For about a year and a half I answered everything the second it came in, didn't matter if it was 7pm or a Sunday. Figured that's what being reliable looked like, and for a while it seemed to work, I got the good projects, got asked to sit in on calls I technically didn't need to be on.

Then I got skipped for a lead role in March. Went to someone with less tenure who, from what I could tell, mostly just left on time and didn't say much in meetings.

I didn't quit or make a scene about it, just quietly stopped doing the after-hours thing. Turned off notifications at 6, left anything that came in overnight until the next morning unless it was actually urgent, which almost nothing ever was.

Nothing happened for the first few weeks. Genuinely thought I'd made things worse, kept expecting someone to say something.

Then in this quarter's check-in my manager mentioned to HR, in front of me, that I'd "really grown" in how I manage my workload and that I seem a lot more in control this year. Same output as before, honestly probably less total hours, just less visible scrambling.

Not posting this as a brag, more just confused about how "answering everything immediately" read as chaotic instead of dedicated, and "answering during work hours only" reads as competence. Feels backwards from what I was taught early on.

TLDR: stopped answering messages outside work hours, got told I "grew" this quarter despite doing less total time, not more.

I’m 28F and I’ve been at my current job for about two months. I’m new to office work, although I’ve worked for years in retail/hospitality (4 years total between a café and a restaurant). I also did a 3-month traineeship before this job, where everyone was happy with my work.
A few days ago, my manager sat me down and told me that I’m doing badly. Like, really badly.
They said I keep making mistakes that I shouldn’t be making at this point, that I forget things, and that I don’t give enough feedback/update people. They also said they’ve given me very little to do and that they “don’t know what to do with me.”
The last part is especially confusing to me because I genuinely feel like I never stop working. I’ve even stayed late several times, despite that time not being paid. I know that my perception of my workload might not be completely accurate, but it’s hard to reconcile hearing that I have very little to do when I constantly feel overwhelmed.
August has also made things harder because where I live, pretty much everyone takes vacation during this period. A lot of the people who normally work with me have been on PTO, so I’ve had less support and fewer people around to ask questions.
I’m not going to pretend they’re completely wrong. I know I’ve made mistakes and forgotten things. But I feel like I’m struggling to the point where I don’t know if I have it in me to fix everything they pointed out.
The worst part is the anxiety. I’ve been waking up every morning with this horrible feeling in my stomach, and I feel like a shadow of myself. I’ve never felt this bad at a job before. I’m constantly afraid I’ve forgotten something or that I’m going to make another mistake.
I feel incredibly humiliated. I’m used to being someone who works hard and does a good job, so being told, essentially, “we don’t know what to do with you” has really shaken me.
Part of me really wants to quit. I have this feeling that they want me to quit anyway, and honestly, I’m tempted to just let go. At the same time, I know I’ve only been there for two months and this is my first real office job, so maybe I’m just going through the difficult adjustment period and need to learn how to work differently.
I’m also still studying for my master’s, so I’m trying to figure out whether this is simply a bad fit or whether I’m giving up too quickly because I’m overwhelmed.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Did you eventually improve, or was it a sign that the job just wasn’t a good fit for you?

I’ve been thinking about something quite funny lately.

There’s a pretty big gap between how I honestly see myself at work and how my managers and colleagues seem to see me.

They see me as a hard worker and someone very committed.

And honestly… I don’t really see myself that way

I work in IT, and I’ll be completely honest: I’m a bit of a slacker sometimes.

There are days when I’m working from home and I’ll spend way too much time talking to my girlfriend. Sometimes I’ll even play on my console or sleep during working hours. I even watch p*rn sometimes (i am not proud about that).

I also have this annoying habit of procrastinating on tasks that I know I have to do. I can leave something sitting on my to-do list for two or three weeks, barely touch it, and then suddenly, two days before the deadline, I get my shit together and work on it like crazy.

