r/GirlDinnerDiaries šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

FML AIO for being embarrassed to be seen in public with my bf

Post image

Posting here instead of a generic AIO or AITA sub bc this one seems a lot kinder and since I genuinely don’t know if I am being a dick, I need that rn lol.

So basically what the title says but let me give you some context. My bf is constantly hacking shit up from his lungs, idk how to describe it but it’s like a loud throat noise followed by him spitting whatever it is on the ground. He also blows shit out of his nose onto the ground. Both of these in public! Like parking lots and shit and it makes me cringe so hard every time I hear him doing it. I end up walking ahead of him because I’m so embarrassed. He also swears really loudly in public constantly, and don’t get me wrong, I also talk like a sailor but I stfu in public.

I cant tell if I’m being dramatic or if this is a legitimate thing to be embarrassed about. If I try to get him to not do it he gets irritated/ annoyed and snaps at me that it’s not a big deal and no one cares. But like, if I saw someone else doing it I’d think it’s gross so I assume other people feel the same way.

Dinner is fish n chips

ETA: okay first of all, thanks for validation. For those asking, yes I’m disgusted by it, public or private. Yes I’m embarrassed. Yes it makes me feel bad about myself. Yes I know no in forcing me to stay in the relationship but he lives with me and we’ve been together for 6 years and are codependent as fuck. No he did not do this when we started dating, this has only started in the last few months. There are A LOT of issues in the relationship and I’m just trying to work through the codependence and build my self esteem back up. It’s my house and i cant leave, so he has to. I am trying i stg but codependence is a bitch

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u/trendingtattler AutoMaude šŸ¤–šŸŽ€ 1d ago

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u/please_dont246 nom-nom-nombinary 1d ago

Diva what are we doing

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u/Putrid_wrick APPROVED✨ 1d ago

A very honest question

You are experiencing what is unpleasant and you are still in….. where you forced ?

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u/please_dont246 nom-nom-nombinary 1d ago

Literally like blink twice if you need help

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

blink mf blink Jfc

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u/TurnipWorldly9437 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

If you feel like you've been together for too long to end it for such a "small" reason (although I'd say feeling basic respect, not disgust, for your partner would be important in a relationship), look up the "sunk cost fallacy" and remind yourself that, if this goes on, you're going to feel this, and worse, for the rest of your life...

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

I know all about the sunk cost fallacy. I absolutely think it plays a role. Mostly like, if I’ve stood by him through his worst and he gets better after we break up how is that fair? Rhetorical question and I know it’s something I have to work out within myself but yeah

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u/weeooweeoowee Plate Scraper 1d ago

And if it never gets better? If you're staying then he will do what is most comfortable because he has no consequences to keep doing what he's doing. Sounds like you're staying. I suggest giving yourself a time limit.

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

It won’t ever get better. I KNOW THIS. I’m not trying to stay

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u/drawkward101 🚜 Farm to Table to This Belly šŸ‘©ā€šŸŒ¾ 1d ago

All you need to do is make the decision. That's it. Once he's out, you're free. No more spitting and hacking.

gags

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u/b1tchf1t šŸ‹ Bitter Baddie šŸ‹ 1d ago

It very clearly sounds like that is NOT all she needs to do. And she keeps saying that. Codependency is a bitch, because it entangles every aspect of your life. Unwinding that to be able to actually survive on your own can be daunting and scary and fucking HARD. The fact that she said she's not trying to stay in the comment you just replied to goes to show that leaving is just not as easy as "making the decision." Why do you think it takes women in abusive relationships so long or so many tries to leave? Or why the standard advice is to leave when you're safe. That doesn't just mean when he's not home and you can dip unnoticed. It also means that you have somewhere safe to be, and that same shit is true and can make leaving hard even when it's not an abusive relationship.

To wrap this all up, I get that you're trying to be supportive and encouraging, but it is so frustrating to watch someone not going through it say that making a life upending decision is just so easy and the only step that needs to be taken when they are clearly crying out specifically that they feel stuck beyond the fact that they've made the realization this isn't something they want to keep doing.

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u/katlonelypines Chismosa 1d ago

Ooh ooh! As me about this! I thought this might happen with a disgusting guy I dated. Guess what! He became more disgusting and also added on some new disgusting stuff. You’re going to dodge a bullet. There is no reward to be reaped in the future. Sorry, OP.

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u/alwayssunnyinskyrim Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago

Stop thinking that a man is going to approach a relationship with ā€œfairnessā€ in mind. They approach it with testing to see how much they can take from you and how little they can give you in return. Accepting this behaviour pushes the bar lower and lower, and next step will be even worse. I bet if you look back he’s been lowering expectations and convincing you that you’re overreacting for most of the relationship. He absolutely WILL act better for the next one, because that’s how they get you; they’re all on their best behaviour until they think you’re too invested to leave.

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

I know and I agree, I was just trying to explain what my brain tries to tell me. You’re spot on about him not doing this if he was trying to attract someone else considering he never used to do this shit in front of me.

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u/PenSillyum 🄢 Dumpy By Dumplings 🄟 1d ago

So what? Maybe he gets better after you break up. Maybe not. But you'll get better after you break up. No more getting disgusted and embarrassed by his behaviour, at least. Some peace and quiet. Doesn't it sound nice. Learn to live and be happy for yourself. Ignore everyone else except when they actually matter to you.

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u/Street-Beyond-9666 šŸ+ šŸ• 1d ago

Think about his secretions while eating and while having sex, it’s gonna cure your moral real quick

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u/McDuchess APPROVED✨ 14h ago

What will get better? You break up with him and he stops being antisocial? He stops engaging in disgusting behavior?

