r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar • 19h ago
Advice Wanted - Everyones Welcome Lied to again
My girl does jui jitsu and recently there's been a dude there that's been getting pretty obsessive with her and frankly just downright creepy. Several other people have noticed and said as much as well. We talked and I asked if anything unusual had happened recently that may have led to him getting obsessive. She said no happened out of nowhere. I've asked if I could comfort the dude but she asked that I don't.
We'll come to find out right before he started getting creepy she did a photoshoot for his Instagram page that is 100% thirst traps of a whole bunch of different women. Never mentioned anything to me and conveniently left that out when we were talking about what may have started it. She doesn't know I know and so I've asked a few more questions and every answer has been pretty vague. Planning on comforting her today about it. And in my head were over, not even so much the photo shoot but the fact that she hid it and lied saying nothing unusual had happened between them recently.
But I've been cheated on before and my trust issues go crazy at the smallest thing. Honestly am I over reacting or is it time to call it quits?
Coconut sticky rice
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u/Tiny_Account_9636 Hungry man 19h ago
If there’s was nothing wrong with what she did, she would have no reason to hide it from you or lie to you about it.
Valid break up tbh.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Another 2 years down the drain damn and I genuinely thought she was the one but weve been on the rocks lately
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u/JeromeBarkly Protein prophet 18h ago
No relationship is ever wasted. You learn and you grow. Sorry to hear what you’re going through best wishes to you my man.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
You're right and I've said it a million times I just hate feeling like I have so much less time available and just another failed attempt even if it's not really the case
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u/stankdankprank Protein Prophet 1h ago
You sound very perceptive, not paranoid. Be proud, you're doing well
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u/PositionStandard6089 Girl lurker 3h ago
any chance she did the photoshoot to surprise you with sexy photos, and that's why she hasn't mentioned it/is keeping it a secret? (grasping at straws here)
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 2h ago
Not a chance after our conversation but I already knew it wasn't the case as she doesn't like sending me them in the first place
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u/ohiobluetipmatches Air Fryer Aristocrat 6h ago
You're probably feeding her reticence to tell you stuff if your trust issues go off at the smallest things. I've been with someone like that and it got to a point where I didn't even want to tell them I got coffee somewhere in the morning because it was exhausting to justify and have to report every minimum thing I did.
What she did is definitely break up worthy, but I would try to reflect on the relationship and adjust the trust issues for the next one.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
It's something I started counseling for recently, I don't want them to affect anyone but damn I know they're probably gonna get worse
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u/Orthogonalschlong Juicy nugget 19h ago
Comfort confront
I wouldn’t trust her anymore but that’s just me
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Oops my bad lol, but yeah my trust feels shattered
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u/Greeley9000 Frigid light philosopher 17h ago
You got every right to feel that way. Your trust has been broken and it continues to break every time she lies to you.
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u/myfokkenpussy Girl Lurker 19h ago
I’m extremely confused as to why any woman would agree to this photoshoot regardless of who he is to them 😭 Man Who Photographs Woman Provocatively And Then Later Harasses Them is a tale as old as time and it’s kind of crazy to me that your girlfriend (apparently) didn’t immediately get alarm bells ringing when he proposed the idea to her
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Yeah one would think right? And then at least tell me the reason after. Like frankly id be upset but it's something we could have worked through. Lying about it just reinforces in my head things are over
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u/myfokkenpussy Girl Lurker 18h ago
I don’t blame you for completely losing your motivation to continue a relationship with her bc of this. In my opinion it kind of sounds like the reason she didn’t tell you is because she was entertaining him, and is only telling you about him being creepy now because she didn’t want to take it as far as he did. I could also be totally wrong but as a lady who’s known many kinds of ladies, this kind of scenario is unfortunately common.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
It's definitely possible it's just she's never shown any interest in any man ever she normally goes through great lengths to avoid them because of trauma and its fuckin with my head. We'll see though
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u/PrncssPunch Girl lurker 5h ago
Maybe she needs a lot of control in her interactions bc of her trauma. She felt in control doing the photo shoot, and things quickly got out of control
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u/myfokkenpussy Girl Lurker 17h ago
That is indeed very odd. I hope you get some real answers and are able to eventually heal from this whether that be with or without her
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u/Tasty_Dealer2114 Girl Lurker 18h ago
Right! I would never do a thirst thirst trap photo shoot and much less with my instructor. So weird and her hiding it from him makes everything so sus.
