I really want to fight for her back. But I know anything I say or do won’t change her mind. We’ve been no contact for a month and I feel good most of the days but every once in a while I get the feeling of maybe I can fix this or maybe it can work out. But to me it just seems that I can’t do much to save it. Has anyone broken the no contact and it worked or just let it go, even if it hurt?

My ex(23F) and I (24M) broke up in July following a period of time that she later described as her giving up on putting effort into the relationship. She basically went to a friend's birthday party out of state and when she came back, began assembling a laundry list of issues in her head that she didn't communicate to me about at all.

Her and I had both been in pretty deep depression following a stressful transition period as we moved from an apartment into a condo that I bought for us to call home.

Nearly every reason that she listed for breaking up with me in her 8 page letter ties back, in some way or another to me not being emotionally present during that depressive episode.

A few outliers include:

1) Me spending money on renovations and repairs to the condo rather than an engagement ring (I had a specific savings account prepped with the money to buy one, and just wanted to find the right jeweler to make a custom one for her). We had agreed several times prior as well that the goal was to settle in first before engagement, and we were still not fully unpacked due to neither of us having the energy to do it.

2) Not engaging enough in her family's group chat or going out of state to visit them as frequently as her.

3) Wearing headphones at home to block out overstimulating noises.

I just feel so disgusted that this came about after I bought a place for us to live in together, and that it happened for reasons that weren't communicated to me until the very end.

After 4 years, I feel as though I'm having to restart my entire life. I graduated from college while I was with her, moved to my city together with her, paid for her to go to trade school so she could get a career in what she's passionate about.

It all just hurts so much.

me (f21) and my current bf (m23) have been together for 3 1/2 years.

my mind has been spinning and I wanna end things, I wrote this in my notes app ranting so sorry if its a little messy;

My mind is racing he’s a good guy. We hang out all the time, have special moments, inside jokes, he’s introduced me to so many new experiences, I met his family, went to Mexico twice to be with his grandparents,  he buys me snacks once in a while, shows me cute figurines, we sing together, he always wants to cuddle me, kiss me, randomly keep yapping till his ear falls off. but when he’s not those things he’s boring, too nonchalant, rarely joke around, makes me pay half of the bill all the time, his coffees, doesn’t make me feel respected that much, always late to everything, stubborn, fights back without listening to me, I don’t feel heard, he thinks im crazy, gives me an ultimatum, threatens to break up with me for not having a future or talking to him about my feelings that HE caused and I don’t want to talk about them because I know how his reaction is going to be. I feel so depressed because I want to break up with him but then I think about it happening and how much I’ll miss us together. Then after I remember the ultimatums and how I dont have a current plan. What he also said today, because I was crying that he frustrated me this morning and wanted to bottle it up inside because I know how he’s gonna respond, that if I dont tell him that its not gonna “work out”. I wanna stay and make things right for me and I feel bad for wanting to end things but I remember how he will easily break up with me then I feel disgusted since he will just drop everything, our time together. I want to tell my sister too since she has lots of friend with male issues so she will understand but for some reason him and my sister have a pretty good bond. But when it comes to my mom and me wanting him to talk to her he refuses, mean while I yap to his mom all the time. it feels really unfair how I have a better relationship with his family than he does with mine. I invite him places to go with me when my family, nephew or sisters boyfriend it included but he'd rather not go. but when he has a family thing he expects me to say yes and yap to his family. But then I understand how he's willing to leave now since we’ve only been together for 3 years, dont have kids, are married, or live together so its better to leave now then later when we actually commit to those things. I use to see myself marrying him but now that vision is black, hes not right for me, I know I have a better match somewhere else and it’s definitely not him. I know I get along with people but he for some reason its hard to sometimes. He pisses me off just by sitting sometimes. I wish sometimes that I broke up with him when we were a couple months in but he was emo and I liked it, now he’s this bigger guy with a big gut that im not physically that attracted to anymore. Sometimes I do find him cute but others I dont.

