I’ve been with my bf for almost 6 years. We have our super good highs and VERY VERY bad lows (which is a whole different story) but we always seem to make up and love each other again. I know he’s my forever, and from what he tells me and expresses about us, he feels the same way.

My problem is our sex life. Every time we cuddle, kiss, hug, almost any type of physical touch, i instantly get turned on. I’d honestly be down to have sex once a day, maybe more honestly. We had a talk, maybe about a year ago, about this and he said he loves me so much he just can’t keep up with me like that. He says his tip is super sensitive and i know he’s telling the truth when he says that.

But when i get turned down, i feel so down about myself. I don’t take it out on him, i just start getting these ugly thoughts in my mind. Like what if i look bad to him, or smell bad, or what if he prefers to watch porn (which I’ve expressed i don’t want him doing and apparently he doesn’t, but who truly knows), just random stuff like that.

What also makes it confusing is how he talks to his friends. He says sexual stuff but never does that to me. I know it’s just boy talk but he never talks to me like that. And he’s never seem to be shy either, but maybe deep down he is?

It all just comes down to being super sexual i guess. I can’t get off to porn, I’m not interested in anyone else but him…. I just don’t know how to suppress it.

I guess this was more of a vent than anything, but i just needed to get it out to random people. I don’t want people we know personally to know this kind of stuff…. :c

I had a huge breakthrough in therapy yesterday and after my session was over my therapist asked if she could hug me. I accepted but I said that I wasn’t much of a hugger. This was the first time in decades that I hugged someone that didn’t feel like I was obligated to do so. In fact I genuinely don’t like people touching me unless I have known them for some time.

In case no one has told you this lately, I'm proud of you for making it this far.

I know some days must have been harder than others, and perhaps there were moments when simply getting through the day was all you could manage. But you're still here, and I hope you know how quietly beautiful that is.

You don't always have to be strong. It's okay to feel tired, to have difficult days, to fall apart a little, and to take your time putting yourself back together. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to simply exist.

I'm proud of every version of you, the happy one, the tired one, the healing one, and even the parts of you that you're still learning to love. Every version deserves gentleness.

I may not know you, and you may never know me, but I hope life becomes a little softer for you. I hope you find small reasons to smile, people who make you feel safe, and ordinary moments that remind you how lovely it is to be here.

Please don't let the world make you forget your own light. You are precious, even on the days you can't see it yourself. 🤍

What i do to get a boyfriend that really loves me ? Because im tired of feeling lonely and I want some love.

My native language isn't English, so sorry if something sounds weird.

A week ago I had a kind of panic attack. First, my panic level spiked, and then thoughts about death started filling my head. No matter how hard I tried to stop thinking about them, I couldn't do anything. The idea that I would die someday, that I would simply cease to exist, that I would eventually have to accept my own death, is a thought that terrifies and stresses me out so much.

I have to say that years ago I also went through a period where I thought about death constantly and involuntarily, but it was more of a nuisance than the panic I'm feeling now. But after that period, nothing like that ever happened to me again.

The day after the panic attack, I told my close friends and family what had happened and how I felt. My friends have recently experienced the loss of loved ones or are going through something similar with these constant thoughts of death, so even though they support me, I don't want to talk to them too much about it in case I hurt them. My family, on the other hand, have told me they've been through the same thing, given me advice, and shared how they deal with the idea of ​​their own deaths. Obviously, I'm very grateful to them, but I've been following their advice for days and I'm not getting any better.

During these last few days thoughts about death have been constantly on my mind. I feel very sad and find myself crying constantly. At night, I manage to sleep for a couple of hours, but I wake up briefly, and when I'm half asleep, half awake, the thoughts about death return, and my heart races. Although I manage to relax enough to avoid falling back into a panicked state, I'm left with a feeling of deep anxiety and unable to rest.

I've tried to stay away from any movies, books, or videos that deal with death, especially if it's in an existential way. I've stopped watching the news, started doing light relaxation exercises, and am trying to learn more about what's happening to me and how to cope. I urgently need to get back to my normal life because, aside from the fact that I'm going back to university in a few days and I don't want to fail anything because of this, I also live with a disabled person who has depression, and I feel like I can't support him properly if I'm in such a mess myself.

I understand that this is probably caused by anxiety, and although I wouldn't say my life has been particularly stressful lately, perhaps it's anxiety built up over years.