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u/TrumpSuckedOffBubba Gay Gourmet 19h ago
From a gay perspective: I am a very liberal man but if my boyfriend did a sexy photoshoot with a male photographer that led to there being real-world, sustained lusting from the photographer to my man, and then my man repeatedly lied about it to me, I’d dump him too. Good luck brother. You got this.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Appreciate the insight coming from a slightly different perspective. Im pretty sure it's gonna be over, just wanna see how she reacts to me asking about it
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u/Aionius_ Protein prophet 19h ago
I personally feel once the trust is gone in a relationship then a lot of it is out the window. It’s hard to regain that and you’ll always be on edge in the future. Whatever you choose to do is whatever you do, just make sure you take care of yourself and your mental and don’t feel guilted if you do choose to end it. Some people can move past a relatively small betrayal and there’s nothing wrong w that. But there’s also nothing wrong with drawing a line in the sand and removing yourself when it’s been crossed. Good luck bro.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Appreciate it dawg, it really all depends on her reaction I'm gonna ask again and if she denies anything I'm.gonna bring up evidence and then see where it goes from there
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u/Tea-Necessary Boy 18h ago
Lmao I never expected to see my house in a photo of someone’s boy dinner post. It might be time to move on since she seems to be enjoying the attention.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
It may be the move, well have to see how the conversation goes.
It's a small world though sometimes, I was wonder if I would reach anyone me or her know and theyd recognize the area and then if reading it figure out who it is
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u/Tea-Necessary Boy 17h ago
lol. There’s plenty of bjj girls in Hawaii. For the randoms that want to geoguess. Though usually the picture is just the food on a table so yea it gives a lot of information even though it might not seem like it.
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u/Late_Ambassador7470 Grill Pilled 19h ago
Yeah she should have at least told you about the photoshoot. He's not in the right here but this is bird behavior from her
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Yeah no he's 100% fucked up regardless of her actions. Not blaming her for his creepy behavior by any means. However her doing it and then lying ..... I'm hurt man
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u/Immediate-Wave2150 Shower Beer Scholar 11h ago
How in the world did you find out about a photo shoot? Did she go somewhere and do this with him privately?
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u/Buuts321 Shower Beer Scholar 18h ago
Naw, not overreacting. I've been cheated on too and what a lot of cheaters don't understand is the lying is the part that hurts the most, not the physical stuff.
This isn't cheating, but it's lying all the same. Absolute trust and honesty is the only thing that can make a relationship work.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Yeah my trust feels shattered, I'm just hoping there's some magic explanation
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u/LowNefariousness1870 Girl Lurker 9h ago
Female commenter here, I used to occasionally (amateur) model in my 20s before IG. Models have hair and makeup planned as well as outfits and accessories (if not provided). That takes some planning and shoots are booked in advance. I’m just mentioning that because at minimum she omitted that she had a shoot scheduled with a male you don’t know.
For safety reasons it’s important that people know the details of the photo shoots. I’ve been on shoots where it was just me and a male photographer but I shared my location and all relevant details prior to arriving with multiple trusted individuals.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
Yeah she's never done any shoots before and expressed that she was the opposite of interested in anything like that. She's definitely lied directly. Idk man it's frustrating
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u/Electrical-Bee-7362 Air Fryer Aristocrat 8h ago
Dude.
She knows what she did wand why this guy is bothering her.
If really she was creeped out by this guy don't you think she'd tell you she did a photoshoot for him? Especially if it's meant to be a thirst trap
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 Girl lurker 7h ago
If there was nothing to hide, she wouldn’t have hidden it. And she wouldn’t have looked you in the rye and lied. Yeah, it’s time to call it quits because you deserve better.
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u/Knicknacktallywack Air Fryer Aristocrat 2h ago
Yea she should have never lied about this. Hard to say if it’s breakup worthy, probably
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u/Evil_thingz Identity Alchemist 18h ago
You’re right on this and you are not overreacting. Your past trust issues aren't the problem here—her secrecy is. Hiding a literal thirst-trap photoshoot for the exact guy who’s suddenly creeping on her, and then playing dumb to your face about it, is a massive red flag. Definitely confront her and lay out exactly what you know, because if you don't, it’s just going to eat you alive while she continues to pretend nothing happened. If she keeps being vague or tries to gaslight you, you have your answer.
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u/YondusFondu Protein prophet 18h ago
Lol I was like....well that's kinda wild that you want to comfort him.
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u/Hairy-Truth3303 Boy Dinner Enjoyer 5h ago
I may be too old to give advice (and possibly my tolerance towards bs from a partner is very low; I did have to learn the hard way though) but yeah I would be done with this relationship the moment I'd find that out. I wouldn't even care about the mental gymnastics about explaining why she did a thirst trap photoshoot for another dude and casually left it out of the conversation. So my advice for you is: don't bother about a conversation at this point, it sounds like what you found out is more than enough to move on and be immensely grateful you dodged a bullet. Life's too short, your time too precious to waste it on bs and there's a whole lot of better potential partners out there for you; honest, kind, empathetic, without heavy baggage and it will make you look back at this kind of stuff and go "what the hell was I doing with this person".
