r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ • 1d ago
FML AIO for being embarrassed to be seen in public with my bf
Posting here instead of a generic AIO or AITA sub bc this one seems a lot kinder and since I genuinely donāt know if I am being a dick, I need that rn lol.
So basically what the title says but let me give you some context. My bf is constantly hacking shit up from his lungs, idk how to describe it but itās like a loud throat noise followed by him spitting whatever it is on the ground. He also blows shit out of his nose onto the ground. Both of these in public! Like parking lots and shit and it makes me cringe so hard every time I hear him doing it. I end up walking ahead of him because Iām so embarrassed. He also swears really loudly in public constantly, and donāt get me wrong, I also talk like a sailor but I stfu in public.
I cant tell if Iām being dramatic or if this is a legitimate thing to be embarrassed about. If I try to get him to not do it he gets irritated/ annoyed and snaps at me that itās not a big deal and no one cares. But like, if I saw someone else doing it Iād think itās gross so I assume other people feel the same way.
Dinner is fish n chips
ETA: okay first of all, thanks for validation. For those asking, yes Iām disgusted by it, public or private. Yes Iām embarrassed. Yes it makes me feel bad about myself. Yes I know no in forcing me to stay in the relationship but he lives with me and weāve been together for 6 years and are codependent as fuck. No he did not do this when we started dating, this has only started in the last few months. There are A LOT of issues in the relationship and Iām just trying to work through the codependence and build my self esteem back up. Itās my house and i cant leave, so he has to. I am trying i stg but codependence is a bitch
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u/please_dont246 nom-nom-nombinary 1d ago
Diva what are we doing
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u/Putrid_wrick APPROVED⨠1d ago
A very honest question
You are experiencing what is unpleasant and you are still inā¦.. where you forced ?
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u/please_dont246 nom-nom-nombinary 1d ago
Literally like blink twice if you need help
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
blink mf blink Jfc
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u/TurnipWorldly9437 APPROVED⨠1d ago
If you feel like you've been together for too long to end it for such a "small" reason (although I'd say feeling basic respect, not disgust, for your partner would be important in a relationship), look up the "sunk cost fallacy" and remind yourself that, if this goes on, you're going to feel this, and worse, for the rest of your life...
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
I know all about the sunk cost fallacy. I absolutely think it plays a role. Mostly like, if Iāve stood by him through his worst and he gets better after we break up how is that fair? Rhetorical question and I know itās something I have to work out within myself but yeah
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u/weeooweeoowee Plate Scraper 1d ago
And if it never gets better? If you're staying then he will do what is most comfortable because he has no consequences to keep doing what he's doing. Sounds like you're staying. I suggest giving yourself a time limit.
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
It wonāt ever get better. I KNOW THIS. Iām not trying to stay
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u/drawkward101 š Farm to Table to This Belly š©āš¾ 1d ago
All you need to do is make the decision. That's it. Once he's out, you're free. No more spitting and hacking.
gags
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u/b1tchf1t š Bitter Baddie š 1d ago
It very clearly sounds like that is NOT all she needs to do. And she keeps saying that. Codependency is a bitch, because it entangles every aspect of your life. Unwinding that to be able to actually survive on your own can be daunting and scary and fucking HARD. The fact that she said she's not trying to stay in the comment you just replied to goes to show that leaving is just not as easy as "making the decision." Why do you think it takes women in abusive relationships so long or so many tries to leave? Or why the standard advice is to leave when you're safe. That doesn't just mean when he's not home and you can dip unnoticed. It also means that you have somewhere safe to be, and that same shit is true and can make leaving hard even when it's not an abusive relationship.
To wrap this all up, I get that you're trying to be supportive and encouraging, but it is so frustrating to watch someone not going through it say that making a life upending decision is just so easy and the only step that needs to be taken when they are clearly crying out specifically that they feel stuck beyond the fact that they've made the realization this isn't something they want to keep doing.
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u/katlonelypines Chismosa 1d ago
Ooh ooh! As me about this! I thought this might happen with a disgusting guy I dated. Guess what! He became more disgusting and also added on some new disgusting stuff. Youāre going to dodge a bullet. There is no reward to be reaped in the future. Sorry, OP.
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u/alwayssunnyinskyrim Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago
Stop thinking that a man is going to approach a relationship with āfairnessā in mind. They approach it with testing to see how much they can take from you and how little they can give you in return. Accepting this behaviour pushes the bar lower and lower, and next step will be even worse. I bet if you look back heās been lowering expectations and convincing you that youāre overreacting for most of the relationship. He absolutely WILL act better for the next one, because thatās how they get you; theyāre all on their best behaviour until they think youāre too invested to leave.
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
I know and I agree, I was just trying to explain what my brain tries to tell me. Youāre spot on about him not doing this if he was trying to attract someone else considering he never used to do this shit in front of me.
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u/PenSillyum š„¢ Dumpy By Dumplings š„ 1d ago
So what? Maybe he gets better after you break up. Maybe not. But you'll get better after you break up. No more getting disgusted and embarrassed by his behaviour, at least. Some peace and quiet. Doesn't it sound nice. Learn to live and be happy for yourself. Ignore everyone else except when they actually matter to you.
