r/BreakUps • u/Elegant-Coffee3589 • 20h ago
venting/ranting Breakups over 30 blow
I'm 31F, I was with my ex for 5 years. We grew incompatible as time passed so we had to end it.
I'm literally gonna die alone. I hate this timeline.
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u/Internal-Peace2024 20h ago
34F, blindsided after 10 years. It's been 9 months and I still have really hard days. I miss the life I was supposed to be living, but that life feels impossible now.
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u/HarperHattie 13h ago
You’re grieving the future you imagined, and that can take a long time to heal
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u/PearlRegal210 12h ago
Ten years is a whole chapter of your life, nine months really isn’t that long to grieve something that big
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u/Houldencaulfield1 6h ago
31M, 8 years gone over them cheating and hiding it from me for a year and a half. I thought we had the most honest relationship ever, i feel like an idiot. Made so many decisions for my life based around her, now it's like I'm mourning the person I thought she was.
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u/mafridrahim 5h ago
Ouch. Sorry to hear that. 8 years ain't gone. You must have made some really good memories, don't try to forget but accept that it was beautiful. Even the most beautiful flower will fade one day, it's just life. It's okay. Just keep living and loving
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u/Sensitive_Profile623 20h ago
32F, recently out of a long-term relationship too, and SAME. 😭 There’s this extra layer of panic in your 30s where you’re suddenly questioning your entire timeline. I keep having to remind myself that 31/32 is still so young in the grand scheme of things.
We’re not destined to die alone lol, we’re just heartbroken and our brains are being dramatic right now.
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u/noemiiiiiiixo 18h ago
Honestly 30s heartbreak can make everything feel way more urgent than it actually is, there’s still so much life ahead
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u/MoonstoneStudy 16h ago
You’re not behind, 30s heartbreak just makes everything feel more urgent than it really is
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u/mafridrahim 5h ago
Yep weekends are like just another page on a chapter, weekdays are stressful as it is. If you are worried about getting old, build healthy habits.
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u/Competitive-Use-1057 19h ago
Just broke up too, 35M, 17 years of relation, 2 children. As a single dad my hopes are below 0 to find someone again.
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u/EmployeeNo1782 15h ago
Hey 35 is not a bad timeline to start over. Why does everyone keep saying that.
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u/Competitive-Use-1057 14h ago
Idk, I feel like 2026 is the worst time ever to find someone who really cares, especially with children, especially as a man. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it. My mind is in the fog rn.
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u/EmployeeNo1782 14h ago
So its equally bad for all the ages, i get that you are fogged right now, but fog does clear. And maybe you cannot start your life all over like you want to, but there are women who want a responsible man kids or no kids. You keep doing you and some one will be impressed with the kind of lifestyle which "playboys" can never give them🙂
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u/Clarityforafuture 8h ago
Same age pretty much same length relationship, one kid for me though. Still going through the divorce process but I felt somewhat similar, but only for a moment. I’m getting back in shape, started taking classes again and won’t have my new career for another 6-8 years and I’m ok with that because the journey is going to be awesome. I’ll still be able to get a 20+ year career in the field I want to be apart of. My new life style will fit women my age or slightly younger, but I’m not really looking but am open. We are just dads and relationship status is not the sum of who we are in this life.
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u/Madruck_s 17h ago
Try it in your 50's , after 20+ years. That rely feels like something you will never recover from.
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u/Skip0ner 17h ago
36m recently divorced, it's a nightmare trying to find someone new to meet/date/engage in conversations with.
My phone goes dry at 6pm from every one and thing. From diff social media platforms to texting. It's mind numbingly boring.
I'm convinced I'm going to stay alone and just need to learn how to cope with the loneliness but low-key miss having someone there
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u/oopsydaisy616 16h ago
Hey, as someone who had an engagement broken in my early 30s, I’d like to remind you all that the SATC characters all start the show in their 30s as well.
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u/bougee-boi 20h ago
I dont have any good advice, but I feel the same way, really hopeless right now and anxious to try to fix it, even when the other person is clearly and has expressed clearly that they are unwilling to and moreover uninterested in working on it and uninterested in me anymore. It sucks more than anything to not be chosen by someone who you chose, regardless of the mistakes and the issues in the relationship, that is the part that hurts the most by far.
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u/Cute_Horror_3422 19h ago
I can't imagine starting a relationship at 26 for it to end with nothing.. that is really unlucky. It seems like some people have a very smooth, easy path and find their partner early on, or intensely struggle with in between relationships and break up chaos.
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u/Elegant-Coffee3589 19h ago
Yeah, if I had any advice for anyone is keep dating. Don't get hung up on an ex or waiting for anyone, life goes quickly.
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u/Cute_Horror_3422 12h ago
Nice👍🏼exhausting though 😿
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u/Elegant-Coffee3589 12h ago
Yeah, but thats why I only dated two guys at 31. The process of dating is truly awful, but man I wish I put myself out there more and pursued relationships more intentionally.