AFTER you leave him?

That won’t be getting better. It will be confirmation that he was capable of behaving like a decent member of society, and chose not to to do it when you repeatedly asked him.

The problem is that this behavior is both new and distresses you. He has literally changed the shape of your relationship very much for the worse and is daring you to do something about it.

Please, my Dear. Do something about it.

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u/amateurinatrix APPROVED✨ 14h ago edited 13h ago

If you love him you should want him to improve whether or not you benefit from it.

In the meantime you don’t need to be dragged down.

We all know slovenly men who are always proudly publicly belching, scratching their crotches and cracks, wafting a halo of body odor and smegma at all times, living in stained holey undershirts and pilled sweatpants, carrying untreated foot fungus and crusty scaly skin, grinning with unflossed teeth, living off ultraprocessed foods, rotting from untreated everything because they won’t take themselves to the doctor, and still yells and expect you to do all the cleaning… Do you want one of them in your house? For the rest of your life?

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u/StressLife7080 šŸ¤šŸ©·Lesbian LoremasteršŸ©·šŸ¤ 1d ago

Kick that man out girly pop

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u/yrnkween Assigned Hungry At Birth 1d ago

Dump him before he starts spitting/hawking in your shower or sink.

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u/Targaryentypebeat Kitchen Witch 1d ago

Not to pile on but he definitely already is, and not necessarily the bathroom sink either

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u/Apprehensive_Rice19 Umommy 1d ago

When I first met my now husband he threw a piece of gun wrapped on the ground and I made him turn around and pick it up and told him if he ever litters again I can't be with him. It's ok to expect your partner to have a certain level of social grace to walk beside you, and this man has none and I doubt he will change.

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u/Ok_Introduction9466 šŸŒ¶ļø Spice Girl šŸŒ¶ļø 1d ago

Dump him 😭😭😭😭 it’s not a trivial reason it’s totally valid and for future reference you can break up with anyone for literally any reason even if he’s the kindest and sweetest man in the world.

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u/South_Fairy APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Looking at her edits, it seems like op is too attach to let go(6years).
So I’d suggest she start by detaching her self little by little. Eg moving away from him.

It would help the feelings fad slowly

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u/reality_raven Chamoy 🄭 > Ya Boy 🤔 1d ago

Nah, rip it off fast and quick.

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u/icarus-daedelus con todo, por favor 🌮 1d ago

Every extra minute she spends with this dude is another minute she'll eventually come to regret

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u/Tahoesuz APPROVED✨ 1d ago

And remember, this is him ON HIS GOOD BEHAVIOR. It will only get worse, Queen, the longer y’all date. God forbid if you marry him you’ll be cleaning loogies out of the sink and the trash can wondering how you got there while he complains that you won’t have sex with him anymore.

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u/emily_doodly_doo Kitchen Witch 1d ago

I’d die. I would ABSOLUTELY die. šŸ’€šŸ’Æ

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u/Long_College_8342 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/H3T6oUzwJQCIaajzp3

It would be the END of my acquaintance with that man.

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u/AdRude5518 🩵i actually like my wifešŸ’™ 1d ago
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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/SaintAnyanka Dinner for One šŸ½ļø 1d ago

Life is too short to spend it with someone who has the manners of a 18th century sailor.

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u/Research_Junkie678 Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago

I actually wonder if the sailors would be better

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u/yrnkween Assigned Hungry At Birth 1d ago

They’d rarely be home. And in this relationship, that’s a positive!!

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u/EmotionalTrufflePig Body By Cheese šŸ§€ 1d ago

At least they’d spit over the side of the boat!

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u/yaoikat šŸ‹ Bitter Baddie šŸ‹ 1d ago
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u/OpheliaLives7 Chocoholic 1d ago

It feels like way too many women need some big terrible reason to leave relationships. Like No?! You can leave for any reason! No matter how small or petty it seems!

Use your rights! Leave that man behind!

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u/Smooshymooshy APPROVED✨ 1d ago

I wasted sooo many years not understanding this.

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u/jonni_velvet šŸ¦‡ Gossipy Goth āš°ļø 1d ago

You realize you’re not being forced to stay with him….. right?Ā 

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u/Grand_Pick_8277 Tea Time Hostess ā˜•ļø 1d ago

Any reason is a reason to break up if it bothers you. The only codependency you have is emotional, no kids or anything. You can leave, and once you work through your self esteem struggles, find a guy who will respect public spaces, and you!

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u/Original_Unit8447 BRB šŸŽ® FOOD 1d ago

Stealing this image lmfao it’s great

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u/PeacefulLotus89 Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago

Cops if you’re quick! 🤭

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u/shybuttyr APPROVED✨ 20h ago

as a smoker, too fancy weed store is frying me šŸ˜‚

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

Yes I realize that, I added some additional context to the post.

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u/jonni_velvet šŸ¦‡ Gossipy Goth āš°ļø 1d ago

Does he have health issues going on or something?Ā 

I think the bigger issue is you asked him to stop, and he pretty much said fuck off. thats a huge red flag.Ā 

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u/rratmannnn POšŸ„”TAYšŸ„”TOES 1d ago edited 1d ago

Yeah someone get that boy to a doctor, stat. And get him some pocket Kleenex or a good old fashioned handkerchief. He might not be able to control his sinuses but he can 100% choose to behave like a civilized adult.

And, I’d be curious if he got into some kind of weird manosphere / masculinity complex stuff - this seems just a stones throw away from thinking it should be okay for guys to pee publicly to mark their territory. Could be totally off base there but I just wonder if he had some kind of bizarre mindset shift.