The funny thing is that the final result is usually very good. So people don't necessarily see the procrastination part. They see the finished product.

And when a project really gets serious, I’m a completely different person.

If there’s a critical deadline, a major issue, something that needs to be figured out quickly, or a project that really needs me, I can work extremely hard for days.

I’ve actually done very well on quite a few projects between 2024 and 2026, and that ended up getting me two promotions.

The sponsors of some of these projects also seem to really like working with me and apparently recommend me quite a lot internally.

So I’ve somehow built a reputation as this guy who works really hard and gets things done.

If they only knew what I was actually doing on some random Tuesday afternoon at home......

I think part of it is that I understand new topics quite quickly and tend to have a pretty holistic view of things. Once I actually get into a subject, I can connect the dots quite quickly and work very efficiently.

So maybe I’m not actually a hard worker in the traditional sense.

Maybe I’m just very good at turning it on when it matters.

I’m genuinely curious about other people’s experience with this.

Do other people work this way, and how do you reconcile your own perception of your work ethic with the false reputation you’ve built at work?

Because apparently I’m a hard worker.

In my own head, I’m just a reasonably effective procrastinator who occasionally goes absolutely nuclear when the deadline gets close.

I (M48) have been in my company for going on 16 years now. I am at a supervisor level.

I helped shape and essentially create department I’m in, from the workflow to the office layout.

Recently, my manager was fired for conflict of interest. HR did a full investigation to see if I was involved and determined that I was not.

However, two new replacements have come in: one replacement at a senior manager level and another replacement for my fired manager.

These two replacements, both of whom have never worked with me or know me, have come in and essentially gave me an ultimatum: either resign immediately or be fired. They have concluded that my department is poorly run and that I have unhappy employees under me.

Up until now, I have had no issues with HR and employee turnover is nominal. However my two new bosses have told me that I must improve relationships of my staff and create a more positive environment.

My annual reviews for the past 16 years have been positive and glowing. I do not know how or why they think my office is poorly run.

I have met with staff on a 1 on 1 basis and asked if there are any improvements that I need to make as a supervisor. Literally none of my staff had any problems with me, most gave me glowing praise and said they love my management style.

Nevertheless, my new bosses gave me 90 days to “change things around” or be fired - but offer no clear objectives or goals. Whenever I try to state my side or ask questions - they claim I’m being defensive or difficult.

I’m at a loss of what to do here. I used to love going to work and I honestly thought I had great relationships with my staff. I’m lost right now.

I’m open to reaching out to HR or a lawyer, but I really don’t know what the best move is.

I am currently self employed and doing ok for myself, but am looking for more stability, so I started actively job seeking. I saw an opportunity pop up with a professional connection who I really click with, applied and got an interview. It's a small non-profit that's bringing on its first team members. The pay and benefits are pretty good, I like the folks on the team and it seems like it would fit my life and goals well.

The hitch is I recently got married, and my husband and I booked a long-awaited 3-week international bike tour in February for our honeymoon. I wasn't planning on bringing this up until after receiving / before accepting an offer, since that's what I thought the general rule of thumb was. I recently saw a thread on reddit that has me questioning whether this applies to a 3-week trip.

A potential complication: they did ask me during the screening interview whether anything in my schedule would effect my start date. Given that offers will be sent in October, I told them no — I'd just need to wrap up any existing projects I have for my current clients. It didn't even cross my mind to mention the vacation.

Did I mess up? When should I bring up my honeymoon?

My boss isn’t very involved in my work. A couple times a week he might ask me to do something. He has never provided me an ounce of feedback in the last year I’ve worked there. He’s just disconnected and busy with his own stuff.

Anyways, today he emailed me & asked me to do something. His boss replied all and corrected him on what he was asking. He wasn’t originally on the cc line.

We all three work closely together anyways. I don’t understand what the purpose of the bcc instead of the cc was.

Is this normal?