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u/glacierheart3 Girl Lurker 18h ago
Life is too short to be dealing with this stress and bullshit. Be free and peaceful brother. I'm sorry.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
I guess it is what it is, could be worse. My ex cheated on me while I was overseas getting hit with suicide drones
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u/Quietstorm00 Girl lurker 18h ago
Not overreacting. Your gf didn’t take the opportunity to correct her action and she is still acting like a person guilty of something, when you try to confront about your suspicion.
I think you are doing the right thing confront it and have a conversation with her and you can make a decision that’s best for you after that.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Im hoping and praying she has some magical answers but man I just don't think one exists
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u/Quietstorm00 Girl lurker 18h ago
If I was in your position dealing with this, I wouldn’t trust what my person tells me either. She is moving like someone that is not in a relationship.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Honestly, it feels like that. I don't think I can trust her but I'm hoping something she says will make sense
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u/illmatic708 Leftover lore master 18h ago
I would probably just block and ghost, she already broke trust, personally I would assume there was cheating on some level. She doesn't deserve to gaslight you
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
We've been together two years I definitely am not ghosting, I don't really believe in ghosting anyways unless someone feels in danger
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u/shwenty22 Boy Dinner Enjoyer 10h ago
I agree with you and I am.of the general opinion that people need to be called out on their shit etc but for the right reasons (its how we grow and get better). She needs to know where the line is, that she crossed it, and that its a deal breaker. I think she already knows and that's why shes lying to you. A loyal gf/wife would never pose semi nude for another man unless she really wanted the attention from that other man.
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u/KittyPew01 Girl lurker 18h ago
She wants attention. “I’ve asked if I could comfort the dude but she asked that I don’t” I’ve been stalked, touched, asked out and I have no problem saying to my bf about this and he can take action because I have no intention of cheating or wanting attention from other people.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Part of me thinks she doesn't want me to confront him because he'll bring up the photoshoot she's still trying to hide
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u/KittyPew01 Girl lurker 18h ago
Definitely. The instructor seems like a single guy or into open relationships.. something tells me none of the other girls are having problems. It’s suspicious.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Yeah no one else is having issues with him there but they're all see it and saying it's weird/creepy
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u/KittyPew01 Girl lurker 18h ago
All I’m trying to say is if you’re here for approval, which is very valid to ask for btw 😅, she has red flags. Do what you will with this information, all the free will to u buddy! I wish u luck on whatever u choose.
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u/Weak_Fix_8002 Girl Lurker 18h ago
There are situations where it’s not appropriate for a partner to confront someone, and what would really come of it in this situation? Would he stop harassing her? Probably not. Would it turn into unnecessary physical confrontation? Probably. Unfortunately the best thing for her to do would have been to find another club. But I can understand why she wouldn’t want her bf confronting her instructor.
With that said, she’s wrong af for the photoshoot, lying, etc. so you’re prob right about wanting attention.
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u/SeriousFinding153 Protein Prophet 18h ago
Updateme
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
I'll post an update after my conversation probably sometime tomorrow
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u/leedleedletara Cooties 18h ago
Eww “photographers” like that are such a red flag. As a woman who used to be attention starved, best case scenario is that she is getting a huge dopamine/ego hit from his flirtatious efforts. Especially if he took photographs of her. Worst case scenario is that she’s sleeping with him. Both are betrayals. Does she seem like she has low self esteem? That’s the only reason why she’d be seduced by the photoshoot angle… but yeah, my trust would definitely be gone either way. To me personally, flirting and hiding it behind your partner IS cheating.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
She absolutely has low self esteem and it stems from SA so normally she absolutely steers clear of men and anything sexual even with me.
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u/leedleedletara Cooties 18h ago
Oh wow that’s interesting, maybe she isn’t flirting then… maybe she has issues saying no or something…
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
Honestly that could be it I know she does, I think that's the only way she's gonna be able to save this
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u/leedleedletara Cooties 17h ago
I agree and I can see that, I’m hoping for the best 🤞
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
Me too but it's still gonna be tough regardless cause it's a breach of trust
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u/mollusc_in_the_wind Leftover Lore Master 18h ago
Honestly depends how much you like her and whether you can accept whatever reasons she has for lying to you.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Never loved anyone on this world remotely close to her. But lying is one hard boundary for me. And idk I'm hoping she has a valid reason but we'll see
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u/mollusc_in_the_wind Leftover Lore Master 18h ago
Given the first part of your answer, I think you at least need to hear her out.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
That's the plan, there's just about one thing she could say that could make me stay that I can think of tbh
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u/mollusc_in_the_wind Leftover Lore Master 17h ago
My advice would be to go into that conversation with an open mind. It’s not likely to be positive if you’re heading into it with a predetermined outcome in mind.