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u/Street-Beyond-9666 š+ š 1d ago
Think about his secretions while eating and while having sex, itās gonna cure your moral real quick
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u/McDuchess APPROVED⨠14h ago
What will get better? You break up with him and he stops being antisocial? He stops engaging in disgusting behavior?
AFTER you leave him?
That wonāt be getting better. It will be confirmation that he was capable of behaving like a decent member of society, and chose not to to do it when you repeatedly asked him.
The problem is that this behavior is both new and distresses you. He has literally changed the shape of your relationship very much for the worse and is daring you to do something about it.
Please, my Dear. Do something about it.
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u/amateurinatrix APPROVED⨠14h ago edited 13h ago
If you love him you should want him to improve whether or not you benefit from it.
In the meantime you donāt need to be dragged down.
We all know slovenly men who are always proudly publicly belching, scratching their crotches and cracks, wafting a halo of body odor and smegma at all times, living in stained holey undershirts and pilled sweatpants, carrying untreated foot fungus and crusty scaly skin, grinning with unflossed teeth, living off ultraprocessed foods, rotting from untreated everything because they wonāt take themselves to the doctor, and still yells and expect you to do all the cleaning⦠Do you want one of them in your house? For the rest of your life?
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u/StressLife7080 š¤š©·Lesbian Loremasterš©·š¤ 1d ago
Kick that man out girly pop
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u/yrnkween Assigned Hungry At Birth 1d ago
Dump him before he starts spitting/hawking in your shower or sink.
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u/Targaryentypebeat Kitchen Witch 1d ago
Not to pile on but he definitely already is, and not necessarily the bathroom sink either
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u/Apprehensive_Rice19 Umommy 1d ago
When I first met my now husband he threw a piece of gun wrapped on the ground and I made him turn around and pick it up and told him if he ever litters again I can't be with him. It's ok to expect your partner to have a certain level of social grace to walk beside you, and this man has none and I doubt he will change.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 š¶ļø Spice Girl š¶ļø 1d ago
Dump him šššš itās not a trivial reason itās totally valid and for future reference you can break up with anyone for literally any reason even if heās the kindest and sweetest man in the world.
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u/South_Fairy APPROVED⨠1d ago
Looking at her edits, it seems like op is too attach to let go(6years).
So Iād suggest she start by detaching her self little by little. Eg moving away from him.It would help the feelings fad slowly
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u/reality_raven Chamoy š„ > Ya Boy 𤔠1d ago
Nah, rip it off fast and quick.
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u/icarus-daedelus con todo, por favor š® 1d ago
Every extra minute she spends with this dude is another minute she'll eventually come to regret
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u/Tahoesuz APPROVED⨠1d ago
And remember, this is him ON HIS GOOD BEHAVIOR. It will only get worse, Queen, the longer yāall date. God forbid if you marry him youāll be cleaning loogies out of the sink and the trash can wondering how you got there while he complains that you wonāt have sex with him anymore.
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u/emily_doodly_doo Kitchen Witch 1d ago
Iād die. I would ABSOLUTELY die. ššÆ
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u/Long_College_8342 APPROVED⨠1d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/H3T6oUzwJQCIaajzp3
It would be the END of my acquaintance with that man.
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u/SaintAnyanka Dinner for One š½ļø 1d ago
Life is too short to spend it with someone who has the manners of a 18th century sailor.
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u/Research_Junkie678 Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago
I actually wonder if the sailors would be better
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u/yrnkween Assigned Hungry At Birth 1d ago
Theyād rarely be home. And in this relationship, thatās a positive!!
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u/OpheliaLives7 Chocoholic 1d ago
It feels like way too many women need some big terrible reason to leave relationships. Like No?! You can leave for any reason! No matter how small or petty it seems!
Use your rights! Leave that man behind!
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u/jonni_velvet š¦ Gossipy Goth ā°ļø 1d ago
You realize youāre not being forced to stay with himā¦.. right?Ā
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
Yes I realize that, I added some additional context to the post.
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u/jonni_velvet š¦ Gossipy Goth ā°ļø 1d ago
Does he have health issues going on or something?Ā
I think the bigger issue is you asked him to stop, and he pretty much said fuck off. thats a huge red flag.Ā
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u/rratmannnn POš„TAYš„TOES 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah someone get that boy to a doctor, stat. And get him some pocket Kleenex or a good old fashioned handkerchief. He might not be able to control his sinuses but he can 100% choose to behave like a civilized adult.
And, Iād be curious if he got into some kind of weird manosphere / masculinity complex stuff - this seems just a stones throw away from thinking it should be okay for guys to pee publicly to mark their territory. Could be totally off base there but I just wonder if he had some kind of bizarre mindset shift.
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u/SuitGroundbreaking49 Carb-Based Life Form 1d ago
Iād bet money he smokes a lot of cigarettes and weed either from a vape or a bong.
