long story short i got caught cheating, i told him the truth and he said he wanted to go through my phone to make him feel better and i let him. mainly because i didn’t want them to feel hurt or like i have anything to hide atp out of respect but also to try and show him that i do respect and love him

i know im a piece of shit and i deserve that he never wants to be with me again and i take accountability and i did wrong and he was right that im selfish and didn’t think of him and he didn’t deserve it

my question is how do i heal him/help him heal? i ask this because my first relationship i got cheated on and i know how it felt and the trauma it’s had on me on my relationships moving forward, trust issues etc and i don’t want him to go through the same thing. i texted him a lot of apologies but i deleted them since i read online space when someone is angry is the best thing to do for them. i don’t deserve a second chance because i made that decision of sleeping with someone else and if he does offer it ill be very grateful because i do love him

small rant but back to my main question; what do i do? do i just give him space? do i explain that it wasn’t his fault and it’s my own fault? do i write him a physical hand written letter and send it to his house? im lost right now and i want to take accountability but im not sure how/what to do

ps: im sorry if my post is opening any healed/un-healed wounds you have, thats not my intention

The Netherlands.

My ex girlfriend left me for the Netherlands. Now whenever the Netherlands is mentioned or Amsterdam or someone had an accent from there I just get so upset and angry. What about the Netherlands is better than me where she just HAD to go.

Title.

TW bc im mentally ill 🫪

I have no support system. My ex of 9 years was literally my everything.

I have complex trauma, no family, can’t escape my shame spiral long enough to make friends. And now, for the first time in my people-pleasing, fear-of-failure life, I am a low performer and don’t have work friends, either. They all hate me and are working on getting my replacement up to speed before they terminate me.

It’s been a few months. It’s getting worse.

I just like….cant go on like this. Like I can’t. I cannot. There is no point. Without him loving me, my worthlessness is confirmed and now, existing/co-existing with literally any human being is excruciating because I feel like my ugly insides are on my outside. Never mind my actually ugly outside.

And the kicker is that given how this is making me feel, he was right to leave. I am so dysfunctional.

Therapy doesn’t help. Sleep doesn’t help.

Dunno if this is TW. guess it could be.

I'm completely destabilized. I'm a little over a month into the break-up, and I see him everywhere. How painful that is! I never thought that an avoidant discard could mess you up so much. I have this felling of hollowness inside that nothing can fill, no matter how hard I try.

I've tried making new friends, and finding new people to hang out with. But, as they should, they have a whole life going on. We can't talk whenever, so, most of the time, I'm just sitting with the emptiness looking at the void no matter how much I try to discard myself.

This sucks.

So my ex (20F) broke up with me (22M) 2 months ago.
her original reasoning was that we didn’t share the same outlook in life and that she started feeling like my mom, and the classic “self grow bullshit”.

Now I’ve been miss behaving, I found out she was already seeing someone else right after she broke up with me, and while I haven’t talked to her, I talked with her family, friends, kept frequenting the same gym, and basically stalked her without noticing.

1 month ago I blocked everyone close to her everywhere. 2 weeks ago I found out that this guy she left me for, stopped talking to her for another girl, how ironic.
According to a classmate for hers (20M) that has recently become a rather close friend to me, told me

1. She has changed the version of her reasoning many times, so she isn’t even sure herself, sometimes it’s that I lacked ambition and wasn’t care free, other times it’s that I made her insecure about some things, that was never my intention, and other times she just isn’t sure

2. He asked her if leaving me was worth it, she didn’t respond, then again after this guy left her “thats what you left L for?” She said no like she was not willing to admit something.

3. He advices me to write an honest letter, in which I apologized and asked if we could talk, she misinterpreted me lowering my guard for victimizing myself. Then she said that she’s not sure right now and that the best answer is silence.

Now the thing is, even if it’s inconvenient, probably a bad idea, and no one in my circle would approve… I want her back, I don’t want to be a coward and leave things to time and see if they pop back up, to hell with that, but I can’t be too blunt either.

So my plan was to try and get her back by studying how I got her to even look at my direction in the first place to getting that first date, give her some reminders of our time together, like sending her the specific flowers she liked, what she liked to eat, other gifts of the same nature, all from a distance and eventually trying to reach out.

I know it’s not actually my fault that we broke up but it has to be something I didn’t do right, something I lacked, that the only way it makes sense to me so I won’t go crazy.

