(I’m the blue text) I may be well composed over text but I’m losing my mind and hyperventilating, absolutely panicking in real life. It feels worse than any physical pain imaginable.

edit: I just want to say I appreciate every one of you. Stay strong everyone, much love ❤️

It’s wasn’t a good idea obviously.

I was supposed to just go pick up the last of my things and we were both dumb to let it happen. We cried and we talked after. We had dinner. It’s like we didn’t want to say goodbye.

It’s hard, we were together for 5 years and we broke up in May. We’ve been no contact for a few weeks and it felt good.

I wasn’t checking his texts anymore. I felt like I was starting to have less thoughts about him on a daily basis.

Then yesterday, I saw him. I saw his apartment and he kept most of our things. Our bed, our sofa, or desk. It felt so familiar to be there. If felt like home in a way.

I don’t want to continue this toxic cycle, I know we don’t work. But now I miss him a lot and I feel that I’m back on the deep-end.

I don’t know what to do.

I'm 31F, I was with my ex for 5 years. We grew incompatible as time passed so we had to end it.

I'm literally gonna die alone. I hate this timeline.

Have you ever had an ex who was such a genuinely awful person that you’re actually worried about their future victims?

If you feel comfortable sharing, tell your story.

EDIT: he replied that he wanted to reach out and talk to me cause he misses me. What should I reply? Honestly no reply does not feel like an option for me, cause I am not ready yet to shut the door completely IF he changes his mind. But I want to set boundaries and not show him that I am there waiting for him. What would you say?

Il mio ex ed io ci siamo lasciati due mesi fa dopo una relazione molto lunga. Ha detto che la relazione era diventata un po' piatta, e che sta anche combattendo contro la depressione e alcune questioni personali, quindi voleva concentrarsi su se stesso.

All'inizio ho provato a fargli cambiare idea e gli ho detto che sarei stata lì se avesse avuto bisogno di me. Abbiamo chiuso le cose in modo amichevole, ma gli ho detto che non pensavo potessimo restare in contatto come amici e che avremmo dovuto smettere di parlare.

Da allora, ha rotto il no contact due volte: una dicendo che gli mancavo, e una chiedendo di vedermi (cosa che non è mai successa). Ho anche provato a contattarlo un paio di volte per sapere come stava e vedere se avesse cambiato idea. L'ultima volta, ha detto che stava ancora lottando e che era piuttosto sicuro della sua decisione, ma voleva vedere dove ci avrebbe portati un po' di tempo separati.

Poi abbiamo avuto circa 10 giorni di no contact, e stavo davvero cominciando a sentirmi meglio e ad avere un po' di prospettiva. So che se mai tornassimo insieme, avrei bisogno di vedere dei cambiamenti reali da parte sua.

Ora mi ha contattata di nuovo, e mi chiedo cosa volesse realmente dalla conversazione. Gli mancavo solo, stava controllando se fossi ancora lì, o potrebbe significare qualcosa di più? E ho fatto un errore a chiedergli se c'era qualcosa che voleva dirmi?

I recently was broken up with, blindsided by a complete discard. We were together for YEARS and I thought we would marry. He’s the only guy I’ve even kissed in 5 years.

He completely cut me out of his life, loved me one day then never wanted to talk to me, see me, and even planned dates with other women only just a month and a week of breaking up with me.

It stung. I never felt hurt like it. The lack of clarity made me over analyse like crazy. I lost someone who I realised I never actually knew. I was in a darkkkkkk place.

I never thought I would move past it.

I promise you, you will. A switch went off in my head and I feel calm. I love him and our memories but I am grateful I was set free.

Pour your time into your friends, reconnect with people you haven’t spoken to in ages, make plans, say yes to as much as possible even when you don’t feel like going. I would always attend whilst feeling empty inside but this weekend I was able to go on my first date that wasn’t him and ENJOY it. We kissed and it felt natural.

I’m so shocked I am feeling so mentally free. I desperately wanted my ex back and I desperately wanted answers but now I respect myself enough to know I deserve a partner that also chooses me.

Plus, if you pour into your own cup, you can never lose. Maybe they come back and meet a better version of you, or even if they don’t, you have literally levelled up your life.

Good luck everyone in your healing journey. I am always here if you need a chat. As an ultimate lover girl that never thought she would be able to pull herself out of that rut.

Why does your ex somehow look even uglier after the breakup? Looking back now, I’m like… how did I ever? You’re ugly inside and out, and you bring absolutely nothing to the table.