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u/jonni_velvet š¦ Gossipy Goth ā°ļø 1d ago
None of my stoner friends do this, so itād have to be pretty bad!Ā
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u/TipsyMagpie Body By Cheese š§ 1d ago
Tell him itās over and he has to move out. Or marry him and live the rest of your life like this. Imagine walking down the aisle towards him as he stands there coughing and hacking and spitting.
That shudder and involuntary recoil you just did (and I know you did)? Thatās your body telling you enough is enough. Put on your big girl knickers and end it. Get a cat for company, if you feel you canāt live alone.
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u/Shuttup_Heather APPROVED⨠1d ago
If he snaps at you when you try to do him a favor to teach him proper mannersā¦imagine how heād act when youāre trying to correct him or advise him on serious matters.
If he canāt be decent enough to not spit phlegm on the ground then heās disgusting imo
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u/Brunsons_Better04 š©µi actually like my partnerš 1d ago
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u/urlocalnightowl40 š Pickle Freak š 20h ago
sometimes my throat gets phlegm all in it but ive never spit in sidewalks. the straight audacity to do so instead of in a washroom like nobody wants to walk in phlegm covered streets
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u/milkdimension Chocoholic 1d ago
Girl no dick is that good.Ā
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u/gaelicgirl1983 APPROVED⨠1d ago
And if he's that gross, chances are he doesn't care about her pleasure anyways.
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u/ToodyRudey1022 Internet Auntie 1d ago
Or about hygiene š« š«
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u/urlocalnightowl40 š Pickle Freak š 20h ago
imagine having to kiss that mouth where all that gross phlegm comes out from. im cringing thinking about it
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u/ToodyRudey1022 Internet Auntie 20h ago
Thatās what Iām saying! I would have to exit stage left because I get being sick and not having a good immune system, but thatās not your significant other ās problem thatās a you problem that needs to be solved stat!
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u/lacroix_enthusiast_ ŠŃмŃŃŠŗŠ° ššæ 1d ago
Are you only bothered by this in public?
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
.no I am bothered by it CONSTANTLY. His reaction to me saying something makes me feel crazy bc he gaslights me about so much shit
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u/Subject_Cranberry_19 ā”ļøPowered By Sour š 1d ago
Start changing your tampons in the living room
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u/reality_raven Chamoy š„ > Ya Boy 𤔠1d ago
And throw them on him.
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u/cold_tap_hot_brew Tangent Tour Guide š 21h ago
But grunt like an elite tennis star as you do.
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u/clearlyhigh6969 APPROVED⨠1d ago
I think you need to leave, immediately.
I want to leave for you. You aren't crazy. It's disgusting and you don't deserve to be treated like that. He's making you feel as low as him because he knows he's disgusting and it'll be very difficult to find someone new.
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u/Jimbobjoesmith white girl with āļøš a full spice cabinet 1d ago
my answer was gonna depend on whether or not youāve talked to him about it. sooā¦.
leave his ass. bc that is a way worse problem. normal people would feel absolutely mortified if they found out something they did grossed out or embarrassed their loved one. normal, caring people want their loved onesā feelings to be heard and valued.
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u/alewifePete š§Salty By Nature 1d ago
Is he gaslighting about doing it in the first place?
He might not realize it. In that case, itās really simple. Carry a sharpie in your pocket. Every time he does the thing he says heās not doing, whip out that sharpie and put a little mark on his arm. At the end of the day, draw a box around the marks. The next day, start a new box.
This might not work if he has tattoos.
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
Oh no he just insists no one cares. Idk if thatās gaslighting since itās subjective but he does gaslight me about other things in our relationship so it can sometimes be hard to tell if I have a legitimate concern or not
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u/Spiritual-Estate2848 šØ I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside š 1d ago
When I see people (men, obvs) do this I fully stop in my tracks, make a face and loudly say EW.
#bringbackpublicshame7
u/_imanalligator_ POš„TAYš„TOES 1d ago
Same, girl, same. We're gonna drive these loogiebros back under their rocks, one public shaming at a time šŖ
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u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Live, Laugh, Lumpia ā¤ļø 1d ago
Girl, no YNTA. That's gross af. I've been with guys who do that and it seems to be a cultural thing. It's pretty normalized in certain areas but if he just started doing it, that's just weird. The gaslighting alone would be enough for me to run. Does he know it embarrasses you? If he doesn't care, that's another point for he's not the one.
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u/Cool_Log_4514 š Pickle Freak š 1d ago
You can tell him that I care and I think heās gross
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u/Hotsauce4ever hot sauce in my bag, swag 23h ago
I would care if some guy was spitting a giant loogie near me. Iād be totally grossed out, and I would judge said guy quite harshly.
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u/Layla_Vos APPROVED⨠1d ago
how did you end up with this guy when he's so disgusting? Was he not doing that in public when you met him?