What’s on my court tho is not giving up, and fighting for her, be brave for the light at the end of the tunnel, I just hope I’m strong enough

This post is somewhere between the breakups sub and the POTS sub. I wasn't sure which to pick, so I put it in both. I'm hoping to get some good vibes and positivity from people 🙏 If you just want the drama, skip to part 2, it's several paragraphs down 😂👍

---

We started dating about a year ago. We used to love to go out together; the zoo, aquarium, museums, shopping, we'd walk to the mall down the street. Trying new restaurants, driving places just to see fun things. We'd walk around outside every day after work. But a few months into our relationship, that's when my POTS symptoms started coming in, full force. I'd had symptoms for the past few years, but I'd always write it off, assuming if I was tired, then I must have overworked myself, or if I was dizzy, then I must not have had enough water that day. But suddenly things were ramping up and I couldn't ignore it anymore.

I was dizzy....always, always dizzy. I'd get even more dizzy when I turned my head (which is, of course, going to happen all the time). I couldn't stand road trips in the car anymore. Sometimes I'd be at home, working on some crafts, being SO DIZZY that I'd literally be swaying in my chair and almost fell out. ((He thought I was being dramatic 😑))

I developed a standing intolerance, and light "exercise" like folding laundry or cooking a quick easy meal were making me exhausted, lightheaded, and would make my legs hurt. I couldn't go on our after-work walks anymore or my heart would beat super hard and have pain, and my chest would feel tight and I'd struggle to breathe. I almost passed out many times from trying to go on a light walk. And after the walk, I'd especially almost fall out of my chair. I learned that I would always get VERY close to fainting if I tried to walk.

I couldn't walk to the mall anymore, so we started driving there, even though it was just down the road. But I still couldn't enjoy the mall, the zoo, the aquarium, anything like that, because I'd have to stop to rest on a bench almost constantly. The whole group I was with would get annoyed.

I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes or my legs would get severe pain and I'd get highly dizzy. Plus, I have vestibular migraines and migraines with aura, so that also made going out to enjoy looking at things very hard. Sometimes I'd need to wear sunglasses inside, which could help on some days.

We couldn't really enjoy going out to restaurants anymore, which I thought would have been fine because I could sit down. But because of the cruelness of POTS, a few minutes after I ate, I'd get hit with a slap of dizziness and extreme exhaustion, and the night was over.

I also developed anxiety and panic attacks, which I'd never had before. I suspect the anxiety is because of my heart beating so quickly that I'm always in fight or flight mode. I remember one night when I was at an Airbnb with his family, and I couldn't sleep because my heart was beating so fast and had pain. He was annoyed with me, as if I was trying to be dramatic or something.

Well that night, I almost went to the emergency room. I was concerned because I know I'm a Muscular Dystrophy Carrier and I also was getting all these cardiac symptoms. I didn't end up going to the ER but I immediately got to work setting up doctor's appointments. I thought I'd figure it out, maybe get some medicine, and live life like normal again. But I kept needing to get more cardiology tests done, more PT (vestibular therapy being one of them), more appointments. And as the symptoms ramped up over time, I had less ability to do fun things.

At this point I felt awful. I finally learned I had POTS, but had to wait two more months to see the specialist. So I'm in the worst flare of my life and had no medicine. I'm dizzy, my chest hurts and is constantly thumping, I'm exhausted, I'm scared to eat because it will make the migraines with aura kick in and make me even more exhausted. I'm standing up and falling into walls, I'm unable to do basic things like stand up long enough to brush my teeth. And I think my boyfriend just had enough of taking care of me. He only wanted me when it was easy. But now that I'm defective...hahaha...

Part 2, the drama

There's more.

I was basically living with him in his apartment, with his roommate and his girlfriend. Those two, bullied me. To the point where I was having severe anxiety, depression, and panic attacks when they walked in the room. I'd be so anxious that I'd hyperventilate, and within moments, I'd be on the floor, barely able to breathe. My boyfriend saw this, and still defended them, saying "well that's not bullying" and "well I didn't see it \[the bullying\] happen, so". He tried to gaslight me into thinking that I was crazy, that I was making it up. But I wasn't. Obviously. Like, why would I WANT to be having a panic attack, unable to breathe, on the floor??? He'd say things like "you have to stop or I'll take you to the hospital" which was used as more of a threat than a caring gesture.

At this point I was so distressed to be home. I couldn't sleep, for weeks and weeks; I'd jump at every little noise. I was so scared of those two bullies coming around the corner and tormenting me, that I wouldn't go to the kitchen to cook. I starved a lot, which I'm sure wasn't helping my POTS symptoms. I started taking my stuff out of the apartment, thinking, "if I minimize myself, maybe they'll leave me alone". But of course that didn't work, because I was the fun target to bully. And now I knew my boyfriend wouldn't defend me.