I feel bad for wanting to end things and have felt like this for the past year.

We broke up a little over a month ago. It was a messy breakup and we aren’t speaking, but its not due to lack of love or care. We just have different expectations on how we want things to go.

Before we ended things, we were planning on him moving in with me because he financially cannot afford to live where he lives once his current lease expires. Obviously, that didn’t happen.

I’ve now found out that he is being threatened with an eviction. Outside of this, he only has two more months on the lease so its not like he has much longer there.

I know that I have the money to help him out regardless of what is owed. Am I wrong or being dumb for wanting to reach out and offer to help? Or should I just leave it alone? If we were together, I wouldn’t hesitate to bring it up, but I just don’t know.

Okay so I’m probably overthinking the hell out of this, but I genuinely don’t know what to think anymore and I feel like my head is full. I’ve been going back and forth in my mind about this for days and I really need someone who isn’t emotionally involved to tell me if I’m being delusional lol.

I was with my ex about 3 years ago. We actually knew each other from high school and it was one of those really cute teenage love stories. Walking around school together, hiding from people, sneaking around, all that stupid cute stuff.
The situation was complicated from the beginning though because when he started liking me, I was already with another guy. I was still seeing my ex while I was with that guy, which I know was wrong, but emotionally I was already really attached to my ex.

Then in January 2024, that boyfriend cheated on me. And my ex was basically the only person I had at that point. He was the one I cried to, talked to, leaned on etc.
My ex had never been in a relationship before me, and I think that honestly affected him a lot. He clearly liked me, but he almost never made the first move. I always felt like he was giving me mixed signals and leading me on even though I knew he had feelings for me.
From January to May, we literally stopped talking and started talking again 17 times. 😭 It was SO toxic. We would go out, hang out, kiss, act like we were together and then be like “nope, we’re not actually together.”
Eventually we finally decided to officially get together.

And honestly, it was really good at first. I met his family, all his friends, everyone loved me. But there were also things that made me feel really insecure.
Most of his friend group was girls. He was also really close with two of his female cousins and I always felt like they were kind of jealous of me being his girlfriend.
There was also this one girl who was his friend and I absolutely hated their friendship. She had a boyfriend but was constantly going to clubs with my ex, and we would even go on double dates with her and her boyfriend sometimes. I never felt comfortable with it and it caused a LOT of arguments.
Anyway, we ended up being together for around two years and eventually things got really bad.
I kept everything inside for months and tried to tolerate things until I just snapped.
And I’m not going to pretend I was completely innocent either. After we broke up, he actually wanted to get back together, but then I saw him at a club with girls I had previously told him made me uncomfortable.

I was single, I was pissed off, and I ended up going out too and kissing another guy.
Obviously that made everything 10x worse. We had a huge fight and said some really horrible things to each other.
After that, we still contacted each other occasionally. We deleted each other basically everywhere except Viber and TikTok, and sometimes we would wish each other happy birthday or happy New Year, stuff like that.
Then I got into another relationship in May 2025, and that relationship lasted until about two months ago.
And THEN…
My ex suddenly followed me on Instagram again.
He had seen me at a concert and we talked, and after that we exchanged a few messages.
At one point I told him that I still have our old pictures and memories saved.
And he replied:
“You’re fucking cute, I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but yeah, I had to.”
?????
Like WHAT am I supposed to do with that 😭

