My friend of 4 years “has something to tell me”

[u/Mell0wMarshmall0w]

My friend of about 4 years and I were casually gaming online tonight. I was minding my own business, popping balloons, when he suddenly tells me he “has something to tell me.”

He starts by telling me about the different women in our friend group that he’s been in love with over the years.

Plural.

Okay??? And then the conversation turns into him confessing that he has feelings for me.

For context, I JUST got out of a horrible relationship. I'm currently dealing with a custody battle for my child, I'm up to my eyeballs in stress and trauma therapy, and I have made it VERY, VERY CLEAR that I am not ready for or interested in dating ANYBODY.

I genuinely value this friendship, which makes this even more uncomfortable because I have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to respond to any of this without changing the friendship.

And after he opened this entire thing by naming the other women in our friend group he's previously been in love with, part of my brain is going:

Sir... is this a heartfelt confession or am I just next on the list??? 😭✌️

UPDATE: This is apparently not a quick “I've had feelings for you for a while” confession.

This man has started at the FIRST DAY OF OUR FRIENDSHIP and is working his way through the entire four-year timeline to present day.

I am just sitting here completely frozen in silence. I genuinely have no idea what to say. My brain is just wuh???

UPDATE: His mic quality is TERRIBLE and he has now REPEATED THE SAME PART THREE TIMES because I'm just FROZEN So I have now listened to portions of this four-year romantic retrospective THREE TIMES while contributing absolutely nothing to the conversation.

He's still going.

His mic is still fighting for its life.

I'm still frozen.

I JUST WANTED TO POP BALLOONS.

Update: He said he wants to be there and help me with my kid WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!

Update: He asked if I was okay I just said "Processing" it was genuinely all I could think to say. I hung up the call and the first thing I did was yell "WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT!?" I have spoken to this friend every day. I knew he found me attractive but he thinks EVERYONE is attractive so it was nothing new under the sun. He said "i was worried if I didn't say it now I'd never get the chance." SO YOU PICK WHEN IM IN FAMILY COURT BRO I JUST TOLD YOU I WENT TO ANOTHER PART OF MY COUNTRY WHERE MY EX WOULDN'T COME LOOKING AND THAT WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO SAY IT?! Now I'm getting spammed on Snapchat still processing all of that.

ANYWAY ENJOY MY ALREADY DEMOLISHED SPICY BAKED CHICKEN AND ROAST VEGGIES WITH AN ICED TEA

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[u/FMV1]

Nope nope nope, you're just next in line, and already getting lovebombed, leave the call, say you don't feel the same, no no and no

[u/FREESHAVOCADO0 → u/FMV1]

Yeah exactly, my whole mind was like his phrasing basically makes it "and now it's your turn to be the subject of my weird infatuation"

[u/WiseAtmosphere7524 → u/FREESHAVOCADO0]

OP should tell him that it’ll pass just like his feelings for all the other women has passed.

It sounds like he has trouble being friends with women and can’t interpret the difference between platonic and romantic love

[u/MantisInThePlantis → u/WiseAtmosphere7524]

Could also be that he doesnt know the difference between a crusg/infatuation and love.

I had a friend let me know he had a crush on me in college, even though he knew I was engaged. I asked why he would tell me that, and he said it was because I had asked him to discuss things about me with me first instead of gossiping (which he had done previously). I was taken aback, but we had a good conversation about how you can't help who you have a crush on, but you can help who you fall in love with. Because love is a choice, an action, so much more than a crush. And he had never really thought about that before. After that it never came up again and we were cool.

[u/confettis → u/MantisInThePlantis]

People in general have a hard time differentiating between platonic love, romantic love, lust, crush, admiration, etc. I tell my friends I love them all the time and I tell them when they look hot or glowing, etc. It doesn't cross a boundary because they trust me to talk to them, not say anything uncomfortable or touch them inappropriately, etc. Love doesn't have to be strictly about infatuation and fucking and it's really sad to see people get so wrapped up in their loneliness or inexperience that they burn down perfectly good friendships because of it.

[u/22axolotl]

I’m so sorry girl, but he is not being a friend right now

[u/ExperienceKind412 → u/22axolotl]

This, he already changed the friendship, its done, byyyyeeee

[u/Aquatichive → u/ExperienceKind412]

Maybe you can be friends later but he chose to be a predator when you really needed a friend
Bye

[u/Ott82 → u/Aquatichive]

This tbh. I get that this can happen, you can get feelings and maybe he didn’t start the friendship intending this, maybe.

But to bring this up at a really vulnerable time in your life when all you need right now is a damn friend…..yeah no, predatory af

[u/AlyssumAbyssal → u/Aquatichive]

https://giphy.com/gifs/RrVzUOXldFe8M

[u/Redfalconfox → u/Aquatichive]

Agreed. Some people have terrible emotional and behavioral awareness that they don’t recognize as hurtful. If he can feel terrible about this and change, maybe they can be friends again. Completely up to her though, and he can’t still be that same person.

[u/Steele_Soul → u/22axolotl]

Dude is one of those types that wants to be with every girl in the friend's group: aka any chick that gives him attention.

