Well damn.

My wife (30F) and I (32M) have been together twelve years, married ten. We've got three healthy little kids (ranging from 2 to 7).

Like any relationship there have been some ups and downs and no one who looked at everything objectively would say that either of us are perfect.

But, we've been through a lot. When we met we were broke and in our early twenties, just out of school. We've built a life, a career, and have three kids, own a rental property... life's good by that metric.

Ever since she had our first kid, my wife has been a SAHM. This was her dream growing up and I'm glad that I have been in a position where that's been possible.

We've hit these bumps in our relationship every year around the holidays. I don't need to get into the particulars because I can only provide my side and it'll be slanted in my favor, but it usually goes like: (1) I do something annoying to her, (2) she reacts by devaluing our whole relationship, (3) I dig in, (4) she does something nuclear, (5) I respond in kind, (6) she latches onto my response and holds onto it for the rest of the relationship.

Again, that's my take, so it's probably biased, but for three years, three major blowups, it's followed that pattern.

Anyway, we've finally gotten through it, gotten through the postpartum hormones, the kids are getting more independent... you'd think we're heading in the right direction.

Last month we go on a trip to Florida (for a work conference for me, but still), and get to spend some time together as grown ups. We lament that we never get time together away from the kids, so I resolve to fix that. The only people who she trusts to watch the kids are her family, so I get with her brother and his wife, we pick a date, I tell my wife...

Then yesterday, the day before the date, she's just in a mood when I get home. Doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want me to even hug her... just weird. She leaves after dinner without talking to me and comes back when the baby's going down then leaves again.

Okay, no big deal.

Then this morning, she tells me: "I don't want to go eat with you."

Then all day it's been texting back and forth, with her telling me: "I don't need you. I just need your money," and "I'd rather eat alone than with you," and "I don't want to see you, I don't want to be near you, I don't want to talk to you," and "I'm tired of living like this and having to wake up every day and do the same thing and clean the same messes and getting no help from you."

And look, I get it-- a lot of guys are bad husbands and bad fathers and they come home after work and plop down on the couch and just assume their stay-at-home-wife will tend to them on bended knees.

But I don't do that. I got home yesterday, and when it became clear she didn't want to talk, I folded clothes, I cleaned up the playroom, I got the baby up, we all ate together (though she didn't want to talk to me during the meal), then I took all three kids to play outside to give her a break.

And this isn't uncommon. I do it every day. She's always stressed, she's always on edge. So I take care of the kids and the house and I tell her, "Hey babe, go out, go eat, go shopping, go hang out with your friends, go to the gym, I got this."

And I have nothing. I don't get to hang out with friends, I don't even have any because I seldom leave the house. I don't get to go to the gym except in the mornings before work while she's still asleep. I don't get to go shopping because it feels selfish when she's at home stressing.

So I've gutted myself, I'm a hollow little automaton going to work and then going to work at home and then going to sleep and doing nothing else, but still it's not enough.

And for her to be so bold and brazen that she's just using me for my money just sends me into this awful hole where I feel so worthless.

I've told her, you're not angry at me, you're mad at your lot in life, because you don't like where your life is headed or your feel directionless or something. So go back to school or get a job or do something different. Don't just sit and fester and get angry at your husband and your kids.

But it doesn't matter.

She's contacted her brother and sister-in-law and told them not to bother coming.

She's told me she's got plans for tonight and she's going to be gone this weekend.

I don't know how my life got to this point.

Is there any coming back from a situation like this? Any healthy relationship on the other side that you could get to? Or am I just doomed to this Sisyphean struggle?

Matched with this woman, she right way said after some small talk, she’s looking for a traditional man, are u a provider? Are u financially stable? Do u own assets? I answered honestly.

I in return asked her, what about you, are u a traditional woman, are u a virgin? Do u know how to make a house a home? I didn’t do it out of pettiness. It was more so I matched the traditional standards she was looking for, and I just wanted the same in return.

When I asked that, she got extremely upset and called me a woman hater, and misogynistic.