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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago
It's entirely possible he went into things on his best behavior and didn't do any of that until he felt comfortable enough to do so. Kinda like how i avoided farting around my boyfriend for months, except worse lol
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u/Future_Night777 Pantry Gremlin 1d ago
Oh this made me laugh because although my boyfriend and I have been together for a year, only this past week I finally felt comfortable enough to show a reaction to his farts instead of pretending I donāt smell a thing and him gleefully thinking to himself heās gotten away with it LOL.
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u/ImTheNumberOneGuy APPROVED⨠1d ago
Since weāre sharingā¦.lol. Iāve been with my husband for 12 years, including 2 colonoscopies (for him). I think Iāve heard him fart maybe twice? Like how?! I fart all the damn time.
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u/MommyIssuesPrincess Resident Yapper 1d ago
The ass hair is like gun silencer lol
I got no hair between my cheeks and my farts can be heard in another county25
u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago
You know, up until now i never considered my lack of booty hair plays into things. It's barely existent and my farts are loud š
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u/MommyIssuesPrincess Resident Yapper 1d ago
My farts never stink but they sound like vine boom sound effect (with reverb). My boyfriend and family joke āoh itās gonna rain, I heard a thunder nearbyā when I fart
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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago
I'm almost embarrassed at how many times i've farted and my man is like "did you hear that? what was that?" like omfg i farted relax š
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u/MommyIssuesPrincess Resident Yapper 1d ago
One time when my boyfriend got startled by my fart I went āyou wouldnāt last one day in the hood, white boyā
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u/Luxeflex Oversharer š£ 1d ago
This thread is cracking me upš lets go farty girls, we dont poop rainbows!
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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago
I'm telling this to my man next time he reacts to one of my farts. So probably within the hour š
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u/SignificantPomelo Professional Nibbler 1d ago
The best is when it happens in the shower and the wetness of the cheeks amplifies it. Because apparently I am a child one of my favorite things right now is farting so loudly my kid reacts with horror from the next room over š¤£
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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago
Stop it because the other day i let a nasty fart out in the shower and when i got out i ran over to my boyfriend and was like "i let out the biggest fart in the shower. Did you heart it!?" and he sighed the most depressing sigh before saying "yes, babe. I always hear it." š
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u/MommyIssuesPrincess Resident Yapper 1d ago
Even better when the fart travels to thick thighs, itās like sports recap.
āJoe, letās hear that fart again!ā
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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago
My boyfriend is like that!!! He could eat his body weight in beans and at most he's letting out a tiny toot. I always tell him "you fart like how princess peach would fart" because his farts are the dantiest little farts i've ever heard in my entire life. They don't even sound like farts!!!
Meanwhile, i even think about beans and i'm about to fart so hard i knock a fence over š All my gas makes up for his lack of, i guess!!! My mom and dad, too. Like, my dad and boyfriend have bonded over the fact that they're both with gassy women. I can't lol
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u/ToodyRudey1022 Internet Auntie 1d ago
Itās been a over a year with my bf and I and he still wonāt fart in front of me šš
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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago
It's lowkey kinda cute but also so silly!!! Even moreso if you're having sex! Thinking back i'm like, i was letting this man put his whole face between my legs but i was too afraid to fart in the same room as him!?!?! š
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u/ToodyRudey1022 Internet Auntie 1d ago
I know, I told him to fart in front of me and he said no šš. Iām gonna try harder lol
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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago
You gotta load him up on beans and then do something that'll get him sacred enough to fart out of fear š
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u/Mundane-Bite APPROVED⨠1d ago
She was in the lavender haze or dickmatized possibly
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u/born_digital Tofu Terrorist 1d ago
Wouldnāt lavender haze imply sheās gay?
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u/nicbeans311 Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago
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u/thenightanimals Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago
I went in search of this gif. It is the only appropriate response.
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u/Wolvii_404 š© Food Aggressive š½ļø 1d ago
David would definitely be disgusted by that kind of behavior lmao
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u/SaltyGrapefruits Blood Type: Gravy 1d ago
Good lord, why are you with him? He sounds disgusting! I don't even want to think about kissing him.
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u/queasydonkey420 š½ aliens built the food pyramid š½ 1d ago
I've been in your place, my ex would eat with his mouth open even in restaurants, despite years of me asking him not to.
I understand you are codependent, and again you and I are the same in that way. It took me FIFTEEN years to finally leave. And I can tell you that everyday I wish I did it sooner. So many years of my life gone, so much trauma from him. This sounds dramatic but please, I beg, don't be like me. Being a heavily codependent person you will likely only dig yourself into a deeper, more impossible feeling hole if you continue to stay, rather than detaching yourself like you think you may be. Pull the bandaid. It's your home, so it's not like you'll be left homeless. You will never feel ready, so you gotta just do it and ride the waves as they come.
You got this girl. ā¤ļø
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
Omg the food thing is crazy š¤®
Thank you for kind response. š You are absolutely correct. I am trying and have been looking into resources and possibly attending CODA. And youāre right, I wouldnāt be homeless. But my brain thinks Iāll be responsible if he is.
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u/buzzkillyall Foraging Bog Witch 1d ago
You are not his parent.
If he had never met you, how would he have survived? He would have figured something out.