The rest of the conversation was actually pretty rude and teasing. That’s kind of his way of communicating with me, apparently.
And he still does it.
He’ll randomly reply to my stories, message me, tease me, provoke me, make some stupid comment etc.
But he doesn’t actually say anything serious.
And this is what is driving me insane.
Because HE was the one who followed me first.
And knowing him, that actually means something to me because he was always so bad at making the first move.
So now I genuinely don’t know what this is.
Does he still like me?
Is he nostalgic?
Does he just want to know if I still care about him?
Is this an ego thing?
Is he trying to get my attention without actually admitting that he wants it?
Or does he genuinely want to reconnect but is too stubborn/proud to actually say it?
Because I still have feelings for him. And I think that’s why I’m analyzing every single little thing he does.
I don’t want to be delusional and convince myself that he wants me back just because he follows me and replies to my stories.
But at the same time… why does he keep coming back?
It’s been years.
And every time I feel like we’re finally completely done, somehow he finds his way back into my life again.
I honestly feel pretty shitty right now because my head is just going in circles. I don’t know if I should hope for something or completely let it go.
So please be brutally honest with me.
Does this sound like a guy who still has feelings and is trying to get closer again, or does it sound more like nostalgia/ego?
And if you were me, would you do anything or just leave him alone and see if he makes an actual move?

I basically had to end a +2 year old relationship because he was being mentally abusive and was becoming physical too. The last time we argued he pushed me & shoved me around so I had to breakup & call the cops on him.

He was my main emotional support since my family is abusive. I also feel like he thought i could take him becoming abusive since that’s the treatment I take at home anyway.

Now I feel lonely & depressed. He was a part of my routine and he is not there anymore. He still wants to get back together but at this point I’m scared of him honestly. I blocked him everywhere & told my close friends and family about what happened to prevent me from going back.

I’d appreciate some advice in how to move on and feel better. Feeling like this sucks.

Also, for some context: I’m 21 & he is 29 so 8 years of age gap. He just joined the US army & I live in Europe so our thing was pretty much long distance. The argument I mentioned before (when i had to call the cops on him) happened 3 days ago while I was visiting him in USA. I’m back in Europe now safe.

\*Also the age gap might not be your cup of tea but I always find myself dating men around 26-29 since I’ve never been attracted to guys my age. So please don’t judge me lol.

I appreciate any and every comment <3

it was kind of on and off contact, but we hadnt seen eachother in person. he told me hes completely moved on and how he realised how toxic we were. HOW DO I GET HIM BACK? and no trust me i do not need advice on how i should move on bc trust me ive tried and iv3 been going to therapy and its not working and i tbink any advjce relevant to getting him back would be really helpful also we are eachothers first everythung

​

I’m 17F, and I recently ended a relationship that had become pretty emotionally complicated. I’m trying to be honest about everything because I genuinely want outside opinions on whether I was in the wrong.

I cared about him a lot and wanted us to be close, but I often felt like I was putting more effort into keeping the relationship going. Our conversations could be very dry, and sometimes he seemed distant or uninterested in talking.

I’ll admit that I didn’t always handle this maturely. I wanted his attention and reassurance, and there were times when I did things specifically to get a reaction from him. Looking back, I know that wasn't healthy or fair. I could also be clingy and overthink his behavior, especially when I felt like he was pulling away.

We ended up breaking up, and at one point we got back together. Eventually, things became difficult again and we broke up for good. He told me I was clingy, which honestly hurt because I knew I had been seeking a lot of reassurance from him.

After everything, I started wondering whether I was actually the problem. I know I made mistakes, and I don't want to pretend I was perfect. At the same time, I sometimes felt like my emotional needs weren't really being met, and that I was constantly trying to get something from the relationship that he wasn't willing or able to give.

I've decided that I probably shouldn't date for a while and should work on myself instead. But I'm still left wondering:

Was I in the wrong for how I acted in the relationship? Was I genuinely being too clingy, or was I reacting to a relationship where I wasn't getting enough communication and reassurance?

I’m looking for honest opinions, even if the answer is that I need to take responsibility for my behavior.

I don't miss being with her or anything like that, but man, was I really that easy to forget? I gave my heart and soul to that girl, but I guess it all went to waste. I just feel, empty, like I'm numb to everything. Sometimes you really gotta say "damn." and move on.

