being worse.

When she visited for Christmas I told her about my BP2 diagnosis and she was a bit dismissive saying shed never seen me hypomanic. We live on the otherside of the continent and dont talk much so I think that can be taken with a grain of salt.

This month she released an EP and the first song on it is about me. She didnt tell me it was beforehand but there are several references to me that are pretty unmistakebale (references to what I do for a living, my name, etc). And the song is about our friendship from her perspective. Its about her and her friend who she tries so hard to reach out to, who she tries desperately to save but her friend is always always always slipping away and hiding. She wrote a line about me playing gamea and disappearing.

It feels very framed like I am this sick manipulative person who is helpless and like she is this devoted friend who has trying to help me.

I am really uncomfortable about this. On one hand, I think anyone has the right to express themselves through art. But this story she is telling about our friendhsip genuinely feels so off. And it feels like she is both dismissive of my diagnosis and treating me like this fucked up creature.

I dont know what to do or say. I feel a bit in shock. I feel angry. Sad. Really disappointed. Like I have not shown up for her the way she has expected me to when I am depressed. But I also feel like there is way more to our dynamic than my mental illness. But maybe I am wrong.

I was wondering if there are people in this community who can give me some advice. I have friends who really accept this part of me and I work hard to not let my depression be the driving reaction in my relationships while letting people know it is something I experience and do not have a lot of control over.

I feel really hurt and I feel confused about where to go next.

Hello! I’m starting Abilify for my condition and I wanted to know if there’s anything I should know about it? Drowsiness, loss of appetite, etc..?? I’m already on Effexor and Remeron so I want to know if there’s anything that it will add on top of these..

I’m 20f was diagnosed bipolar2 early this year, i have had panic disorder for just over a year now, taking any medications is just hard and causes panic attacks, ive taken risperidone for bipolar in the past and stopped about after 2 weeks, thats the only medication ive taken for bipolar and for now id rather be unmedicated for the bipolar until i get my panic disorder under control, im going to be starting busbar (busprione) here soon for panic attacks, has anyone tried it while unmedicated for bipolar2? and what was your experience on it?

there was talk about risk for hypo manic episodes, luckily i live with family who would be able to tell if that was happening, did it affect your bipolar in any way? and did it help with your anxiety?

I’m currently in my second romantic relationship. My first one was terrible and he treated me horribly. This one is completely different, but there’s something in common between the 2 relationships. I can’t tell if this is true or not, but I think romantic relationships make me gradually become less stable.

When I’m experiencing hypomania I’m extremely passionate about breaking up with him, as well as when I’m depressed. When I’m more stable I love him and can’t imagine life without him. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s the disorder. Typing this out makes it seem more black and white but It’s so confusing.

Obviously frequently threatening to break up with your partner IS abusive so I keep those thoughts to myself. I definitely think bipolar definitely comes into play significantly in romantic relationships.

Just wondering if anyone else has had any similar experiences and how they dealt with them?

I am currently medicated and have my first therapy appointment coming up in a week.

I've been newly diagnosed and I just help but wonder if I'm really the same as the people here, for example I have about two days hypo, crash day, 7-8 days depression then repeat. Although during my hypos I just socialize better, talk a little more, good mood, I even seem to sleep longer and deeper than depression (on lamotrigine 200mg week 8 ATM I feel like now I'm sleeping better at baseline) during depression never became suicidal but did feel empty and unmotivated to do anything. When I read the people on here going manic for months and feeling like they are one with god or decide to trek across the world I just think I have never even been close to that. Am I more aligned with cyclothymia?

Hi everyone, I've been going through an intense bipolar depression and I've been perscribed Symbyax (fluoxetine, olanzapine). I'd like to ask if anyone has an experience with this medication. What does the effects feel like? Did you had any noticable side effects? How long until it took effect on you? Also my doctor told me that it induces weight gain, has anyone experienced that? I guess this is the most important point for me since I'm already having a rapid weight gain because of other mood regulation medications.
Thanks!