Some quick context here, I very recently got a job offer from a company that would be a promotion and a ~30% raise from my current role. I am not in a position to turn this down outright, but I genuinely like the company I work for now and want to give them a chance to match the offer before I officially sign it and put in my two weeks. If they can match it, I would happily stay, but if not, I’d obviously have to leave.

I am planning to have this conversation tomorrow and want to be prepared. How should I best approach a conversation like this? Do you think it would be a good idea to provide the competing offer letter if they ask to see it?

I have never initiated a conversation like this before, so any advice on best practices would be greatly appreciated!

I'll start by saying I'm not a good software engineer, and not a smart person at all. I have terrible memory, still need to look up syntax after 9 years in the industry, and I've been out of work for 11 months now.

With AI, a shit economy, and massive layoffs everywhere, I don't like my chances to land any kind of software engineering job. I have a couple hundred applications, and have gotten only a single interview, which I failed. So, with my chances at landing a software job looking bleak, and with my experience gap about to hit the one year kiss of death, what are some good careers I can pivot into with a Software Engineering degree?

Leaving a job under the same field, For same pay arguably the same benefits.

My new job would be less stress, and work load and a higher 401k match, also uses PTO that is very accessible and can have off whenever I want, even for a few hours if need be.

My current job has a government pension, but i genuinely cannot stand the work load. I have a sick and vacation bank there but have to plan vacations a year in advance and its like a fuckin crime to call in sick. When the days are good there, they are good, but when they are shit, they are shit. More times than not, they are shit.

Any insight on this? I know I want to leave my current job, but the thought of it makes my stomach cramp. Its like my brain wants the familiar misery.

Any advice on the same experience?

My department is currently undergoing a restructure in titles. Our current title/role are “ business analyst” (BA), and we were told that our title is now changing to product managers (PM). This will come with slightly more responsibility so they are giving us all pay bumps to account for that. In conversations with my coworker, I found out what they offered her for this new title was thousands more than what I was offered. She has been a BA for 2 years less than I have, which means I have been making less this whole time in the same role.

How do I go about talking to HR to get at least the same amount that she is if we are expected to do the same role with the same amount of responsibilities with the same titles. When HR talked to me about my pay increase they said it was within industry standards, and competitive among competitors (I work in a very niche industry, company like, so not many competitors).

Is it even worth going back to HR knowing what I know now and risk putting my coworker in any danger for talking about their salary with me?

How to stop, so that I don't end up being workfriend-less.

It's been 10y I work. It started when I became the most senior of the team. But lately I realized something's wrong with me and I need to change.

What happens : In meetings when I don't agree with people or how they approached something : I need to express and make sure they feel/understand my frustrations. It results in me being harsh in my words, and moralizing. Also I have a big tendency of cutting people when they are providing a bull shit answer to my complaints. Example of my statements

"because of you I will have x time more stuff to solve"

"nobody alerted us"

"it could have been avoided with better project management"

"we don't know what you are doing, extem lack of communication from you guys"

"you should do x y z"

"it is not magic, if you don't tell us, we won't guess"

I know it is not an issue of being right or wrong.

Sometimes, i am not the only person speaking up complaints, but I am impressed by how calm the other people says the things and respectfully.

What strikes me : it's okay to express the issue, but the way to express the issue is an art that I don't possess

I already have 4 colleagues that don't speak to me anymore because they were on the receiving end /spectator of this.

In 4 months we have a big company event off site.We can pair with whomever for the room. I now have this fear of being the last person not chosen, horrible feeling.

Is it too late for these 4 colleagues? How to stop this ? What kind of sel work should I be targeting (meditation?)

TLDR : How to remove this frustration and this needs to be loud/mean / passive agressif in the meeting when I don't agree ? I don't want to be mean anymore. I want to provide feedback in a corporate way and most of all, keep my colleagues friendly towards me even after the feedback.