I didn't know what to do. So I went to visit my sister for two days. The POTS symptoms were terrible, we tried to go shopping but I was so dizzy and miserable that it wasn't too fun. But I tried to have a good time anyways. I bought my boyfriend and myself cute little matching pumpkins from hobby lobby! I couldn't wait to show him!

On my way home, he broke up with me... OVER TEXT. And--get this-- told me I had to get out of THEIR apartment, immediately. I was sobbing, driving home. When I got there they had deadbolted me out of the apartment. I don't know what I could have possibly done to deserve this. I was always the most considerate roommate ever, and I am a good person. I don't start drama, I'm just a normal good person. But they chose me to be the victim, and they ganged up on me. I had some friends help me get my stuff out. It was the middle of the night.

I had a torn rotator cuff from hypermobility, and I just got a cortisone shot in it, and I wasn't supposed to move it for 3 days minimum. And here I am moving boxes. That shoulder was in so much freaking pain. And my boyfriend wouldn't even let me take my mattress, knowing full well I have back and shoulder problems that I'm in physical therapy for.

I was kicked out with such little warning, that I had nowhere to go. And my boyfriend knew this; he knew I was in the worst POTS flare ever, and had the bad back and shoulders, and was fine with throwing me on the street with no warning. He was acting strangely, he's usually chill and sweet, but now he was acting very cold and aggressive. I still wonder if he was on some kind of drug or something, I don't know. I couldn't even get him to give me an answer as to why he'd broken up with me so suddenly. He -said- there wasn't another girl. But how could someone 180 their "love" like that?? I don't understand.

My best guess is threefold:

1. That he internalized every little issue, until it finally blew up.

2. He wanted something easy and fun, and when I started getting sick, he didn't want to deal with it.

3. He didn't want to, or couldn't, handle anything emotional. If there was a problem, he'd always just throw his wallet at it. But when I was having problems with the roommates bullying me, he couldn't handle it, so he just decided to "fix the problem" by removing me.

I kept asking why he broke up with me. "You broke up with me over text, you at least owe me an answer as to WHY." And all he'd say is "I'm just done." So from that I gather that he just didn't want or put in the effort to continue a relationship with someone when it wasn't super easy anymore. And someone with POTS isn't going to be super easy.

Looking back, I'm realizing that he seriously minimized my symptoms. And over time he started caring less and less about how ill I felt. He'd get annoyed when we'd try to go places or do something and I'd "ruin" it by being sick. All the times I almost passed out, or was upset about anything ever, he'd just sit there and watch me, until I was done "complaining" about it. I'm realizing that he never truly comforted me, never truly cared. All he did was use his wallet to try to fix problems.

He hated having to "take care" of me. He acted like I was a chore, not someone that he cared about that he had concern for. My first instinct is to say that POTS ruined my relationship, but that's not true. It just helped me get out of a toxic one, faster.

Part 3, how am I now?

My car died two days after I was exiled. So just more bad luck for me 😢

Thank God for Grandma-- I'm crashing in her basement. I had nowhere to go, and she took me in. W Grandma 🙌🙌🙌

I work from home, but everything I own is in boxes now, so I won't be able to work for quite a while. :(

My POTS is still horrendous, of course. I still almost faint from light exertion. Grandma doesn't have a dishwasher, so washing dishes for 5 minutes is the literal worst part of my day. I'm still constantly dizzy, still getting vestibular migraines and migraines with aura. Still getting nerological pain down my legs and on the tops of my feet. Still getting chest pain and heavy beating. I'm going to lots of doctor appointments. At least one every day. 99% sure I have hEDS but need confirmation. And need a confirmation that my other shoulder has a rotator cuff tear now too, after moving all those boxes 🫠 They're pretty sure I'm going to need surgery on that one shoulder now.

But guess what? When you aren't getting bullied every day, you can actually sleep and you don't have constant anxiety and panic attacks anymore! Depression is gone, too! Crazy how that works 😭 Although I still live in the area, so every time I go out and about I'm terrified they'll see me. Going to Walmart to get my POTS prescriptions is very anxiety inducing.

I lost my best friend/boyfriend, my home, and my career in one day. It was absolutely traumatic, and people keep telling me "these things happen" and "you'll get over it" but these people don't know the full extent of what happened, and how much of my life changed within that one day. For weeks I was crying at every single doctor. I think I make the neurologist and the assistants uncomfortable, they didn't know what to do. 😅 I was getting an MRI for my shoulders and wasn't able to move, but I just had tears pouring down my face. My POTS cardiologist was kinda freaked out, too 😅

But now it's been a few weeks and the shock has worn off. Now, I'm just angry. Angry that someone could be so evil to break up with me over text, refuse to talk about it, and refuse couples therapy, and gaslight me into thinking I was the problem. He's a monster, and he and his roommates deserve each other.