He doesn't even care about YOU enough to stop being repulsive in public. How are YOU responsible for his upkeep, when he can't even be bothered about YOUR feelings & minor requests?
In my experience people that are so irately defiant about common courtesy are selfish and uncaring in most other aspects, too. If he simply didn't know what good manners are, he would be willing to learn and to change.
I would be very apprehensive of being exposed to infectious matter from that TB-ridden ghoul.
If he's so convinced "no one cares" about his disgusting habits, he can go live with THOSE people.
You do NOT owe him your soul and your future. Let him go find his spittle-mates elsewhere.
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u/i_am_soooo_screwed š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 17h ago edited 17h ago
I gotta respond as a fellow flair buddy. Ā
Repeat after me:
ADULTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS.
NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME OTHER THAN ME.
And honestly, youāve been so traumatized that you take emotional and physical responsibility for another adult, with a fully functional brain, capable of making their own informed decisions, willing to burn yourself to keep him warm. Ā
Literally, you have put yourself in a lose lose situation. Ā Either you let him go and risk him being homeless (again, why are YOU responsible for HIS life choices? Ā Who can you assign the responsibility for yourself then?!? Ā Why should you be responsible for you AND him? Ā Is he a child?!?!?) OR you keep him and lose yourself. Ā Ā
Look, as a fellow codependent Iāve had my share of lose lose situations. Ā Felt like poop on the bottom of a shoe was better than me sometimes. Ā But you know what? Ā I NEVER ONCE REGRETTED the difficult choices years later. Ā In the moment? Ā Yea, cause the guilt is like⦠gigantic. Ā But a few years down? Ā I was so goddamn PROUD I did that. Ā Couldnāt believe I, ME, did that. Ā So damn proud.
Itās gonna suck either way. Ā At least choose the one that sucks least long term. Ā
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u/Particular_Web8121 I ā¤ļø Other People's Business 1d ago
I'm recovering from an 8.5 year long relationship with a gross ass man who did this and so much worse. I always felt so guilty being icked out because I know he has some GI issues, but this comment section is honestly making me feel so validated that I don't have to settle for crumbs.
And btw I bet you got worse service in public for all his gross habits lol. I know I definitely did, but instead I thought everyone else was being too judgemental.
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u/4ypno Milked An Almond Once 1d ago
?? Have you talked to him about it? I'm always disgusted when people spit on the ground, ilke geez carry a pack of tissues with you, it can't be that hard. Tell him to stop these behaviors, and if they don't listen, yikes, manners are the bare minimum
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u/OriginalChildBomb š¶ļø Spice Girl š¶ļø 1d ago
Yeah, I have bronchiectasis (so I sometimes cough stuff up), but I carry tissues, take meds for it, and am very discrete. (I usually go into another room or private area if I'm gonna, like, really be coughing. I've gotten good at doing very small coughs and sneezes, into a tissue, and that's that.)
I do breathing exercises and am about to start on a new med. He should probably see a doctor, but also, yeah, that's a lot.
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u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy Hazy Grazer š¶āš«ļø 1d ago
And who the fuck does he think has to pick that up or will step in it other than service workers. Nasty.
I hope OP doesnāt have to scrub them up at home.
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u/Fun-Common186 š Vagetarian 1d ago
Yeah Iād be embarrassed thatās disgusting. Him not stopping says a lot about him⦠imo
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u/AbsintheAGoGo Taco Belle 1d ago
But it also says a lot about OP. There's too many questions, least of which is why they're staying with him if they can't stand to be in public with him.
If he's that wonderful, yet can't be spoken to about the behavior without aggression, why are they even staying? Love can cause us to overlook things we wouldn't, but he doesn't seem that charming if a conversation cannot be had.
But also OP seems to also have a dilemma in being one way in private and another in public. I'm not judging but they would seemingly benefit from figuring that part out as well.
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u/suddenlysober69 š§ Anti-Vampire Taskforce š§ 1d ago
So I added some context to the post. I never once said heās wonderful. Iām embarrassed and grossed out by this behavior in public OR private but didnāt really think how I feel about something he does in private was necessary to add.
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u/Hazel_Evers Fries š > Guys 𤔠1d ago
You are allowed to be bothered by his private disgustingness
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u/Infamous_Strain_9428 Drive-Thru Thot ššØ 1d ago
It sounds like lots is happening in private you may have learned to normalize in order to survive this relationship
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u/Doughnut_Diva APPROVED⨠1d ago
How do you feel about this when he does it in private?
Honestly my dad is like this. Fucking gross. I HATED having to go out in public with him. Constantly spitting and doing snot rockets š¤®š¤®š¤® thank goodness that selfish POS didn't like me either and I rarely had to go anywhere with him. Honestly my blood is boiling right now that my mom had the audacity to reproduce with that guy and I had to live with him .
Let me tell you another thing about my dad, the disrespect for other people that it takes for you to put your hand up to your nose and shoot boogers out of your face in public ABSOLUTELY shows up many many many other areas of your behavior. This isn't growing up feral and not knowing better this is blatant disrespect for society. It's willful. And it will definitely turn in your direction one day.