Also wants to be the "hero" that he thinks OP needs right now with a kid and a POS ex partner. Probably thinks she'll fall for any positive talk he's giving right now.

Dude is gross and has ulterior motives.

[u/Ramenpucci → u/Steele_Soul]

I’ve known a guy like that. It’s fucked up.

[u/FunkyChewbacca → u/22axolotl]

He said he wants to be there and help me with my kid WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!

He isn't in love with OP, he's in love with the idea of an escape hatch from his own life and is using OP as the escape hatch. I'd advise her to block him ASAP.

[u/brelywi → u/22axolotl]

My husband and I used to play a LOT of Final Fantasy XIV (a MMORPG in case you’re not familiar). We got involved with a lot of different friend groups/guilds, so saw a large cross section of the people who were online a large part of the day.

There’s a lot I could go into, but I want to bring up one person in particular; call him Kyle.

Kyle was our good friend and we played with him a lot. He traveled with us from guild to guild, so we saw him in a few different group dynamics.

He was single, had depression/anxiety/etc (he was closer with my husband so I don’t know all specific details), still living in his parents’ living room (while they stole his meds), and had a LOT of mental problems and childhood trauma to work through.

I don’t want to give the wrong impression; he was a fantastic dude, very kind and nice! But he was so, SO lonely and chronically online. He knew basically no other people IRL.

Every single time, he would fixate on one woman, convinced she was “the one” for him, and if/when she turned him down (except for the true c***s who would string him along with no good intentions) move onto the next after one “fizzed out.”

Not because he was a bad human, he was just very lonely and very broken. He was in no way, shape, or form ready to be in a relationship.

Hell, I was in a similar place in high school. I was the fat, undiagnosed, abused, poor girl in my class and would desperately “like” any guy who showed any interest, or was even just not mean to me.

My point is that there are people like that out there, in ever increasing numbers. They’re not bad people, just desperate people, but in no way should you entertain a relationship with them until they mature and hopefully get some professional help.

That said, I’m sorry they pulled the rug out from under you like this, OP. You are strong, just keep one foot in front of the other and eventually this part of your life will be just a story you tell ❤️

ETA: thanks for the awards!! I genuinely don’t think there’s malice in most people like this (as long as they stop when you say stop), but it also doesn’t mean you are obligated to try to reciprocate or remain friends if it’s gone. We’re all in an unprecedented situation as far as our evolutionary mind goes, and sometime shit gets fucked ❤️

[u/Aquatichive → u/brelywi]

Exactly!!

[u/Direct-Carpet-317 → u/brelywi]

I like how this comment points out that this type of infatuation happens with both men and women.(former people pleaser here👋)Every story and movie out there pushes a narrative that one person can fix everything in your life and a people believe it. Hell I believed it before I realized that part of the problem is that I fell into a relationship with anyone who would give me attention. I get it, a lot of us are lonely, but abandonment of self only leads to more suffering…though it took years to see what I was doing. On a related topic: limerence? I love that this space exists to encourage people towards healthier lives/relationships! Cheers!

[u/fastestcorks → u/22axolotl]

Yeah, unloading a four year romantic director’s cut on her during custody battle is not exactly friend behavior.

[u/alex3omg → u/22axolotl]

There's a tweet like 'you're not in the friend zone, I'm in the unwanted advances zone'

[u/Molaesmyr → u/22axolotl]

He was never a friend. 

[u/kawaiiqueenlm → u/22axolotl]

He never was. He just waited for her to be single.

[u/Ramenpucci → u/22axolotl]

Dude is a freak at the this point. OP is in family court. The fact he listing all the other girls he found attractive and he’s been with from this same friend group. Is this the Brady Bunch!?

[u/SpiritualGur5957 → u/22axolotl]

he was nEVER a friend :(

[u/violentte_ends]

I am not a gamer so I’m unfamiliar with the equipment and features, but is there a button that you can press that will open a portal on his end to another dimension with a vortex powerful enough to suck him through it? Is that like the A button or CTRL ALT P or V or something?

[u/hotsaucevjj → u/violentte_ends]

yes it's the Ctrl +  ꙮ̥̊ command

[u/Flaky-Confidence-167 → u/hotsaucevjj]

Damnit, I lost that key ages ago! :(

Edit: Corrected autocorrect.

[u/Cultural_Orange2617 → u/violentte_ends]

Thank you for the deep belly laugh. I needed that.

[u/ExperienceKind412 → u/violentte_ends]

Had me in the first half

[u/Kakaochen → u/violentte_ends]

Ctrl Alt P took me out. I need that feature 💀

[u/beardingmesoftly → u/violentte_ends]

Found it

https://giphy.com/gifs/xULW8N9O5WD32L5052

[u/StitchinAndBitchin → u/violentte_ends]

This is why we need more women in STEM!

[u/Ramenpucci → u/violentte_ends]

Or can OP just start a raid, and leave in the middle so all his characters can just die?

[u/SultryBunnyStories → u/violentte_ends]

Looking at it logically it should be Esc+CTRL+Shift+V (v for the vortex).
You made my day. Thank you! 😂

[u/Joyce27 → u/violentte_ends]

Pretty sure this is a pay to win option.

