Right person wrong time

[u/notmyrealname002]

At the beginning of this year I went through a breakup. The mother of my two children cheated on me and we broke up. I was sad. I had lost the future I thought I was going to have and the time I thought I would get with my children. But that's not really the point of this, it's just context.

About 6 or so weeks later, a woman at work told me her husband had cheated as well. Their situation was a great deal worse. He hadn't physically cheated, but he was arrested for what he sent. I won't go into too much detail, but he is now on a register and cannot pick their child up from school.

It started as mutual support. A few messages here and there. Eventually I decided to shoot my shot, and she responded positively.

What followed was around two months of a very intense start to a relationship. We had already known each other for 5 years and had met socially with our partners and children before all this.. however It was somehow both fast and slow. Her being a single mother didn't afford us much time, and her husband was still around. This was all before his sentencing.

We met after work in car parks to chat, kiss and hold each other. We messaged all day, every day. Sweet goodnights, declarations about how excited we were to see each other at work. I was falling fast.

She is a wonderful person. Caring, incredibly intelligent and has an incredible wit. She helped me see my worth and find my smile.

We had three proper dates during this time, and the third ended with the intimacy between us naturally progressing.

A few days later, the bomb dropped. Her now-ex-husband tried to kill himself.

I don't want to sound heartless, but I found it incredibly difficult to have any sympathy for him given what had happened. However, he is the father of their child.

Two weeks after he came out of hospital, she sent me a message saying she needed time to focus on him and their daughter.

I accepted it, reluctantly. But by then I had fallen for her, and I was gutted.

Five months have now passed with me hoping things might eventually go back to how they were.

Her ex had his court date. He pleaded guilty and received 18 months suspended for two years. Fuck the British courts.

I've struggled throughout all of this. She has told me that they are not getting back together, but he is still around. From what I can see, she is now fighting the courts to avoid contact centres for her daughter and him.

I am not innocent in all of this.

I struggled and sought support from some people at work who I thought were friends. That did not go well. It turned into office gossip, which upset her. She was disappointed in me and has now asked me to leave her alone.

I understand why she is under an enormous amount of pressure because of everything her ex has done. I also understand that I have made things worse by talking about something that wasn't really anyone else's business I never spoke about him or his crime it was just our situation with how we were dating and it had stopped.

But I'm struggling to let go.

Part of me still believes she is leaving herself and her daughter in a dangerous situation. And, selfishly, part of me still believes that if the circumstances were different, we would be incredibly happy together.

I know she has told me she isn't coming back to me. I am trying to accept that.

I suppose what I'm really asking is: am I romanticising what happened between us because I was vulnerable when we met, or was this a genuine relationship that was simply destroyed by an impossible situation?

I'm not looking for people to tell me how to get her back. I know I need to respect what she has asked of me.

I just want some outside perspective from people who have been through something similarly complicated.

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