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u/ReaverGT š£ cracked the egg š³ļøāā§ļø 1d ago
That's... incredibly gross. Like, utterly vile. You have every reason to be put off by his behaviour.
The swearing thing, eh, but just coughing, spitting and sneezing straight onto the ground?? Break up with him before one of the many janitors who've planned hits on him take him out, that way you can probably avoid some heartbreak and being questioned by the cops. (/s in case it wasn't blindingly obvious)
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u/Tricky_one_1 APPROVED⨠1d ago
is he secretly a smoker? I know they cough up a lot of phlegm and boogers and whatnot
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u/SeaworthinessSlow295 APPROVED⨠1d ago
I'm a big smoker and never once did I do that, especially in public š it's just a guy being so gross š
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u/friendliestbug Assigned Hungry At Birth 1d ago
If youāre a smoker sometimes you literally canāt control it but ya like at least get a napkin or something
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u/ilikeoldpeople Ā ā Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 1d ago
Is he a smoker? Has he been to the doctor?
This sounds disgusting and I donāt think I personally could handle it, but Iād probably press for a doctorās visit before breaking up. Iād have an open conversation about how this behaviour is affecting me. If he refuses to go to the doctor then you need to decide whether you can live with this forever.
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u/urdrunkyogi we listen and we only judge a little 1d ago
Sounds like he does need to go to the doctor but I just have to say Iām so sick of men not taking care of themselves/getting medical care unless their female partner pushes them to
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u/Flashy-Captain-6664 š« Beans & Rice & Everything Nice š® 1d ago
Lmao instead of asking us just find a man who doesnāt do that.
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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 Hot Pizza Ass š„ 1d ago
Probably literally any other man on the planet.
The worst thing about it is that this is probably a treatable or even preventable medical issue but the man would rather be a nuisance.
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u/ActiveQuick1791 the secret ingredient is autism⨠1d ago
I totally get that. That kind of behavior is gross and would give me the ick. You could potentially gently bring up the behavior he can control and let him know it bothers you. However be aware that boogie boy might not react well. But if heās a good and mature guy heāll listen. Maybe heās just not even aware?
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u/Alerto74 Savory Complexāļø 1d ago
That is terrible. You and he aren't a good match. Let him be where he belongs.
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u/longtimelondoner š§Salty By Nature 1d ago
If someone blew their nose on the floor and I realised that someone was banging me, Iād be running screaming.
Thatās an ICK.
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u/LordButterbeard š©µšāāļøš 1d ago
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u/Routine-Barnacle999 APPROVED⨠1d ago
you're allowed to want your partner to have some manners/etiquette. you're not really asking for much
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u/elle-basi Chaotic But Cute 20h ago
Does he smoke? Because this excess of lung mucus could be a medical problem like, COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). It doesn't absolve him of guilt for being gross af, but maybe it's a sign of some health problem because you said it started a few months ago.
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u/nepeta19 šŖ Sauceress ⨠1d ago
You are not overreacting. There's no excuse for doing that in public and it makes me feel queasy just reading about it, never mind seeing it!Ā
The swearing would probably just elicit an eye-roll sort of reaction from me (depending on the environment) but the bodily fluid ejection is thoroughly grim. And really unhygienic.Ā
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u/Working-Doughnut-681 APPROVED⨠1d ago
He's a heathen! I literally gagged reading it. Grim, grim, grim.
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u/quail_challenge122 Feral Til Fed 1d ago
Lol who is this untrained mans???
It happens because its tolerated and wholly unchecked. Its not your job to train him but you should absolutely tell him that his hygiene habits (because thats what those are) are bad. Tell him you deserve more, you cant continue like that, and its not cute. At that big age, its not cute. The swearing is something alot of people get in the habit, but also out of the habit, if doing. Tell him, check him. Let him know you're going to leave specifically because of those reasons.
Lastly, It's worth asking yourself if this is the kind of guy that you want to be with long-term. Why isnt this gross to him? What if you did it? Does he want future kids to be around that behavior? Also, like..is his family like that? Because if so, he won't ever fully change he'll do it temporarily to pacify you.
You're not being forced to be with this swine.
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u/Doughnut_Diva APPROVED⨠1d ago
This isnt poor home training. If this man grew up in any version of a society he's absolutely been reprimanded more than once by unrelated adults. Spraying bodily fluids everywhere is universally unacceptable because it's unhygienic and spreads disease. Even without the science our instincts tell us this. This is willful anti-social behavior on his part. I'm not gonna pull out the overused therapy talk but this isn't a surface level issue about manners, this is a deep seeded emotional and personality problem.
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u/uwupingu hot girls have tummy troubles 1d ago
uh... firstly, im sorry, but ew @ your boyfriend.
secondly, you know you can break up with him right?