Before finishing, I'd like to explain that what terrifies me most about all these thoughts is ceasing to exist, simply that my death means that everything ends there, that my consciousness or soul or whatever it is dies with me, not knowing what lies beyond. I'm not a religious person, and although the idea that with your death your soul goes somewhere to be happy with your loved ones is the most comforting option, I can't force myself to believe in something I don't. I suppose that being older and having lived a whole life, your perspective on all this is very different, and I also understand that this fear of death or uncertainty is normal in humans. I think I just need to write this down, and that's it.

Finally, although I don't live in a place where healthcare is private, I know it will take months to get medical attention, so if this continues, I will seek professional help. Thank you if anyone has read this.

This is my first time ever posting on reddit so I'm sorry if I do this wrong (I got influenced because I keep seeing reddit stories about people getting help, and I wonder if I could maybe get that too?)

For background; I am an 18yo female, eldest daughter out of 3. I'll keep this as short as possible because it's currently late into the night (one problem that I have is being awake in ungodly hours) and because I'm not used to telling anybody what I actually feel, much more to strangers.

I don't know when it has started, but ever since I was 14 I realized I didn't know what to do with my life. Ever since then I just sort of started living off the same routine-- wake up, go to school, go to sleep and all over again but now that college is in a few days I'm starting to wonder and just worry about everything.

For the last 2 years of my life I have felt nothing as strong as emptiness and a pit in the bottom of my stomach that I'm just not worth anything at all and just envy for the others that have a purpose with their life. I'm raised in a rational household, and emotions aren't acknowledged the way I wish it was but I can't blame anyone for this generational behavior. In retrospect, I have done nothing throughout the 5 month summer break after senior year and I feel useless for it and now that I have 3 days left the exhaustion is already creeping up on me.

I haven't got any motivation whatsoever, I feel like a bum of an individual who just gets up eats does a bit of chores and goes right back to sleep. I feel as if I'm just a corpse most of the time. I could sleep the entire day if only I could but I don't have my own room to do so nor do I live in a household that permits me to do just that. I've thought about reaching out so many times to my friends but it's too much vulnerability and I wouldn't want to just dump the dead weight on the people I care about. I thought about therapy, but there is no way I can afford them so of course I reach my breaking point and go to an anonymous forum to ask strangers if there was something wrong with me. I know this could be crass, but I've been feeling nothing for so long and this has been a concern of mine. I don't wish to look like I'm begging for attention but a big part of me really wants help. any feedback is appreciated, and I hope anyone who sees this has a great day:)

Throwaway account (33M): The title is pretty strange, so I feel I should explain a few things. Since a moderate crisis in self-esteem during my adolescence, I have this odd (or at least I find it so) tendency to externalise self-hatred to the degree that when I remember a mistake I have made or something I don't like about myself, often directing it towards mirrors and such. The words are usually some form of curse word in my native tongue as well as derogatory expressions.

I have some control over it; whenever I am in the presence of someone else (such as my partner), I tend to keep it under wraps. However, whenever I am alone, it almost seems to be spontaneous where it comes almost automatically.

Just curious if anyone has experienced this or come across this, since it can be a bit tiring to carry this self-hatred.

After all those years of struggling with loneliness and depression, I realized that no matter what, I wouldn’t be able to find someone to share my life with. I can’t find a friend with whom to make memories, or someone to help me when I feel lost. This situation has pushed me time and again to do things I couldn’t take back. But I’ve managed to stay away from that every time. Finally, after all these years, I no longer feel the need to be loved. I no longer feel the longing for a friend. I don’t even feel loneliness anymore. It’s as if I’ve set myself free. This world is so vast. What difference would it make if I died alone at the end of a solitary life?

Why do people always try to make me feel small? Especially my own family, like my aunts and cousins. They always find something to make fun of me for, even if it’s something simple. I’ve felt like they hated me since I was a kid, and I used to overhear them talking shit about me. It’s crazy to hate a kid.
I’m 22 now, and things have changed a little, but I still feel like they hate me and make fun of me because I’m quiet and shy. It really affects my confidence and makes me anxious. I stopped visiting them for a long time because of it. If I do something, they make fun of me, but if someone else does the same thing, it’s suddenly normal.
And this is not the only thing they do, I get compared a lot. The worst thing is my mom is kinda one of them, if they make fun of me she gets embarrassed because of me, she never tried to defend me not even once and she always finds an excuse for me when they mock me as if I did something bad. Sick people

We were recommended to use and IOP for my son who has substance use issues, depression. Anxiety, and ADHD.