[u/Aquatichive → u/violentte_ends]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/Hugh_Dongus]

End the call 😭

[u/ggghjjdsdjhs → u/Hugh_Dongus]

Bro what is your pfp 😭

[u/Hugh_Dongus → u/ggghjjdsdjhs]

It’s Spider Man 🙂

[u/unicornsaysmeow]

He saw your intense situation as an opportunity to leap like a predator on prey. A lot of gross people will seek out or wait until people around them are dealing with particularly rough situations, and take their pick of whatever horrible treatment to give them. Run and don’t look back.

[u/Visual_Doughnut_2422 → u/unicornsaysmeow]

This is a very important point. He waited until she was vulnerable.

[u/Prondox → u/Visual_Doughnut_2422]

Or waited till she was out of her relationship

[u/arihndas → u/Prondox]

idk what in the heck happened in the other responses to you but the string of deleted comments below is so funny somehow. like, heaven forefend someone suggest a more mentally normal, but still arguably creepy, reason for the timing.

upvoted

[u/Prondox → u/arihndas]

Yes lol just noticed all the deleted comments. I think he shouldn't have said anything knowing she is in no way ready for a relationship. I think it's pretty selfish to dump it on her like that. But I don't think saying he waited for her to be vulnerable as if pouncing on prey is the right conclusion. But God forbid I make a nuanced comment on this subreddit.

[u/arihndas → u/Prondox]

* But God forbid I make a nuanced comment on this subreddit

ftfy X'D

[u/PonytailEnthusiast → u/Prondox]

A good friend wouldnt pounce in a vulnerable moment though. Usually you'd feel it out a little first, ask them how they're doing, ask if they're in a headspace for dating etc before even thinking about making a move.

[u/Sporkalork → u/unicornsaysmeow]

OP was fu€kzoned from the very first day, she just didn't know it.

[u/Heeeeeeyyyyyy → u/unicornsaysmeow]

I've been groomed a lot and you're absolutely right. This behaviour is exactly what those people would do. Also OP is a single (I'm assuming) mom now, which is also a scary thing when it comes to these men.

I know a lot of men (not all ofc) that prey on single women for their kids. Not saying this guy, but yeah, I hope op takes care of themselves

[u/barbieninja → u/Heeeeeeyyyyyy]

As a newly single mom, you are so right. It’s genuinely terrifying how predatory men have been towards me. Asking how I afford things and saying things like, “I can be a resource for you.”

I escaped an abusive long term relationship and safety is paramount for me. Thank goodness I carefully chose an apartment and have good street smarts.

[u/AllergicToTaterTots → u/unicornsaysmeow]

https://giphy.com/gifs/j60CBcdeH7yFUxgb0u

[u/casser0le98 → u/unicornsaysmeow]

i was waiting for someone to point this out

[u/WiseAtmosphere7524 → u/casser0le98]

Honestly it’s not pointed out enough.

[u/casser0le98 → u/WiseAtmosphere7524]

i’m going to start practicing soon as a mental health therapist and i’m gonna do my darndest to always point this out with women, that’s for sure

[u/Candid-Ability-9570 → u/unicornsaysmeow]

Oh yes. Men like this have ruined my ability to believe in true male-female friendships. In my younger days, I had 2 very close TRUSTED male friends wait until I was drunk, corner me alone, and profess their feelings and/or sexually assault me. I now honestly believe that it’s not possible to be close platonic friends with straight men. This “friend” of yours is just like mine — they were never truly our friends.

[u/Alternative-Matcha22 → u/unicornsaysmeow]

I hate saying this but this is why I hesitate being "just friends" with men because it's scenarios like this that make me believe they're just lying in wait for an opportunity 🫠

[u/MissLeaP → u/unicornsaysmeow]

[u/Fondongler → u/unicornsaysmeow]

Precisely. Not a safe person.

[u/lupalin]

“Sorry but I don’t feel the same.”

[u/forreal_dude → u/lupalin]

No apology necessary! She doesn't have a reason to be "sorry".

[u/vvv_bb → u/[deleted]]

yeah that's a British sorry 😅

[u/Foundation_Powerful → u/forreal_dude]

This!! We don’t apologize when we have done nothing wrong! 👏

[u/Caffeinatedfirefly08 → u/Foundation_Powerful]

I mean it can be a "sorry" in the sense of condolences, like when you say "Sorry for your loss" i guess? 😂

Unless you have murdered the person's loved one when you are saying that.

Edit: omg thanks for the award 😂

[u/arihndas → u/Caffeinatedfirefly08]

I assumed that was the intention but I think there are less apologetic ways of conveying that. "I value your friendship immensely and have for the past four years, but I do not have any romantic feelings for you. I understand if you need some time to yourself to process that, and I understand if you would feel more comfortable with a clean break. I recognize this is not what you wanted to hear and I know it is probably hurtful, but I wanted to be clear and honest about my feelings rather than leaving you in any confusion. If you still want to be friends, I will always be here." ...which ok yes that does sound like AI voice but like... something in that general direction. It's good to practice ways of conveying empathy without using apology words, y'know? Something I defo need to work on in the workplace lol but it applies in other spheres of life too

[u/Foundation_Powerful → u/Caffeinatedfirefly08]

Very true point! I think we as women say sorry as a reflex though and without thinking it through. This situation could do without the sorry in my opinion. The dude is being predatory.