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u/Mors-Official 20h ago
You're not going to die alone. You're going to die if you keep telling yourself that story. At 31, you're not expired. You're just no longer willing to settle. That's not a loss. That's a filter.
Five years taught you what doesn't work. That's not wasted time. That's tuition. The timeline isn't against you. It's just not handing you a shortcut. Build the life you'd want to share, and share it when it's ready. Not before.
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u/Foreign_Cable_51 15h ago
Wow you are so young!!! Breakups are always hard, but true love will find you once you love yourself fully… that’s the mystery of this world, it’s a mirror of your within
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u/CallComfortable7155 16h ago
39m (divorced after I was married for 6 years)
Happened to me last week after 2.5 years, being engaged and integrating the kids. My daughter lost her best friend and I feel so guilty
Staring at 40 thinking, I’ll just stay single
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u/LustbaneTheNoxious 12h ago
We broke up days after my 39th birthday when he cheated on me in July. I will be 40 and unmarried. It's truly an awful timeline.
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u/originsofswank 7h ago
In a similar boat. Just turned 39 last month and we had been together 2.5 years. He was younger and has plenty of time to still get what he wants out of life. I’m left here feeling like he was my last chance for marriage, kids, etc. It’s really, really hard.
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u/1erickf50 11h ago
Grieve it all, woman. As much as it doesn't look like such, your love won't go to waste. Redirect it back and choose yourself. After hitting the depths, the only way is up.
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u/Ok_Movie_3102 10h ago
I know how this feels. I was with my ex for 5 years im 35. Honestly it feels like hell at times
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u/Tall-Payment6335 5h ago
Yeah, I feel like this age here is unique in how it hurts and feels trying to move forward after a long term relationship ends. It’s the getting into a relationship at 30 (or very close to or after, say 29 - 31) and it becoming something long term like 3+ years and then ending.
The reason I say it’s uniquely different is because by now you’ve already been through the messy relationships of your 20’s and have a good idea of what’s healthy and what isn’t, you feel emotionally and mentally prepared, and can express your needs constructively etc.
You meet someone, it becomes serious/long term, think you’re on the same page, and boom. It’s a real head fuck.
It’s so different to someone at 35 breaking up with their high-school sweetheart after 15 years together.
Anyway, I recently got out of a 4 year relationship I got into at 30 and feel very jaded about the whole thing, I do apologise.
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u/Far_Sea_2804 16h ago
31 M.... My gf left me saying that she fell out of love and feelings for me. Even though she said that she loves the way I love her and do everything for her and I am perfect. But she just can't return it back.
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u/SappyWalrus0 16h ago
I hate the you're perfect statement. It always stings so much, like if I'm perfect then what are you doing? I heard it and but I got the she is still in love with her ex. She said she is in love with two people and doesn't know what to do so she chose him. Definitely hurts.
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u/Far_Sea_2804 15h ago
My ex is so busy with her passion, work and stuff that she had hardly time for me. So I was the easy one to give up on. So she does not have to worry about me anymore.
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u/thegreatunknown_98 14h ago
I hate to say I’ve been the one in this situation (ex loved me so much, treated me like a princess, but I just couldn’t love him back). It’s worth noting that just because someone is “perfect”, it doesn’t always guarantee the love. I learned I had a lot of issues I needed to heal which weren’t allowing me to love in the way I should’ve, in a relationship. It resulted in me leaving and starting therapy. I haven’t had another relationship since, because I’m so scared of hurting someone like that again. I’m sorry you have been on the other end of it. I can only imagine the pain.
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u/SappyWalrus0 13h ago
Yeah, I can see how that would take a toll on your mental. It's weird on this end because it leaves you thinking you did nothing wrong but your mind is constantly telling you that you must of done something wrong.
Thank you for your words and I wish the best for you.
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u/thegreatunknown_98 13h ago
I know the statement “it’s me, not you” is cliche, but there’s a lot of truth in it. Some of us are too broken to feel worthy of love, a lot of times it leads to self sabotage. Genuinely, you don’t need to analyse yourself. You are a good person, you will find the person who can hold your good heart properly one day. Thank you, genuinely wishing you the best too!
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u/RentSpirited 15h ago
36m, 39f ended 5 year relationship abruptly without any discussion. Took a small bag of things and said goodbye in the morning to what I thought was work. Never came home, she had never done that before. Didn’t get a breakup text/call/dear John letter. Just up and left. I reported her missing worried she was dead, LEA eventually found her with my help. She told them she didn’t want to be with me anymore. She left me on Father’s Day, knowing that my dad has been battling cancer. Just over 2 months ago it happened, still hurts as much as it did when it had just happened. I still miss her, not sure I’ll ever be ready to date again after that.
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u/nmjay 13h ago
Mine left me on my moms bday who passed away a year earlier from cancer. You will get through this ❤️❤️❤️ sending you hugs
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u/RentSpirited 13h ago
Sorry you had to go through that. While I am sad part of me says that if you leave me when I am at such a low point, how loyal were you? I want someone that will be there through thick and thin, push my wheelchair if I end up in one someday. I would’ve done that for her, but the feeling wasn’t reciprocal apparently.