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u/Astron0reo BoyDinnerEnjoyer 18h ago
Update is how it goes; I can’t see her having a valid reason but you may never truly know
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Yeah we'll see and I'll probably post tomorrow after we talk tonight
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u/Astron0reo BoyDinnerEnjoyer 17h ago
Wishing you a happy ending regardless of these circumstances. My 2 year relationship ended 4 months ago and it hurt for a while but I’m starting to feel better.
Always a destination from ever chapter
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
I'm just tired of failed attempts man, it makes me question myself
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u/Astron0reo BoyDinnerEnjoyer 8h ago
Every failed attempt sucks, you just can’t let the last one dictate how much this one sucks.
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u/SaoMagnifico BoyDinnerEnjoyer 17h ago
I'm sorry, a photoshoot for his Instagram page? That sounds sketchy as fuck.
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u/Beta_Helicase Hungry man 17h ago
I’m sorry brother, another man is taking risqué photos of your partner and you had no idea? Even if nothing happened, there is some pretty questionable decision making on her end.
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u/alexxbohmm Shower Beer Scholar 14h ago
Ala Moana beach park hell yeah
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 13h ago
I prefer north shore but its what was nearby when I needed some sun and sand
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u/SaveFishBoy Protein Prophet 13h ago
Magic island and some chocolate? That’s a great remedy. Sucks man, but you got this. Oahu has plenty of women. You will bounce back. And hey, lucky to live Hawaii brah.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 12h ago
Love living here except these dam prices man. I don't even wanna think about any other women rn. She was my everything
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u/SaveFishBoy Protein Prophet 4h ago
Prices are insane but quality of life is high if you like the outdoors.
Takes time man. Get some sun, do things you enjoy and let some time pass. You got it.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 2h ago
My favorite thing to do is hike hers is the beach wed switch it up and do one or the other every weekend. Just did an 8 miler on one of the windward side ridges at night.
Guess I gotta go back to hiking alone
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u/OddEstablishment56 Shower Beer Scholar 11h ago
The use of "comforted" when you mean "confronted" was throwing me off so hard lol
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u/Icy_Two_364 Grill pilled 11h ago
Welcome to modern dating bro
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
I've been in it for awhile man but this just felt different
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u/CronkinOn Shower Beer Scholar 10h ago
Your concerns and pain are all VERY valid. She lied and hid this from you, which was messed up.
She's also got a ton of trauma, and part of SA is shame spiraling and being programmed by society to hide that shame. That she did something shameful. I'm not trying to justify either the photoshoot (fucked up) or the hiding of it afterwards (which fits as a trauma response), since both don't honor your relationship, but living with a SA victim sometimes means having a bit more grace than black & white expectations of behavior.
Me personally, a lot of this would hinge on her response to being confronted with it. Even if she got defensive, I'd be very clear with her that if we were to have a relationship going forward, she'd have to dig DEEP and be truthful both about why she got talked into the photoshoot (Creeps like that are MASTERS at making a girl feel attractive/sexy, and I'm guessing she realized she got got afterwards), and why she lied about it. She'd have to be VULNERABLE, because ugly truth and digging deep is her only shot at rebuilding trust.
What I'd do from there would still be up for debate, of course. If she told me she felt deeply ashamed after being creeped on again when she thought she wasn't going to be a victim again, and she knew she should have told me but felt too ashamed about all of it... I'd at least consider it, especially if she was pretty upfront about knowing how grossly unfair it was to me.
tldr - Hiding the truth is VERY different for SA victims. It's ok to walk away from this, and she DID mess up several times over, but there could be room for grace here if she seems contrite and apologetic enough about it.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
I appreciate your response, I understand it's different and I don't hate her for it but I also can't live getting lied too or in fear of it constantly
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u/CronkinOn Shower Beer Scholar 4h ago
Totally fair, and it's on her to learn from this if she wants to. It's certainly not on you to help her figure it all out. A big part of relationships is figuring out what you want, and what's just too much of a dealbreaker for you. Nothing wrong with that!
Good luck mate! Hope it works out as well as it can, and thanks for reading!
