I'm 31F, I was with my ex for 5 years. We grew incompatible as time passed so we had to end it.

I'm literally gonna die alone. I hate this timeline.

I don't know how other people manage to distract themselves right after a breakup (when they were dumbed). I'm just bedrotting 24/7. I tried so many activities but can't really finish them or don't even start them. I don't feel any joy and I don't feel any motivation do to anything other than bedrotting.

All I do is lie down, scroll on my phone and hoping that I'll just feel better the next day.

Playing a computer game is awful and boring, watching a movie.. way too much effort. Exercising is good but really hard to do when you're very miserable.

Even when I have a moment when I don't cry, I just feel indifferent and I don't see any reason to try an activity if the don't bring me joy anyways.

Maybe I can go for a walk. But even that doesn't really help or feel good. I just do it to feel at least a little productive.

I really don't understand how others can paint, learn how to knit, have fun in cooking, go to the cinema and find so many ways to distract themselves.

I really envy people that found their forever person early in life. That both learned to have the capacity and skill set to stay, repair, commit, and love.

How many more frogs do I have to meet?

Have you ever had an ex who was such a genuinely awful person that you’re actually worried about their future victims?

If you feel comfortable sharing, tell your story.

I recently was broken up with, blindsided by a complete discard. We were together for YEARS and I thought we would marry. He’s the only guy I’ve even kissed in 5 years.

He completely cut me out of his life, loved me one day then never wanted to talk to me, see me, and even planned dates with other women only just a month and a week of breaking up with me.

It stung. I never felt hurt like it. The lack of clarity made me over analyse like crazy. I lost someone who I realised I never actually knew. I was in a darkkkkkk place.

I never thought I would move past it.

I promise you, you will. A switch went off in my head and I feel calm. I love him and our memories but I am grateful I was set free.

Pour your time into your friends, reconnect with people you haven’t spoken to in ages, make plans, say yes to as much as possible even when you don’t feel like going. I would always attend whilst feeling empty inside but this weekend I was able to go on my first date that wasn’t him and ENJOY it. We kissed and it felt natural.

I’m so shocked I am feeling so mentally free. I desperately wanted my ex back and I desperately wanted answers but now I respect myself enough to know I deserve a partner that also chooses me.

Plus, if you pour into your own cup, you can never lose. Maybe they come back and meet a better version of you, or even if they don’t, you have literally levelled up your life.

Good luck everyone in your healing journey. I am always here if you need a chat. As an ultimate lover girl that never thought she would be able to pull herself out of that rut.

What made you change your mind?

Did you get back together?

EDIT: he replied that he wanted to reach out and talk to me cause he misses me. What should I reply? Honestly no reply does not feel like an option for me, cause I am not ready yet to shut the door completely IF he changes his mind. But I want to set boundaries and not show him that I am there waiting for him. What would you say?

Il mio ex ed io ci siamo lasciati due mesi fa dopo una relazione molto lunga. Ha detto che la relazione era diventata un po' piatta, e che sta anche combattendo contro la depressione e alcune questioni personali, quindi voleva concentrarsi su se stesso.

All'inizio ho provato a fargli cambiare idea e gli ho detto che sarei stata lì se avesse avuto bisogno di me. Abbiamo chiuso le cose in modo amichevole, ma gli ho detto che non pensavo potessimo restare in contatto come amici e che avremmo dovuto smettere di parlare.

Da allora, ha rotto il no contact due volte: una dicendo che gli mancavo, e una chiedendo di vedermi (cosa che non è mai successa). Ho anche provato a contattarlo un paio di volte per sapere come stava e vedere se avesse cambiato idea. L'ultima volta, ha detto che stava ancora lottando e che era piuttosto sicuro della sua decisione, ma voleva vedere dove ci avrebbe portati un po' di tempo separati.

Poi abbiamo avuto circa 10 giorni di no contact, e stavo davvero cominciando a sentirmi meglio e ad avere un po' di prospettiva. So che se mai tornassimo insieme, avrei bisogno di vedere dei cambiamenti reali da parte sua.