Am I wrong in this situation? I was just stating my preferences just like she did.

My boyfriend wants quickies that end only in his orgasm.. When I've said I don't feel happy with this unless he makes me orgasm first or helps me after he says 'why should I suffer and have to make you finish before or after just because you can't finish during sex'. The quickie is 2 minutes long and there's no warm up. Why does he feel like he's entitled to that and why is he framing my equal pleasure as a burden?

I'm 30 and my girlfriend is 33. We've been together for about two years, and she has two daughters from a previous marriage.

Things moved pretty fast. But we were friends for two years and I saw the kids on weekends, but they were much nicer. Maybe cause I was taking them out all the time. When her lease ended, she and the girls moved into my three-bedroom place because they were living somewhere small and unsafe. Looking back, I realize I should've spent more time getting to know the kids before we all lived together.

It's been about eight months, and I'm struggling. The girls barely acknowledge me unless they want something. They'll say hi and bye to their mom but often ignore me completely. I feel more like a wallet than a parental figure. My girlfriend says they're still adjusting, but after eight months I don't see much improvement.

This has made me realize I want kids of my own someday, and I'm starting to think being a stepparent just isn't for me.

I feel guilty because she gave up a lot to move in, and if we split up, I'll help her financially. But I also don't want to stay in a situation where I feel unappreciated every day.

Am I giving up too soon, or is this a sign that this lifestyle just isn't for me?

On top of that she’s very disrespectful to me infront of company, mainly her friends and then her kids see this and think it’s okay to disrespect me.

But as they financially depend on me and I pay all the bills and do all the household chores I feel trapped

EDIT: when I say she gave up a lot i just mean she threw away furniture. I’m thinking maybe give her some money when we end things about 10k for rent and furniture

My husband and I have been married for five years and together for almost ten. Both in our 40s. We live a great DINK lifestyle, maintain good social circles, and (within reason) get to do whatever we want. I want to get away for a weekend? Great, have fun. He wants to build a midlife crisis car? Cool, what color are you thinking? You get the picture.

The past year has been pretty rough for me health wise. I've been dignosed with two autoimmune conditions and had abdominal surgery earlier this year. My conditions lead my doctor to find some pretty serious nutrient deficiencies and its resulted in changes to my diet. The big ones are no gluten and no dairy. Yes, it sucks but I've been dealing with it and I've been able to find a variety of recipes despite the changes.

The issue is my husband complains about my food restrictions and it is really starting to piss me off.

We both love food and are great cooks. Typically we will each make dinner 2-3 time a week, then order out when we don't have a dinner planned. I have three take out spots on rotation where I know I will find a meal I can eat and my husband will have a lot of options. Except, more often than not he will sigh and complain that "we always get the same things" and that I need to find other options. He won't choose a new spot because he thinks I'll shut it down.

He also won't accept ordering from two different locations so we both get what we want (we live in a large city, so its not that difficult). This part is probably the most frustrating because I know he really wants to get pizza and there is nothing stopping him from just ordering the damm pizza.

That coupled with the digs at my food while we are eating have started to become hurtful. A few weeks ago we were out at a really nice restaurant and he kept trying to get me to share his food... that I couldn't eat. The first time I said "no thank you" but the second and third i had to clarify with, "no I can't". His response was, "You're becoming very difficult to eat with".

On one hand, those words cut deep because so much of our life revolves around food and it's part of our connection to each other. On the other, I wanted to rage because no shit it's difficult. Doesn't change my condition.

Arguing about something I have zero control over is exhausting. I feel like he needs to get over it and make adjustments himself. Make himself dinner, order separately, etc. Am I being unreasonable?

*TLDR: My husband complains about my food restrictions but won't put in the effort to cook or order food separately. AITA if I tell him to get over it and figure it out?*

I’m 25F and in my first relationship for 6 months, and I’ve realised I have this underlying insecurity about relationships in general.

My boyfriend and I are perfectly fine. We’re open, communicate well, and he hasn’t given me any reason not to trust him. But I still sometimes feel like I don’t trust that relationships actually last.