Going forward, I keep telling myself, no matter how messed up your health is, you deserve to be loved, treated properly, and cared about. POTS or not, there is someone out there who will love you for who you are. 🫠♥️

Tl:dr He hated "taking care of me" and got more annoyed with me as my POTS got worse. He just wanted something fun and easy, not a real relationship with real life problems.

So I was in a pretty dark place in my life before the relationship. I was gooning everyday (sometimes multiple times, sometimes I’d go a few days without) and I’d watch ‘stuff’ which goes against my own personal values because of how evil the industry is but it was like my own personal drug. I live in an abusive household with no one emotionally available outside the home to lean on. It was fucked. So when the ‘content’ wasn’t enough for me anymore, I started using dating apps for validation and hookups. I was open to real connections but what I was really on those apps for was to have someone to talk to about my problems and have sex with, which I was always open about. I wouldn’t get super deep into it, but I was always upfront that I was there first and foremost for sex. Then something BAD happened last summer, I still get panic attacks because of it and right after it happened I just kinda pretended nothing happened and tried to move on. Fast forward to November, I match with this person who’s genuinely the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And we were hitting it off and idk what it was, but I didn’t tell her because I just saw something in her, idk what it was but I knew I wanted to pursue something more with her. I did however tell her that I’d be okay with a relationship but I didn’t wanna rush into anything to which she was also down for. Then in April of this year, we became official and between that time I cleaned up my act. No more ‘stuff’, I started looking into therapy which I’d been thinking about for well over a year prior and got connected to a therapist I started seeing in July, I stopped talking to other people after a few dates but I didn’t tell her that because I didn’t wanna freak her out and as such I never asked about if she’s still talking to anyone. I don’t think that’s really important unless both parties agreed to become exclusive tbh. Anyways, she broke up with me almost a month ago. Nothing dramatic or anything, no bad blood. Life just happens and people are complicated and she felt as though we were too different to make it work. Whatever. You all know what it’s like to be broken up with, not a good feeling at all. Every now and then I think of going back on dating apps for the same reasons as before, knowing how it will provide zero value to my life, if anything it’ll take value away from it. I won’t do it, I don’t think, but the thought lingers in my mind. Like it won’t go away, especially as the day gets darker. It’s currently 11pm, I can’t sleep. I can feel the tension in my stomach. I hate this. I don’t want anything but sometimes throughout the day I’ll be thinking “damn I could go for a hookup rn”

Need advice on finally letting go . I believe it’s the best for both of us . We both shared 5 beautiful years together and 2 kids. I want closure because at the end of The say we are co parenting which will always keep her in my life. Is it worth it?

I (25f) have been living in with my bf (32m) for 2 years in his house. I was getting through school and just got a degree, and I just started a full time job two weeks ago (we broke up a few days before that). I don’t have anywhere to go, and my only family (my sister and brother in law) are moving out of state soon.

We broke up somewhat amicably over differences in values and communication etc. He is incredibly emotionally avoidant and I am anxious attachment. I want to travel the world and don’t know if I want kids, and he only recently finally said that he KNOWS he doesn’t want those things (after two years of me trying to have this convo). We have resentments, but our breakup itself was heartfelt and full of compassion for each other and the state of our relationship.

Currently, my credit score is not great, and I only just started this full time job. I haven’t gotten my first paycheck from here yet but was planning on saving up to move out. I told him I might need a couple months, because I not only need to save up, pack up my entire life, work a full time job, navigate this heartbreak, say goodbye to the dogs, but also manage to find a place I can afford.

I thought I could count on staying here for at least a couple months, but then my friend said she could find a place with me when her lease ends on Dec 31. I just told him that, and that it would be hard to find something else with all the constraints and shit I have to figure out. He then tells me that he’s doing me a favor by letting me stay at all, that his friends all say he should give me two weeks to figure it out, and that his family says 2 months is too long.

I moved to his house because he would ask me to move in all the time when I lived close to school because finances were hard. I took care of his dogs, I did work on fixing up several parts of his house. I wanted to build a life with him. I thought I was with someone that loved me and cared about me enough to do the fair thing, but instead he wants me to get out so he can move on, regardless of what that means for me and my life. I have to build my life back up from scratch, and it feels like he’s too selfish to see that–because what matters most is that me being here is making his heart hurt, and delaying him moving on.

