r/Codependency • u/LittleLemurBigDreams • 2d ago

Relating to partner with PTSD

Hi there,

I have struggled with codependency in many relationships. A lot of my self-work is about naming my needs and boundaries and tolerating negative reactions/feedback from other people in a healthier way.

I fell in love with someone who has PTSD episodes. Part of responding to that is being a grounded, calm presence for them and affirming their reality and safety—it often means my POV or reactions aren’t appropriate to share in that moment.

I am having trouble with so much affirmation and being grounded etc because it feels like backsliding from so much of my work around codependency. If I react too quickly, it often lands as fawning and actually escalates the situation more.

Can anyone else relate? I have a therapist to support me with this too, I just want to feel less alone

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u/codependencyrecovery 2d ago

Curious - what part of it, if any, feels like self-abandoment? If it's that you can't share your reactions, could you be present with those reactions inside you (while also being present with him)?

1

u/Alternative-Pay3733 2d ago

I am experiencing something similar my friend. I'm still figuring out what the hell to do as well but you're not alone!

1

u/skippedsteps 1d ago

Is there a time and space when your partner is able to hear some of the impact on you, and what's the dynamic contextualizing these episodes? I think it's possible to step into that compartmentalized, grounded assurance as a companion for episodes in a way which isn't inherently sliding towards codependency. But it depends on the dynamic around them- do you find yourself being the trigger of episodes, feeling responsible for preventing them, or unable or unwilling to get resolution from your partner in an appropriate space afterwards when they are lucid?