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u/fri9875 Protein Prophet 9h ago
For starters, damn homie I’m sorry this is not a fun situation.
I don’t think you are over reacting for thinking the relationship is over, lying about something like that will break trust, and once trust is truly broken that is the end of any relationship. If you wanted to try and rebuild it, of course that’s an option, but you are 100% justified in just walking away regardless of any other context/justification.
My only advice is to keep being an adult, and don’t do anything stupid/rash. Talk to her about it like you said, but don’t approach it like an asshole. Blowing up and yelling or whatever A) doesn’t actually help you get anywhere and B) then makes you the asshole. I’d go into it like “hey, I saw something and would like an explanation”, and give her a chance to come clean and give a real explanation: the explanation or justification doesn’t even necessarily matter, you can still walk away even if it’s something genuinely innocent because lien you said it’s the lying/hiding it is the bigger issue, but after 2 years you deserve to know wtf happened.
Personally for me I’d have hit this point before you OP. Another guy being weird towards my GF, and she acknowledges it’s weird but won’t disengage or let me say something is just such a red flag.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
Yeah we talked, nothing rude nothing mean. I'll make an update post later
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u/Usual_Ad158 Girl lurker 9h ago
Was today years old when I learned the term thirst trap. Knowing what that is, yes, I'd say you have legitimate reason to not trust her.
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u/C_Deez_DDz Shower beer Scholar 9h ago
> in my head we’re over
You got to follow your head on this one.
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. If it’s violated, especially in a significant context like this, you need to get out IMO. You can’t build a good relationship with a liar. It’ll be all smoke and mirrors until something happens, you find out and the life you knew evaporates.
There are plenty of honest women out there. It is beyond weird she did a photo shoot with him anyways.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
I know theres plenty of good women but man my trust issues were horrible already and now i just can't see myself trusting a woman again which is so incredibly unfair to them
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u/C_Deez_DDz Shower beer Scholar 3h ago
You shouldn’t be thinking about that right now - take some time to yourself, you need to heal after all this.
The trust issues are going to be at their worst right now since you’re stilling going through the crisis.
You’ll learn to trust and live again, it will be easy when you meet the right person.
It’s just not her.
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u/kreeation14 Air Fryer Aristocrat 8h ago
Warning bells ring for a reason bro, ditch the b and run away before she attacks you with her ninja skills
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
Lmao dealt with getting absolutely abused to hell in my last relationship I don't need it here
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u/SciFi_Enjoyer106 Leftover Lore Master 8h ago
Not overreacting. You need to get out ASAP because when you find out someone is hiding something like that, there is likely more to come if there isn't already more you don't know about.
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u/ServikonIV Grill Pilled 7h ago
So she did a thirst trap photoshoot for some dudes insta and didnt tell you? She was loving his attention and thought she would be able to manage it and hide it until it got overbearing.
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u/sawtooth1649 Protein prophet 1h ago
Do you mean “confronting” instead of “comforting”? I’m confused. I don’t think you want to comfort the guy, do you?
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u/DeuceMandago lunch enjoyer 19h ago edited 18h ago
I’m confused on a number of things…
- What exactly did she do? She took pictures of other woman for him? Am I getting that right
- How did you find out about the photo shoot?
- How did you come to find out about the creepy behavior?
- What exactly is the creepy behavior? Or at least some examples…
It’s hard to pass judgement based on what you’ve shared so far.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Fair enough I'll try to elaborate, he takes lewd proactive photos of women mostly naked or completely naked but covering thir selves with their hands for his Instagram, it's very overtly sexual not artsy btw
He took pics of her for it
At jujitsu hell always try to roll with her get pouty if she doesn't, then he'll join in after she said no and just stare at her the whole time or get mad if other guys are rolling with her, she's told me all that.
I think that's about everything lmk if you got any more questions
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u/Keeper151 Leftover lore master 18h ago
At jujitsu hell always try to roll with her get pouty if she doesn't, then he'll join in after she said no and just stare at her the whole time or get mad if other guys are rolling with her
This is the exact kind of behavior that needs to be shut down IMMEDIATELY by the instructors. I grew up doing multiple martial arts and eventually instructing and one thing I learned is how fast a place can get a bad reputation for letting shit like that happen, especially with anything ground based where people are constantly on top of eachother. One social media post and all of a sudden you're the creeper gym, not to mention the amount of bullshit drama you have to deal with when someone inevitably gets butthurt over a rejection or gods forbid files a police report.
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u/DeuceMandago lunch enjoyer 18h ago
Ahh yeah then this sounds like a very serious breach of trust… how you wanna handle it is up to you.