Together 3.5 years, She broke up with me 5 months ago and she wanted no contact which I respect,

However, we live in the same town and we constantly see each other around even just driving by.
Almost every week or two we will spot each other.

Now she thinks im stalking her and monitoring her and now she hates me and is afraid of me.

I promised her im not but she doesn’t trust me or believe me at all.

It’s completely ruined any chance of reconciliation.
I hate that she thinks this way about me and how it’s ended.

I don’t know what to do?

I can’t go about my day to day without fear of running into her.

Last night I broke up with someone I was with for 4 months who was genuinely good to me. I enjoyed spending time with him but I just didn’t feel a spark and I couldn’t picture a future with him. We had a conversation that just spiraled into me being honest with him about how I’ve been feeling. I could tell he was really hurt and that broke me. I feel so bad. Like the pain of rejecting him is so painful even though I know ending the relationship was the right thing to do. This was my first time ever breaking up with someone and it feels terrible. What’s the best way to deal with the guilt of sincerely hurting someone’s feelings?

I cannot stand this. I am only day 3 in and I am losing my mind. I know it's very common and I am just here to keep on ranting because I am very angry at myself right now.

Over the past few days I've realized how dependant I was with him. I can't do anything by myself because I'm so used to the routine of waiting for him to come pick me up so we could go to the grocery store or head to the mall. And I would be so proud of myself anytime I would drive myself anywhere, and he'd never see it as a big deal. I don't know why I did.

I just feel ruined. At the same time here I am attempting to jump the gun and go out with people, but I have very obviously have not healed from this connection. I've retrached from it since my friends advised me it wasn't the best idea. Doesn't help that I'm being given ad after ad of dating apps.

I felt trapped by the end. I had a desire to meet new people. I barley have friends and the friends I do have I hardly see because of how much I prioritized him. He'd always ask me to come over while hanging out with my friends. I didn't see it then but now I do. I love my friends dearly and I shouldn't have left functions early for him.

I feel free but I also like I'm concussed. I'm erratic. I am tired. I am angry. I don't feel like myself.

We've gone no contact for a week or two and I'm thinking of extending it to 6 months of no contact whatsoever. I can't see him. I can't think about him. I don't want him near me. I want to isolate myself and never be seen out in public every again.

Maybe a burrito will settle my nerves.

TLDR: Basically, I suspect I've been molded into someone that I am not by my ex. I'm scared to go out on my own but I also want nothing to do with him at all.

I’m fairly young, just about to turn 18, and last year I was engaged to a guy I’d known for less than two months. Our relationship was short but very intense, now looking back I realize how abusive it was. I don’t miss him I’m realizing, I miss the feeling of having him. Having someone in my life as a partner, as a lover. I’ve been in relationships since then but they never have worked out obviously, and I have this feeling that I’ll never be able to love someone again. It’s funny how a short relationship from a year ago has changed my life so much. My relationship with food and substances has changed a lot. When I was with him I had been sober, and now a year later I’m addicted to smoking and drinking. It’s the only thing that can get my mind off it. I just want to learn to love myself more than a guy, maybe it’ll make me happier.

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago, and our last phone call was very emotional. I was crying and begging him at the time, while he kept telling me to please leave him alone. He said he didn’t want to be mean, but that me calling and texting him wasn’t healthy and that he wanted to be left alone.

I respected that. I stopped contacting him completely and have been trying to maintain no contact because I’m still trying to move on.

But now he’s the one who keeps messaging me.
First, he contacted me about some of my belongings that he posted to me and asked me to let him know when they arrived. I didn’t respond. Now he has messaged me again with a photo of a mail membership letter addressed to me that arrived at our old address.

I understand that these are practical things, but I’m confused because he was so adamant that we needed to stop communicating. I also previously told him he could just discard things rather than contact me.

Why would someone who specifically asked to be left alone continue initiating contact like this? Do you think he’s genuinely just being helpful, or is he finding practical reasons to keep a line of communication open?