I will be interviewing for an internal transfer within the next 1-2 weeks. I am an Engineer 1 in my role for just over 2 years, and I know I will be promoted to 2 in November or May. While I do meet the requirements for Eng 2, the role I will interview for is hiring for an Engineer 1 OR 2. Typically transfers like this hire for a 2 or 3, so the promotion is guaranteed. How do I approach that in my interview? I was thinking to phrase it like this: "I'm currently expecting to be promoted to Engineer 2 in my current group in November or May, what my path to Engineer 2 in this group?" I do not plan to take the transfer if I am offered to start at Eng 1. I have not interviewed for a job since I was 20 looking for internships, I’m completely out of my element.

I’m really struggling in my current job and I’m starting to feel like I’m just bad at it.

The weird thing is, I don’t think I’m an incompetent person. I have around 2.5 years of previous experience in another company and I did completely fine there. I’m also generally a pretty confident person outside of work. But in this job, I feel like I’ve lost almost all of that confidence.

When I initially joined, I didn’t have much work and was actually told that the scope of my role was limited and probably wouldn’t increase much. Since then, the scope has increased quite a bit, but at the same time I constantly feel like I’m being pressured to meet expectations that I don’t fully understand.

Almost every 1:1 seems to involve feedback that I need to do more or improve something. I genuinely feel like I’m giving 110%, but I still come away feeling like I’m not doing enough. The problem is that I don’t really know what “doing more” actually looks like anymore. I keep feeling like I’ve missed something.

Meetings have become especially difficult. Other people seem to be given space to explain their work, give suggestions and speak for themselves. With me, I often feel like my manager speaks on my behalf or the conversation moves on before I properly get a chance to contribute. I’ve started feeling quite sidelined.

I’ve made suggestions for improving some of our processes too, because a lot of the work is extremely manual and repetitive, but most of my suggestions have been dismissed. After having that happen repeatedly, I’ve basically stopped feeling confident enough to suggest things.

It has also affected the way I speak. English isn’t my first language, but my English is good and I know I can communicate well. Outside this environment, I don’t struggle like this. At work, though, I get so tense that suddenly I can’t find the right words, my mind goes blank, and I probably visibly look nervous. Then I become even more self conscious because I’m worried that this makes me look less capable.

The biggest thing hanging over me is probation. The job market is incredibly difficult and it took me nearly a year of searching to get this role. So every piece of negative feedback immediately makes me think, “What if they don’t keep me?” That fear then makes me more anxious, and the anxiety probably makes my performance worse. It feels like a horrible cycle.

On top of that, the actual work itself doesn’t feel like it is developing my skills very much. A lot of it is manual process work, and there doesn’t seem to be much interest from management in improving the processes. So I’m stressed about keeping a job that I don’t even particularly enjoy, mainly because I’m terrified of being unemployed again.

Has anyone been in a situation where a workplace completely destroyed their professional confidence?
And how do you get your confidence back in meetings when anxiety is making you look and sound much less capable than you actually are?

Okay so I just got out of the military after 11 years, my wife is stay at home mother and she homeschool our 3 kids and takes care of the farm animals I’m looking for a job that I will be able to work a lot of hours I don’t mind working long hours at all just need to try to find something that will allow me and my family to keep our lifestyle that we want with today’s economy with me working OT hours Thank you in advance

So i had an exit interview booked for today but I just cancelled it and was just going to write an email saying : I’m leaving because of my boss, I tried to file complaints and no one listened or asked for proof which I have and I just can’t be abused in this way anymore so after 10 years, it took one year of a bad boss to make me leave.

I just wonder if they’ll tell my ex boss about it. I still work on projects in the community and I wouldn’t want him being vindictive and hurting that for me.