[u/lupalin → u/Foundation_Powerful]

I meant it as “Sorry for the disappointment”, which I feel like applies in this case

[u/Foundation_Powerful → u/lupalin]

Oh that’s fair! Tone is lost over the internet so I totally get what you mean now😅

[u/PandaBananaFTW]

This is beyond infatuation. This is unhealthy. Hang up and drop this friend.

[u/Mysterious_Bake_4860 → u/PandaBananaFTW]

Right? Time to block and delete

[u/thatsradbruh]

You said you have no idea how to handle this to not change the friendship.

Babe, he already changed it. In fact, he was misinterpreting himself the whole time. That’s not a good friend.

[u/colour_me_quaint → u/thatsradbruh]

Well said 🙌🏽

OP: he's the one that 100% could have waited before putting all this on you. If he allegedly waited 4x years, he sure as hell could have waited until you were less stressed about everything you're going through. He chose to do this to your relationship, and he's not behaving like a friend.

[u/mewthulhu → u/colour_me_quaint]

"My friend of four years has something to tell me"

How about, "Hey man, I had a look into divorce lawyers in your area for your custody battle and, if you want, I can help pay for this one. Those are YOUR kids, and I've also got a shortlist of trauma therapists who specialize in this. If we don't get this sorted, your trauma becomes post-trauma and then... well, you've been through enough. Let me know if you need anything else, but otherwise I'm always here to game, alright? Now let's get those damn balloons, hah!"

Why even wait til she's less stressed out, why not make himself a mechanism via which she can find stress relief? Why not listen, be helpful without pressuring, offer some fiscal aid without strings attached? This is literally the PERFECT CHANCE to be a knight in shining armour, just... nicely?! Like not with some 'mwuhahaha now you'll be MY WIFE' but instead, why do these dudes not play the radical gambit of:

1) Be nice to every girl you have a crush on

2) Don't exploit your kind acts for reciprocity

3) Help them through their tough times

4) Listen, and ensure your help is what they need

5) Be a stable fixture in their life who is consistently easy to vibe with

6) Don't do what Donny Don't in the post above does

Bro would be DROWNING in pussy! The secret is, you pretend to be a really nice dude, then keep pretending you're a nice dude, tricking them by doing nice, non invasive things for them when they want, and do so for lots of friends, men and women, and keep doing it until you die, and nobody will ever fucking know what a piece of shit you are! It's GENIUS!

[u/colour_me_quaint → u/mewthulhu]

lol "Donny Don't".

Yeah I definitely gave more of a passerby reply.

If he genuinely wanted her and their friendship is genuine he should treat her waaay better; but I'm of the vibe that OP is just next on his list and her availability has "a window" in his eyes. It sounds like no thought went into OP - just his selfish wants and needs.

[u/mewthulhu → u/colour_me_quaint]

I really just wish I could've been even remotely surprised opening this thread. Like how about he wants to tell you about this great new job opportunity he moving abroad for? Or tell you that he found out it's a meteor shower tonight and to step outside and take a moment to remember how small her ex is, how bright the stars are above, and how far she's gonna take her kids because she's got so much fight in her and he's incredibly proud of her? Why can it never be important to be like "I FOUND THREE RESCUE KITTENS DO YOU WANT ONE TO COPE WITH THE TIMES YOUR HOUSE IS EMPTY? NO RUSH BUT THEY'RE SO CUTE!"

/u/Mell0wMarshmall0w deserved better than this, and there's so many good ways for dudes to just be NORMAL... it just baffles me that so many choose such a chuddy existence, because it makes it so fucking hard to make friends with anyone afterwards, because you just have to always be so goddamn suspicious next time one of them wants to be ultranice, waiting for this stupid fucking GOTCHA moment- and these assholes can wait YEARS, DECADES to pull this shit.

[u/sadhermitcrab]

[u/BadParkJob]

I’m sure you’re lovely, but he’s one of those who will fall in love with a woman he’s close to. Those tend to be the emotionally unstable types. Ugh, I’m so sorry he couldn’t have just been normal

[u/Weary-Cauliflower153]

run run run girl hop off the call you're lucky you can cut the call now

edit: girl through all of these updates we are giving you the solution yet you're continuing to call him, please respect yourself and cut that call

[u/Mell0wMarshmall0w → u/Weary-Cauliflower153]

I did cut the call. I was just

https://giphy.com/gifs/v4YXtWE6EOhiP8zN1S

[u/stefaniey → u/Mell0wMarshmall0w]

I can totally understand that - having to process that this man has just waited for you to be at your most vulnerable to dump his emotional baggage on your head.

It is mind-blowing because it's SO FUCKED UP OF HIM TO DO THAT.

I'm sorry that today we learned he's not a friend or a good person.

[u/Darkzellz → u/Mell0wMarshmall0w]

https://giphy.com/gifs/PSdfblNOUDoQ29jTGT

[u/Made_Bail → u/Weary-Cauliflower153]

https://giphy.com/gifs/TJaNCdTf06YvwRPCge

[u/shestipsy]

End the call, whoops bad connection!