Since we do not have one in our area, our options include Charlie Health and Beyond Healthcare. We decided to go with Charlie Health - I know there is a lot of bad stuff out there but I’ve heard some great things too - I guess it just depends on who your therapist is…

So my questions are:

1. If you have had a positive experience with Charlie Health - who was your therapist? I do not need negative stories - there are tons online to read.

2. Has anyone used Beyond Healthcare?

3. Has anyone used any other virtual IOP that has helped with substance use and anger/depression causing family conflict.

Thanks!

I don't really know how to write this, but I just need to get it out somewhere.

I worked so fucking hard for my 12th exams.

I genuinely gave it everything I had. I studied, revised, practiced, worried about my marks constantly, sacrificed things I wanted to do, and kept pushing myself because I really believed I could get 90+.

And I actually knew the syllabus.

The reason I got 88% wasn't because I didn't know the answers. I left around 20 marks worth of questions unattempted because I ran out of time.

And I know that's my mistake. I'm not trying to pretend it wasn't. I should have managed my time better.

But the thing that still hurts me is that I feel like everyone only saw the 88%.

They saw the 2% I was missing from 90.

They didn't see all the fucking work that went into getting that 88%.

I think what I wanted more than anything was just for someone in my family to look at me and say, "I know how hard you worked. I'm proud of you. You did enough."

Instead, I heard things that made it feel like 88% wasn't that much.

And maybe to some people 88% isn't extraordinary. Maybe some people would look at it and say, "You could have gotten 90." I know that.

But I know what it took for me to get that score.

I know how much I studied.

I know how badly I wanted it.

I know how devastated I was when I realized I had lost those marks because of time and not because I didn't know the material.

And I think I'm still grieving that.

Last night everyone was asleep. There were literally no lights on. I was sitting there crying in complete darkness and writing in my journal because I didn't know what else to do.

I wasn't writing for anyone to see it. I wasn't trying to be dramatic. I just needed somewhere to put everything I was feeling.

And I kept coming back to the same thought:

"I worked so hard. Why couldn't anyone just see that?"

I don't even think I need someone to tell me that I was perfect or that I didn't make mistakes. I know I made a mistake with time management.

I just wanted someone to acknowledge the effort.

I wanted to feel like my work mattered even though the final number wasn't what I wanted.

And honestly, I think that's why this still hurts me so much.

I wanted my family to be proud of me.

I wanted to hear "you did enough."

Instead, I felt like I was being measured against the 2% I didn't get.

I'm crying while writing this because I think I've been holding onto this for a long time.

I don't really know what I'm asking for by posting this. Maybe I just want someone to understand why 88% can hurt so much when you know how hard you worked for it.

I just wanted to be seen.

16f pls be nice. There’s this feeling I have, not a feeling, but something that’s been happening I can only describe it as atrophy (not a real mental illness)
I’ve been ruining myself.
I used to love to draw. I can’t anymore. I lost the talent.
I used to love my hair. It’s falling out. Androgenic alopecia, PCOS perhaps, runs in the family.
I don’t know who even I’m writing this for. I’ve struggled with maladaptive daydreaming since I was 6 but it’s blurry. I act like I’m presenting for an audience sometimes, acting to be something.
I know my posts don’t get much upvotes and basically no comments, yet I’m writing these, imagining people digging these after my death (which I know won’t happen) and piece me out get answers for why I’m like this and feel less alone.

I feel like there’s a barrier between me and people, I don’t know how to describe the feeling. It’s like. I guess how people are usually a bit more honest and meaner when they’re woken up early and stil half asleep. When I hang out with people.. which is less and less, I feel like it’s some sort of distraction from what I really am a lonely miserable being.

My phone addiction ruined me. Completely. 5 hours 10 hours now 13-15. I can’t anymore.

In 2 weeks I have school. I have “friends” who I have ignored, a friend who just doesn’t have the same loyalty feelings as I do. I’m there in the corner of the p.e hall it’s terrible. Atleast last semester there was this girl next to me she didn’t like me she wanted to be with the popular girls but I guess she had been forcibly with me. Her mother literally convinced her to be friends with me.