Ora mi ha contattata di nuovo, e mi chiedo cosa volesse realmente dalla conversazione. Gli mancavo solo, stava controllando se fossi ancora lì, o potrebbe significare qualcosa di più? E ho fatto un errore a chiedergli se c'era qualcosa che voleva dirmi?

Now I'm sitting here in a pile of rejection

I don’t even know what I was expecting to see. But seeing him, seeing his new home, his new apartment that he finally got on his own, seeing him looking happy… it turned my stomach.
It literally felt like someone squeezed my heart. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was having a panic attack, and I don’t even understand why one stupid Instagram story could affect me this much.
The worst part is seeing him and realizing how much of a stranger he looks now. This is someone I used to know so intimately. Someone I loved, hugged, laughed with, made memories with. Someone who was once such a huge part of my everyday life. And now I’m looking at him through a FING screen, watching his life move forward without me. Part of me is genuinely happy for him. I’m glad he has his own place. I’m glad he looks okay. I want him to find peace. But another part of me hates him right now. I hate him for breaking my heart. I hate him for leaving me with all these memories while he gets to keep living. I hate that I still care. I hate that I can be happy for him and devastated for myself at the exact same time. Mostly, I hate feeling like this.
I just want this pain to go away. I want to wake up one day and see his face without my stomach dropping. I want to stop wondering what he’s doing, how he’s doing, whether he thinks about me, whether he misses me.
I thought two months would feel longer.
Instead, tonight I realized that healing doesn’t happen just because time passes.
And honestly… I’m exhausted from hurting!!

(I’m the blue text) I may be well composed over text but I’m losing my mind and hyperventilating, absolutely panicking in real life. It feels worse than any physical pain imaginable.

edit: I just want to say I appreciate every one of you. Stay strong everyone, much love ❤️

My girlfriend and I were together for about 1.5 years. I ended the relationship because I was feeling a lot of anxiety and uncertainty about the future, and at the time I convinced myself that breaking up would help me figure things out.

Now, about two months later, I deeply regret the decision and want her back.

With some time and reflection, I’ve realized that a lot of the issues I was struggling with weren’t necessarily because of the relationship. I was going through a period of depression, confusion, and anxiety about my future, and I think I projected a lot of that onto the relationship. I pulled away instead of dealing with what was actually going on internally.

The last time we spoke, she told me that she needed to focus on herself before we could see each other again. I respected that.

A few weeks ago, I reached out because I genuinely wanted to talk and see if there was any possibility of figuring things out between us. She didn’t respond, which is the first time that has ever happened.

Now I’m not sure what to do.

Part of me wants to reach out one more time because I don’t want to leave things unsaid, but I also don’t want to disrespect the space she asked for or make her feel pressured.

Was wondering if exes come back? Just about 3 months of no contact. Together 4 years and engaged. Break up wasn’t bad and told each other we still loved each other and always be there for one another. Recently I’m missing her like crazy. I tried everything to keep the relationship going but she ended it. Im not really sure what to do!

Hey everyone!

I’m coming back here to share my experience with all the dumpees who are currently going through what I went through. You can also search my posts on this subreddit and check how miserable I was Lol

At the beginning of January 2026 my ex and I went no contact after a really painful breakup. During those months I desperately wanted him back. I wanted us to get back together and I kept thinking about what I could have done differently. I felt rejected and honestly like I wasn’t loved anymore.
Then at the beginning of June 2026 he reached out to me by email. I had him blocked everywhere so somehow he remembered my email and decided to contact me there.
He told me how deeply hurt he had been too and how he thought he could just move on but realized he was wrong. He also told me that he couldn’t let us completely disappear from each other’s lives and that I had meant a lot to him.
We had a very emotional conversation and ended up getting back together.
But then something unexpected happened.
After being back together for about a month and a half I started feeling that something was missing. It just wasn’t the same anymore. I realized that time had changed both of us and that romantically we simply couldn’t be together anymore.
So we mutually decided to end things again.
And this time I was completely okay with it.
That’s when I finally understood something. During no contact I genuinely wanted him back. I wasn’t secretly waiting for an explanation or trying to get some final answers. I wanted to be with him again.
But after we got back together and I finally experienced that reality again I realized that what I actually needed was closure. He is going on dates and I’m going on dates too and I honestly don’t feel jealous at all.
There is no part of me thinking “I wish that was me” or wondering who he is seeing. I’m actually happy for him.
And that’s how I know I’m finally over him.