And should I continue ignoring these messages if I genuinely want no contact, or should I explicitly tell him not to contact me anymore?

PLEASE HELP!!!
I’m likely going to delete this but I’m having SO much trouble deciding. I got broken up with ten days ago bc our lives are stressful/we couldn’t stop arguing/both of us were just exhausted and the spark was barely alive. We never cheated or abused each other, but we just couldn’t stop fighting and struggled to love each other through the stress of challenges we faced separately (homelessness, financial issues, work, school, family etc.) I still love him deeply and I know us splitting up was for the best, but our break up was over call and I was crying too much to say a proper goodbye. I need to return his clothes tomorrow (I’m having a friend do it) and was wondering if I should send this letter that I typed out. I’m hesitant on sending it bc I feel like it’s selfish and I know he has a lot going on/wants to be alone and everyone tells me that the best thing I can do if I love someone is to let them go (but I also hear to love hard and loud bc yolo) I have no idea what to do :(

The letter:
I’m sure that you expected this to be a love letter maybe, but I promise it’s not.

I wanted to just say thank you and goodbye. This distance has helped me realize a lot about myself and I’m excited to start working on myself and growing.

Ultimately my message to you is that I’m grateful. I know I was angry and sad when we broke up, but I also know how much we needed to just go our separate ways. I was letting fear control me because I forgot how much faith I had in myself and I was scared to lose you. I recognize my faults in the relationship, and I understand how suffocated you felt with everything going on.

For that I am sorry. While my intention was pure, I know my actions reflected otherwise.

Forgive me for not knowing what only time is able to teach me. I didn’t change for the relationship not because I never loved you, but because I didn’t love myself.

There’s a lot we both did wrong, but I wish you nothing but the best. I hope your shoulders grow stronger for the weight you carry silently, and I hope that the universe gives you the challenges needed for you to receive all you’ve prayed for.

There’s a lot on your plate because you asked to eat. Chase your goals so hard that failure has to earn you because there are places you’ve never been where you already belong.

Maybe we didn’t get what we wanted because we deserve so much more. I’m slowly learning that detachment is the path to freedom because nothing ever truly belongs to me. No more control.

Lastly, I hope you don’t regret or think our time together was a waste. I know you repeated it in the relationship, but for me it was a wonderful lesson that taught me so much about how to be a better person. Thank you for the beautiful experience.
(Ruthless optimism)

Set your heart ablaze or some shit.

Goodbye, (his name)

p.s. You were right about so much, thank you for being honest about me.

p.p.s. You’re also more than welcome to throw this away or burn it. I have no intention of prompting a response out of you because I don’t wish to return to the past unless I know it’ll be handled differently. I only wanted to say goodbye (and that I lowk miss Apex sessions.) But for now, I want to be on my own and grow while trusting that the universe will bring those meant for me back into my life.

Wishing us the best,
(My name)

My partner and I had an amazing relationship with ideally nothing wrong except for the self esteem flaws that led to the breakup. If we both worked on ourselves could the relationship be rekindled or is it that once you leave you cannot go back?

My gf broke up with me about a week ago, this is the second time we’ve broken up. The only difference is that this time it’s permanent, but I can’t help but to think that there’s still some reality that we could get back together. I think about it a lot, everytime I see her and even everytime I think of her. I still have that feeling of hope we’d somehow get back together. A part of me wants that, but I know it’s better overall to get over her. What do I do to basically not let the thought of her affect my judgement and let myself get over her, specifically since I see her so often.

So my girlfriend (27F) and I (29M) broke up about a month ago. We had been together for about a year and a month. We got along great. We had the same hobbies, liked the same music, and had similar personalities. We were both introverts and very easygoing people. This made it very easy to get along with her and to have fun dates.