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u/not2anotherraccoon what that mouth do is snack 1d ago
Public disregard for common etiquette can be a subtle demonstration of social power, where an individual feels entitled to prioritize their comfort over public comfort. Or over yours. Is it a lack of awareness? For some, a lack of social awareness or differing standards of personal hygiene drives the behavior, independent of any systemic intent. If you talked about it with them, then it might be closer to intentional disrespect. Are they weaponizing gross or aggressive public behaviors to intentionally make others uncomfortable, mock social norms, or assert hostility?
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u/OpheliaLives7 Chocoholic 1d ago
Your dinner looks delicious
Your bf sounds nasty af
You are NTA but sisā¦why stay with someone constantly embarrassing you spitting everywhere????
Get out now or realize this is the rest of your life together
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u/Alive_Anxiety_385 hot girls have tummy troubles 21h ago
Maybe he should see a doctor or something?? Cause itās weird that he just started doing this a couple of months ago! But also girlā¦.hes doing too much and you donāt need that embarrassment around you
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u/Much_Substance_6017 Dip Diva 1d ago
Not over reacting! Girl, you should be embarrassed! This is embarrassing! š³
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u/Areyastoopid Thick Thighs ā³ Thin Patience 1d ago
Why are you dating someone who repulses you??!!
https://giphy.com/gifs/JJjnYC0upzy36
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u/StevenShegal Feral Til Fed 1d ago
Has he looked into why he has so much phlegm? Is he over 40? There has to be a reason and he has to know this is a problem.
He's stank.
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u/aniyasmomecwi APPROVED⨠1d ago
Do the same things infront of a group of his friends and see how he reactsā¦
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u/Luna-Gitana llamando al pan, pan šš· al vino, vino 1d ago
Assuming all these arenāt brand new behaviors, why have you stayed with him? Because I for one could not deal with any of that, if someone I was out with did that Iād just walk away and leave.
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u/Acrobatic_Hunt_8496 hot girls have tummy troubles 1d ago
Itās gross but it sounds like yall just aināt compatible, he obviously doesnāt see it the same way as you.Ā
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u/AlaskaAeroGrow APPROVED⨠1d ago
First time I heard that -hacking and spitting- was called āa Louisiana tissueā it gave me pause, but it was clarified by the commenter that is called that to let the hacker/spitter know that a tissue and a trash can is more appropriate in publicly used spaces.
Since then I cannot unhear it. When I see a man spitting snot and boogers and his saliva onto the public sidewalk where other people walk, it pisses me off.
Do that shit on property you paid for.
Do that shit somewhere you wonāt make other people sick, do that shit less fucking disrespectfully to the others around you.
Spitting like that is a filthy, germ spreading habit that is rude and pointedly disrespectful when itās meant AT you. (He looks at you, spits while holding eye contact, or he spits then looks back at you, in defiance of your dislike for the habit.)
This is a deal breaker for me.
Use tissues and wash your damn hands or fuck all the way off with that gagging, throat clearing, hacking and spitting.
Gross
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u/ClarenceClaymorre Hot Pot Head 1d ago
Spitting in public is a completely different box of frogs mate
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u/Murderousplantmom Carb-Based Life Form 1d ago
I wish I had not read this post while I was eating my lunch.Ā
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u/Jynxbrand Body By Cheese š§ 1d ago
Ugh just reading your story made me gag twice. I wouldnāt have made it through a date if he was doing that.
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u/Masshaloeffect Body By Cheese š§ 1d ago
Uhm what the actual fuck. I honestly shuttered reading this. No one is forcing you to stay with this weirdo. Get your dignity back and leave his nasty self.
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u/Stunning-Cup-2515 Kitchen Witch 1d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/fQJSYE2Qy6OtXfwEuf
Iām embarrassed for you š
You can leave him though, you know that right? If youāve tried talking to him about it, and he doesnāt care to change his behavior, you should leave him. This is a fundamental difference that I wouldnāt be able to get past and it sounds like you canāt either. Plus, once someone disgusts you like that itās nearly impossible to come back from.
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u/Deathanddisco041 APPROVED⨠1d ago
Donāt get wrapped up in sunk cost fallacies.. they will ruin your life.
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u/Drafting- Internet Auntie 1d ago
That horking sound has legitimately made me puke. Itās soā¦.AWFUL. I canāt explain just how deeply it nauseates me.Ā
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u/Targaryentypebeat Kitchen Witch 1d ago
Is he trying to get you to dump him? This is the kind of gross, disrespectful, out of pocket shit men do when they don't want you anymore but they want you to initiate the breakup
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u/Gh0stM0u5e girls just wanna have pho 22h ago
I understand how you are feeling regarding codependency. That was why I stayed in my marriage for probably a good 15 years too long.