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u/SuitGroundbreaking49 Carb-Based Life Form 1d ago

I’d bet money he smokes a lot of cigarettes and weed either from a vape or a bong.

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u/jonni_velvet šŸ¦‡ Gossipy Goth āš°ļø 1d ago

None of my stoner friends do this, so it’d have to be pretty bad!Ā 

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u/TipsyMagpie Body By Cheese šŸ§€ 1d ago

Tell him it’s over and he has to move out. Or marry him and live the rest of your life like this. Imagine walking down the aisle towards him as he stands there coughing and hacking and spitting.

That shudder and involuntary recoil you just did (and I know you did)? That’s your body telling you enough is enough. Put on your big girl knickers and end it. Get a cat for company, if you feel you can’t live alone.

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u/Shuttup_Heather APPROVED✨ 1d ago

If he snaps at you when you try to do him a favor to teach him proper manners…imagine how he’d act when you’re trying to correct him or advise him on serious matters.

If he can’t be decent enough to not spit phlegm on the ground then he’s disgusting imo

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u/Brunsons_Better04 🩵i actually like my partneršŸ’™ 1d ago

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u/urlocalnightowl40 šŸ’š Pickle Freak šŸ’š 20h ago

sometimes my throat gets phlegm all in it but ive never spit in sidewalks. the straight audacity to do so instead of in a washroom like nobody wants to walk in phlegm covered streets

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u/Ok-Pumpkin400 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

This!Ā 

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u/milkdimension Chocoholic 1d ago

Girl no dick is that good.Ā 

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u/gaelicgirl1983 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

And if he's that gross, chances are he doesn't care about her pleasure anyways.

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u/ToodyRudey1022 Internet Auntie 1d ago

Or about hygiene 🫠🫠

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u/urlocalnightowl40 šŸ’š Pickle Freak šŸ’š 20h ago

imagine having to kiss that mouth where all that gross phlegm comes out from. im cringing thinking about it

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u/ToodyRudey1022 Internet Auntie 20h ago

That’s what I’m saying! I would have to exit stage left because I get being sick and not having a good immune system, but that’s not your significant other ā€˜s problem that’s a you problem that needs to be solved stat!

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u/brelywi white girl with ā˜ļøšŸ˜Œ a full spice cabinet 22h ago

UTIs for dayssssss 🫤

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u/Luna-Gitana llamando al pan, pan šŸžšŸ· al vino, vino 1d ago

This

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u/lacroix_enthusiast_ Кумушка šŸ‘€šŸæ 1d ago

Are you only bothered by this in public?

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u/clearlyhigh6969 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Right?

Like, how do you get turned on by this at all OP?

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u/HughMungus77 🩵would make you a sandwichšŸ’™ 1d ago

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

.no I am bothered by it CONSTANTLY. His reaction to me saying something makes me feel crazy bc he gaslights me about so much shit

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u/Subject_Cranberry_19 āš”ļøPowered By Sour šŸ˜— 1d ago

Start changing your tampons in the living room

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u/reality_raven Chamoy 🄭 > Ya Boy 🤔 1d ago

And throw them on him.

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u/cold_tap_hot_brew Tangent Tour Guide šŸ”€ 21h ago

But grunt like an elite tennis star as you do.

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u/clearlyhigh6969 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

I think you need to leave, immediately.

I want to leave for you. You aren't crazy. It's disgusting and you don't deserve to be treated like that. He's making you feel as low as him because he knows he's disgusting and it'll be very difficult to find someone new.

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u/OccasionalTransit 🄣 Cereal Killer 1d ago

'gaslights me about so much shit' Yeah, time to go.

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u/Jimbobjoesmith white girl with ā˜ļøšŸ˜Œ a full spice cabinet 1d ago

my answer was gonna depend on whether or not you’ve talked to him about it. soo….

leave his ass. bc that is a way worse problem. normal people would feel absolutely mortified if they found out something they did grossed out or embarrassed their loved one. normal, caring people want their loved ones’ feelings to be heard and valued.

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u/alewifePete šŸ§‚Salty By Nature 1d ago

Is he gaslighting about doing it in the first place?

He might not realize it. In that case, it’s really simple. Carry a sharpie in your pocket. Every time he does the thing he says he’s not doing, whip out that sharpie and put a little mark on his arm. At the end of the day, draw a box around the marks. The next day, start a new box.

This might not work if he has tattoos.

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

Oh no he just insists no one cares. Idk if that’s gaslighting since it’s subjective but he does gaslight me about other things in our relationship so it can sometimes be hard to tell if I have a legitimate concern or not

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u/Certain-Criticism427 Blood Type: Gravy 1d ago

Well clearly you care.

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u/icarus-daedelus con todo, por favor 🌮 1d ago

Yeah, but her opinion doesn't matter to him.

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u/Spiritual-Estate2848 šŸØ I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside šŸ˜€ 1d ago

When I see people (men, obvs) do this I fully stop in my tracks, make a face and loudly say EW.
#bringbackpublicshame

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u/_imanalligator_ POšŸ„”TAYšŸ„”TOES 1d ago

Same, girl, same. We're gonna drive these loogiebros back under their rocks, one public shaming at a time šŸ’Ŗ

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u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Live, Laugh, Lumpia ā¤ļø 1d ago

Girl, no YNTA. That's gross af. I've been with guys who do that and it seems to be a cultural thing. It's pretty normalized in certain areas but if he just started doing it, that's just weird. The gaslighting alone would be enough for me to run. Does he know it embarrasses you? If he doesn't care, that's another point for he's not the one.