Hello everyone. I am only 20 so I know this is not an immediate worry, but it’s becoming one for me. I feel like everyone around me knows what they are doing and where they are going, but i truly don’t know what i want to do with my life. Right now, I am a preschool teacher and i have been for 2 years. i am in the process of receiving my CDA (Child Development Associates) certification in hopes of getting a little bit of a higher pay. I love working with children, but i know this is definitely something i cannot do forever. The kids definitely take a toll on me at the end of the day and dealing with all the behaviors at once overstimulates me heavily, not to mention the pay. Luckily, me and my boyfriend live together but if we didn’t i don’t know what i would do if i had to get an apartment on my own, i would be broke. I have thought about getting a degree for teaching, but the pay isn’t worth it. I have thought about getting a degree for being a director at a school, but keep seeing that it isn’t worth it to become a director and that it’s very stressful. On a different side of careers, i’ve thought about going to school to be a nail technician, but i tend to get very discouraged and also don’t have the space to do that’s right now. I have looked at soooo many more job options and I truly just can’t pick anything. I really need guidance on where to go. I don’t want to spend so much on a degree for something i just won’t use or will end up hating. Everyone tells me “just go and get your basics done” but i’m worried that i still won’t know what i want to do when my basics are done and then what do i do? 😭 i just really don’t know where i can go from here. I want something that makes more money, but something that i can also see myself doing for a while. i’m sorry for the long ramble lol this has been on my mind very heavily lately and i feel like a bum.

I'm 21 living is Australia, and I've already got a fair few things going at once. Three days a week I work as a casual admin and broker support person at a business brokerage, and the role is set up to eventually move me into becoming a broker there. I study full time, majoring in finance with an HR component. Alongside that I run a small business converting old analogue tape to digital, which has grown steadily over the last year. I also pick up casual bar shifts at a resort on a rotating roster.

A SaaS startup recently reached out about a customer success and implementation role. One of the founders is a close friend of mine, and he put my name forward with the other founders. The role was originally meant to be full time. They've since agreed to consider three days a week for me. Pay is around $40 an hour, with bonuses tied to targets and the likelihood of performance shares later on. The company is growing fast, and my friend thinks getting in now, before things really take off, would pay off long term.

My hesitation is mostly about the brokerage. The general manager and director have put a lot of time into developing me there. I'm learning a lot, and there's a real path toward becoming a broker in the business myself, eventually moving to a subcontractor arrangement instead of a wage. I feel like I owe them something after what they've invested in me. I also genuinely enjoy the work itself.

Taking the SaaS role properly would mean reworking my schedule quite a bit. Days at the brokerage would probably drop from three to two, and I'd let the resort shifts go entirely. Slowing down the tape business for a while would likely be part of it too, at least until I settled into anything new. On top of full time study, I'm worried about how much time would actually be left for my girlfriend, my family, my friends, and any chance to travel.

I need to give an answer by the end of this week. If I commit to three days at the SaaS company, I go into a final interview against one other candidate who sounds like a solid fit for the role too.

Keen to hear from anyone who's been through something similar, weighing an early stage opportunity against a role that's already invested time and trust in you. Any thoughts or questions are welcome.

The best habit I ever saw was a manager who told me directly when I did something wrong, in private, the same day, and then moved on. No buildup, no saving it for a review three months later. I always knew where I stood, and it made me trust everything else he said. The worst was a different manager who agreed with everything in one-on-ones and then said the opposite in group meetings.

What's a manager habit, good or bad, that affected how you worked or how you felt about the job?Did it change how you manage or plan to manage other people?

Hi guys,

I just started my first day of university, and I don't know how to program/code at all. I've never done it before, and I am just scared of this brutal job market we're currently in. I don't know if i should still pursue CS but I am willing to learn and put in as much effort as i possibly can.

I have somewhat a passion for CS because i do love typing and solving problems from time to time, and I feel like I want to it, but again, im just scared. If anyone can give me like a roadmap/timeline/career advice, it'll mean a lot. My dream is to be a Software Engineer and build my career to be specialized in AI/ML. If you have any tips, please drop it in the threads and also, if anyone wants to connect with my linkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mohammedaldeen/

Thanks in advance!

Did I fumble the offer?