But I’d say scorched earth isn’t inappropriate or disproportionate (apologies for the double negatives).
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
I think it's probably gonna go that way, just end it no contact
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u/DeuceMandago lunch enjoyer 17h ago
Can’t say I’d blame you. Thank you answering my line of questioning! It would have been understandable if I annoyed you with that.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
I mean I part of me was, but I understand that's probably my head just being super stressed rn. And if it helps the situation I'm.open to sharing whatever. So honestly I do appreciate the questions
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u/Admirable_Scratch363 Boy, 40-49 18h ago
So you saw this happen in person or she told you?
How did you find his instagram?
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Him harassing her? I haven't seen it she's told me about it as well as several people have mentioned it
I'm ngl I saw her photos while she was scrolling through them and I saw the lewd ones and as soon as they popped up she closed out the app. So then later I went searching which I'm not proud of
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u/Admirable_Scratch363 Boy, 40-49 17h ago
You definitely need to have an honest conversation.
There’s a good chance there’s a misunderstanding happening about their relationship and yours.
I’m not saying you’re wrong just that the truth may not be as salacious as you’re imagining without her telling you the context.
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u/YourGarandPappy Tired Old Griller 18h ago
Did she get naked for this guy?
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
Not naked, that would be an immediate end. It's more about the lying and hiding it than the actual doing it
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u/YourGarandPappy Tired Old Griller 17h ago
Well man. I'm sorry this happened. I wish you the best the luck. Always remember, cooler heads prevail.
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u/chemicalbrotha78 BoyDinnerEnjoyer 7h ago
Didn’t you say naked or mostly naked before? And overtly sexual?
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u/No_Yard9104 Shower Beer Scholar 18h ago
As a man who practiced jujutsu (Japanese not Brazilian, not that it matters) for 6 years…
The dojo is a fuck den. I’ve trained with dozens of women over the years. They were there to train. But they stayed late to get run through. Contributed to that myself for a few of them.
I would never consider dating from our crew or any crew.
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u/1purenoiz Grill Pilled 18h ago
In ten years of BJJ I have never seen this, four gyms in two different states. none the same affiliations. I often stay late.
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u/No_Yard9104 Shower Beer Scholar 18h ago
I can’t really speak to bjj. Honestly, I’ve always assumed jui-jitsu had a lot fewer women than jujutsu.
What’s your take on that?
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u/1800crimetime Girl Lurker 18h ago
Not over reacting because trust is everything in a relationship. That said on a human level, it’s hard to know if her hiding this was because she had shady intentions or because she is feeling unsafe and was afraid you would victim blame her for the guy’s creepy behavior. May even be somewhere in between. She lied to you, but she did not cause herself to be harassed, so I hope you will keep the focus of the conversation on the violation of your trust and not on if doing a photoshoot justifies the man’s behavior. Regardless of her motive, it is justified to break up with someone for lying to you, especially when honest and trust are high priorities to you in your relationship. This is a very reasonable expectation to have of your partner.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Yeah her getting harassed is 100% not her fault. I fully agree. He's a creep regardless and fuck him. I'm mostly concerned about lying and hiding stuff and then slightly about the photoshoot itself
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u/1800crimetime Girl Lurker 18h ago
Agree. Because it’s weird that she didn’t mention the photoshoot when she did it/before the creepiness just conversationally. What did you do today? Or I got some cool/sexy photos taken, can’t wait to show you. Unless that’s something she does all the time for work or something
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u/heresausernamesheesh Protein Prophet 17h ago
Yeah she could be cheating but we don’t know if she meant to surprise him with the photos - who knows. Point is no one knows til it’s brought out in the open.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Never done it before at all that I'm aware of. She doesn't even like sending me anything proactive which I understand
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u/chemicalbrotha78 BoyDinnerEnjoyer 6h ago
She did it for him but won’t for you. That says a lot. Ick
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u/SeparatePassage3201 Leftover Lore Master 18h ago
Imma be honest witchu bro you might be overreacting but you might not be depending on your history with her. We all lie. Sometimes to avoid arguments or out of fear that something might be blown out of proportion. There’s plenty of things I didn’t mention to my gfs over the years because I knew it might cause unnecessary conflict. Seems like you might be looking for an excuse not to trust her but like I said it depends on your history with her
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u/JeromeBarkly Protein prophet 18h ago
Yeah but dude does that include taking thirst trap photos for another woman that isn’t your gf? That’s something you definitely ask your partner if they’re comfortable with it and even so, she is lying about the photo shoot as well.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
While I do disagree I appreciate your input I feel like regardless she hid things from me which is the biggest issue but also taking thirst traps for social media is something neither of us want in our relationship or at least that's what we said
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u/SeparatePassage3201 Leftover Lore Master 18h ago
At the end of the day it’s up to you to decide what you’re ok with and what you’re not ok with. I’m just offering a perspective. To me this isn’t one of those “dump her and never look back” situations. If you’re not ok with it then you know what to do.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Yeah the lying is what is mostly getting to me the rest is something I could get over
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u/da8BitKid Fridge Light Philosopher 18h ago
What's the point of comforting her? Any chance you could trust her again? If not just walk away, "closure" is highly overrated.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
I just don't believe on walking out in things without trying to hear the other side idk.
