r/Divorce • u/Life_Unit_4026 • 19h ago

Dating Issues Requesting for advice

Planning to divorce my husband! Long story short! I like communicating. So I sat him down and told him how this relationship feels like having a roommate around/ business partner. No romance, I do shores, work and study etc. He works too, and he cooks some times. He’s not a bad person but his hygiene disgusts me. I have OCD. He knows it. So this morning after my morning shower, i was making my morning tea… he comes, he didn’t shower yesterday, not showered this morning, teeth un brushed, and wants to have s*x. Then i told him, maybe to shower first, then he said, he will shower later afternoon.

Maybe I am the problem..?

1 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

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3

u/Northside_Lass 19h ago

Nope. You're not the problem. I don't know his side of the story but basic hygiene is necessary. You have an adult baby.

1

u/Life_Unit_4026 18h ago

I was considering Therapy, would it help? I don’t believe in this kind of stuff..

3

u/Northside_Lass 18h ago

Well, it's real and exists. I've been to it.

1

u/Life_Unit_4026 18h ago

Thank you so much for your response.

2

u/PensionOne8331 17h ago

Therapy helped me leave my old relationship after getting cheated on. My old therapist pulled me aside during a couples session and asked me if this is really what I wanted for myself and it caused me to break up with him.

Therapy can really open your eyes, I recommend giving it a shot!

1

u/Life_Unit_4026 15h ago

Almost teared up reading this, thank you! I’ve started calling up therapists to find a spot.

2

u/SonVoltRevival 9h ago

My recommendation is that save the marriage or not, you should. While your spouse seems to be a man child, I'm sure that there are aspects of you part in all of this that are a problem too. It might not save your marriage, but it might just make you next relationship work out better. It's not easy, but owning your part will definitely help you.

2

u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit 15h ago

People have very different ideas of what is "basic" and "normal" and some folks need to get off their moral judgments about it (there was a tumblr post recently where some people were showering twice a day and APPALLED that anyone would not do the same, and some people were showering twice a week and APPALLED that anyone would waste water and contribute to the death of the planet by doing otherwise, and when everyone is shocked and horrified and throwing slurs at each other not much gets accomplished)

It is NOT appropriate for people to immediately go "oh, thus and such is a BAD PERSON"

It IS appropriate for you to have your own preferences and standards and to be annoyed if your partner does not meet them.

If he has no consideration for your feelings he's a bad partner.

1

u/Life_Unit_4026 15h ago

So well said. I really appreciate it. I need this.