He wants me gone asap, and says even 2 months won’t work for him. I’m so scared and broken, I don’t know who this person is. I feel like I’ve dodged a bullet, but I also don’t know how to navigate this, or ever trust again.

I got broken up with about three weeks ago by my ex, who I was with for two years. We lived together and were basically inseparable. The relationship had become pretty toxic, though we could argue multiple times a day.

So naturally, my incredibly healthy and mature response to getting my heart broken was to download dating apps almost immediately. Very smart...

To my surprise, I actually clicked with someone. We talked constantly for about a week, there was a lot of chemistry, and we decided to meet up last night, both knowing there was going to be some tension involved.

I was worried I’d feel guilty afterward or that being with someone else would feel wrong. Instead, I realized something I hadn’t really understood before.

Being with this guy felt strangely familiar. Not because there was an emotional connection it was actually pretty detached and casual but because I recognized that feeling of emotional distance. And suddenly I realized I’d been feeling that same way during sex with my ex for probably the last six months of our relationship.

I’d convinced myself that our sex life was bad because we weren’t physically compatible, or because something was wrong with me. Being with someone else and having such a different physical response made me realize just how disconnected I’d become from my ex without even noticing it.
And the weirdest part? I expected guilt, sadness, regret literally anything except this. Instead, I feel weirdly free and calm.

Which has made me wonder if I’d actually been letting go of my ex for months before the breakup and just hadn’t realized it. Maybe losing my entire life and routine overnight was what hurt so much, rather than losing the relationship itself.
So apparently my genius post breakup strategy of downloading Tinder and making questionable decisions accidentally gave me an emotional breakthrough. Who knew.

For the first time since the breakup, I don’t feel like I’m desperately trying to get my old life back. I just feel like I can breathe again.

Has anyone else experienced something like this after a long-term relationship?

Ex synced the exact same profile pic across every platform including LinkedIn – normal?

Hi everyone. I am 7 months post breakup and currently still healing after a bad discard from my ex (he initially pursued me in the beginning then months later stated fear of future, incompatibilty and being toxic to each other). I went NC as self protection then he sent me discard text.

Not sure if this is the right place to pose this question because he knew I am on Reddit.

My ex (leaning avoidant) and I broke up several months ago. After the initial reaction phase he went quiet.

Recently I noticed he changed his profile picture to the exact same filtered selfie on Instagram, X, TikTok, Spotify, and LinkedIn. I have remove him a month ago after realizing this just prevent my healing yet I forgot to remove him on LinkedIn.

He was never active on LinkedIn, yet he still updated it to match everything else.
During the relationship he rarely changed his photos. Now one consistent “new chapter” picture is everywhere.

Is this a common post-breakup image-reset thing with avoidants, or am I reading too much into it? Does any of your exes did the same?
Thanks.

My toxic ex texted me after 3 months of strict No Contact. here is how I completely shut it down.

Lore: Three months ago, she dumped me to go back to her ex. She thought the grass was greener on the other side, but real life hit her fast: he immediately put her in the friend zone.

Here is the chat:

ex: "Not saying anything, you’ve pretty much shown your true colors too."

me: "How?"

ex: "Lol like laughing at me for being in the hospital."

"The fact that I’m a c*** to you is fine, I accepted that, but this is a total joke."

me: "You misunderstood, I meant well, you know. When I saw that picture, not for a single moment did I find it funny that you were in the hospital, I was actually worried about you. So I asked what happened and I'm glad you're okay. The fact that I later found out you just misstepped somewhere made me picture a funny situation. I get that you're looking for reasons to talk sh** about me now because I found out everything."

ex: "Do you mean everything about Vojta or what? I know how you are when you’re really pissed off, so you laughing at me would actually be just like you, I just didn't expect you to actually laugh at this. And the fact that things with Vojta didn't work out and you're happy as a clam doesn't really bother me that much either, because I mostly wanted to talk to him just to see if he was capable of doing the same thing he did before, and he was. So I realized a few things and honestly it probably helped me that it didn't work out. With that"

me: "Don't act like you don't care, I know the truth. Honestly, I don't know what you're trying to prove here. You just confirmed what kind of person you are, and I'm glad I'm not with you anymore, I'm better off without you. You keep trying to find ways to come out of this as the good guy, but you're failing. You won't change my mind, and this message just proved it to me even more. Don't forget that throughout the whole breakup I never called you names once, I treated you with respect even after I found out the truth. Because I'm not the type to stoop to your level. Sure, throw all the sh** you want at me, but forget about how I helped you and how good you had it with me. Please drop the ego a bit and do some soul-searching, it'll make your next relationship easier. I acknowledge my own mistakes and know what to work on next time, and especially WHO to date. I know it's eating you up now that I found out everything, that you've dropped in my eyes. I know my worth and I'd never want anything to do with a person like you again. Don't excuse your mistakes and take responsibility for your faults, thank you."