The problems that played into our relationship centered around her career and lifestyle. She was insistent on keeping her part-time job and working her way up at a big coffee shop. She said she was going to work her way up, but she’s been there three years and at one point gave up full-time employment with the company after stepping down from a managerial position. During our relationship, she got a second job to get her foot in the door of another industry, but quit after two months, citing stress and burnout. On top of that, she is still living with her parents and has made no plans to move out. She says she wants to move out, but when I asked her what plans she had to do it, she said, "I don’t know." Anything that requires planning or adult responsibility, I feel like she shies away from and doesn’t take accountability for the position she’s in. She’s in debt, and her vehicle has a lot of problems that she does not address. When I would talk about financial planning or how our future would play out, she would just say, "OK," or "I want that, too." It came to a head last month when she wanted to quit her job and live off her savings for a little bit. I didn’t keep my mouth shut and told her this was a bad idea, and she got mad at me. At this point, our relationship started going downhill as she avoided serious conversation topics and started pushing back on a lot of the things I wanted for our future (financial stability being one of them). During our second-to-last conversation, I realized we were far apart. She too had been thinking about breaking up because of our differences, so we ended it a few days later.

I know I just wrote a mountain of text complaining about her, but one month later, I can’t help but wonder if I made the right choice. This last month has been a roller coaster of emotion and I am struggling to understand and accept my decision.I wonder if I should have compromised and been the breadwinner in the relationship. Maybe I failed her for not being able to provide her with a comfortable future. She was the only person I really felt comfortable with, and I really miss her companionship. We had so many great memories together, and we still loved each other when we broke up. I want nothing more than to text her right now and tell her how much she means to me.

It hurts even more right now because I am going on a trip with my family where she was supposed to join us. It was a non refundable ticket so I have to see her name next to mine on the itineraries.

Do y'all think I made the right choice? Am I getting wrapped up in my feelings and giving in too much to my regret? Should I text her back?

Now I'm sitting here in a pile of rejection

I haven’t and now I regret it, after she broke up with me and continually reached out only to leave my replies on read. After she asked me to come over multiple times just for the sex and recently told me she doesn’t see another relationship in our future, after she said she would purposefully not reply to my messages just to resent/hurt me. Why would I want to keep someone like that around or date them ever again?

Sounds like a good way to get myself hurt all over again so I think I’m finally going to block all contact, did you block your ex or stay in contact?

I got dumped almost two months ago now. His decision. We did an initial no contact for almost a month, then some drama outside of our break-up happened so we spoke for that reason, we got to talking, that lingered abit but we've now eventually gone our seperate ways.

I know getting back together isn't going to bring me the joy and happiness we shared previously so I'm not looking for that. But what happens now?

There's a big obvious decrease of joy and happiness in my life. I struggle to smile and laugh with my loved ones and I have no hope that this will ever change. I was happy before him, I had more happiness with him and now he's gone. We didn't break up because of cheating or anything toxic. His reason was that long term our goals are disaligned, but I disagree. So my life isn't any better without him. I didn't like shrink from any kind of toxicity or experience any great sadness, it's basically like I lost a good thing.

I've done all the things people say to do, I have two new hobbies, one is active that I do twice a week. I talk to my friends everyday and hangout with one of them at least once a week. And I'm focusing on my profession more actively. But I'm still really sad

I don't want to have to rely on "finding the one in someone else", I honestly don't have it in me to open my heart up to anyone else, it's a vulnerable experience that I'd rather not go through again. So single forever? This, coupled with the fact that I'm genuinely not attracted to anyone but him

Is there anyone who was dumped, for seemingly benign reasons and has found try fulfilling happiness in single hood? This might be my only option but it sounds sad. And I don't want to end up bitter.

Nothing bad even happened. Someone at the grocery store tried talking to me. I thought he was just asking about a vegetable but it ended with him asking me out. I turned him down and walked away. I started crying in the grocery store so I hurried with what I had and left.

It really hit me that I completely lost my safety. My now ex-boyfriend was the safest thing I have ever had in my life and he's gone. I know I have safety outside of him, that I create it myself but losing him has been a major blow (to put it mildly) and it's really getting to me now.