To all the dumpees reading this: I know how painful no contact can be. When you want someone back it can feel like nothing will ever change. But sometimes you don’t actually know what you will feel once enough time has passed.
Keep going. Let time do its thing. You might be surprised by where you end up.

I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I feel fucking awful.

There wasn’t cheating, abuse, constant fighting, or some huge incompatibility. She was incredibly sweet, supportive, patient, and genuinely loved me. Our lives were intertwined, we shared friends, had a lot of firsts together, and made some great memories.

But for a while, I’d had this nagging feeling that something was missing.

I couldn’t really explain it. I questioned whether I felt the deeper connection I wanted and whether I was as invested as she was. At the same time, I was going through a really difficult period personally. I lost my job, spent months dealing with the stress of finding another one, lost two family members, and became pretty emotionally shut down in general.

Because of that, I couldn’t tell whether my feelings were about the relationship or whether I was just unhappy and numb in general.

We eventually had a really vulnerable conversation. She told me she had also felt disconnected and hadn’t felt wanted by me for months. She wanted me to let her into my thoughts more instead of shutting down, and she wanted us to work through things together.

At the time, I genuinely wanted that too. I told her I wanted to work on us, and I meant it.

But afterward, the uncertainty kept coming back.

Eventually I asked myself: if I knew she wouldn’t be hurt and there were no consequences for leaving, would I still choose to stay?

My answer was no.

I realized I had one foot in and one foot out, and a big reason I was holding on was because I cared about her and desperately didn’t want to hurt her.

So I ended it.

I also handled the ending poorly. She could tell something was wrong when we were together the night before, but I froze and couldn’t say it. Later she essentially had to ask me over text if I was breaking up with her. We talked face-to-face the next day, but she understandably felt blindsided.

She told me afterward that she believes our relationship and my feelings for her were real, but she’s angry that I privately wrestled with this while she thought we were okay. She feels like I made the decision without giving her the chance to understand what was happening while we were still together.

And honestly, I understand why she feels that way. I wish I had let her into my uncertainty sooner instead of trying to figure everything out alone.

Now I don’t feel relieved or excited to be single. I just feel like I hurt a genuinely good person who loved me.

What scares me even more is that this isn’t the first relationship where I’ve eventually felt like something was missing. I’m starting to wonder if I have unrealistic expectations of love, pull away once relationships become secure, keep choosing incompatible people, or if there’s something else about myself I need to understand.

I’m not really looking for validation that I made the “right” decision. I know I made mistakes in how I handled it. I’m more interested in hearing from people who have been on either side of this.

Have you ever left a good relationship because something just didn’t feel right? Did you eventually figure out what was missing? And if you’ve been the person who was blindsided, what do you wish your ex understood?

I just feel incredibly guilty and sad right now, and I want to actually learn something from this instead of repeating the same pattern.

TLDR: I ended a relationship with an amazing, supportive girlfriend because despite trying to work through it, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing and realized I wouldn’t choose to stay if guilt and fear of hurting her weren’t factors. I handled the breakup poorly and she understandably feels blindsided. Now I feel horrible for hurting someone who loved me, and I’m worried because I’ve experienced this “something is missing” feeling in previous relationships too. Looking for perspectives from people who have been on either side of this.

Title.

3 months after breaking up, we were together 4+ years

I feel like my friends and family are totally over hearing anything about it. I'm not devastated anymore, but I'm still sad and mourning the loss of what I thought could be my life partner.