[u/MissLeaP]

Urgh I know these kinds of guys. They are desperate and have low self-esteem so they just jump at every opportunity. Especially when you look vulnerable. So you being single again and struggling with family drama is the perfect opportunity for him to discover his feelings, confess them and dream up a scenario where he can be your saviour no matter how unrealistic. I wouldn't even trust that he always had feelings for you. Those guys are great in making things up to make it seem as if they were just respectful or shy the whole time. Some even believe it themselves.

It's so sad, really. And they wonder why they will never get anyone like this. As if nobody sees exactly what's happening.

Even worse, some of them actually get mad and start with insults if you reject them after such a confession.

[u/dysonrules → u/MissLeaP]

Not just insults but stalking and never ending harassment.

[u/MissLeaP → u/dysonrules]

With the worst cases even that, yeah.

[u/to_annihilate → u/MissLeaP]

This exactly. The amount of (what I thought were) friendships I've had to end because they decided to shoot their shot while I'm going through some shit. Like damn. If you really cared for me, you'd at least look around you first and determine if that was a good time.... Sigh.

[u/Financial_Nose_777 → u/MissLeaP]

Thiiisssss. I call them “vultures.” Because they’re just circling until they see your existing relationship is dead.

[u/Just-Like-My-Opinion]

Oh lord. This is so relatable. Why did he not listen when you said in no uncertain terms that you are not ready to date anyone right now?

I would just type back, "I'm gonna have to cut you off. While I am flattered, I thought I had made it very clear that I'm in no position to date right now. My focus is on me and my daughter, and I don't have space or energy for a relationship. But most importantly, I don't have romantic feelings for you, and I never have. I have always valued you as a friend and a brother, and I thought we were on the same page. I'm going to take some space, because this is honestly a lot to process on top of everything I'm already going through, and give you some space to work past these feelings. Maybe we can continue being platonic friends in the future, but right now, I'm pretty upset that you sprung this on me when I'm in such a vulnerable place, and have made it very clear that I'm not in any place to be dating."

Then log off, and let it breathe for a while. He was incredibly, astonishingly selfish to dump this on you after you already told him you were in not ready to date, and knowing how vulnerable you are right now.

[u/No_Palpitation_6976 → u/Just-Like-My-Opinion]

Yes

[u/Sad_Guess1984]

So he basically deceived you from the start and was never your friend. He was out for dating the whole time. Time to say good bye to this pathetic guy that can’t fucking read the room. 

[u/NeatArtichoke → u/Sad_Guess1984]

This!! Omg "nice guy" syndrome that fits all those memes-- "always there for you" /"always liked you even when you were with that other awful guy why do girls want jerks abd not nice guys like meee" Dude, my DUDE THIS CONVERSATION IS WHY. She needed a FRIEND and you shoot your shot? THAT is your priority? Also, apparently you never wanted a friend, you just kept hanging out because you want her as a girlfriend, like the LITERAL REST OF THE LIST YOU READ OFF TO HER???

Gurl, GURL. This is textbook, by definition "nice guy": "see basic kindness as a transaction to get romantic or sexual attention". That is not healthy, that is not respectful, you dont need that toxic shiz in yo life.

[u/Hufflefluff29 → u/NeatArtichoke]

And he apparently did that with ALL their other girl friends........

[u/Mell0wMarshmall0w → u/Hufflefluff29]

I don’t think he said anything like this to any of them. I definitely would have gotten a text.

[u/Goth_Spice14 → u/Mell0wMarshmall0w]

Definitely let them know

[u/Twidollyn_Bowie → u/NeatArtichoke]

If OP had liked him back, informing her that he has had the hots for all their mutual friends would have brought her to her senses. On what planet is that a selling point?

[u/Icy_Celebration1020 → u/Twidollyn_Bowie]

I think maybe they do it as a weird roundabout neg? Like here's a list of all the women I really want, don't you feel so special I'm spending time on you instead, better snap me up quick while I'm available to you!!

Maybe I'm just a jaded fuck from dealing with assholes though lmao

[u/MissLeaP → u/Sad_Guess1984]

Either that or he's lying out of his ass now to give his confession more weight. I've seen that so many times already. Doesn't change anything, though. He sees that OP is "available" and vulnerable so he decided to pounce on her. Just a predator trying to look like a sheep.

[u/Visual_Doughnut_2422]

Oh, he's one of those guys. Too incompetent to go out and find a woman, so he has to work his way through the friend group. Yuck. I wonder if he'll turn into a petulant "nice guy" after this...

Don't save this friendship. He has proven that it was never a friendship. He was only ever keeping you around until he built up the courage to tell you his feelings. You were never friends.

Also, just like every single guy that does this he didn't care about you or your feelings. He didn't even try to see if this was the right time to say anything. He only thought about himself and when it was a good time for him.

I am speaking from experience with this type - DO NO TRY AND REMAIN FRIENDS.

[u/Ramenpucci → u/Visual_Doughnut_2422]

That happened to me in college with this douche. He did that. He just worked his way around friend groups to find women.