ex: "I realized my mistake that I was stupid and that I hurt you, and every other day I thought about how sorry I felt for you, that you didn't deserve it, because yes, I had a good time with you, but I didn't give it a further chance because I was blinded by the past and that I'm the a******. So yes, I realized it. When you texted me saying you were joining the military, I felt really bad that I hurt you so much. And I regretted it. I'm a b**** and yes, I wanted to come out of it looking better because I didn't want to hear from you that I'm a c*** and that I lied to you or whatever. I'm not going to throw sh** at you here, I didn't even plan to, I just didn't think it was cool when you laughed at something happening to me, because I never wished anything bad on anyone. This isn't really cool of you."

me: "You know what? Up until you texted me, I still cared about you a little bit. But I still respect you, otherwise I'd start calling you a w**** and who knows what else, but I'm not like that. I never wished anything bad on you and I never will, I'm not that kind of guy. And I'm saying this for the last time, I'm glad nothing happened to you, I didn't find it funny that you were in the hospital. I just wanted to lighten the mood a bit. I don't get why you're texting me over such bull****, but fine, that's probably the least of your worries. I know it sucks because you lost someone who would've done anything for you, but you didn't deserve it at all, which I eventually realized. You helped me move on in life and understand that people have egos and it's hard to admit the truth, that's why you lied to me. Not because you didnt want to hurt me, but because you didn't want to face that awful decision you made. I read you like a book and now you helped me even more. Luckily, I'm better off without you because I'm not living in uncertainty anymore. Remember that I'm someone who can read another person at first glance, or my intuition tells me when something's off. And here's some advice: learn to live with what you did, do it for yourself, because you need to mature a bit mentally before getting into something else. I noticed you have zero empathy and don't understand other people's personalities. Not everyone has the gift of empathizing with others, I get that, but you have no self-reflection at all. So I'm saying this for the last time, take responsibility for your actions and take it as a lesson so you don't have to face further ego crashes. But everyone goes through that to become a better person."

ex: 👍

me: "Is that everything?"

ex: "I'm speechless"

me: "I'm glad, you need to hear the truth."

"And don't take it wrong, I know it's hard to swallow, but that's how it is."

"I'm not gonna sugarcoat things for you anymore, I did that right after the breakup and it was a mistake."

"Accept that you've dropped in my eyes and disgusted me. Move on and don't repeat the same mistakes."

ex: "I guess I'm glad you're better off without me and that you've sorted it out in your head. I wish you all the best in life and hope you find someone better than me, but from what I hear, anyone will be better than me."

me: "I believe I'll find a girl who will accept me for who I am. Honestly, you just taught me a valuable lesson, and I'm glad it was you, so I could hit absolute rock bottom."

"I have no idea why I'm still investing this much energy into putting you in your place, but you needed to hear it."

"And thank you for helping me confirm that I really don't miss you. The good memories will remain, but only tied to the version of you I imagined to be completely different."

ex: seen

Everyone that gets broken up with wants to be the ex that the person regrets dumping. At first I was so sure that was going to be me. My ex bf still cared about me a lot and contacted me/ hungout with me a lot for a while after we broke up. I thought he was never going to find anyone to compare to what we had for years. Then, he met someone else, I pushed him away by reaching out too much.. long story short he’s still with her 1 yr after our breakup I think and hasn’t seemed to regret it or miss me at all.

It’s just crazy to think someone who loved you so much can also move on and be happier without you. He seemed so happy with me. He told me he was.

Anyway how do you deal with being someone they don’t care to loose ?

I met a gorgeous, amazing soul around July 2025 at my old job as a dance instructor. We clicked immediately and have had amazing moments together. She is eight years older than me. When we met, I was 25 and her 33. Over the past few months, there have been amazing moments we both have shared.

She’s an Indian woman who is a doctor of dentistry. I was a dance instructor and a rehabilitation technician.

During our relationship, we have had some hardships. With our age gap, and her being slightly taller than me, she naturally had some insecurities. Another insecurity of hers was that I wasn’t established within a career that could support myself and others financially.