Also I still bring him up all the time accidentally and in stories, I can't help it, we were together a long time and during our late 20's/early 30's so included a lot of travel, family events, weddings, etc. He was there for all of it! And I feel judged by my friends and family whenever I say his name even if it's (I think) a neutral part of a story.

Does anyone else feel that way? It's frustrating and isolating

after posting on here for months thinking i was an awful person and that i was the whole reason for my ex breaking up with me i just found out they were spotted with someone new weeks ago. it’s been 2 months and we were together 3.5 years. either they’re just a typical avoidant and rebounding or i was being cheated on (which honestly makes sense with how things went)

honestly, while it’s upset me it’s given me a reason to finally move on

thank god that person’s out of my life

i thought i was actually doing okay this week, but then i saw an old video of us in my camera roll from last summer and it completely ruined me. it’s crazy how you can go from talking to someone every single hour of the day to complete silence. my room feels way too quiet right now. i keep looking at my phone half expecting your name to pop up with some dumb meme, but then i remember that’s not my life anymore.

i try to distract myself by watching youtube or scrolling, but my mind just keeps drifting back to random memories. like that late night drive when we got lost, or how we used to laugh until our stomachs hurt over nothing. i’m just so exhausted of overthinking every conversation we had near the end. idk why it’s so hard to accept that it’s over. if anyone else is up spiraling tonight, you’re definitely not alone 🫠

🫩For the first time in my entire life i’m lost. My girlfriend has left me very recently. We’ve been together since high school until now. We had 8 LONG YEARS together. We been through everything together from prom, graduation, and even moving to a new city. EVERYTHING. We grew up together. We had conquered so much i thought. We helped each other fight battles and overcome evil together. But just recently. All that has change. I felt blindsided completely, She told me she loves me but is not in love with me. Those words broke me. We tried rekindling, We tried giving it time. It didn’t work. She’s all i know and all i got. I have no friends really she was my best friend. i have family but it’s different. I’ve been fighting this and holding everything in and i can’t no more. Everything i own or have just lingers back to her. We built everything together so there’s constant memories for everything. Even the tiniest of things. Now i’ve been coping now for past few days and i feel nothing. I feel lost still ive been calling out of work. I feel like i gotten 0 closure and a tiny bit would help me but i can’t get any because she stuck and is trying to find herself. I don’t wanna move on i don’t wanna give up but i feel more and more everyday that’s what she wants. I don’t wanna pester her. But i’m just so worried. She hasn’t answered me with the last 35 hours or so. Idk if it’s good to let it be or not. I wanna show that i’m fighting for this but idk if i can win. I’m genuinely lost. i’m 25 and i thought we would be together forever 💔🫩 Sigh…

I got dumped almost two months ago now. His decision. We did an initial no contact for almost a month, then some drama outside of our break-up happened so we spoke for that reason, we got to talking, that lingered abit but we've now eventually gone our seperate ways.

I know getting back together isn't going to bring me the joy and happiness we shared previously so I'm not looking for that. But what happens now?

There's a big obvious decrease of joy and happiness in my life. I struggle to smile and laugh with my loved ones and I have no hope that this will ever change. I was happy before him, I had more happiness with him and now he's gone. We didn't break up because of cheating or anything toxic. His reason was that long term our goals are disaligned, but I disagree. So my life isn't any better without him. I didn't like shrink from any kind of toxicity or experience any great sadness, it's basically like I lost a good thing.

I've done all the things people say to do, I have two new hobbies, one is active that I do twice a week. I talk to my friends everyday and hangout with one of them at least once a week. And I'm focusing on my profession more actively. But I'm still really sad

I don't want to have to rely on "finding the one in someone else", I honestly don't have it in me to open my heart up to anyone else, it's a vulnerable experience that I'd rather not go through again. So single forever? This, coupled with the fact that I'm genuinely not attracted to anyone but him

Is there anyone who was dumped, for seemingly benign reasons and has found try fulfilling happiness in single hood? This might be my only option but it sounds sad. And I don't want to end up bitter.

