I just want to be pursued and desired

[u/Specialist-Coat5410]

Pictured: breakfast on the balcony of a recent cruise with wifey

I know this is ridiculously irrational but here goes: I’m in a loving, fulfilling relationship. My wife makes me feel loved and beautiful and sexy and desired. That’s not the problem.

We’re nonmonogamous, which is also not the problem. The issue is I always feel like my wife and our best friend who often is in sexy situations with us get all the attention. Maybe it’s because I’m a top/domme and I’m expected to take the lead. Maybe it’s because I’m fat and they’re not. I know I’m pretty and I know I’m sexy. I’m interesting and smart and kind. I just feel like they usually get aggressively pursued/get people who just go crazy over them and I just….don’t.

I just want to be wildly wanted by someone other than my wife. Sigh.

[u/Virtual_Freedom3602]

Be aware that there have been people who have wanted you, and been unable to express it. You just don’t know.

Also, you may want to work out more (not to lose weight, but just to feel good). When I feel bad about myself, working out consistently makes me feel waaaaayyyyyy better. Maybe you’re just missing endorphins in your life.

Either way, realize you are someone’s complete sexual fantasy, even if you don’t realize it.

[u/Specialist-Coat5410 → u/Virtual_Freedom3602]

You’re so right. Thanks for this 💖

[u/Virtual_Freedom3602 → u/Specialist-Coat5410]

Right after I wrote this message, two seconds afterwards I got a text message for an audition for a TV show. I think it was the universe paying back my good karma for saying something nice. So actually, thank you!!!

[u/Specialist-Coat5410 → u/Virtual_Freedom3602]

Hell yeah, break a leg!!

[u/bambinosaur666]

I get it. It's different to always initiate and pursue but not get that back. :-(

[u/mahoukitten]

I'm not well versed in these types of relationships, but could you maybe talk to your wife and let her know how you feel? Do you think she would be able to swap to being more dominant role for sexy time?

I know how you feel but I'm in a different situation. The best thing is to be honest and see how she responds. Also, you aren't being irrational, you're just being honest with yourself. So be honest with her too. ♥️

[u/Specialist-Coat5410 → u/mahoukitten]

Thanks boo. I do plan on talking to my wife about it. She doesn’t have a dominant bone in her whole body though lol. I just wanted to share somewhere bc I can’t talk to her about it till she gets home from work.

[u/peachy_ricky]

Sometimes (rarely) the things we were told as a kid are true. The solution to a feeling of lack is often gratitude, and comparison is the thief of joy.

You’re in a sub where I see multiple women every single day complain about how their one partner doesn’t make them feel any of these. Do you know how lucky you are to have a person that does?

I’m in a monogamous relationship so I can’t really relate to the dynamic of being bummed you don’t have multiple people pining over you.

Have you tried online dating? It gives you access to Soooo many more people. There’s a lot of people who are specifically into bigger body types

[u/Specialist-Coat5410 → u/peachy_ricky]

You’re so right. When I feel this way I usually default to gratitude, and I am endlessly grateful for my relationship. We’re not perfect but we work hard to have a healthy marriage and we’re very compatible, which I know is rare.

The apps burn me the fuck out tbh lol

[u/peachy_ricky → u/Specialist-Coat5410]

I’m glad to hear that!

& totally fair.

I wonder if some of this is situational. You mentioned you’re a domme. I wonder if these feelings are actually just stemming from a desire to experience some aspects of social and sexual situations that the more submissive roles get to enjoy.

It can be difficult to switch these roles comfortably if they have been in place for a while with existing people (wife and friend), but perhaps they would be open to trying it. If not, it’s much easier to allow yourself to slip into more of a role where you are the one getting worshiped with someone brand new.

[u/pinkdumpsterfire]

This feeling is absolutely relatable.

I try to remind myself, “You are not most people’s cup of tea. And that’s okay. You are some people’s perfect cup of tea.”

[u/Specialist-Coat5410 → u/pinkdumpsterfire]

I tell myself this too :) I’m not for everyone, and not everyone is for me.

[u/moon_dos]

hard being non monogamous with a smoking hot partner huh lol at least it was for me …

[u/Specialist-Coat5410 → u/moon_dos]

Yep lmaooo and she’s only getting hotter 😭😅 we’re only sexually nonmonogamous (ie we go to sex and kink parties) but it still is like ok hi I’m here too

[u/Zorothar]

So very, very relatable :' )

Regardless of your situation with your wife, it's very normal to want to be wanted like that, especially when you see other people in your life getting it on a semi regular basis. It sucks putting yourself out there in any manner and not getting that spark in return that other people around you seem to get nigh effortlessly.

I don't have any real advice, but I just want to say I see you, and I get it. I hope the right person or people enter your life soon to give you that pursuit you're looking for!

[u/skittleliquor]

this makes me feel so seen as a dominate woman. i don’t necessarily have a strong want to be desired, but i’m only approached by (im gonna sound so wrong for this) “pushovers” and bottom princes? it’s annoying bc i want someone that is equal to me, not a shy or intimated pillow prince 😭😭

[u/PurpleLoveTiger]

You’re gorgeous, magnetic, and worthy of being chased relentlessly. Don’t ever forget that

[u/sadhermitcrab]

Hhhmm my steak is too juicy and my lobster is too buttery ass post

[u/Specialist-Coat5410 → u/sadhermitcrab]

I’m willing to share my juicy steak with you if you want it babe 😉

[u/sadhermitcrab → u/Specialist-Coat5410]

I prefer a monogamous relationship but thanks honey

[u/Specialist-Coat5410 → u/sadhermitcrab]

I hope you find the relationship you want and deserve if you don’t have it already 💖