Well damn.

My wife (30F) and I (32M) have been together twelve years, married ten. We've got three healthy little kids (ranging from 2 to 7).

Like any relationship there have been some ups and downs and no one who looked at everything objectively would say that either of us are perfect.

But, we've been through a lot. When we met we were broke and in our early twenties, just out of school. We've built a life, a career, and have three kids, own a rental property... life's good by that metric.

Ever since she had our first kid, my wife has been a SAHM. This was her dream growing up and I'm glad that I have been in a position where that's been possible.

We've hit these bumps in our relationship every year around the holidays. I don't need to get into the particulars because I can only provide my side and it'll be slanted in my favor, but it usually goes like: (1) I do something annoying to her, (2) she reacts by devaluing our whole relationship, (3) I dig in, (4) she does something nuclear, (5) I respond in kind, (6) she latches onto my response and holds onto it for the rest of the relationship.

Again, that's my take, so it's probably biased, but for three years, three major blowups, it's followed that pattern.

Anyway, we've finally gotten through it, gotten through the postpartum hormones, the kids are getting more independent... you'd think we're heading in the right direction.

Last month we go on a trip to Florida (for a work conference for me, but still), and get to spend some time together as grown ups. We lament that we never get time together away from the kids, so I resolve to fix that. The only people who she trusts to watch the kids are her family, so I get with her brother and his wife, we pick a date, I tell my wife...

Then yesterday, the day before the date, she's just in a mood when I get home. Doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want me to even hug her... just weird. She leaves after dinner without talking to me and comes back when the baby's going down then leaves again.

Okay, no big deal.

Then this morning, she tells me: "I don't want to go eat with you."

Then all day it's been texting back and forth, with her telling me: "I don't need you. I just need your money," and "I'd rather eat alone than with you," and "I don't want to see you, I don't want to be near you, I don't want to talk to you," and "I'm tired of living like this and having to wake up every day and do the same thing and clean the same messes and getting no help from you."

And look, I get it-- a lot of guys are bad husbands and bad fathers and they come home after work and plop down on the couch and just assume their stay-at-home-wife will tend to them on bended knees.

But I don't do that. I got home yesterday, and when it became clear she didn't want to talk, I folded clothes, I cleaned up the playroom, I got the baby up, we all ate together (though she didn't want to talk to me during the meal), then I took all three kids to play outside to give her a break.

And this isn't uncommon. I do it every day. She's always stressed, she's always on edge. So I take care of the kids and the house and I tell her, "Hey babe, go out, go eat, go shopping, go hang out with your friends, go to the gym, I got this."

And I have nothing. I don't get to hang out with friends, I don't even have any because I seldom leave the house. I don't get to go to the gym except in the mornings before work while she's still asleep. I don't get to go shopping because it feels selfish when she's at home stressing.

So I've gutted myself, I'm a hollow little automaton going to work and then going to work at home and then going to sleep and doing nothing else, but still it's not enough.

And for her to be so bold and brazen that she's just using me for my money just sends me into this awful hole where I feel so worthless.

I've told her, you're not angry at me, you're mad at your lot in life, because you don't like where your life is headed or your feel directionless or something. So go back to school or get a job or do something different. Don't just sit and fester and get angry at your husband and your kids.

But it doesn't matter.

She's contacted her brother and sister-in-law and told them not to bother coming.

She's told me she's got plans for tonight and she's going to be gone this weekend.

I don't know how my life got to this point.

Is there any coming back from a situation like this? Any healthy relationship on the other side that you could get to? Or am I just doomed to this Sisyphean struggle?

My boyfriend wants quickies that end only in his orgasm.. When I've said I don't feel happy with this unless he makes me orgasm first or helps me after he says 'why should I suffer and have to make you finish before or after just because you can't finish during sex'. The quickie is 2 minutes long and there's no warm up. Why does he feel like he's entitled to that and why is he framing my equal pleasure as a burden?

Matched with this woman, she right way said after some small talk, she’s looking for a traditional man, are u a provider? Are u financially stable? Do u own assets? I answered honestly.

I in return asked her, what about you, are u a traditional woman, are u a virgin? Do u know how to make a house a home? I didn’t do it out of pettiness. It was more so I matched the traditional standards she was looking for, and I just wanted the same in return.

When I asked that, she got extremely upset and called me a woman hater, and misogynistic.

Am I wrong in this situation? I was just stating my preferences just like she did.

I'm 30 and my girlfriend is 33. We've been together for about two years, and she has two daughters from a previous marriage.

