r/Codependency • u/psnben1567 • 2d ago
When will this constant suffering end? Is there any hope for the future?
I can't cope with this. I know i fucked things up. I know i was the one responsible. I would do anything to take back what I did. But I can't. She won't listen.
All that time, all we went through. I poured so much love into her and into her family. But I broke her trust, and she didn't trust me anymore. Now im alone. I know where she is, just 10 minutes away. But I can't do anything. She blocked me and told me to stay away.
She was meant to be my soul mate, the woman to spend my life with. But now she wants nothing to do with me, and it makes me feel sick..
Guys how do I accept this? Do i have any hopes of meeting someone ever again?
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u/AtTheBoundary 2d ago
Life is a series of choices.
Part I: You made choices. Those choices have a cost. Accept the cost when you make the choices. Full stop. Own your decisions.
Part II: Being the victim is also a choice. You are not a victims unless you choose to be. Stop choosing this. Choose differently.
As adult human beings, choosing in every moment isn’t just an opportunity, it’s a responsibility for being an accountable human being.
Own your choices. Own the cost. If you are unhappy, choose differently. Not choosing is also a choice.
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u/Alternative-Pay3733 2d ago
I couldn't commit to a girl and she left. She just got married. Hurts like hell but that's the best way to learn. It just sucks for a while, and you will need to feel your pain. Remember, pain is how you know you're alive
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u/Goopygum 1d ago
You can never take back what you have done or what you have said. That is a fact of reality that is extremely difficult and painful to fully accept.
I fucked up too, I was disrespectful, over stepped boundaries, and even told lies. It was a complete betrayal to my own senses of right and wrong and who I am as a person. That is difficult to process, for anyone, most people never even attend to that cognitive dissonance because it's easier to just keep going and never look back. But that's wrong in my opinion.
I think when you make mistakes and cause harm, your first order of business is to really try to accept that it is what you chose and you now live with the results of those choices. With that acceptance, you can review and reflect on those mistakes and really put in an effort to grow and change as a person. Because if it was truly a mistake that you wish you could take back then you must learn to avoid making a mistake like that again. The largest caveat to this is that you cannot just beat yourself up until you are a withered corpse of who you once were.
This recovery is not about bringing back to life the dead relationships you once had, it's about learning to live with your choices and still love yourself unconditionally. Not disregarding them, but accepting them, and changing for it. This is for you, not her.
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u/Wallie_Collie 2d ago
Tough message incoming: Actions have consequences and you may need some real growth and some real work to let go.
Im out permanently because trust is the only boundary that is non negotiable