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u/theMagazineOfLiberty 15h ago
Good riddance are the words you are looking for. I hope your father beats it!
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u/Electronic-Legz 14h ago
29M dumped a month ago by a girl that persued me. Im also gonna die alone. Hopefully you can take solace in knowing youre not alone in dying alone
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u/Desperate-Screen-922 14h ago
I feel the same. I'm also 31 and trying to recover from my own personal pain. You are not alone.
I blame myself constantly because people leave all the time. It has led to me believing that trying to talk to someone will only end in hurting more.
Protect yourself.
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u/AmuseDeath 14h ago
I'm sorry you're going through that, but don't give up hope. Just take some time to grieve, talk to your friends and family and give yourself some grace. Use this time to focus on yourself and love yourself. You seem like a good person and the right person should come along so long as you put yourself out there. Good luck.
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u/PshycoNinja 13h ago
I am 35M and it feels this way for me too. Investing a large amount of time into people that pull the rug out from under you is truly devastating.
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u/Bippo_no_Bungus 13h ago
Dude you have plenty of time. I'm 50 fkin years old and got dumped by who I thought was my person. Seriously you're going to be fine. Get out there when you're ready and you'll find someone.
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u/BeltPretend 13h ago
Same I’m 32 !!! Spent the last 7 years with him had a future planned and decision made he blindsided me . I really thought he loved me and would not want to do life without me specially he had been divorced before … he made it seem liek he didn’t want to try with anybody else … I feel like I don’t want to meet anybody else open up and do The Who thing … I got extremely close to him opened up and I cannot do that all over again … I’m praying to god we will be back together very soon
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u/Gingerstrawbz 13h ago
Try this...
M39 got married at 20 .. divorced after 15 years (not messy actually amicable)
Didn't really feel any heartache or loss... Didn't miss them or have a bad time after, felt relief if anything and saw it as an opportunity to try again and not when I was 50...
Multiple dates and short relationships after the divorce (been divorced for 4 and a bit years now) and yeah... Had some bad times after break ups but always felt myself again after a few months and could learn and grow.
That changed after meeting someone my age, settled, own home and good job, 2 kids from previous 12 year relationship and she wanted a stable long term relationship with someone who didn't control her, lie or abused her like the ex.. "I want a good confident man who can make us feel safe and appreciates me for a mother, someone who's open and loyal and doesn't lie or hurt us"
We really did have an amazing connection, physical, emotional.. her family and kids all saw a positive change in her and everything was just right... I enjoyed involving her kids and not seeing them as a burden, just trying to show that someone appreciates every version of her and wants the best for them.
Got disguarded and NC after 18 months together, first and only time I'd felt.... I'm older now... Thought I'd found someone that would be different... Something meaningful was being built and we both came from bad relationships and knew eachothers pain and understanding one another... Really hit me and hurt... Mainly because of our age... Felt by this point people would be mature... Understand someone else's feelings especially when she had been treated poorly and lied to for years...
But ... Showed me even with experience and age... Some people are still immature emotionally and just don't care...
Just started to feel myself again and meeting new people and feel I can trust and feel a connection again.
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u/Pretty_Flower_2566 12h ago
Tbh just stay busy , pick up a hobby or sum , and dont move too fast or pay half or anything men that want you will show u ( 40f married living a comfy life )
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u/scott04sa22 9h ago
40M I was blindsided from my 2nd ex-girlfriend for over a year and then she monkey-branched me. I'm technically now undateable since I don't drive. Dating is awful now and all my ex-girlfriends are getting married soon.
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u/jvmo41 6h ago edited 6h ago
That’s so not true. You are still young and have plenty of time to meet a wonderful partner to spend the rest of your life with.
I was 31 when I finally got out of an extremely toxic long-term relationship. In hindsight, a major reason why I clung on so hard was due to my fear of being a single woman over 30. I knew in my heart that things weren’t right, but I felt like I was so old, like it was too late to find someone who I’d truly be happy with. It so seems silly looking back now, but I remember feeling what you just described and it was awful. I wish I could go back in time and shake my 31 year old self.
Get back out there when you’re ready to start dating again. Breakups are painful, but the world is full of wonderful people and you just might meet “the one” if you’re willing to put yourself out there.
Hang in there. It will be OK. ❤️
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u/Jackson530 4h ago
- Blindsided in March after I moved 3,000 miles across country for her and spent every cent I had including adopting an expensive dog.
Been 6 months today and it was the hardest day since she broke up with me.
I am also going to die alone. 3 years down the drain
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u/impressionprism 4h ago
32F. Just out of two back to back long relationships. I’m so burnt out from dating apps and starting to lose hope I’ll ever find the right person
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u/One-Peanut-7352 16h ago
Idk how they think we became incompatible after five fkin years man
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u/Elegant-Coffee3589 15h ago
Because people change. The things he said he was okay with and wanted 5 years ago are no longer what he wants :(.
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