I think one of the hardest kinds of betrayal is when someone makes you feel completely safe with them. When you believe their words with your whole heart.
When they tell you, “I could never hurt you.”
“I could never live without you.”
“You’re the one for me.”
“I want to grow old with you.”
“I want to build a life with you.”
“I’ll never let you go.”
And you believe them. You build your entire emotional world around those words because they came from the person you trusted more than anyone. Then somehow… it takes one phone call. 30 minutes. 30 minutes !! to end something that took 4 years to build. And the part that destroys me isn’t even just the breakup. It’s what comes after.
You reach out because you’re confused. Because you’re hurting. Because you still can’t process what just happened. And the person who once couldn’t imagine a day without you suddenly ignores you like you never existed. And you sit there wondering…
Was this really the same person who held me, kissed me, laughed with me, made plans with me, looked into my eyes, and told me they loved me?
How can someone say those things for 4 years and then suddenly act like you’re a stranger?
How do you reconcile the person you knew with the person they’re showing you now? Maybe that’s what betrayal really feels like. It’s not only losing the relationship. It’s losing your understanding of who someone was. Because now I question everything.
Were those words real?
Were those promises real?
Were those memories as meaningful to them as they were to me?
I gave someone my trust because they taught me that I was safe with them.
And now I’m left trying to understand how the person who promised they would never hurt me became the person who hurt me the most.
I don’t think I’m only grieving the relationship.
I’m grieving the version of that person I believed would always be there.
And honestly, that’s the part I don’t know how to recover from.

I really envy people that found their forever person early in life. That both learned to have the capacity and skill set to stay, repair, commit, and love.

How many more frogs do I have to meet?

I don't know how other people manage to distract themselves right after a breakup (when they were dumbed). I'm just bedrotting 24/7. I tried so many activities but can't really finish them or don't even start them. I don't feel any joy and I don't feel any motivation do to anything other than bedrotting.

All I do is lie down, scroll on my phone and hoping that I'll just feel better the next day.

Playing a computer game is awful and boring, watching a movie.. way too much effort. Exercising is good but really hard to do when you're very miserable.

Even when I have a moment when I don't cry, I just feel indifferent and I don't see any reason to try an activity if the don't bring me joy anyways.

Maybe I can go for a walk. But even that doesn't really help or feel good. I just do it to feel at least a little productive.

I really don't understand how others can paint, learn how to knit, have fun in cooking, go to the cinema and find so many ways to distract themselves.

I just don't understand how 4 years of loving someone romantically can just shift to love just for friendship. He said he still loves and cares for me, but he isn't sure if his love for me is for a relationship.

Why did he tell me that the reason he wants to stay as friends is to see how we are both doing and see what could happen between us in the future? But was firm on saying we were not compatible and even if I tried to fix it, it will go bad because we had gone toxic.

I'm so confused. He ended the relationship through text. I begged for a call to talk about the things he chose to not discuss with me which ultimately led to him deciding that the relationship was not for him. It's unfair because I always told him what was bothering me so we could fix them. We had gone through times where I wanted to leave but he fought for it and said we could not just throw 4 years away so easily. I did not give up on our relationship because I saw we both still wanted it every time. But this time for him it was so easy, done through text. It hurts so much. It makes it worse that he left the door cracked and not fully closed.

Now I'm sitting here in a pile of rejection

I know everyone and every relationship is different and you shouldn’t hate yourself for still being there but it’s almost been 5 months and I’m still tearing up like a baby who wants milk

I don’t even know what I was expecting to see. But seeing him, seeing his new home, his new apartment that he finally got on his own, seeing him looking happy… it turned my stomach.
It literally felt like someone squeezed my heart. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was having a panic attack, and I don’t even understand why one stupid Instagram story could affect me this much.
The worst part is seeing him and realizing how much of a stranger he looks now. This is someone I used to know so intimately. Someone I loved, hugged, laughed with, made memories with. Someone who was once such a huge part of my everyday life. And now I’m looking at him through a FING screen, watching his life move forward without me. Part of me is genuinely happy for him. I’m glad he has his own place. I’m glad he looks okay. I want him to find peace. But another part of me hates him right now. I hate him for breaking my heart. I hate him for leaving me with all these memories while he gets to keep living. I hate that I still care. I hate that I can be happy for him and devastated for myself at the exact same time. Mostly, I hate feeling like this.
I just want this pain to go away. I want to wake up one day and see his face without my stomach dropping. I want to stop wondering what he’s doing, how he’s doing, whether he thinks about me, whether he misses me.
I thought two months would feel longer.
Instead, tonight I realized that healing doesn’t happen just because time passes.
And honestly… I’m exhausted from hurting!!

I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I feel fucking awful.

There wasn’t cheating, abuse, constant fighting, or some huge incompatibility. She was incredibly sweet, supportive, patient, and genuinely loved me. Our lives were intertwined, we shared friends, had a lot of firsts together, and made some great memories.