Things moved pretty fast. But we were friends for two years and I saw the kids on weekends, but they were much nicer. Maybe cause I was taking them out all the time. When her lease ended, she and the girls moved into my three-bedroom place because they were living somewhere small and unsafe. Looking back, I realize I should've spent more time getting to know the kids before we all lived together.

It's been about eight months, and I'm struggling. The girls barely acknowledge me unless they want something. They'll say hi and bye to their mom but often ignore me completely. I feel more like a wallet than a parental figure. My girlfriend says they're still adjusting, but after eight months I don't see much improvement.

This has made me realize I want kids of my own someday, and I'm starting to think being a stepparent just isn't for me.

I feel guilty because she gave up a lot to move in, and if we split up, I'll help her financially. But I also don't want to stay in a situation where I feel unappreciated every day.

Am I giving up too soon, or is this a sign that this lifestyle just isn't for me?

On top of that she’s very disrespectful to me infront of company, mainly her friends and then her kids see this and think it’s okay to disrespect me.

But as they financially depend on me and I pay all the bills and do all the household chores I feel trapped

EDIT: when I say she gave up a lot i just mean she threw away furniture. I’m thinking maybe give her some money when we end things about 10k for rent and furniture

My husband and I have been married for five years and together for almost ten. Both in our 40s. We live a great DINK lifestyle, maintain good social circles, and (within reason) get to do whatever we want. I want to get away for a weekend? Great, have fun. He wants to build a midlife crisis car? Cool, what color are you thinking? You get the picture.

The past year has been pretty rough for me health wise. I've been dignosed with two autoimmune conditions and had abdominal surgery earlier this year. My conditions lead my doctor to find some pretty serious nutrient deficiencies and its resulted in changes to my diet. The big ones are no gluten and no dairy. Yes, it sucks but I've been dealing with it and I've been able to find a variety of recipes despite the changes.

The issue is my husband complains about my food restrictions and it is really starting to piss me off.

We both love food and are great cooks. Typically we will each make dinner 2-3 time a week, then order out when we don't have a dinner planned. I have three take out spots on rotation where I know I will find a meal I can eat and my husband will have a lot of options. Except, more often than not he will sigh and complain that "we always get the same things" and that I need to find other options. He won't choose a new spot because he thinks I'll shut it down.

He also won't accept ordering from two different locations so we both get what we want (we live in a large city, so its not that difficult). This part is probably the most frustrating because I know he really wants to get pizza and there is nothing stopping him from just ordering the damm pizza.

That coupled with the digs at my food while we are eating have started to become hurtful. A few weeks ago we were out at a really nice restaurant and he kept trying to get me to share his food... that I couldn't eat. The first time I said "no thank you" but the second and third i had to clarify with, "no I can't". His response was, "You're becoming very difficult to eat with".

On one hand, those words cut deep because so much of our life revolves around food and it's part of our connection to each other. On the other, I wanted to rage because no shit it's difficult. Doesn't change my condition.

Arguing about something I have zero control over is exhausting. I feel like he needs to get over it and make adjustments himself. Make himself dinner, order separately, etc. Am I being unreasonable?

*TLDR: My husband complains about my food restrictions but won't put in the effort to cook or order food separately. AITA if I tell him to get over it and figure it out?*

Men, what are you more attracted to? A woman who is independent and a little distant, but knows how to be affectionate from time to time, or a woman who is very loving and willing to give everything for the relationship?

I’m 25F and in my first relationship for 6 months, and I’ve realised I have this underlying insecurity about relationships in general.

My boyfriend and I are perfectly fine. We’re open, communicate well, and he hasn’t given me any reason not to trust him. But I still sometimes feel like I don’t trust that relationships actually last.

I think it comes from seeing so many bad examples around me: one guy friend cheated because he thought he could “do better”; one friend got bored of her relationship and got back on dating apps not looking to settle, because there’s always someone hotter; or couples who stay together but seem to have no chemistry and just catch up every week for dinner. My parents are very stable just don’t have that much chemistry as well.

It’s made me a bit cynical. I find myself wondering, How do you know your partner won’t eventually get bored? How do you know they won’t meet someone they think is better? How do you know the chemistry will last?

I don’t think my boyfriend will do any of those things. I think this is more about me not having much faith in relationships lasting, especially because this is my first one. I talked to a counsellor and she gave no useful advice as she said I should date around to get more experience. lol.

Would really love to get some insights from the male perspective :)

Is this just something we need to get used to and not let affect our self esteem?

I know he’s attracted to me. We exchange nudes. We other things, but he will not allow himself to have sex with me. He removes himself from any situation or position that would even make it possible, and I don’t understand.