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u/da8BitKid Fridge Light Philosopher 18h ago
So you could trust her again?
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
I don't know man, I wish I could say yes or even no tbh but idk
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u/SupremeTeamKai Boy, 30-39 18h ago
Trust is broken. What could she possibly say to convince you otherwise? What reasonable reason would she have to lie?
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
No idea man, I'm just kinda hoping for some magic BS that makes me believe her
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u/achillespatient Hungry man 18h ago
Am I the only one that thought I saw a grisly injury at first?
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Sorry for any jumpacares lol
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u/achillespatient Hungry man 18h ago
All good I’m glad you are physically OK haha
Edit: and on your post, I think you know what to do. If shes lying about this, what else is she lying about? Best to make an exit in the way that has the least chance of blowing back on you.
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u/woodala Fridge Light Philosopher 17h ago
Does she model outside of this photoshoot?
Idk you should confront her about the photoshoot first. What do you have to lose?
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
No she's never done anything like this before to my knowledge and we've both agreed that's not something we want in our relationship
It's definitely getting brought up today
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u/woodala Fridge Light Philosopher 17h ago
Maybe she got paid for the shoot.
And he prob shoots with models that … do a lot more than model.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
Possible but that doesn't make it any better imo
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u/woodala Fridge Light Philosopher 16h ago
Oh yeah it’s not better at all.
Idk tho yes she lied and is still lying. It’s bad. But sometimes girls want these photos for themselves and that’s it. I’m guessing that’s why she did it?
And now she’s weirded out that this dude is getting obsessed. And it’s hard to be honest.
After I split from my ex wife I started shooting artistic nudes. The amateur modeling world is a shit show. A lot of ‘photographers’ act like they own models. Some models are crazy AF. I’ve had mostly good experiences but the bad ones really bad.
Maybe your girlfriend stepped into this just being curious and regrets it.
It sucks thinking about your girlfriend being ‘sexy’ for someone taking photos and it feels like cheating but she prob didn’t do anything. It wasn’t even about this dude. It was just having the photos for her own ego.
It’s selfish, but is it cheating?
There’s no clean answer. Just try to keep an open mind about the photo shoot. And hopefully she’ll be honest.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 13h ago
Yeah I definitely don't see it as cheating, but the dishonesty is absolutely shattering
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u/AngelicDivineHealer Hungry man 14h ago
That’s the hint if others are noticing that your gf is with him doing something wrong and they’re telling as much she and him doesn’t even care that their relationship is hidden on not just out in the public.
Your hundred percent in the dark. People don’t just poke and stuff in your business without good reason but they also don’t want to be obvious saying she kissed him or doing something else couple do together
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 13h ago
I think you misunderstood he's being creepy and people are noticing, he's currently giving her unwanted attention and she is really upset by it. And others see he's being creepy and that she dislikes it.
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u/8pmTimeslot Shower Beer Scholar 10h ago
Who told you first? Her or other people? I’d say it’s a good sign if it was her first.
I’ve seen some other people commenting that it’s an instructor. If so you should definitely report the guy and have her switch gyms.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
She told me about him being creepy, I don't think anything is going on in between them. She went and did the shoot and then he got creepy. I'm focusing more on the amount of lies it took for her to cover it up
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u/Warm-Business-2335 Identity Alchemist 13h ago
If you have the evidence, print it off. Then when you sit down with her lay the photos out and ask her to “please explain.” No point in trying to entrap her and force her to lie again.
If she has a reasonable explanation (I’m not sure what that could be) and it doesn’t involve emotional or physical cheating, then the next obvious step is ask to see her phone, no contact with the creep and to quit that gym. Those are non negotiable.
Updateme
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u/Hfcsmakesmefart Air Fryer Aristocrat 11h ago
Comfort => confront lol
Jiu jitsu is basically wrestling, sex is like wrestling 🤼
Get where I’m going here?