But for a while, I’d had this nagging feeling that something was missing.

I couldn’t really explain it. I questioned whether I felt the deeper connection I wanted and whether I was as invested as she was. At the same time, I was going through a really difficult period personally. I lost my job, spent months dealing with the stress of finding another one, lost two family members, and became pretty emotionally shut down in general.

Because of that, I couldn’t tell whether my feelings were about the relationship or whether I was just unhappy and numb in general.

We eventually had a really vulnerable conversation. She told me she had also felt disconnected and hadn’t felt wanted by me for months. She wanted me to let her into my thoughts more instead of shutting down, and she wanted us to work through things together.

At the time, I genuinely wanted that too. I told her I wanted to work on us, and I meant it.

But afterward, the uncertainty kept coming back.

Eventually I asked myself: if I knew she wouldn’t be hurt and there were no consequences for leaving, would I still choose to stay?

My answer was no.

I realized I had one foot in and one foot out, and a big reason I was holding on was because I cared about her and desperately didn’t want to hurt her.

So I ended it.

I also handled the ending poorly. She could tell something was wrong when we were together the night before, but I froze and couldn’t say it. Later she essentially had to ask me over text if I was breaking up with her. We talked face-to-face the next day, but she understandably felt blindsided.

She told me afterward that she believes our relationship and my feelings for her were real, but she’s angry that I privately wrestled with this while she thought we were okay. She feels like I made the decision without giving her the chance to understand what was happening while we were still together.

And honestly, I understand why she feels that way. I wish I had let her into my uncertainty sooner instead of trying to figure everything out alone.

Now I don’t feel relieved or excited to be single. I just feel like I hurt a genuinely good person who loved me.

What scares me even more is that this isn’t the first relationship where I’ve eventually felt like something was missing. I’m starting to wonder if I have unrealistic expectations of love, pull away once relationships become secure, keep choosing incompatible people, or if there’s something else about myself I need to understand.

I’m not really looking for validation that I made the “right” decision. I know I made mistakes in how I handled it. I’m more interested in hearing from people who have been on either side of this.

Have you ever left a good relationship because something just didn’t feel right? Did you eventually figure out what was missing? And if you’ve been the person who was blindsided, what do you wish your ex understood?

I just feel incredibly guilty and sad right now, and I want to actually learn something from this instead of repeating the same pattern.

TLDR: I ended a relationship with an amazing, supportive girlfriend because despite trying to work through it, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing and realized I wouldn’t choose to stay if guilt and fear of hurting her weren’t factors. I handled the breakup poorly and she understandably feels blindsided. Now I feel horrible for hurting someone who loved me, and I’m worried because I’ve experienced this “something is missing” feeling in previous relationships too. Looking for perspectives from people who have been on either side of this.

I really want to fight for her back. But I know anything I say or do won’t change her mind. We’ve been no contact for a month and I feel good most of the days but every once in a while I get the feeling of maybe I can fix this or maybe it can work out. But to me it just seems that I can’t do much to save it. Has anyone broken the no contact and it worked or just let it go, even if it hurt?

What made you change your mind?

Did you get back together?

Title.

My girlfriend and I were together for about 1.5 years. I ended the relationship because I was feeling a lot of anxiety and uncertainty about the future, and at the time I convinced myself that breaking up would help me figure things out.

Now, about two months later, I deeply regret the decision and want her back.

With some time and reflection, I’ve realized that a lot of the issues I was struggling with weren’t necessarily because of the relationship. I was going through a period of depression, confusion, and anxiety about my future, and I think I projected a lot of that onto the relationship. I pulled away instead of dealing with what was actually going on internally.

The last time we spoke, she told me that she needed to focus on herself before we could see each other again. I respected that.

A few weeks ago, I reached out because I genuinely wanted to talk and see if there was any possibility of figuring things out between us. She didn’t respond, which is the first time that has ever happened.

Now I’m not sure what to do.

Part of me wants to reach out one more time because I don’t want to leave things unsaid, but I also don’t want to disrespect the space she asked for or make her feel pressured.

It’s been over six months since my relationship of almost six years ended, and I think one of the hardest parts of moving on has become the fear that I’ll never have something like that again.

I was with this person for basically my entire adult life. We grew up together in a lot of ways. There are so many memories, traditions, stupid little things, trips, holidays, places, inside jokes, routines, physical affection, conversations, just years and years of having another person woven into your life.

And I know the relationship wasn't perfect. I've spent an unbelievable amount of time since the breakup looking at what went wrong and especially at my own mistakes. There are things I would do completely differently now.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that small problems can't just be allowed to quietly build until they're huge. I want to actually check in with my future partner. I want us to be able to say when something isn't working before resentment builds. I want to ask what they need from me instead of assuming I know. I want to notice their effort. I want to repair things instead of letting distance grow.