I talked to a girl who’s GenZ. She had a very similar experience. Had a situationship with a guy. A guy she was once friends with did the same. Just hooked up/had situationships in their friend group.

He wasn’t my friend because he never saw me as just a “friend.”

[u/AmbassadorHelpful180]

This man is not your friend. There’s no friendship for you to worry about changing. Guard yourself and go low or no contact with him. You have very important struggles in your life right now that require your focus. He’s a struggle you don’t need and will only damage you.

[u/a-5-6-7-8]

Ask to go to text due to a bad connection. Get this insanity in writing.

[u/GnomieOk4136]

I can be calling you right now. You have to go. I just urgently need help only you can provide right this very minute, so you need to get off the call with him...

[u/grumble_gus]

Girl, pull a Parent Trap and rub some candy wrappers in your mic and duck and run.

[u/burritopalace]

Endddd the call

[u/DisastrousScene5391]

wait what game are you popping balloons in that sounds fun

[u/luckygohappy501 → u/DisastrousScene5391]

Looks like bloons tower defense

[u/TheSpaghetti → u/DisastrousScene5391]

Bloons TD 6! It is very fun imo

[u/Positive-Bottom-9234 → u/DisastrousScene5391]

I was going to ask this.

[u/ISketchDinosaurs → u/DisastrousScene5391]

Seconding all the others here it's Bloons, genuinely one of the better tower defense games on the market. give it a try!

[u/krazytekn0]

https://giphy.com/gifs/nR4L10XlJcSeQ

[u/engage-edna-mode]

>I have made it VERY, VERY CLEAR that I am not ready for or interested in dating ANYBODY.

Well that’s your mistake, thinking about what you want and not what he wants! /s

[u/ChaosIncarnate11]

Sounds like the most valid reason ever to full on ghost this dude, jfc.

[u/beepbop110 → u/ChaosIncarnate11]

Man yeah I wondered if that made me a bitch when I was thinking that's what I would do 😭

[u/AlyssumAbyssal → u/ChaosIncarnate11]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ufPYucSjNZk04s0I49

[u/shestipsy → u/ChaosIncarnate11]

This should have more upvotes.

[u/I_Dont_Speak_Anymore]

The men who come after you in your most vulnerable moments do not like you.

Period.

He doesn't like you sis. He sees you as a target.

[u/CataclysmicTeapot]

He’s not your friend. He’s being opportunistic during your period of vulnerability. The fact that he’s “loved” every woman in your friend group gives me the ick. I say block him, this man is not your ally.

[u/EconomistOk7284]

“I have something I need to tell you”
No you don’t

[u/TrinityWilloww]

I’m a gamer myself and I strictly make it clear that friends is all we’re gonna be but girl please hang up the phone and cut him off completely because he’s gonna try and change your mind even though that’s not what you want for you and the fact he’s welling to pick up everything and move in while your still trying to move on from a terrible relationship is just selfish and it’s not something he should even try and talk to you about that’s a tell tale sign that he is not a great friend and is playing in your face again just cut him off please 😭 because your feelings and boundaries are valid!

[u/PoProstuArbuz]

I hate it when men fuckzone us...

He just told you he actually never was your friend. It sucks to grieve a friendship in the middle of the mess you are going through at this moment, and it sucks to lose emotional support when you need this most, but this is exactly what you have to do right now. Cut him off. Because if you attempt to save the friendship (which, again - was never there from his point of view!) he will firmly believe you are "stringing him along" and that will just evolve into even bigger mess. You don't need that in your life.

Sorry for your loss 💔

[u/chefkingbunny]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ukGm72ZLZvYfS

[u/Ghostchicken33]

https://giphy.com/gifs/H7wajFPnZGdRWaQeu0

[u/EviBbg]

You can’t even trust him to be your friend anymore, babe. You gave a LOT of good reasons in your updates. This man cannot be trusted to put your need for peace and friendship above his own needs. You don’t want to date a fucking dunce like this - even if he’s harmless (big doubt energy), this is the BEST version of himself that he’s capable of bringing to you?

Runnnnnn

[u/courtines]

Nope, nope, nope. If he can’t be chill, you can’t even be friends. And don’t let him act all weak and hurt. He came at you when he thought you were vulnerable and is trying to be knight in shining armor. I’d be so freaking furious in your shoes right now.

[u/crxptrxp]

i had a „friend“ like that. nobody he liked knew he liked them. he just makes vague gestures and blames everything on modern society, thinks he‘s a creep for asking people out because he’s been made fun of for that in 7th grade and basically thinks the nice guy hoover tactic is better. he casually dropped wanting to marry me, asked for sexual encounters on multiple occasions - even while i was partnered and made it very clear that i am not playing for his team. yeah. he just hit me with the „i think i must respect you so instead of changing i‘ll just cut contact until YOU decide to come back“ and i was like TF that means you are not gonna change a bit and basically expect me to look past that shit yet again. hard pass.

[u/CitrusSpade]

You have no idea how ALLERGIC I am to those words "there's been something I want to tell you"!!!! I don't even let them finish their sentences at this point.