I think it comes from seeing so many bad examples around me: one guy friend cheated because he thought he could “do better”; one friend got bored of her relationship and got back on dating apps not looking to settle, because there’s always someone hotter; or couples who stay together but seem to have no chemistry and just catch up every week for dinner. My parents are very stable just don’t have that much chemistry as well.

It’s made me a bit cynical. I find myself wondering, How do you know your partner won’t eventually get bored? How do you know they won’t meet someone they think is better? How do you know the chemistry will last?

I don’t think my boyfriend will do any of those things. I think this is more about me not having much faith in relationships lasting, especially because this is my first one. I talked to a counsellor and she gave no useful advice as she said I should date around to get more experience. lol.

Would really love to get some insights from the male perspective :)

Is this just something we need to get used to and not let affect our self esteem?

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I (m21) have chosen to remain single forever. I do not want to be in a relationship with anyone. The problem is I don't have a template for lifelong singlehood. For most of my life most of my plans and visualizations of them (that i am now getting rid off) revolved around being a man who could eventually have and sustain his own family. Now that I have done away with those I realize that the templates I had for my future are ill fitting for this new life I've chosen. So i recalibrated.

After recalibrating, all I have is, get a high income, save and invest, be generous, be industrious, be respectful and kind, have a good reputation, develop hobbies now only for the sole purpose of alleviating boredom, ensure hobbies are challenging to slow cognitive decline without being unnecessarily time consuming, travel, get a dog or two. That's it. Feels like it's missing something or a few more things but I don't know what. Could be doing fun stuff with friends but I don't have high expectations there so I conveniently left it out. I'm not sure what else I'm missing or if my list is just fine because society hardly presents a reliable script for people who live their lives unpartnered.

For those of you who also do not wish to be in relationships and are thriving, what are some tips and pointers? I'm open to advice from others who are partnered as well. Thank you.

Both the times i met her she was with her friends but its just the second time when we met she was telling me a lot about her friends history about how they abandoned her when they got better paying jobs.

Shes 24 and I’m 23. Almost Everyone in the group had bf/gf except me and her. We all went to club/bars and had quite fun.

The girl didn’t talk too much in the beginning but after when we had alcohol she started to kinda tell a lot of her personal life stories to me when i was waiting in bathroom line with her cause she told me to stay with her.After we had drinks clubbing and Karaoke we started heading to metro which was about 20 mins walk.

She was holding my arms all the time during that 20 mins walk and also the 5 min walk from club to karaoke bar.

Ive had similar situations like where a new girl i meet holds my arms when they are drunk but they never told me their deep personal life stuffs that fast.

After we all went back home she texted me saying “sorry about tonight if i bothered you. thank you soo much for taking care of me, i owe you one, let me know what i owe you” I REPLIED “hope you got home safe, i had great time with you guys”

I do like her honesty.

Hi all,

I’ve been talking to a guy for about a month now and he seems very sweet/responsive. We get along great and he finally asked me out.

The day of the date he had to reschedule saying family emergency. I said all good. This was on Friday.

The whole weekend passes with no message from him but he viewed my stories.

I messaged him last night (Monday) just giving him the indication of let’s reschedule etc still signalling my interest.

Anyways he saw my new story in the afternoon and hasn’t texted me.

He is not an avid texter like only checks the app where we message once or twice a day but always is very responsive and involved.

I am not sure what to think? How does it go from I’ll pick you up at 6 to can we reschedule to ghost? I feel like I’ve done everything in my power to show interest and have made the first move.

Thoughts? Will he text? Reschedule? Cut my losses?

Men, what are you more attracted to? A woman who is independent and a little distant, but knows how to be affectionate from time to time, or a woman who is very loving and willing to give everything for the relationship?

I was asked to resign a month ago from a job I loved. I had one direct report who was brilliant and very loyal to me (as I was him). The problem was that I could not get on with new management.

Anyway, I found a new, better paying job and was moving on with no hard feelings. That’s until my direct report told me some shocking news: my new manager was bad mouthing me to the rest of the team.