Three weeks out. I thought I was doing better yesterday but this has really brought me down

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We live together, we have a pet together. I am adding context below before saying what he searched on Reddit

When we first started seeing each other, I found out that he was still talking to other women, sleeping with other women…now at the time he was in active addiction and I forgave him and we moved on. Fast forward, maybe three months later I caught him using a fake number app to text prostitutes and get them to come over….that same night he also called his ex girlfriend who we got into a massive argument about because when we were dating, he texted her “I miss you, I made a mistake” in short, trying to win her back. Typing all of this out I feel silly, please don’t attack me in the comments, I’m really hurting over today’s events and I just need some validation that I did the right thing because his parents and him are telling me that I’m not, and I’m being insecure. Fast forward, I forgive him, we moved on and then it happened again….we made plans to move to Jersey because I was getting a new job…and the night before our train ride up, he was caught texting prostitutes again. I went out that night, broke up with him, and got wasted. I got home that night as we were still living together and we really got into it. The biggest fight we’ve ever been in, and at the time I felt so terrible about how I reacted that we talked through it…said we both said things and did things we didn’t mean and that we want to work on our relationship. Fresh start. A few weeks ago, he saw me see his phone password and he ended up changing it. I didn’t bring it up, but in the middle of the night I woke up and was like actually…wtf? Let me see your phone, and he straight up refused. He went as far as calling his mom to rat me out, he was slamming on the door when I had his phone and then climbed on top of me to wrestle the phone from my hands. He didn’t actually hit me, but it was still pretty scary. We had a few hours to cool off and he gave me his phone password and I didn’t go through it. Yesterday we drove up to his parents house because he had some stuff to do in town and he came upstairs that night, looking ridiculously high, maybe I was just searching and thinking he was high, but shamefully I went through his phone. Originally I didn’t think I’d find anything, it was really to see if he bought anything, I wasn’t expecting to see any girls, I think his Reddit was open in the recent tabs and in the search bar it said “free blow jobs in (enter area we live in” I remember giving him the benefit of the doubt and thinking that he just recently got into this account and maybe it was an old search. When I brought it up to him, at first he said what are you talking about, there’s nothing there and I blanked. I just told him to shut up and went into my car. After I got into my car, he was saying that, he searched it because that is the only way he can get to the porn forum he likes. I do want to say that porn in a relationship for me isn’t a problem, I think masturbation is healthy in some amount, don’t yell at me please, but I told him why not look up the forum…why look up (enter sex act) free near me? Naturally as he’s reached out to prostitutes before that’s all I could think. In frustration and honestly, in emotion, I went to his mom upstairs and told her everything. To which she basically told me, as long as he isn’t actually sleeping with the girls and it’s just online play it’s fine. That all men have a persona online. I went and called a friend who is also his cousin’s girlfriend, and vented. She told his cousin(her boyfriend) and he really tore a new hole into my boyfriend, calling out his addiction and several other things. Well, my boyfriend flipped and is saying that I’m turning his family against him and that his family and friends think I’m insecure, and don’t understand why I’m making this such a big deal. He said he was just looking up porn. Everyone around me apart from his cousin and my friend are making it seem like I’m insecure, and overreacting to this. I feel sick to my stomach. Am I overreacting to my boyfriend searching, “free blowjobs in (enter our area)” on Reddit…when he has a history of talking to prostitutes during our relationship?

TW: Death mentiond

To break down what happened, I have to go back 8 months to the day before Christmas Eve, December 23. I was already not having the best day; my best friend and I found out we failed the final of a very important progression class for our program. The day then proceeded on as normal until I got home that night and was on FaceTime with my girlfriend. During this time we were spending together, I got a call from my best friend's home, and it was his girl asking me what he had taken. I told her nothing; he was at the hospital on an expected OD, but that wasn't what happened. ER needed to know what was happening to him, and I couldn't tell them. Later that night he passed away from a blood clot that had been in his body for a long time. The night this happened was exactly a week after my girlfriend met my parents; she stood by me, checked on me, took the train from an hour away to come be with me for the funeral and supported me through it.