[u/Rusty-ghost-211]

https://giphy.com/gifs/KVADLsnlri2A0
This predator type shi, waiting until the weight of the world is on your shoulders and coming in trying to be the hero - you are in a vulnerable place you don’t this person coming in and adding to that weight! Drop contact and focus on you ❤️❤️

[u/Apart_Engine_9797]

Every time this has happened to me, it’s always a long drawn out confession of one sided limerence by someone who lives like 3,000 miles away at the WORST most stressful overloaded times and I have to stop them and ask, “so what is your idea here? My life is here, yours is there, im not getting into whatever you think some kind of long distance affair because you have feelings for me (that are not reciprocated). I did not ask for this, you have burdened me with this emotional dump and I’m not interested. Now we can’t even be friends, goodbye”

[u/lanternofdoubt]

Oh no, this is how a toxic relationship of mine started. I wouldn't recommend it.

[u/yoshizillaa]

Yikes. What a selfish time for him to announce that.

[u/dinosaur_pussy]

https://giphy.com/gifs/sRKg9r2YWeCTG5JTTo

[u/mycookiepants]

I just… what the absolute fuck. And like the crazy ass thing is him centering himself in the conversation and explanation. It’s the last thing you want to hear but maybe instead something like “I know it’s the last thing on your mind. I want to support you and when this is over if there’s room for something more, I’d love to explore that.” That’s not great but at least better.

[u/LilyCrossingg]

I have totally been in the same situation! It is so so so so awkward and I'm not friends with that person anymore. It really sucks but is something that happens as women who game and try to befriend men in particular online. A true canon event you could say.. sadly..

It sucks but the fact this person waited until you were out of the relationship to tell you he had feelings for you this whole time shows he wasn't keen on being your friend for real if he DAY 1 was crushing.

[u/AllergicToTaterTots]

https://giphy.com/gifs/fXnRObM8Q0RkOmR5nf

[u/rawchawal]

https://giphy.com/gifs/VN3dGsdlp9nCPUfe8y

[u/ConcernSlight]

He's developed feelings for the shiny new thing and thinks the events in your life have opened the door for a new relationship and he wants to be first in line.

The best thing for you to do is go offline on discord/snap/etc. Don't open, dont reply. Im not saying you have to end the friendship but there really isn't a way forward. Take a hiatus, take a sabbatical. Maybe your interent router needs replaced?

Tbh you should feel offended that he lacks the emotional capacity to realize that "his chance" means a fuck lot less than the stress you're under.

[u/Significant-Ant-4089]

lmfao sounds very familiar w my situation before, why do men do shit like that?

[u/tiadiff]

this is exactly why I never tell any of my male online friends ANYTHING about me, im sorry girl that sucks

[u/unripeswan]

Sounds like what is commonly known as an "orbiter". He hangs around women waiting for his chance to confess his so-called feelings because he wants attention and sees women as sexual objects, not people. Guarantee he does it with everyone, as he basically just told you he does. He is a BAD FRIEND. BYE BOY.

[u/Outside_Memory5703]

He’s a selfish opportunist. Only cares about what he wants and chooses to make a move when you’re vulnerable and hurt

I would chalk it up to a friendship based on a lie, unless you want to fuck him

[u/ReaperKaze]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ukGm72ZLZvYfS

[u/C0V1Dsucks]

Gross.

(The friend, not your food.)

[u/waterloupes]

Made me think of this.

I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time and he is adding to it. I don’t have any advice, but I understand being in that position and it really sucks. You deserve better.

[u/PeppermintEvilButler]

He fuck zoned you. Never was an actual friend

[u/boothraiderginsberg]

But while he wasted your time did you manage to unlock the sky warden?

[u/Mell0wMarshmall0w → u/boothraiderginsberg]

Unlocked it as soon as it dropped

[u/glaciercherryisgood]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5

Bye, platonic male friend who was never really a platonic friend because for him it was always about potentially one day getting to hit that! Thanks for the memories! Byeeeeeee!

Lifelong girl gamer, had it happen several times, the dumpster is the only way

[u/FUCKTH3W0RLD]

https://giphy.com/gifs/CUbiYQbsKSGAM

[u/3legy]

Girl if he lives in another country I'd just turn the computer off now. If he thinks you owe him hours of your time to listen to him confess that you're the next name on his list, imagine how he probably feels entitled to reciprocation of his feelings too. This has happened to me many times with long distance male friends and it has unfortunately never ended with a good conversation and a mutual choice not to ruin a friendship with feelings of romance or horny.

[u/SmolmALICE]

This shit is common enough in online gaming. This man has never considered you a friend and has always been waiting for "his turn". Que the previous "love" for other women in the group. Set firm boundaries and if he pushes them, remove him from your friend list.

[u/Ginkoi]

The way he waited till your divorce, and don't understand anything about your situation...I 'm just gonna say: he is a stalker. Only waiting for females available.

He doesn't care about you. Anybody with two o more functional brains cells could understand that now it's not the moment for a romantic confesion.

Not a friend even. I'm sorry, you deserve better. Good luck with the court.

[u/wrappedinplastikkk]

He's not your friend, he's using your situation to try and get his own gain. It's gross, id be tempted to cut him off.