It seems he gets overwhelmed when it turns into something sexual. I’m confused by it.

​

I am a straight cisgender male (he/him) and this weekend, one of my friends called me transphobic after I denied her advances. She has had a good transition but personally I don't see her in a romantic light. I met her as a trans woman, so it's not that I met her before her transition, I am just not attracted to trans women and she called my transphobic. it's been eating at me all weekend and haven't asked anyone irl yet because of the political climate. so here I am

I’m lost. I don’t know what to do, how to start, or even where to go from here.

I’m 18, and I spend most of my days doing nothing consumed by social media and constantly fantasising about the life I actually want, while struggling to find the motivation to take even the smallest steps towards it. The strange thing is, I feel completely certain that I’ll achieve everything I want one day, yet at the same time, I’ve never felt more uncertain about how I’m actually going to get there.

I feel like I’ve lost my spark for almost everything. I can’t remember the last time I genuinely felt deeply excited, passionate, or emotionally connected to something. Even saying that feels incredibly cliche, but it’s honestly how I feel. It’s almost as if I hate everything, I hated school, I hate society, I hate the way we’re forced to live and slave our lives away.

Outside of my family, I have very little human interaction or genuine connection with people, despite connection being one of the things I crave most. I don’t know whether I struggle to find people I genuinely connect with, whether my expectations are too high, or whether I simply don’t put myself out there enough. I find it difficult to let people in, and I think that probably plays a bigger role than I want to admit.

The life I imagine for myself feels so far removed from the life I’m living right now, and I don’t know how to bridge that gap. Is it really as simple as going to the gym, talking to more people, becoming more charismatic, putting myself into uncomfortable situations, and just slowly building a better life?

I know people will tell me that I’m only 18, that I have plenty of time, and that I’ll eventually figure things out. Rationally, I understand that. But emotionally, it’s difficult to actually believe it when I feel so stagnant.

I could go on but my point seems to be getting across. I don’t necessarily expect someone to give me a perfect answer. I think I just want to understand how you actually start moving forward when you know you want more from life, but you can’t seem to make yourself take that first step.

​

I (m21) have chosen to remain single forever. I do not want to be in a relationship with anyone. The problem is I don't have a template for lifelong singlehood. For most of my life most of my plans and visualizations of them (that i am now getting rid off) revolved around being a man who could eventually have and sustain his own family. Now that I have done away with those I realize that the templates I had for my future are ill fitting for this new life I've chosen. So i recalibrated.

After recalibrating, all I have is, get a high income, save and invest, be generous, be industrious, be respectful and kind, have a good reputation, develop hobbies now only for the sole purpose of alleviating boredom, ensure hobbies are challenging to slow cognitive decline without being unnecessarily time consuming, travel, get a dog or two. That's it. Feels like it's missing something or a few more things but I don't know what. Could be doing fun stuff with friends but I don't have high expectations there so I conveniently left it out. I'm not sure what else I'm missing or if my list is just fine because society hardly presents a reliable script for people who live their lives unpartnered.

For those of you who also do not wish to be in relationships and are thriving, what are some tips and pointers? I'm open to advice from others who are partnered as well. Thank you.

I spent way too many years being closed off from the world because a man I liked picked another woman over me (I will be lying if I said it still doesn’t impact my confidence). Since then, dressing up, finding someone cute or being curious about someone feels extremely shameful and slutty.

How do I go back out there? I want to be able to post thirst traps, be confident in my own skin, meet new people and just have fun. I started working out, a full time job while being a full time student, but that lack of confidence is still there. I’m hyper vigilant as hell and always scanning for rejection ( which gets exhausting and draining as hell).

Im 24 and I know life will pass me by if I don’t make changes. But putting yourself out there literally guarantees rejection. Any advice on how not to be too sensitive about rejection?

Both the times i met her she was with her friends but its just the second time when we met she was telling me a lot about her friends history about how they abandoned her when they got better paying jobs.

Shes 24 and I’m 23. Almost Everyone in the group had bf/gf except me and her. We all went to club/bars and had quite fun.

The girl didn’t talk too much in the beginning but after when we had alcohol she started to kinda tell a lot of her personal life stories to me when i was waiting in bathroom line with her cause she told me to stay with her.After we had drinks clubbing and Karaoke we started heading to metro which was about 20 mins walk.

She was holding my arms all the time during that 20 mins walk and also the 5 min walk from club to karaoke bar.

Ive had similar situations like where a new girl i meet holds my arms when they are drunk but they never told me their deep personal life stuffs that fast.