When we returned to University after Christmas break had ended, I shut down, I closed myself in, and couldn't face the world; she was the only thing I wanted to see. I isolated myself, and the only person I would see was her, every day, every night. But what I didn't see as I closed myself down was how complacent I got. I stopped getting her flowers, I stopped taking her on dates, and as she put it, "I got too comfortable." As she saw me go through this, she stopped wanting to communicate with me because she felt it would disappoint me or burden me more than my life was already. While I was battling being back at school and facing my new life, I neglected the parts that make a relationship special and spontaneous. I did get her flowers and do things for her on special occasions, Valentine's Day, etc. But come the end of the first year, I saw nothing wrong; she came with my friends and me to our annual end-of-uni cottage trip, and we had a great time. It felt so special and was amazing to feel so loved.

I was so trapped in this self-loathing bubble that I didn't see what I wasn't doing for her, and she just let it build up and up, and I feel so bad that she felt she couldn't talk to me about it. Over this summer, we were only able to see each other every week or every other week. I had to visit family in Italy for 2 weeks, but even with that time distance, we stayed in touch basically 24/7. As I have started to heal, I could sense something was wrong and asked her a few months ago if she was okay and if we were okay, and she said yes, with the exception of asking me to get her flowers. I always made the excuse that one of us was commuting far, either on the train or driving and that they would be hard to transport or get messed up. I didn't get them for her because I wanted them to be perfect, but I would get her other gifts that I felt she could cherish forever, things like clothing, Jellycats, etc.

When she broke up with me last Monday, she said that I didn't plan dates anymore, a part of me getting too comfortable, and I was so stricken with the thought of losing her that I just kept saying I'm sorry and agreeing with her and taking responsibility that I lost sight of the fact that I did. Over the summer, I took her to some of my most vulnerable places to accept the loss of my best friend. The beach day where I live, our shopping day at the mall that he and I frequented all through high school, the Skyzone where he and I had a joint birthday. I think I was so blinded by the fact she said I don't want this anymore that I went by the fact that even through my pain, I was trying to rebuild and keep growing with her.

Truthfully, she didn't choose the best time to do it: the day before my grandmother's visitation and 2 before her funeral, but she didn't really have a good time to do it later that week; she was supposed to come to the cottage with my friends and me again. She told me she had only been having these feelings for the last few days, and the previous weekend I had slept over at hers, spending the whole weekend together. I've been trying to understand why she chose to do it instead of talking to me and why it only took her a few days to decide she no longer wanted it. Since last Wednesday, we have been no contact until I am supposed to text her when I move into my new place at school, and we are supposed to exchange stuff. For the past week, my life has felt so quiet despite me being surrounded by my friends and family, but I have also been taking this time to reflect on what she said. Instead of isolating myself again, I have been forcing myself to spend time with my friends and go out, but I still can't get her off my mind. I promised her we would go no contact to give us time to think, and every day I have wanted to break it.

I have been thinking about everything she said, and everything we did, and when I contact her tomorrow to get the details of everything we need to do, I want to ask her if we can have a conversation. I wrote down all the stuff I want to say to her that answers all the questions she has and all the things I want to say to her. If anyone thinks I should post it to see if what I am doing is right, I will, just not with names. I have talked to many of my friends who are girls who have relationship experience, and they say I should say this to her. I am also planning to bring flowers and say to her that it took what she did to finally suck me out of the world I trapped myself in, and this is me trying to make the right step in fixing the problems we had. Not jumping in and acting as if nothing happened, but going slow, going on dates, and rekindling what made our love special. It was a year ago today, September first, that I met her. There was something about the 2 of us that clicked, and we fell in love, and I just want to continue it.