[u/ProperMirror8551]

Bro loves everyone until they turn him down

Then they're evil women *guessing this is next step

Sorry you're losing someone you thought was a friend on top of everything else

[u/GreenStuffGrows]

Listen to me very carefully. I have been in a very similar situation.

He is NOT your friend. Never was. He's a gross guy who puts friendship coins into women like they're a goddamn vending machine, waiting for sex to fall out the other end.

Do not engage with him again. He doesn't care about you, only what he wants from you.

[u/Few-Finger6713]

Some men just genuinely can't be friends with women. Like, they just sexualise all women so can't separate them from being independent beings, like they would with men. There are unfortunately a lot of men like this. There's a lot of discourse around this. Unfortunately, he also doesn't sound very considerate. The friendship is over.

[u/North-Speaker-3553]

Unfortunately he sounds like he’s addicted to crushing & you are next in line. Disengage with the behavior/him until he’s over it. If you want to continue the friendship in the future that’s your choice, but this would ruin the friendship for me. Definitely do not engage in this behavior until he’s over it though. 

[u/dramallamacorn]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Atc9QCyWLGHgLZhHDp
That man ain’t your friend. You can never get the dynamic back because it’s always been a waiting game for him. Like your whole experience has now tainted because he provided a blow by blow of how the whole four years was just him waiting. Why are men like this? This is why there is a “loneliness epidemic”. We need to teach our boys better that friendship from a woman does not mean romantic feelings.

Im sorry 😤 you got too much for this and he didn’t care about what you actually needed and instead centered himself because he didn’t know “when id ever get a chance again”.

[u/fluffy_snowflakes]

Oh no no no, not the "I have something to tell you"😭 This will never end good. Tell him you don't feel the same, and if (/when) he doesn't let it go, go low or no contact.

[u/drth_dilly]

He don’t give a crap about you, just his feelings.

[u/trili_gua]

So you have a child you birthed and a child that’s SPAMMING you on SNAPCHAT 🤢????!!!! Girl… that’s such an ick. He’s old enough to not do that childish bs

[u/SilverDeliver]

sounds kinda selfish this guy, and was it necessary to mention all the girls before he confess to you? What is the plan here <.>

[u/Interesting_Map_9537]

Bringing other women in conversation about you is sooo stupid! Even in the best case scenario if you were into him too, starting confession with mentioning/listing other girls is extremely dumb. No one wants to be ‘one of’.

[u/PirateReject]

Girl, you're allowed to hang up and ghost. SEIZE YOUR TIME BACK. Life is too short for this bullshit.

[u/etched]

Gamer Girl Cannon Event.

Sorry

[u/Pot-Stirrer352]

He basically just admitted to trying to get with any woman possible. It might be sexist but this is why I dont have male friends, especially online ones. They typically do not just want to be friends, they catch feels or lust. Guys like him are why the block button exists. You should probably use that.

[u/Inevitable_Agency842]

This man is not a friend, you were 'fuck zoned' from the start, and he just hung in there til he could shoot his shot.

[u/Bigredzombie]

https://giphy.com/gifs/SWXL3K8sepQL5GqTDw

[u/sweedishnukes]

The tea was in fact still hot, not iced. Thanks for sharing

[u/Thecandymaker]

Ew. Fucking weird as hell

[u/Grimsters-]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3267myuLeWX6IbUaax

[u/Dependent-Truck4389]

girl youre next on the list. this is a man who just loves romantic attention no matter who its from

[u/Sensitive_Unit_8836]

This is such a selfish ambush while you're low, reeling from life and vulnerable. Were I less charitable I'd call it predatory, even if he's not aware of doing it. Like a wolf going for the wounded deer, thinking it's an easy kill. 

A friend worth keeping would keep this under lock and key till you were in a better place. 

[u/Top-Culture-8492]

He’s just looking for a girlfriend. It could be you, could be any new girl that comes within a 3 mile radius. I’ve encountered men like this before. Walk away. He is not your friend.

[u/Natural-Departure110]

That's not your friend.

[u/Squish_Miss]

He was never your friend. Ghost 'em. I've had several male friends do this to me and every single one turned out to be toxic af. RUN! The timing is intentional, hit you while you're down. Trying to get you while you are vulnerable. 

[u/Purple5690]

More proof guys just stick around for one thing and keeping their options open lol

[u/Beautiful-Musk-Ox]

as an aside i think you need to get yourself a better computer desk, you deserve it

[u/Mell0wMarshmall0w → u/Beautiful-Musk-Ox]

I have one but no room for it. I had to go back home during all this so my stuff and baby stuff is all in one space.

[u/Mongoose194]

what's the hottest monkey? i think quincy i love his voice lines

[u/bonnie-kit]

at best this is incredibly insensitive to you and your situation. at worst this feels... calculated? and bordering into manipulation station. set yourself free, friend.

[u/Aggressive_Start_]

I’m sorry hun. Men do that to me and I hate it. I just want to be friends 😩

[u/An-Empty-Road]

He is not and never was your friend. He was just waiting in the lobby to shoot his shot.

Block him and think nothing of him.

[u/woating]

I love just poppin' bloons. Sorry he ruined it ❤️‍🩹

[u/kungpow103]

oof he seems obsessive