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u/Cool_Log_4514 šŸ’š Pickle Freak šŸ’š 1d ago

You can tell him that I care and I think he’s gross

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u/Hotsauce4ever hot sauce in my bag, swag 23h ago

I would care if some guy was spitting a giant loogie near me. I’d be totally grossed out, and I would judge said guy quite harshly.

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u/Layla_Vos APPROVED✨ 1d ago

how did you end up with this guy when he's so disgusting? Was he not doing that in public when you met him?

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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago

It's entirely possible he went into things on his best behavior and didn't do any of that until he felt comfortable enough to do so. Kinda like how i avoided farting around my boyfriend for months, except worse lol

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u/Future_Night777 Pantry Gremlin 1d ago

Oh this made me laugh because although my boyfriend and I have been together for a year, only this past week I finally felt comfortable enough to show a reaction to his farts instead of pretending I don’t smell a thing and him gleefully thinking to himself he’s gotten away with it LOL.

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u/ImTheNumberOneGuy APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Since we’re sharing….lol. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, including 2 colonoscopies (for him). I think I’ve heard him fart maybe twice? Like how?! I fart all the damn time.

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u/MommyIssuesPrincess Resident Yapper 1d ago

The ass hair is like gun silencer lol
I got no hair between my cheeks and my farts can be heard in another county

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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago

You know, up until now i never considered my lack of booty hair plays into things. It's barely existent and my farts are loud 😭

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u/MommyIssuesPrincess Resident Yapper 1d ago

My farts never stink but they sound like vine boom sound effect (with reverb). My boyfriend and family joke ā€žoh it’s gonna rain, I heard a thunder nearbyā€ when I fart

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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago

I'm almost embarrassed at how many times i've farted and my man is like "did you hear that? what was that?" like omfg i farted relax 😭

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u/MommyIssuesPrincess Resident Yapper 1d ago

One time when my boyfriend got startled by my fart I went ā€žyou wouldn’t last one day in the hood, white boyā€

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u/Luxeflex Oversharer šŸ—£ 1d ago

This thread is cracking me upšŸ˜‚ lets go farty girls, we dont poop rainbows!

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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago

I'm telling this to my man next time he reacts to one of my farts. So probably within the hour 😭

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u/SignificantPomelo Professional Nibbler 1d ago

The best is when it happens in the shower and the wetness of the cheeks amplifies it. Because apparently I am a child one of my favorite things right now is farting so loudly my kid reacts with horror from the next room over 🤣

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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago

Stop it because the other day i let a nasty fart out in the shower and when i got out i ran over to my boyfriend and was like "i let out the biggest fart in the shower. Did you heart it!?" and he sighed the most depressing sigh before saying "yes, babe. I always hear it." 😭

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u/MommyIssuesPrincess Resident Yapper 1d ago

Even better when the fart travels to thick thighs, it’s like sports recap.

ā€žJoe, let’s hear that fart again!ā€

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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago

My boyfriend is like that!!! He could eat his body weight in beans and at most he's letting out a tiny toot. I always tell him "you fart like how princess peach would fart" because his farts are the dantiest little farts i've ever heard in my entire life. They don't even sound like farts!!!

Meanwhile, i even think about beans and i'm about to fart so hard i knock a fence over 😭 All my gas makes up for his lack of, i guess!!! My mom and dad, too. Like, my dad and boyfriend have bonded over the fact that they're both with gassy women. I can't lol

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u/ToodyRudey1022 Internet Auntie 1d ago

It’s been a over a year with my bf and I and he still won’t fart in front of me šŸ˜‚šŸ˜­

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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago

It's lowkey kinda cute but also so silly!!! Even moreso if you're having sex! Thinking back i'm like, i was letting this man put his whole face between my legs but i was too afraid to fart in the same room as him!?!?! 😭

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u/ToodyRudey1022 Internet Auntie 1d ago

I know, I told him to fart in front of me and he said no 😭😭. I’m gonna try harder lol

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u/_bonedaddys Urban Hunter Gatherer 1d ago

You gotta load him up on beans and then do something that'll get him sacred enough to fart out of fear 😭

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u/Mundane-Bite APPROVED✨ 1d ago

She was in the lavender haze or dickmatized possibly

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u/born_digital Tofu Terrorist 1d ago

Wouldn’t lavender haze imply she’s gay?

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u/nicbeans311 Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago

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u/longtimelondoner šŸ§‚Salty By Nature 1d ago

David is all of us.

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u/thenightanimals Well-Read & Well-Fed 1d ago

I went in search of this gif. It is the only appropriate response.

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u/JustStopItSeriously APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Alexis's 'Ew' is also appropriate lol

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u/Wolvii_404 🐩 Food Aggressive šŸ½ļø 1d ago

David would definitely be disgusted by that kind of behavior lmao

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u/SaltyGrapefruits Blood Type: Gravy 1d ago

Good lord, why are you with him? He sounds disgusting! I don't even want to think about kissing him.

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u/queasydonkey420 šŸ‘½ aliens built the food pyramid šŸ‘½ 1d ago

I've been in your place, my ex would eat with his mouth open even in restaurants, despite years of me asking him not to.

I understand you are codependent, and again you and I are the same in that way. It took me FIFTEEN years to finally leave. And I can tell you that everyday I wish I did it sooner. So many years of my life gone, so much trauma from him. This sounds dramatic but please, I beg, don't be like me. Being a heavily codependent person you will likely only dig yourself into a deeper, more impossible feeling hole if you continue to stay, rather than detaching yourself like you think you may be. Pull the bandaid. It's your home, so it's not like you'll be left homeless. You will never feel ready, so you gotta just do it and ride the waves as they come.