Still, throughout our hardships, she made me feel as if I was enough. I, deep down, knew I wasn’t enough. I tried very hard to become enough. I left both jobs and joined a pre-apprenticeship program to learn about the trades and to become a carpenter. She supported me throughout all of it. I then transitioned to wanting to become a plumber, but as of now, I am still finding trouble in nailing an apprenticeship or a helpers position for plumbing. I have had some success in finding plumbers to give me some help and work, but it didn’t really workout.

Anyway, early August of this month, things were good between her and I. They weren’t great, but they were good. She would always facetime before bed, would plan things with me, and would tell me that she loves me a lot and other things that made me feel as if she’s still willing to continue with me. Later on within August, I had gotten fired from a plumbers gig because the two men I was working with didn’t like me. So my boss fired me. That same day, she, with no sign or warning, told us that perhaps we should split. Her reasoning was because she felt very insecure of herself in the relationship. She told me she feels as though she doesn’t make good choices and has never had the chance to make her own choices, as her family told her to become a doctor and pressure her a lot to marry and have kids (especially now that she’s 34).

As I write this, I am leaving a lot behind that would give you more info as to who we both are as people. Nonetheless, for two weeks after she had broken up with me, she would text me and I would text her about how painful the break up was. She would constantly check my location and what I would be listening to on Spotify. Until one day, she finally said she feels as though we have to stop communicating for her to make more sense of everything. She told me that leaving me was probably one of her biggest mistakes, since she really loves me and wanted a life with me.

I realize a lot of my mistakes that I have done during our relationship. Such as putting her on a pedestal, not focusing on myself 100% of the time and wanting to improve myself for her. I did feel pressure in trying to rush my life to catch up to her so I can have a life with her.

I called her 2 days ago and we both had a nice conversation. She told me that she had passed her licensing exam for Florida to do temp work over there (she works temporary gigs around Illinois, Minnesota, and Wisconsin). I congratulated her and had told her that I finally became a helper for a plumber and will be applying to the union for plumbing come November. She told me she thinks about me and wishes to text me, but she hasn’t. I reached out became I really missed her and can’t stop dreaming about her.

We spent 6 months living together when she was doing a temp job in Illinois and was living in Wisconsin. We both got along so well and lived great together. During the time, she told me “I can imagine how living together would be so great. We get along so well with just this tiny space.” Now, we’re not even together anymore.

I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t contact her anymore since I reached out 3 weeks after entering No Contact. I feel as if anyone should contact one another again, it would have to be her. I have to continue to bettering my life for myself. Her and I had something special. I don’t know what to do or how to move on. I love that woman with my entire being.

Even though he was the one who ended things with me—we were together for 7 years and engaged for 2—and it’s been 8 months since the breakup, I still have this strange feeling that there’s an “us” somewhere.
Of course, I’m devastated by what happened, and I know we’re no longer together. But underneath all the sadness, there’s this weird sense of calm, almost like I just know that we’re meant for each other somehow. Like we’re still tied to each other, and no matter what happens or how much time passes, we’ll somehow find our way back to each other.

I don’t even know how to describe it.
Am I being delusional?

caught her talking to another guy behind my back (i told her i was uncomfortable and didn't like when she talked to other guys), she knew he had romantic intentions toward her and she kept talking to him while he was calling her cute and stuff, done it more than once, for example, kept a dude "friend" in her dms after i told her to block him since they had a sexual background together and i didn't feel comfortable with it, which i caught her not doing. We broke up multiples times for short periods of times but always got back together, everytime she had 5 dudes in her dms again during that time (which i dont blame we weren't together but still weird also this includes another dude she was sexual with),today,she asked access to my stuff and found out that i liked tiktok of girls who are pretty not covered and i know its my fault and i shouldn't have been this lustful. She breaks up with me saying she did nothing innapropriate and she only did this because she was scared i might leave her so she could cope with another dude and that what I did what worse and i actually cheated on her for that. Is she right? I find this hard to actually believe because how is this innapropriate and how did I cheat on her exactly???

Just went through a breakup. Looking for a freind... thank you...

I had a mutual breakup about a month ago, and I was happy to leave it on good terms and just work on myself for a bit. The main catalyst was long distance. Last night, ex reached out, asked how I was doing... and then told me about how he hooked up with a girl 4 days after we broke it off and felt guilty.

I told him I didn't care because we're not together anymore and I have no say over his love life. I went to bed.

I woke up to a paragraph where he begged me to get back together with him.

I said no. I still don't want to do long distance, and I felt like I was working a lot harder to make myself a better person than he was.

This made him very angry, so i get another paragraph where he insults me, explains why he was such and *amazing* person to date, and drops the bomb that he wants to go to med school...