Got an offer yesterday at 10am.

I might’ve sounded less than enthusiastic.

Their pay isn’t what I was looking for so I countered 7.9% more.

Recruiter said they’d do some digging and get back to me.

No call since yesterday and no email.

Not sure if I should wait or follow up.

Any chance they just decided to ghost?

I’m a master electrician and took over a management position during my probation period. The position had apparently been difficult to fill for a long time and my predecessor quit almost immediately.

For the first few months everything seemed fine. My official probation reviews were actually good. In June I was rated above expectations for work ethic, quality and professional interest. Independence and judgment met expectations, and my behavior toward coworkers and management was rated as flawless.

My boss also told me early on not to come in too aggressively as the new manager, especially with older employees, so I deliberately tried to be cooperative and build relationships first.

Then, near the end of probation, everything suddenly flipped.

I was told I lack “role understanding,” assertiveness and leadership presence. Several ratings dropped from above/meets expectations to only “partially meets expectations.”

The weird part is that my current written review still says my work quality is fine, I’m reliable, cooperative and behave professionally.

The main criticism is basically that I don’t act enough like “the boss.”

For example, I asked another department when they could accommodate some work. My boss later told me I should have simply given them a date and said, essentially, “This is when we’re doing it. If you don’t like it, complain to my boss.”

Which is almost the opposite of how he initially told me to behave.

There were a bunch of other accusations that became weaker once I asked for specifics.

I was accused of taking advantage of flexible working hours, even though the timekeeping system should show that I usually start around 6:30–7:00 and often work 9–10 hour days.

I was criticized for not progressing enough with my onboarding, even though previous probation records literally state that parts of the onboarding were still outstanding and were supposed to be organized later. I also only received the actual onboarding plan after asking for it.

There was also a claim that I couldn’t perform a certain electrical switching task. I pointed out that I had already done it and that it was documented.

Another example: I asked what I should have done differently on one project. My boss said I should have emailed two people telling them to clear the work area. I told him I had already done exactly that. After some discussion, that criticism basically disappeared.

Still, HR and my boss told me I had about two weeks to show a better “understanding of my role.”

I asked the obvious question:

What exactly do you want me to do differently, and how will you measure whether I improved?

They genuinely couldn’t give me a measurable answer.

The response was basically that they would ask other departments whether my “presence” had improved.

Now the update:

I involved the works council.

Apparently, after the works council spoke to my boss, the situation changed again.

Originally HR talked about extending my probation by another three months.

Now my boss apparently told the works council that the decision is more like:

permanent employment or termination.

He supposedly says the decision is genuinely difficult for him and that he wants to see how I perform over the next 1–2 weeks.

He also wants to meet me privately outside of work to talk.

That part feels strange to me.

On top of that, I have roughly three weeks worth of accumulated overtime. If things go according to the current plan, my last actual working day before using those hours would already be around September 10.

So this supposed “1–2 week evaluation period” is basically only a handful of actual working days.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this anymore.

Part of me thinks I should just play the game for a few days: be more assertive, make decisions more visibly, give people firm deadlines, show more “leadership presence” and see if I get the permanent contract.

The other part of me has completely lost trust.

I don’t want to turn myself into some fake authoritarian manager just because the expectations suddenly changed at the end of probation.

And even if they offer me a permanent contract, I’m asking myself whether I even want to stay after all of this.

I’m also wondering what to make of the request to meet privately outside work. Maybe he genuinely wants to talk openly without HR around. Maybe it’s nothing. But at this point I’m suspicious of basically everything.

So my questions are:

Would you still try to secure the permanent position, even if you already planned to leave later?

Would you agree to the private/off-site conversation with your boss?

And does this whole process sound like a genuine last chance to you, or more like they’re trying to keep their options open until the very end?

At this point I’m leaning toward: stay professional, document everything, don’t volunteer for heroics, let the works council do its job and quietly prepare my exit.

But I’d really like some outside perspectives.