Hey everyone, I just got out of a 7 month long relationship with a woman that I gave everything for. I am 17, and she is 18. She has many issues, including Bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, adhd, and other things. Her BPD was an issue in our relationship I feel like, as she could flip on a dime from loving and comforting to grumpy and distant. She would also yell at me sometimes when I was comforting her. She would sometimes go off of her meds and go into manic episodes, and ever since she went to college, she became very distant. We said that we would be okay in college, and I believed her, but she wouldn’t do the bare minimum for me. She wouldn’t text much, if at all and I felt extremely alone, as she was both my best friend and girlfriend. We broke up because she didn’t want to hurt me anymore, she couldn’t give me what I needed, and that she didn’t have the time for me anymore. She said some other hurtful things as well, but I don’t know what to do now. I feel so lost and hopeless, I am still shocked it happened and don’t know how to move forward. She was a giant pillar in my life, and was the person I talked to the most, and now that it is over, I find myself struggling to find people to talk to. I am tempted to go back to adding a bunch of people on Snapchat to find people to talk to, but I just don’t know. I did a lot for her, and I’m scared of going back into the dating pool after this.

I am sorry for the big trauma dump, but I am in the lowest spot I have been in for a long time. Could someone give me some guidance please?

Broke up 8 weeks ago, it was just us sitting at home talking about what to have for dinner. I mentioned that I’m stressed about work and fact that my ex-wife quit her job and that I might need to focus on my new work really hard. It’s been tough traveling to work and not being able to contribute at home or be emotionally present.

I told her, if I break down again because of us unpacking the past and I can’t handle it, that would be devastating. I am worried, I need to be ok for my daughters.

Context: I was married for 5 years and 2 years after my divorce, I met my amazing ex whom I have had the most tumultuous 8 years of our lives.

I was misdiagnosed with depression when I have bipolar actually. Taking antidepressants constantly made me go into rapid cycles of downs and ups (hypomania) I flirted, and cheated on my partner several times in that period. I was accused of a sexual crime that was later dropped and no charges were made.

Through all these and me having to handle my bipolar ups and downs, later diagnosis of adhd and borderline personality disorder (both I have had for years), we have broken up and reconciled way too many times. We even moved in together at her place with her son whom I got really close to.

This time round, she said enough is enough. She asked for no contact and I packed my stuff the next week and left the house for good. I couldn’t access any of her socials (could have asked mutual friends but I decide not to) then one night, I got a notification on her period tracker that her period was coming, so I clicked on it, only to see that 5 weeks after our break up, she has had sex at least 2x.

In a previous breakup, she had sex with a random guy and had to go through an abortion that I was with her through it all. We did explore polyamory but it didn’t go far.

I got so worked up and was very very lonely that night that I travelled to her home 1am in the morning. called for her at her window, she didnt step out, I’m guessing she was with another guy in the house. Maybe even naked or physically intimate.

Instead she called me, and we spoke for 30 min. Her message: leave her alone. Distraught the next day, I wrote on my Instagram for close friends trying to process my thoughts. She wasn’t happy about it, told a mutual friend. I took down the posts, and wrote an apology.

Then the next day, I was running a charity event and needed something urgently. She was staying nearby so I asked her son for the item. She wrote the following

“This is my last warning to him to leave me and my son alone.

If he continues to push and cross boundaries any further, I will report him formally in the spaces he is in. He knows that in his past, he had crossed boundaries with women in social spaces and got into trouble with the law.”

It was the most painful thing to read. These days, I have been having chest pains just grieving over my stupidity and brokenness. I do my best to mask and just go through with life. My daughters still need me and I owe it to them to stay alive.

I do really miss her and regret asking for the break up. I’m certain that day, it a borderline split given how tired and stressed I was. FML honestly, I was recovering well but I screwed it up.

In that phone call, she said that she’s going for therapy (something I am thankful for after many years of asking her to), won’t tell me if she’s in a new relationship and said “you asked for it and I’m just going through with the decision”

Thanks for reading - this is the first time I wrote it all out. I truly hate myself for the hurt I have caused her. I know that her life would be so much better without me, and mine would be so much worse.