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u/8pmTimeslot Shower Beer Scholar 10h ago
Not for nothing, I understand the trust issues from having been lied to by cheaters, but it’s possible in her mind that she didn’t do anything wrong or unusual by going to a photo shoot. Has she ever done any modeling before or talked about/shown interest in it? Is the guy’s instagram page advertising him as a professional photographer or is it like trying to show himself off? Are they photos of just girls doing thirst traps or is it like with him and his cars and trying to be a “baller” (or something other than a professional photographer page)? If it’s showing him as a photographer it’s possible she just didn’t tell you about a photo shoot and the guy is actually not that professional after all being an obsessive creep afterwards. It’s also entirely possible that something did happen.
My point being, talk to her and feel it how. See how she reacts to the questions. If she’s cagey or weird then she may be lying. Don’t try to trap her in questions just to get a smoking gun because then your mindset is already that you can’t trust her and she cheated and you’re not gonna believe her answer anyway.
Relationships are about trust, yes, but has she given you a reason not to trust her in the last two years? Unfortunately the hard part of trusting someone is that you have to kind of give it and believe they aren’t going to fuck you over.
If you really think she’s a good one give her the opportunity to prove it, or disprove it before getting to in your head about it.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
She never done any type of modeling or expressed interest, quite the opposite tbh.
He's definitely not professional he just takes a lot of super sexual pics of different people and posts them
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u/8pmTimeslot Shower Beer Scholar 2h ago
I would suggest having a real conversation with her. Try to keep an open mind and don’t try to trap her in a “gotcha” type situation. Just be legit open and honest because that is what you’re asking of her and that’s most likely to get honest responses in return. If she hasn’t been cheated on in the past or had issues where her trust was severely damaged such as yours (not shaming judging), she may not fully grasp the need for radical honesty. Completely hypothetical here but maybe he lied about being a professional and once he got the photos he’s blackmailing her with them and she’s embarrassed or scared. It’s just an example to show that you may not 100% know what’s actually going on. Not saying you lead with it, but If you ask her about the photo shoot and she straight up denies it when you have hard proof, well then you have your answer.
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u/Afraid-Mud4490 Trans Fats Connoisseur 9h ago
This is a sub-plot from the BBC comedy series Anne-Droid
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
Is it? Guess it'd make sense that it's a comedy show because my life's a fuckin joke
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u/Spicey_Cough2019 Air Fryer Aristocrat 8h ago
It’s always the ju jitsu/pt/hiit class instructor or other members.
Mine left for her strength and conditioning coach.
Basically don’t sweat it. The earlier you realise women are like children and get bored easily the easier your life gets and healthier your next relationship will be
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
Let's not trash women man, I get the pain it's valid but most are good
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u/Spicey_Cough2019 Air Fryer Aristocrat 17m ago
I’m not trash talking them at all
In fact I have a great trusting relationship right nowIt’s moreso a warning to other guys that this happens time and time again
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 9m ago
Maybe I misunderstood because you said women are like children and it seemed pretty demeaning tbh. But again I could have misunderstood
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u/AsangOham-life Girl Lurker 8h ago
Also, take a look at the pattern of why this happened again. Understand what unconsciously or not makes you drawn to a certain type.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago
Idk man, I really want to know, at the same time I wouldn't say she's anywhere near similar to my ex but still idk the situation is fucked
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u/chemicalbrotha78 BoyDinnerEnjoyer 7h ago
Are you sure he got creepy is that her way of playing this situation down?
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3h ago
Here in Brazil we say: “if your girl go to Jiu Jitsu or “Altinha” (beach soccer), she will cheat on you”
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u/kathios Protein Prophet 19h ago
There's more going on there than you know. Don't put up with people like this. They will put you straight in your grave.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 18h ago
Yeah in my mind once you lie once maliciously who know how many other lies are hiding there as well
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u/heresausernamesheesh Protein Prophet 18h ago
She may not think doing a photoshoot is a big deal though and she did tell you about his behavior. If you go in assuming the worst you may just find what you’re looking for. She could’ve omitted it because she didn’t think it was worth mentioning or just dumb or distracted not intentionally. We don’t know what she’s doing but these don’t necessarily mean she’s cheating. Don’t let your past experiences make you reactive to this one until more data is presented.
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u/Silvertree99 Shower beer Scholar 17h ago
I'm gonna try to go into it open minded but it's gonna be a struggle, regardless she did lie about it and something like that is something we've both talked about not wanting in our relationship. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but damn it's tough
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u/DrySeaworthiness9856 Hungry man 9h ago
Not looking good my bro.
I would confront her and prepare myself to call it quits. It will take a massive amount of work from her to rebuild trust, and she probably isn't cut out for it.
Keep your head up, lots of good one's out there.
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