After we all went back home she texted me saying “sorry about tonight if i bothered you. thank you soo much for taking care of me, i owe you one, let me know what i owe you” I REPLIED “hope you got home safe, i had great time with you guys”

I do like her honesty.

I am 20 years old, and my boobs grew in saggy from the start. My nipples have always pointed to the floor, that’s just how they look. I’m very insecure about it, every time I’ve been intimate with a man, I keep on my bra. They at least look great that way.

It seems as though they are most like “relaxed” breasts when you look up different shapes. I’ve also lost weight on top of that, so they’re deflated looking as well.

I started dating someone, but I’m worried he’ll be turned off by them if I let him see. They look fine when I lay down, just not when I sit up lol

Hi,

Firstly apologies for formatting issues, if any, on mobile.

I male 31, have to be honest had the worst 8/9 months of my life, lost my dog, job, and (now ex)partner cheat on me. This was all around Jan/Feb, me and ex own a house together, she just wants money for it, so I've been here since paying all bills while gathering money to buy her out.

Those issues arent why im posting, though are a factor. Before this, I thought I had a close knit group of friends, but it turns out I don't. I have asked about 10 people multiple times to meet up, but it was all on their terms, no flexibility considering what I was going through, and by their terms, I mean a place close to them, not me (I live on average 25 mins away from them all, but like a radius from me, not them altogether in an area and me seperate). They never did, I called my two (apparently closest friends crying/sobbing as I think my job will be redundant, so house will be gone) they both said they would come together, 30 mins later called and asked me to go to them.

My own family have proven not to be too bothered and act like i'm an inconvienece. It's hard, I have never reached out and asked for help, but once I do, nobody cares.

Are we really just meant to deal with these things alone, apart from Therapy which im attending. I just wanted a friend or two I could reach out too.

Nobody reaches out, nobody helped when I did, so I've stopped. Yet the groupchats all continue as normal.

What do people do ?

I can't keep doing this alone, but everyone I considered close, brothers and friends, have proved me wrong.

It's soul destroying.

Any help is appreciated

​I'm turning 20 in a few months and I'm still a virgin. To be honest, during my high school years I had a lot of opportunities, I'm not an unattractive guy, but I turned all of them down because I was scared of catching STDs. You might wonder why I didn't just use protection. I actually got some (my friends would give them to me), but my friends kept saying they never feel anything whenever they'd use it. So to save myself from the embarrassment of not performing well, I just avoided sex altogether.

​I'm in my second year of college now, but because my classes are online, I don't get many opportunities to meet girls on campus. Back then it didn't bother me much, but looking at people around me who lost their virginity years ago makes me feel lame as hell honestly speaking.

​How old were you when you lost your virginity, and is it normal to still be a virgin at my age?

Alright so straight to the point

But before that this NSFW ( I guess )

So I’m having trouble with two things ( M29 here) , one is I’m not feeling that much of great feel whenever I’m masturbating ( I masturbate every alternative days ).

And whenever I’m masturbating I’m ejaculating less.

I’m slightly towards the fat side, and I don’t work out much these days, it’s just walking for 1.5 hours at normal to brisk.

I know these are not enough to diagnose the situation but just wanted to ask if anyone went through something similar or is there any food or medication I could try

Anything to ease my situation will be really helpful

I’ve been feeling like this for close to two weeks now.

For context, he's a doctor (male) and I'm a nurse (female).

He's a new doctor that just got hired into our OR theatre. We're both the around the same age and we have banter and chemistry. He's openly admitted he's single. The thing is because of the nature of our work environment privacy, fast pace team oriented, is very hard to get alone time as someone is always watching or listening. We're a small group of ~13 nursing staff and I want to keep this private but I also don't want to send an email asking for his number either. Any recommendations would be appreciated 🙏🏻

Edit: he says that work and business is obvious I’ll come in contact with them but he’ll most likely be there because they’ll be businesses we do together. If I’m at home and need to call a plumber, he would be there unless it’s someone that’s worked for him for a long time. Obgyn no male. He would never tell me who my girl friends are or limit family etc but the male friends is a deal breaker for him unless they’re married or in serious relationships - that was his way of compromising.

The guy I’m dating says that a hard boundary is no guy friends when we are married. To go more into detail, he said no single guys friends even if we have been friends for a long time. He said if the guy is married or in a serious relationship and they’ve met then it’s probably ok. He doesn’t have any female friends. He said dating is different and we aren’t committed at the married level yet but I don’t see the difference with having these same friends married or not?
He said if he’s going to give me everything I want in life this is the one thing that he wants besides sex of course

Is this normal? Or is it dangerous and becomes a control thing?