She said I was fudging the numbers, hiding my mistakes and presenting myself as more technical than I actually was. All of this was ridiculous and I was fuming so I did something that caused a stir. I told my ex-CFO that I had heard that my ex-manager had said the above and asked him whether he could ask her to stop. I told him I still care for the team and would like to work with some of them again someday. He replied asking who told me and that he will talk to them and take it from there. I said I’d rather not drag this person into it and would like for him to just deal with it as tactfully as he can.

Today my ex-manager pulled my ex-direct report into a meeting and told him that if anymore internal information becomes external she will make a formal complaint about him.

Nobody knows it was him and he didn’t actually know what they were talking about. I told him what I had done so he now has all the info. He’s going to keep his head down until I can settle into my new job and hopefully bring him over.

What was the rationale of my CFO to do this? Why would he take action against my ex-direct report instead of my ex-manager? They were apparently in a long meeting together beforehand so maybe he did reprimand her as well.

I don’t know. I really trusted my ex-CFO, I thought he was a good man. I’m so disappointed in him. And I’m disappointed at my bad lack of judgment and selfishness in the moment.

Please tell me there is a good chance she was also told off?

So, I’m 22 and I’ve been single pretty much my entire life, so I honestly have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to dating. I recently matched with this girl on Bumble, and she seems genuinely really fun and sweet. She’s from Japan and is new to Florida, and we somehow like a lot of the same nerdy stuff. Talking to her has felt surprisingly natural, and I actually look forward to our conversations. But there’s also a pretty big part of me that’s worried this could be a scam.

I know dating apps are full of fake profiles and people who specifically prey on lonely guys, and I’m painfully aware that I probably fit the profile of someone who could fall for something like that. I’ve never had a relationship before, I don’t have much experience recognizing red flags, and suddenly there’s this girl who’s attractive, sweet, shares my interests, and seems genuinely interested in talking to me. Part of my brain keeps going, “There’s no way I got this lucky. What’s the catch?”

So far, I genuinely enjoy talking to her, and I haven’t necessarily seen anything that proves she’s trying to scam me. I’m just scared of letting my excitement override my common sense. I don’t want to become emotionally invested only to eventually find out that she isn’t who she says she is, or that the whole thing was building toward asking me for money, getting personal information from me, or taking advantage of the fact that I’m lonely and inexperienced.

At the same time, I don’t want that fear to ruin something that could actually be genuine. I know I’m only 22, and realistically this probably won’t be my only chance at a romantic relationship. I’m trying not to convince myself that she’s “the one” or anything crazy like that. I just really like talking to her so far. She seems awesome, and I guess I’m caught between being excited that someone I actually connect with might be interested in me and being terrified that it’s too good to be true.

Alright so straight to the point

But before that this NSFW ( I guess )

So I’m having trouble with two things ( M29 here) , one is I’m not feeling that much of great feel whenever I’m masturbating ( I masturbate every alternative days ).

And whenever I’m masturbating I’m ejaculating less.

I’m slightly towards the fat side, and I don’t work out much these days, it’s just walking for 1.5 hours at normal to brisk.

I know these are not enough to diagnose the situation but just wanted to ask if anyone went through something similar or is there any food or medication I could try

Anything to ease my situation will be really helpful

I’ve been feeling like this for close to two weeks now.

so heres the thing. i was in a long distance thing with this girl. we were actually deep. like talked about marriage deep. future plans all that. but man it turned into a complete shitshow. constant fighting trust issues insecurity and honestly neither of us knew how to communicate for shit.

im not saying i was some innocent victim so dont come at me with that.

lemme break down what she did first.

so shed tell me she was going to sleep or she was busy right. then id hop on discord and find her in some random vc with other dudes just chilling. like what am i supposed to think.

one time she invited me to listen to music together. im thinking cool quality time. then she just left me there and went to hang out with other people. felt like a slap in the face tbh.