You got this girl. ā¤ļø

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

Omg the food thing is crazy 🤮

Thank you for kind response. šŸ’– You are absolutely correct. I am trying and have been looking into resources and possibly attending CODA. And you’re right, I wouldn’t be homeless. But my brain thinks I’ll be responsible if he is.

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u/buzzkillyall Foraging Bog Witch 1d ago

You are not his parent.

If he had never met you, how would he have survived? He would have figured something out.

He doesn't even care about YOU enough to stop being repulsive in public. How are YOU responsible for his upkeep, when he can't even be bothered about YOUR feelings & minor requests?

In my experience people that are so irately defiant about common courtesy are selfish and uncaring in most other aspects, too. If he simply didn't know what good manners are, he would be willing to learn and to change.

I would be very apprehensive of being exposed to infectious matter from that TB-ridden ghoul.

If he's so convinced "no one cares" about his disgusting habits, he can go live with THOSE people.

You do NOT owe him your soul and your future. Let him go find his spittle-mates elsewhere.

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u/i_am_soooo_screwed šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 17h ago edited 17h ago

I gotta respond as a fellow flair buddy. Ā 

Repeat after me:

ADULTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS.

NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME OTHER THAN ME.

And honestly, you’ve been so traumatized that you take emotional and physical responsibility for another adult, with a fully functional brain, capable of making their own informed decisions, willing to burn yourself to keep him warm. Ā 

Literally, you have put yourself in a lose lose situation. Ā Either you let him go and risk him being homeless (again, why are YOU responsible for HIS life choices? Ā Who can you assign the responsibility for yourself then?!? Ā Why should you be responsible for you AND him? Ā Is he a child?!?!?) OR you keep him and lose yourself. Ā  Ā 

Look, as a fellow codependent I’ve had my share of lose lose situations. Ā Felt like poop on the bottom of a shoe was better than me sometimes. Ā But you know what? Ā I NEVER ONCE REGRETTED the difficult choices years later. Ā In the moment? Ā Yea, cause the guilt is like… gigantic. Ā But a few years down? Ā I was so goddamn PROUD I did that. Ā Couldn’t believe I, ME, did that. Ā So damn proud.

It’s gonna suck either way. Ā At least choose the one that sucks least long term. Ā 

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u/Particular_Web8121 I ā¤ļø Other People's Business 1d ago

I'm recovering from an 8.5 year long relationship with a gross ass man who did this and so much worse. I always felt so guilty being icked out because I know he has some GI issues, but this comment section is honestly making me feel so validated that I don't have to settle for crumbs.

And btw I bet you got worse service in public for all his gross habits lol. I know I definitely did, but instead I thought everyone else was being too judgemental.

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u/4ypno Milked An Almond Once 1d ago

?? Have you talked to him about it? I'm always disgusted when people spit on the ground, ilke geez carry a pack of tissues with you, it can't be that hard. Tell him to stop these behaviors, and if they don't listen, yikes, manners are the bare minimum

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u/OriginalChildBomb šŸŒ¶ļø Spice Girl šŸŒ¶ļø 1d ago

Yeah, I have bronchiectasis (so I sometimes cough stuff up), but I carry tissues, take meds for it, and am very discrete. (I usually go into another room or private area if I'm gonna, like, really be coughing. I've gotten good at doing very small coughs and sneezes, into a tissue, and that's that.)

I do breathing exercises and am about to start on a new med. He should probably see a doctor, but also, yeah, that's a lot.

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u/4ypno Milked An Almond Once 1d ago

sorry i just saw you've spoken to him. why would you stay with that thing?

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u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy Hazy Grazer šŸ˜¶ā€šŸŒ«ļø 1d ago

And who the fuck does he think has to pick that up or will step in it other than service workers. Nasty.

I hope OP doesn’t have to scrub them up at home.

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u/Fun-Common186 🌈 Vagetarian 1d ago

Yeah I’d be embarrassed that’s disgusting. Him not stopping says a lot about him… imo

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u/AbsintheAGoGo Taco Belle 1d ago

But it also says a lot about OP. There's too many questions, least of which is why they're staying with him if they can't stand to be in public with him.

If he's that wonderful, yet can't be spoken to about the behavior without aggression, why are they even staying? Love can cause us to overlook things we wouldn't, but he doesn't seem that charming if a conversation cannot be had.

But also OP seems to also have a dilemma in being one way in private and another in public. I'm not judging but they would seemingly benefit from figuring that part out as well.

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u/suddenlysober69 šŸ§„ Anti-Vampire Taskforce šŸ§„ 1d ago

So I added some context to the post. I never once said he’s wonderful. I’m embarrassed and grossed out by this behavior in public OR private but didn’t really think how I feel about something he does in private was necessary to add.

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u/Hazel_Evers Fries šŸŸ > Guys 🤔 1d ago

You are allowed to be bothered by his private disgustingness

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u/Infamous_Strain_9428 Drive-Thru Thot šŸš™šŸ’Ø 1d ago

And talk about itšŸ«¶šŸ¼

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u/Infamous_Strain_9428 Drive-Thru Thot šŸš™šŸ’Ø 1d ago

It sounds like lots is happening in private you may have learned to normalize in order to survive this relationship

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u/DogLovaaa Glutenless Glutton 1d ago

There is no gun to your head forcing you to be with him lmao

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u/4n_nork Creature of Crunch 1d ago

Judging by the title, I was gonna say yes, but the context shows he’s gross, so no. Completely disrespectful and disgusting

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u/CatAncient Cornbread Fed 1d ago

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u/Doughnut_Diva APPROVED✨ 1d ago

How do you feel about this when he does it in private?