He graduated highschool with a 2.3 gpa.

I am currently in University 1,000+ miles away and have mostly paid for my education. I think it is fair for ne to say thay, yes, I should have higher standards than this guy.

In 2024 I dated a girl my first love, in 2025 we broke up cause i was playing games all day( i realised later) then she dated another guy after me and i was single, i changed myself then to be better then she texted me again, we talked while she was with the other guy, she caught feelings for me again. She was calling me behind his back and i told her to tell him don’t lie to him, she eventually told him and got back with me, i changed i deleted the game we were very happy suddenly she started doing the same thing i understood how i felt, and the recent week she started to get dry no call, leave me on seen and avoid me, she have her ex on snapchat but doesn’t talk to him. I don’t wanna lose her yk like i just wanted to talk to her.

I’m struggling with something I don’t know how to get past.
I was the one who ended the relationship. Then I regretted it, went back, and begged him to take me back. He completely refused and moved on with someone else very quickly. It’s been a year since we broke up.
I’ve been in complete no contact for 10 months now. I haven’t reached out even once, not even during the hardest moments. I honestly don’t know how I managed to do it, or how I’m still doing it. Maybe because deep down, I know he would never take me back.
And honestly, I don’t care if I never find love again after this. I genuinely don’t. I hope he has a good life and I sincerely wish him the best.
This isn’t about wanting him back anymore.
I just want to get rid of this feeling of shame. The shame of having begged him.
I know I was doing it because I was in unbearable pain. My feelings were real, and at that moment I was desperate for the pain to stop. But looking back, begging him was one of the ugliest feelings I have ever experienced.
I never thought I would become the kind of person who begs someone to stay. I don’t recognize that version of myself.
Even now, writing about it makes my chest feel heavy. I hate remembering myself that way. I hate knowing that I gave someone the power to see me at my most desperate.
And I think that’s what hurts the most.
Not that he moved on. Not even that he chose someone else.
It’s the shame of knowing that I begged someone who had already made his decision.
I just want to forgive myself for that version of me. I want to understand that I was hurting, that I was human, and that one desperate moment doesn’t define who I am.
But I don’t know how to actually let go of the shame.
**How do you make peace with yourself after doing something you deeply regret while you were in extreme emotional pain?**

Do you believe men always comeback? Why men always come back?

He made several mistakes that, to me, are deal-breakers in a relationship. He says he had his reasons that I didn’t make him feel safe in the relationship. Fair point. I take responsibility for that. But what he did felt like borderline cheating to me, or at least an attempt to explore other options, especially the incidents where he was trying to get to know other women while we were still talking and trying to work on us. I, however, was completely loyal.

He calls, emails, and asks to meet all the time. Meanwhile, I’ve started building a routine for myself as a single person. I’m not going to pretend I’m okay. I’m not. But I’m dealing with my shit.

The thing is, on a human level, he’s still incredibly dear to me. He has always been there for me. I could call him at any time and he would answer, reassure me, help me, and even stay up all night with me when he had work the next day just to make sure I was okay. If I called him now, I know he’d come to me, no questions asked.

So he still means a lot to me as a person. I just can’t forgive what he did. And I genuinely don’t think I can be with him after what happened

That makes me incredibly sad. And somehow, I feel like an AH for not being able to forgive him, especially because I know he would have forgiven me.

after posting on here for months thinking i was an awful person and that i was the whole reason for my ex breaking up with me i just found out they were spotted with someone new weeks ago. it’s been 2 months and we were together 3.5 years. either they’re just a typical avoidant and rebounding or i was being cheated on (which honestly makes sense with how things went)

honestly, while it’s upset me it’s given me a reason to finally move on

thank god that person’s out of my life

This isn't going away, I don't wanna hear that everyone feels this way or that it's temporary or that I just have to push through it. There's genuinely no point in being alive or existing anymore after he left. It's been a month and a half and I've been wishing I could kill myself everyday. How could he just leave me? How could he make me continue living without him? How could he choose life without me, how could he do it so easily? Genuinely what the fuck. It's not getting better, in fact every day is worse than the last. I'm going to take my own life because I refuse to live or exist if he's not with me. I'm trying to clean up after myself so that no one has to deal with me posthumously. Trying to wipe my trail clean so no one finds me, either; pretty easy considering I've cut everyone out of my life after he left. No one matters but him; no one's even human except for him. No one's worth anything but him.

I already know I'm going to die, I just wish I could hear his voice one last time before I do, and I wish he'll somehow learn news of my death. I need him to know. Need him to know what he did to me.