she took our private conversations and posted them in a public group with like 500 people and was joking about them. like bro thats supposed to be between us.

some guy from texas messaged her. i asked who he was. she said "oh thats my brother." turns out it wasnt. she admitted it later after i kept pushing. so now im wondering what else she lied about.

she told another guy she was single while we were together. when i confronted her she said she was "just joking" and "making fun of him." i dont buy that for a second.

she had a ton of male friends. normally i couldnt care less about that. but the way she talked to some of them with all the hearts and "bestie" energy and over the top affection — it just didnt sit right with me. like if ur in a relationship theres a line and she kept crossing it.

she'd give other dudes attention that felt way too intimate for someone whos supposed to be committed.

shed disappear for hours no explanation. no "hey gonna be busy." just radio silence then pop up later like nothing happened.

whenever i tried to have a real conversation about where we were headed she'd dodge the question or hit me with another question. never got a straight answer.

and the double standards were crazy. id do something and shed lose her mind. but when she did the exact same thing it was "not a big deal" and i was "overreacting."

honestly i dont even know if i can call it cheating. maybe she just had terrible boundaries and was immature. but all of it together? completely destroyed my trust.

now heres where i fucked up.

i turned into a mess. full on insecure anxious version of myself. id call her over and over when i couldnt reach her. needed her to tell me everything was fine constantly. threatened to break up during arguments like some kind of manipulation tactic. i even compared her to my ex once which was a low blow and i still feel like shit about it. got obsessive trying to figure out what every little thing meant — who she was talking to why she took so long what her posts meant.

so the final argument. she told me she was cooking and busy. i lost it cuz she had time to scroll through social media for hours but couldnt take two minutes to talk about us. i sent her this long ass message listing everything that had been eating at me. then i just snapped. called her names. said "fuck this relationship. fuck everything." said some genuinely horrible shit i wish i could take back.

and look i know being hurt doesnt give me a pass to talk to someone like that. i own that.

so i blocked her. instagram discord telegram plato. everything.

then after i blocked her this is where it got confusing.

she never blocked me back.

she hit me from a different account with just "hi." i didnt say anything.

then later she sent "🙃" and i still said nothing.

she started posting stuff that felt directed at me. like "the night we met" by lord huron on her story with the letter H on it. my name starts with H. come on.

she put my name back in her plato bio for like 10 hours then removed it. like she wanted me to see it.

there was also this story with blood on tissues saying "fuck everything" and another one that looked like she was at a hospital. and now im sitting here like is this about me is she actually going through something or am i just losing my mind overanalyzing everything.

honestly i dont know and im trying really hard not to care anymore.

so where am i now.

i still love her. a part of me is praying she comes back.

but another part of me knows that even if she does nothing changes unless both of us do some serious work on ourselves.

i cannot keep living like this. checking her stories every five minutes. analyzing her bio changes. wondering who shes talking to. trying to decode every song she posts like its some kind of secret message. thats not a life.

but then i think what if this is fixable. what if we both actually grow and come back stronger. do i just throw that away.

so i need real talk from dudes whove been here.

1. were my trust issues legit or was i just being a controlling insecure boyfriend

2. was going no-contact the right move or did i fuck up by not fighting for it

3. if she comes back do i give it another shot or is too much damage done

4. if i even consider trying again what would both of us have to change for this to actually work

5. and most important — what the fuck is wrong with me that i need to fix before i ever date anyone again

im not looking for pity or for people to tell me shes a villain. i know i played my part in this. im just too close to see it clearly.

so be real with me. i can handle it.

Be good - get no love - feel like a schmuck.

Be bad - get no love - Hell yeah ! NOW i am getting what I deserve.

How do I break free from this ass backwards way of thinking and still find love ?

Basically I’m just sick and tired of my life as it is right now and I’m not putting up with it anymore I’ve been putting up with this for about 9 years now and I’m just sick of it.

I’m 20M never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, never even asked a girl out or been on a date. I have never had a big social life in school or college, and I’m about to start my 2nd year of uni and I’m not letting this carry on.