Honestly my dad is like this. Fucking gross. I HATED having to go out in public with him. Constantly spitting and doing snot rockets 🤮🤮🤮 thank goodness that selfish POS didn't like me either and I rarely had to go anywhere with him. Honestly my blood is boiling right now that my mom had the audacity to reproduce with that guy and I had to live with him .

Let me tell you another thing about my dad, the disrespect for other people that it takes for you to put your hand up to your nose and shoot boogers out of your face in public ABSOLUTELY shows up many many many other areas of your behavior. This isn't growing up feral and not knowing better this is blatant disrespect for society. It's willful. And it will definitely turn in your direction one day.

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u/ReaverGT 🐣 cracked the egg šŸ³ļøā€āš§ļø 1d ago

That's... incredibly gross. Like, utterly vile. You have every reason to be put off by his behaviour.

The swearing thing, eh, but just coughing, spitting and sneezing straight onto the ground?? Break up with him before one of the many janitors who've planned hits on him take him out, that way you can probably avoid some heartbreak and being questioned by the cops. (/s in case it wasn't blindingly obvious)

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u/Tricky_one_1 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

is he secretly a smoker? I know they cough up a lot of phlegm and boogers and whatnot

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u/SeaworthinessSlow295 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

I'm a big smoker and never once did I do that, especially in public 😭 it's just a guy being so gross 😭

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u/friendliestbug Assigned Hungry At Birth 1d ago

If you’re a smoker sometimes you literally can’t control it but ya like at least get a napkin or something

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u/ilikeoldpeople  ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 1d ago

Is he a smoker? Has he been to the doctor?

This sounds disgusting and I don’t think I personally could handle it, but I’d probably press for a doctor’s visit before breaking up. I’d have an open conversation about how this behaviour is affecting me. If he refuses to go to the doctor then you need to decide whether you can live with this forever.

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u/urdrunkyogi we listen and we only judge a little 1d ago

Sounds like he does need to go to the doctor but I just have to say I’m so sick of men not taking care of themselves/getting medical care unless their female partner pushes them to

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u/TraditionalLeek1811 Blood Type: Gravy 1d ago

You can break up with anyone for any reasonĀ 

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u/Flashy-Captain-6664 🫘 Beans & Rice & Everything Nice 🌮 1d ago

Lmao instead of asking us just find a man who doesn’t do that.

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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 Hot Pizza Ass šŸ”„ 1d ago

Probably literally any other man on the planet.

The worst thing about it is that this is probably a treatable or even preventable medical issue but the man would rather be a nuisance.

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u/ActiveQuick1791 the secret ingredient is autism✨ 1d ago

I totally get that. That kind of behavior is gross and would give me the ick. You could potentially gently bring up the behavior he can control and let him know it bothers you. However be aware that boogie boy might not react well. But if he’s a good and mature guy he’ll listen. Maybe he’s just not even aware?

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u/Alerto74 Savory Complexāœ”ļø 1d ago

That is terrible. You and he aren't a good match. Let him be where he belongs.

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u/Working-Doughnut-681 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

The sewer

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u/longtimelondoner šŸ§‚Salty By Nature 1d ago

If someone blew their nose on the floor and I realised that someone was banging me, I’d be running screaming.

That’s an ICK.

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u/Routine-Barnacle999 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

you're allowed to want your partner to have some manners/etiquette. you're not really asking for much

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u/LLUrDadsFave HoeMade 1d ago

I wouldn't want to be with him in private either.

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u/elle-basi Chaotic But Cute 20h ago

Does he smoke? Because this excess of lung mucus could be a medical problem like, COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). It doesn't absolve him of guilt for being gross af, but maybe it's a sign of some health problem because you said it started a few months ago.

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u/nepeta19 šŸŖ„ Sauceress ✨ 1d ago

You are not overreacting. There's no excuse for doing that in public and it makes me feel queasy just reading about it, never mind seeing it!Ā 

The swearing would probably just elicit an eye-roll sort of reaction from me (depending on the environment) but the bodily fluid ejection is thoroughly grim. And really unhygienic.Ā 

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u/Working-Doughnut-681 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

He's a heathen! I literally gagged reading it. Grim, grim, grim.

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u/quail_challenge122 Feral Til Fed 1d ago

Lol who is this untrained mans???

It happens because its tolerated and wholly unchecked. Its not your job to train him but you should absolutely tell him that his hygiene habits (because thats what those are) are bad. Tell him you deserve more, you cant continue like that, and its not cute. At that big age, its not cute. The swearing is something alot of people get in the habit, but also out of the habit, if doing. Tell him, check him. Let him know you're going to leave specifically because of those reasons.

Lastly, It's worth asking yourself if this is the kind of guy that you want to be with long-term. Why isnt this gross to him? What if you did it? Does he want future kids to be around that behavior? Also, like..is his family like that? Because if so, he won't ever fully change he'll do it temporarily to pacify you.

You're not being forced to be with this swine.

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u/Doughnut_Diva APPROVED✨ 1d ago

This isnt poor home training. If this man grew up in any version of a society he's absolutely been reprimanded more than once by unrelated adults. Spraying bodily fluids everywhere is universally unacceptable because it's unhygienic and spreads disease. Even without the science our instincts tell us this. This is willful anti-social behavior on his part. I'm not gonna pull out the overused therapy talk but this isn't a surface level issue about manners, this is a deep seeded emotional and personality problem.

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u/dont6fear6the6reaper Chaotic But Cute 1d ago

so why are you with him?

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u/uwupingu hot girls have tummy troubles 1d ago

uh... firstly, im sorry, but ew @ your boyfriend.

secondly, you know you can break up with him right?