Hey everyone,

Diagnosed Bipolar 2 here. I recently moved to a new city, started a new job, and saw a local psychiatrist today to review my regimen. I take Lamotrigine 150mg for mood stabilization, along with blood pressure meds (coveram) and atenolol for physical symptoms of anxiety.

For the past 1.5 years, my previous doctor kept me on nightly Alprazolam (Xanax). I realized tolerance had set in and wanted to get off it safely. The new psychiatrist prescribed Trazodone 100mg for sleep/anxiety, but told me to just stop the Alprazolam cold turkey tonight.

From everything I understand, stopping a daily benzo abruptly after 18 months sounds like a recipe for severe rebound anxiety, insomnia, and potential mood destabilization, especially with Bipolar 2.

Has anyone here successfully transitioned off daily Xanax to Trazodone, and did you have to advocate for a slow taper or a switch to a longer-acting benzo first? How did the sudden switch impact your mood stability?

Appreciate any insights or shared experiences.

Hello, I’m 19 and got diagnosed bipolar about a year ish ago.

I have a huge fear of getting in any sort of relationship with girls, because i have a history of reacting BADLY to things. For example: about a year and a half ago i had a thing with this girl, very beautiful and such a sweet person.

But she decided to “joke” with me, and i was already in a bad period. She had been out with friends and one of her guy friends was there aswell, and she sent a snap of him and wrote “im gonna go sleep at his house tonight”, as a joke i guess? And i reacted HORRIBLY.

Obviously, that was also a shit move on her end, but my reaction was definitely way out of control. I remember screaming at her on voice notes telling her i wish she’d die, and also wishing indescribably bad things on her.

I guess the point in all this is that sometimes i can get menacing, and sometimes i frighten myself, and i feel that i’m a monster in some way. This has caused me great stress, and it’s especially made me extremely fearful of getting into a relationship with anyone out of fear of what i might say or do.

Right now, i’m talking to a girl and it’s all going well, we both like eachother very much and i want to get in a relationship with her. But the fear i have of myself is holding me back. I’ve been talking to her for 3-4 months and she’s even asked me when she can be my girlfriend, but i keep dodging her questions.

Is there a way to overcome this? Or maybe a way to calm myself down?

As the title say🤷🏽‍♀️

I considered doing these over the course of a few hours (a few weeks ago)

- skateboarding down the streets on my stomach without anything on (I have no skateboard)

- calling a taxi and seducing the driver then doing you know what

- doing pull-ups on a window ledge (I was very high up)

- using my blanket to parachute out of my window (same height)

- swinging my blanket around (I think I actually did this)

- thinking I could become a god (half-jokingly) and fly

This only happened on an SSRI so it probably doesn't count

I'm safe now by the way I only fantasised about doing this weeks ago and I've been on this med for a month. I didn't actually do these things so I was technically in control.

Edit: Okay rereading my post it seems so dumb to even ask this

Edit: I think I did crash but only for a few hours... I was high for like 4 days

It's really just set in on me that I'll have to take meds forever. That fucking terrifies me. Like it's not even an option for me to not be on meds. I get that it's a good thing to be on meds etc, etc but God, it's bleak.

How long will I feel like I am on a slow motion hungry cloud 9????

I'm divorced, mum of 2 kids ages 11 & 14. I have custody only 20% of the time. The kids have to cross a border (not national) to see me. Relations with other parent are functional but cool. The kids have certainly matured throughout the separation, but I'm trying to decide if it's right to tell them about my BP2. My main motivation is to give them the information that can help them form their own insights especially into their own mood patterns. My symptoms are mild in my own opinion, maybe they seem more severe to some people; I'm not sure.

The biggest reasons not to share is that the stigma of mental illness can just be destabilizing itself, and my fear that it could be used against me by my ex if things break down later.