I've also learned a lot about what I need. Physical affection and intimacy matter a lot to me. I want to feel sought out by my partner. I want daily communication, shared activities, effort, emotional safety, and the feeling that we're both actively choosing and building the relationship.

I genuinely think I would be a much better partner now because of everything I've learned.

But that's also what makes this hurt in a weird way.

I have all of these lessons now, but I don't get to use them to save the relationship that taught them to me.

She's moved on. I know I have to as well. I know I can't spend my life waiting for something that is over or hoping I'll somehow get another chance to do everything differently.

What scares the shit out of me is the possibility that I move forward, meet people, date again, maybe even fall in love again, and still never find something that feels as special as what I had.

Six years is so much history. There was a level of familiarity and comfort there that I can't even imagine having with somebody else right now. She knew me in a way nobody else does. I knew her. There was a whole little world that existed between us, and now that world just doesn't exist anymore.

I don't want casual relationships. I don't want to just find somebody so I'm not alone. I want another genuinely deep, long-term partnership. I want to eventually look at somebody and feel that same sense of "this is my person," except hopefully with the maturity and relationship skills I have now.

I know logically that there are billions of people in the world and that I was able to build something incredibly meaningful once, which should probably be evidence that I'm capable of building something meaningful again.

Emotionally, though, it's hard to believe.

Sometimes I think I'm not even scared that I'll never love again. I'm scared that I will love again, but I'll always quietly know that what I lost was more special.

For people who lost a really long-term relationship that you genuinely thought was going to be your life: did that fear ever go away?

Did you eventually meet someone where you stopped comparing the depth of the new relationship to what you lost?

And did you ever reach a point where you could look back at your ex, appreciate how incredibly important that relationship was, and still genuinely feel like what you have now is just as special, or even better?

I feel so drained after what happened, she left me after everything . 3years together. Either the new guy is an ex or just someone new they have the same name idk. But jeez it’s like I don’t know her anymore she was so cold to me in the end. It really killed me inside, I lost my bestfriend my partner. I never expected it from her after everything we went through. She lied saying she was going to work on herself just to jump into another relationship in 6 days. I’ve been moving around exercising (I’ve lost 40 pounds since) it’s been three months. I don’t really know what to do . Just starting over with someone scares me now. Like how could someone I love and trusted betray me like that. Feeding me delusions of forever together. She was telling me “i hope you don’t grow to resent me and I hope you reach out in the future” like fuck you . She said I made her a better woman. Like why say these things and leave. It’s like I don’t even know her anymore. She blocked me on everything just to unblock me a month later. I’ve blocked her back since. It’s like I wish she came back but I know I can’t go back. I miss her but I know I could never take her back for doing me so wrong. I wanna hate her but I still have these feelings for her. I’m so hurt. Does it get easier?

I cried some more today. She broke up with me one random night after living with me during the summer. It’s been gut wrenching. Loving someone while they no longer love you.

We equally hurt eachother along the way, but I always felt that we could overcome anything and continue to work through the tough times. But she didn’t.

She reached out not too long ago to give me a life update and to tell me that she had a dream about me being depressed. Well you left me …….. what do you want me to say?

We talked for an hour and a half. It was tough to hear everything she changed about herself and her not letting me back in even after talking.

Her cats flea medication came in and I had to mail it back to her. Then I couldn’t help myself but ask the last of my questions. She answered them, but it just hurt my heart.

I finally asked her to not reach out anymore. I don’t want to be your friend. I can’t be. My heart revolves around you. I try looking for you in other people and I can’t find it. So what am I left to do, but process this magnitude of a heartbreak.

Wish me luck on healing journey it’s a long road ahead.

Was wondering if exes come back? Just about 3 months of no contact. Together 4 years and engaged. Break up wasn’t bad and told each other we still loved each other and always be there for one another. Recently I’m missing her like crazy. I tried everything to keep the relationship going but she ended it. Im not really sure what to do!

My boyfriend cheated on me for a year and a half- a full fledged physical affair. He swears up and down it wasn’t emotional, but it was at least a little. He helped her move… right down the street from us.

I have tried to stay for the past 4 months because I love him, but I feel like I am dying. I am so drained, so numb, and so depressed. We still live together because he owes me thousands of dollars and I know if he moves out there’s no shot he’ll pay me back. I feel like my life is in this horrible messed up place but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to dump him but I don’t feel like I know what else to do, it’s not getting better and I’m not feeling any better. He feels so horrible and he wants things to get so badly and I feel guilty, like I’m not putting enough effort in.

I guess I’m just venting, thanks all to those who read this or share support.