I feel fucking terrible. It’s terrible. I am so goddamn lonely even when I’m with other people. And it’s gonna get bad when next semester starts it’s over for me I don’t have the energy anymore. I can barely wash myself.

I make these stupid posts again and again and I feel lonelier and lonelier because no one understands me more than I do and I don’t understand myself enough to begin with.

I just want someone to hug me and tell me that’s it’s gonna be alright, I just want to have friends and feel like I belong in a country I just want to feel like my hair is healthy I don’t want to see my scalp again I just want to have a boy who has a crush on me or something.

I dont know what it is i am not diagnose and dont want to self diagnose but things arent as enjoyable as before my brain feels odd like i can feel the organ there i get headaches alot of i dont take medications i feel like emotionally like crap 24/7 for no reason if someone talks to me in a sad or harsh way for a second just a sec it hurts i have yk what thoughts trued ones didnt have enough now i do but i really want my brain to be fixed i dont have access many like sources that help like therapy and stuff what do i do

No towards the women, but towards myself. The fact that I'm not desired by women makes me feel genuinely worthless, why do only males ever want to be around me? In any way. Attracted, or just friends. I fucking know why.

It's because I'm pathetic. Males love a pathetic little bitch they can suck up to, with low self esteem, wimpy appearance, sensitive character. Males do not admire, all they want to do is feel superior to someone in some way, mainly regarding their masculinity. They want the most submissive effeminate little shits, because they love to look down on someone, control them and feel better about themselves. The male sexuality and social function is all about domination, anything else is a aberration. And I'm similar to a male in that manner. I do not relate to women on average within their sexual thoughts or where they want to stand socially.

Moving onto women though...they actually want to be around someone they admire, rather than using another person as a prop to feed their own ego. I don't think many women have egos at all...they don't care to feel superior to somebody. Instead, they pick the people they ADMIRE and REVERE. They don't care to be around someone they find to be pathetic scum, why would they? They have so many options. They choose people who are actually valuable in this world. People who are powerful, intelligent, interesting...I feel like, if a woman likes you, you are valuable at least in some way, while a man liking you genuinely doesn't mean shit. It used to stroke my ego in a minor way when I was around 12 or 13, but I soon realised that a simple hand holding from a woman means more than a man obsessing over you.

And that's why I feel devastated. Any male attention feels like an insult at this point, a confirmation that I am a worthless, submissive, effeminate subhuman. Meanwhile, I overanalyze every single interaction I've ever had with women, and I unintentionally hinge my value as a human being on them. I know it's not fair. But the fact that women don't like me genuinely makes me want to dismember myself.

I think of self mutilation in ways I didn't think was possible. I hate myself more than I ever hated or will hate anyone. I will probably die with a woman never kissing me. Or admiring me. Or finding me to be worthy of her affection. I just wish I could make a woman happy. Make her feel good. But I am so deeply worthless, defiled, disgusting, mentally ill and weak. Just why do I exist?

I've been feeling really lonly the past week, having troubles with my girlfriend and I'm in a place I can't get out of only next week it dosnt relly matter. Really.

But so I've posted a couple posts on reddit to try and find some people to talk with and non last even an hour.

My real life friends all in their own business and we can't get in touch rn,

I'm just feeling so lonely and just want to get out

The longest call I had today with my girlfriend was about 5 minutes and it was really cold

She's on a trip with a friend but still couldn't she get the time? She didnt even text.

I'm holding myself not to cry.

Please I just want someone to talk to to distract me from everything.

The way I was brought up with curfews and restrictions, I started getting drier and not needing sex as much as I did when I was younger. I have a bf for years now but like he never pushes me to do it either. Now we live miles apart

Since we lived with our parents we've had to calculate the excuses we needed to make to leave and we weren't used to it. besides good and safe ones were expensive. Even dates are rare. So we don't chase it as much.

I've only ever wanted to do it because of peer pressure once in high school but it never happened because of circumstances

I still don't feel the drive or the need to seek that feeling just the insecurity that I haven't done it yet. There are times I've wanted to cry because I feel like I am left behind. I feel this way as I type this because of a conversation I've had with people that have lost their v card.

Because personally I don't care about sex, i pleasure myself most of the time. What I do hugely care about is what everyone thinks is the norm and I'm not normal, according to society.