I see guys like hs tikkytokky and ed mathews and they literally have the dream lives, they manage to get girls so easily and just have so much natural confidence and I want to be like that. Not saying I wanna be exactly like them in every way, but I just wanna have their natural confidence and their confidence with girls.

Like would I rather be some sad, lonely, virgin loser or have more confidence, be able to get girls and in general have a better life. For most of my life I’ve just always been treated badly by girls when it comes to this so I’m gonna stop it and finally try something that works.

I’ve already followed the advice women and men give such as, going to the gym, having good hygiene, and being interesting as a person and having good humour and it didn’t work, so best bet I guess is to follow the way it actually works which is what these guys do.

People always say you have to be nice and respectful, but then you see these guys who show arrogance, confidence, and are basically rude and basically bellends who have the best lives and I’m just sick and tired of being nice and it getting me nowhere so I wanna change.

I know he’s attracted to me. We exchange nudes. We other things, but he will not allow himself to have sex with me. He removes himself from any situation or position that would even make it possible, and I don’t understand.

It seems he gets overwhelmed when it turns into something sexual. I’m confused by it.

Hello! I (21F) want to send my long distance boyfriend of nearly a year (21M) a letter in the mail.

To give some backstory, I'm a writer. I love to write poetry and he knows that. I've written many poems for him that l've sent him through the phone, but I want to send him one in person too along with a little love letter.

We have each other's locations, but I feel like it would be weird to just send mail using his location. I'm planning on asking him his address to send him something, but not specifying what it is.

Do you think the poem and letter are good or should I add some type of gift or extra thing? If so, what else should I add? I've obviously never done this before, but I'm a big gift giver, and want to give him something physical to have until we can be together physically too.

Men, what else (if anything) would you like to receive in the mail from your girlfriend/partner other than a poem and love letter, and how should I ask for his address without seeming awkward or giving it away?

M27 here was with F27, Just got out of a really toxic one which I couldn't commit to for marrying after her being on my ass, The gap's wide open because I left her on seen and something in me makes me wanna text back.

I don't know how toxic/ or it's just normal behaviour but I'll list out a few instances to get bashing from the men here lmao.

1. I'm a good looking guy, not one with abs, but I'm fairly well built but I never got complimented once for my looks, on a recent random day I had a long work day and was staying alone at a hotel , I got so badly bashed for having a few slices of pizza and a beer with the boys last night, "its such a turn off, somebody not caring for his body" said in the most derogatory tone. On the other hand I used to shower her in compliments because she started working out recently and doesn't lose motivation. Pointed out my love handles while I was naked fkn hell. Gave me insecurities when none existed.
2. The sex was BAD, It was me doing all the work.
3. Had to take out the SUV for dates because she wouldn't sit in my other car (a hatchback). "Claustrophobic" she said. Even cancelled a date because I was driving the hatchback to office lol.
4. Didn't wanna work after marriage, didn't wanna do household chores, Kept pushing me to make more money. (I come from a fairly well established family), She on the other hand not so much, even quit her job. I paid all expenses and gifts. I got once a year on my birthday only, was pretty entitled. Even said she'll just divorce her husband if he ever went broke, has one life to live.
5.  Ugly Outbursts on the smallest of things at the random times, even resorting to emasculating, recent one was because she was watching a shit movie and I said "what is it with you and these movies in a joking manner", all hell break loose.
6. Very little empathy, I was taking her out 2 times a week at one point after working the entire day, Yet how unbelievable it may sound. I've heard I've never taken her out on an actual date.
7. Her friends loved me lol, mine warned me to not marry this.
8. This one was a repetitive case, whenever I really wanted to eat something out on a dinner/date. She'd just not have any of it, not even a bite. I love burgers, I have not ever had a nice burger with her in my 1.5 years. (Very non adjusting, my way or the highway lmao)

I know I bent over backwards to make it work (she believes she did) and I should've just quit this.

So yeah...

Was I actually in a toxic relationship, or am I just describing the normal compromises and incompatibilities that come with being with someone?