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u/not2anotherraccoon what that mouth do is snack 1d ago

Public disregard for common etiquette can be a subtle demonstration of social power, where an individual feels entitled to prioritize their comfort over public comfort. Or over yours. Is it a lack of awareness? For some, a lack of social awareness or differing standards of personal hygiene drives the behavior, independent of any systemic intent. If you talked about it with them, then it might be closer to intentional disrespect. Are they weaponizing gross or aggressive public behaviors to intentionally make others uncomfortable, mock social norms, or assert hostility?

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u/OpheliaLives7 Chocoholic 1d ago

Your dinner looks delicious

Your bf sounds nasty af

You are NTA but sis…why stay with someone constantly embarrassing you spitting everywhere????

Get out now or realize this is the rest of your life together

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u/Alive_Anxiety_385 hot girls have tummy troubles 21h ago

Maybe he should see a doctor or something?? Cause it’s weird that he just started doing this a couple of months ago! But also girl….hes doing too much and you don’t need that embarrassment around you

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u/Much_Substance_6017 Dip Diva 1d ago

Not over reacting! Girl, you should be embarrassed! This is embarrassing! 😳

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Areyastoopid Thick Thighs ā³ Thin Patience 1d ago

Why are you dating someone who repulses you??!!
https://giphy.com/gifs/JJjnYC0upzy36

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u/StevenShegal Feral Til Fed 1d ago

Has he looked into why he has so much phlegm? Is he over 40? There has to be a reason and he has to know this is a problem.

He's stank.

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u/aniyasmomecwi APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Do the same things infront of a group of his friends and see how he reacts…

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u/Diva_of_Disgust APPROVED✨ 1d ago

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u/Luna-Gitana llamando al pan, pan šŸžšŸ· al vino, vino 1d ago

Assuming all these aren’t brand new behaviors, why have you stayed with him? Because I for one could not deal with any of that, if someone I was out with did that I’d just walk away and leave.

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u/Acrobatic_Hunt_8496 hot girls have tummy troubles 1d ago

It’s gross but it sounds like yall just ain’t compatible, he obviously doesn’t see it the same way as you.Ā 

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u/AlaskaAeroGrow APPROVED✨ 1d ago

First time I heard that -hacking and spitting- was called ā€œa Louisiana tissueā€ it gave me pause, but it was clarified by the commenter that is called that to let the hacker/spitter know that a tissue and a trash can is more appropriate in publicly used spaces.

Since then I cannot unhear it. When I see a man spitting snot and boogers and his saliva onto the public sidewalk where other people walk, it pisses me off.
Do that shit on property you paid for.
Do that shit somewhere you won’t make other people sick, do that shit less fucking disrespectfully to the others around you.

Spitting like that is a filthy, germ spreading habit that is rude and pointedly disrespectful when it’s meant AT you. (He looks at you, spits while holding eye contact, or he spits then looks back at you, in defiance of your dislike for the habit.)

This is a deal breaker for me.
Use tissues and wash your damn hands or fuck all the way off with that gagging, throat clearing, hacking and spitting.
Gross

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u/ClarenceClaymorre Hot Pot Head 1d ago

Spitting in public is a completely different box of frogs mate

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u/Murderousplantmom Carb-Based Life Form 1d ago

I wish I had not read this post while I was eating my lunch.Ā 

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u/Jynxbrand Body By Cheese šŸ§€ 1d ago

Ugh just reading your story made me gag twice. I wouldn’t have made it through a date if he was doing that.

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u/TwaddleSpouter Kitchen Witch 1d ago

Spray him with this.

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u/Masshaloeffect Body By Cheese šŸ§€ 1d ago

Uhm what the actual fuck. I honestly shuttered reading this. No one is forcing you to stay with this weirdo. Get your dignity back and leave his nasty self.

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u/Stunning-Cup-2515 Kitchen Witch 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/fQJSYE2Qy6OtXfwEuf
I’m embarrassed for you šŸ˜…
You can leave him though, you know that right? If you’ve tried talking to him about it, and he doesn’t care to change his behavior, you should leave him. This is a fundamental difference that I wouldn’t be able to get past and it sounds like you can’t either. Plus, once someone disgusts you like that it’s nearly impossible to come back from.

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u/Deathanddisco041 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Don’t get wrapped up in sunk cost fallacies.. they will ruin your life.

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u/Drafting- Internet Auntie 1d ago

That horking sound has legitimately made me puke. It’s so….AWFUL. I can’t explain just how deeply it nauseates me.Ā 

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u/Targaryentypebeat Kitchen Witch 1d ago

Is he trying to get you to dump him? This is the kind of gross, disrespectful, out of pocket shit men do when they don't want you anymore but they want you to initiate the breakup

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u/Gh0stM0u5e girls just wanna have pho 22h ago

I understand how you are feeling regarding codependency. That was why I stayed in my marriage for probably a good 15 years too long.