In the end I still wasnāt able to make the decision to save myself from the misery that was my life. They did it for me by cheating and I feel so stupid that I didnāt leave years ago when I should have. You already have 6 years invested in something that doesnāt make you happy⦠it doesnāt get any easier at 7+
I wish you so much happiness in your future once youāre able to finally detangle yourself. I finally feel free šļø
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u/heathbarcrunchh APPROVED⨠1d ago
Seeing a man spit on the ground is the most foul thing to me. I wouldnāt be able to be with someone like that. So disrespect, trashy, no manners. Big no from me
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u/canthaveme APPROVED⨠1d ago
NOR. Honey. You don't have to stay with someone who acts like this. I would be grossed out to even be in his presenceĀ
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u/SeaworthinessSlow295 APPROVED⨠1d ago
I mean you don't have to stay with him š my question is, how is he like at home? š
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u/Putrid-Adagio5717 Delulu 1d ago
If youāre embarrassed to be seen with him, how would this work? He stays at home when you want to do fun things and then you hang out at home when youāre done? Doesnāt sound like much of a relationship
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u/ezgomer APPROVED⨠1d ago edited 1d ago
yes itās gross.
but why does he have to do that all the time? is he a smoker/vaper? does he inhale toxins in the work place? are his allergies bad?
always being congested with excess mucus is not normal. yes he has no manners but he shouldnāt have to blow snot rockets and loogies all day, every day.
edit: OP added more info - itās a recent development. Has he been to the doctor? Did he start snorting drugs? Like something is up with his health.
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u/Pleasant_Guitar_4341 Sweet Tooth Fairyš§āāļø 1d ago
??? so why are you with him? if youāre uncomfortable being out in public with him how long do you think this relationship can really last? how is he around your friends and family? and from his perspective, being with someone who is embarrassed by you sucks too. i think this behavior is pretty gross, not defending it, but just saying, if youāre embarrassed by him i donāt see how this relationship benefits either of you. of course he might be different in private with just you, but you just canāt hermit away inside with him forever. thatās not healthy or realistic for a relationship. you should be with someone that youāre ok doing things outside with, seriously
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u/badwolfinacrown nom-nom-nombinary 1d ago
You're not overreacting at all. Two days ago I was walking the dog with my partner. As we were passing someone walking the other way, dude hacks up this nasty loogie and let it hang down to the ground. I threw up on sight and I'm gagging now describing it.
Spitting in public is a health hazard on multiple fronts
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u/Eclectic_Nymph š§Salty By Nature 1d ago
As a woman who married the codependent dude who hacks up and spits...please read Codependent No More and kick him out now. Divorce is expensive.
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u/vazco_ Enby with Food Envy 1d ago
Re: your edit- I also managed to get out of a six year old co dependent relationship. It's not easy, and almost two years from breaking up, I still struggle with de centering him and his influence from my life. But trust me when I say: leaving will never be as hard as that feeling you get in the middle of the night, wondering if this is the life you're gonna live for the rest of your life. I cried myself to sleep so much at the end of those six years, wondering how to make things better for "us". With help, time, and a lot of support from my friends, I realized I could only make things better for _myself_, and that meant breaking up that relationship.
Don't settle. Life gets better when you start choosing yourself in moments like these š«
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u/Accomplished-Ear4145 Food for Thot š 23h ago
Hey girl, I totally get how you feel, but (and please tell me if Iām wrong/making assumptions) I kind of get the vibe that youāre looking for a reason to break up with him that you feel other people will find āacceptable.ā His sniffling and coughing could be due to health issues or something else, but if youāre not attracted to him in general, thereās no shame in being honest with yourself about that. Itās totally okay to break up with someone or find them unattractive even if your reasons donāt feel āacceptableā to other people. If youāre unhappy, staying in the relationship will only make both of you more miserable in the long run.
Again, Iām sorry if Iām misreading your post or making assumptionsš Hope everything works out for you
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u/rellyks13 Certified Snacker 1d ago
sounds like you don't like the man (understandably), you're allowed to leave
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u/Working-Doughnut-681 APPROVED⨠1d ago
Urgh!! I gagged reading this. That's fucking disgusting. He's uncivilised.
And as for "no-one cares" - I care!! It's absolutely foul to do that in public.
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u/Cultural_Thing1712 š©µnot sure how I got hereš¤·āāļøš 1d ago
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u/Fromdustcomesdreams Feral Til Fed 1d ago
Sounds like he might have sinus issues? Flem building up and needing to be expelled. Maybe investigate that.
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u/Chocolate_Eyebrows Internet Auntie 1d ago
This made me cringe just reading it, I couldnāt imagine being with someone that did this on the regular š
https://giphy.com/gifs/UZiCm4W1O0gGk
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u/Megzasaurusrex nom-nom-nombinary 1d ago
Staying with someone you are embarrassed of does kind of make you an asshole. Its gross what he is doing but you chose him. If you think he is gross, instead of just wanting to hide him away maybe rethink the relationship.
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u/Clean-Reveal-2878 APPROVED⨠1d ago
Time to get rid of him. Girl! Donāt put up with this grossness. If he was willing to correct this behavior it would be different but if he gets defensive then put him in the trash.
https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5
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u/the_real_cutty_flam š© Food Aggressive š½ļø 1d ago
Yeah. This is pretty gross. No overreaction at all. I think itās not a good sign that he doesnāt have social awareness to other people around him. Couple into it that you canāt even bring it to his attention without him getting pissy? Not a good combination. How will or does he handle other issues you try to bring up?





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