In the end I still wasn’t able to make the decision to save myself from the misery that was my life. They did it for me by cheating and I feel so stupid that I didn’t leave years ago when I should have. You already have 6 years invested in something that doesn’t make you happy… it doesn’t get any easier at 7+

I wish you so much happiness in your future once you’re able to finally detangle yourself. I finally feel free šŸ•Šļø

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u/heathbarcrunchh APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Seeing a man spit on the ground is the most foul thing to me. I wouldn’t be able to be with someone like that. So disrespect, trashy, no manners. Big no from me

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u/canthaveme APPROVED✨ 1d ago

NOR. Honey. You don't have to stay with someone who acts like this. I would be grossed out to even be in his presenceĀ 

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u/SeaworthinessSlow295 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

I mean you don't have to stay with him 😭 my question is, how is he like at home? 😭

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u/Putrid-Adagio5717 Delulu 1d ago

If you’re embarrassed to be seen with him, how would this work? He stays at home when you want to do fun things and then you hang out at home when you’re done? Doesn’t sound like much of a relationship

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u/thickandmorty333 Trader Joe Hoe 1d ago

for starters, yuck. secondly, if you’re embarrassed to be seen with your partner then that’s a pretty telltale sign to just…

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u/ezgomer APPROVED✨ 1d ago edited 1d ago

yes it’s gross.

but why does he have to do that all the time? is he a smoker/vaper? does he inhale toxins in the work place? are his allergies bad?

always being congested with excess mucus is not normal. yes he has no manners but he shouldn’t have to blow snot rockets and loogies all day, every day.

edit: OP added more info - it’s a recent development. Has he been to the doctor? Did he start snorting drugs? Like something is up with his health.

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u/Pleasant_Guitar_4341 Sweet Tooth FairyšŸ§šā€ā™€ļø 1d ago

??? so why are you with him? if you’re uncomfortable being out in public with him how long do you think this relationship can really last? how is he around your friends and family? and from his perspective, being with someone who is embarrassed by you sucks too. i think this behavior is pretty gross, not defending it, but just saying, if you’re embarrassed by him i don’t see how this relationship benefits either of you. of course he might be different in private with just you, but you just can’t hermit away inside with him forever. that’s not healthy or realistic for a relationship. you should be with someone that you’re ok doing things outside with, seriously

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u/badwolfinacrown nom-nom-nombinary 1d ago

You're not overreacting at all. Two days ago I was walking the dog with my partner. As we were passing someone walking the other way, dude hacks up this nasty loogie and let it hang down to the ground. I threw up on sight and I'm gagging now describing it.

Spitting in public is a health hazard on multiple fronts

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u/Eclectic_Nymph šŸ§‚Salty By Nature 1d ago

As a woman who married the codependent dude who hacks up and spits...please read Codependent No More and kick him out now. Divorce is expensive.

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u/vazco_ Enby with Food Envy 1d ago

Re: your edit- I also managed to get out of a six year old co dependent relationship. It's not easy, and almost two years from breaking up, I still struggle with de centering him and his influence from my life. But trust me when I say: leaving will never be as hard as that feeling you get in the middle of the night, wondering if this is the life you're gonna live for the rest of your life. I cried myself to sleep so much at the end of those six years, wondering how to make things better for "us". With help, time, and a lot of support from my friends, I realized I could only make things better for _myself_, and that meant breaking up that relationship.

Don't settle. Life gets better when you start choosing yourself in moments like these šŸ«‚

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u/Accomplished-Ear4145 Food for Thot šŸ’­ 23h ago

Hey girl, I totally get how you feel, but (and please tell me if I’m wrong/making assumptions) I kind of get the vibe that you’re looking for a reason to break up with him that you feel other people will find ā€œacceptable.ā€ His sniffling and coughing could be due to health issues or something else, but if you’re not attracted to him in general, there’s no shame in being honest with yourself about that. It’s totally okay to break up with someone or find them unattractive even if your reasons don’t feel ā€œacceptableā€ to other people. If you’re unhappy, staying in the relationship will only make both of you more miserable in the long run.

Again, I’m sorry if I’m misreading your post or making assumptionsšŸ˜…Hope everything works out for you

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u/ChocolateKoko Feral Til Fed 1d ago

Eww.

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u/Badrabbit61 Patron Saint of Go Plates 1d ago

No. That’s disgusting

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u/rellyks13 Certified Snacker 1d ago

sounds like you don't like the man (understandably), you're allowed to leave

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u/Working-Doughnut-681 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Urgh!! I gagged reading this. That's fucking disgusting. He's uncivilised.

And as for "no-one cares" - I care!! It's absolutely foul to do that in public.

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u/cookeryandwookery 🩵🦠BOY COOTIESšŸ¦ šŸ’™ 1d ago

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u/Cultural_Thing1712 🩵not sure how I got herešŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ’™ 1d ago

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u/Fromdustcomesdreams Feral Til Fed 1d ago

Sounds like he might have sinus issues? Flem building up and needing to be expelled. Maybe investigate that.

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u/Chocolate_Eyebrows Internet Auntie 1d ago

This made me cringe just reading it, I couldn’t imagine being with someone that did this on the regular šŸ˜–
https://giphy.com/gifs/UZiCm4W1O0gGk

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u/Dependent-Water-8084 šŸ©µšŸ™‹ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ’™ 1d ago

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u/Megzasaurusrex nom-nom-nombinary 1d ago

Staying with someone you are embarrassed of does kind of make you an asshole. Its gross what he is doing but you chose him. If you think he is gross, instead of just wanting to hide him away maybe rethink the relationship.

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u/EatsTheLastSlice Overthinker šŸ’­ 1d ago

good god. why are you enduring this?

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u/Clean-Reveal-2878 APPROVED✨ 1d ago

Time to get rid of him. Girl! Don’t put up with this grossness. If he was willing to correct this behavior it would be different but if he gets defensive then put him in the trash.
https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5

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u/the_real_cutty_flam 🐩 Food Aggressive šŸ½ļø 1d ago

Yeah. This is pretty gross. No overreaction at all. I think it’s not a good sign that he doesn’t have social awareness to other people around him. Couple into it that you can’t even bring it to his attention without him getting pissy? Not a good combination. How will or does he handle other issues you try to bring up?