Repost with food. My therapist. I'm shocked.

[u/waterwoman76]

Reposting because I was finding the feedback really comforting and helpful. Thank you.

I was supposed to have an appointment with my long-time therapist in early July.

That day she texted to let me know she was running late because she was getting some bloodwork done. She had to "figure out this virus."

Later that week she let me know she had to cancel all appointments for the time being.

This morning I learned she passed away after a brief battle with cancer.

She was basically my closest confidante for 14 years. She helped me rebuild myself. I'm so grateful to her.

I'm not sure how to feel.

Breakfast: tea, apple, popcorn.

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[u/CaptainObviousBear]

That’s so fast for her to pass, how awful. I hope she had a good farewell, despite it all.

I think she’d be proud of you anyway, but she’d be even more proud of you if you had the strength to find a new therapist, if that’s what you need.

[u/SoffitNoisy → u/CaptainObviousBear]

Yeah, after 14 years funding someone new might feel impossible, but carrying forward the works she helped you build would be such a meaningful way to honor her.

[u/tarcinlina → u/CaptainObviousBear]

Usually therapists have a will that explains what is going to happen to their clients after the pass away. I'm not sure if OP was contacted by another clinician in the field as a source of referral. i know this because i'm a therapist! OP i hope you can find someone where you feel safety in their presence.

[u/nowwithextrasalt → u/tarcinlina]

So you basically assign a replacement? Like coworker A would be a good fit with client B, and so on?

It makes sense, I'm just curious how it goes.

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[u/HistoricalCoach4768 → u/tarcinlina]

I was also going to mention this.

[u/Particular-Crew5978]

I'm so very sorry my friend. My psychiatrist actually died while I was still his patient. His staff were so kind and supportive of all of us. His daughter's are amazing people too. I remember thinking I carry his light, his healing, his gentle demeanor and comforting grace he shared with me for the past ten years. That way, his life ripples through mine, and he lives on this way. I hope you can find grace and support in this time 💜

[u/plecomom → u/Particular-Crew5978]

Now don’t go making me cry at a Reddit comment 😭 this is such a sweet way to look at it. I’m so sorry you went through that.

[u/phi_spirals → u/Particular-Crew5978]

This was beautiful and timely, for OP, myself, and likely for others too. Thank you.

[u/ScrapeFonts → u/Particular-Crew5978]

That’s such a beautiful way to put it, sometimes the eat way to honor someone who o help heal you is to carry a little of what they gave you into how you treat yourself and others.

[u/Consistent_Femme_Top → u/Particular-Crew5978]

This broke me. My heart breaks for you. May he keep guiding you and giving you the comfort you need during the times you need it most. Ily ❤️

[u/Particular-Crew5978 → u/Consistent_Femme_Top]

Thank you sweet friend! He took me out of chaos and walked me into confidence. He did for so many, many people. Knowing how many people he helped, his care and his light will never die. Love you too 💜

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[u/gaygayagyfemboy12345]

so sorry for your loss. its gonna ba okay, i hope you find someone like her

[u/boplegume → u/gaygayagyfemboy12345]

Give yourself time to grieve first, you dont have to replace her, just find support when you feel ready.

[u/PriandTiti → u/gaygayagyfemboy12345]

Losing someone who was such a constant in your life for 14 years is a huge loss, even if the relationship was professional. And finding out so suddenly, after thinking she was just dealing with a virus, must make it even more surreal. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you’re being gentle with yourself❤️

[u/MangoMist_ → u/gaygayagyfemboy12345]

Thank you so much for the kind words, it really means a lot right now.

[u/AtTheEndOfMyTrope]

I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you find another therapist you trust and vibe with.

[u/a_nona_mouse]

glad you kept the mug in there. condolences and be kind to yourself.

[u/waterwoman76 → u/a_nona_mouse]

The mug brings a little light. xo

[u/ADSky702 → u/waterwoman76]

I have the same Calamityware mug; it always puts a smile on my face.

Condolences on the loss of your beloved therapist.

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[u/ZookeepergameFar2513]

Wow. This is devastating. My heart goes out to you and all her clients. I’m a therapist myself and have been with a few clients for 5 years and it’s such a privilege. I can only imagine how many phases of life she walked with you through. A consistent, safe place for you throughout the years is priceless. I have no doubt that she cared for you deeply and you left a lasting impression in her heart and life just as she did for you. Take care ❤️

[u/waterwoman76 → u/ZookeepergameFar2513]

Thank you

[u/blondeheartedgoddess]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I, like others, love your Calamityware mug.

[u/Icy-Purple4801]

Oh gosh, that is so traumatic. My therapist of over a decade is terminally ill, but we were able to have a couple of last sessions after her diagnosis. I can’t explain how devastated I was, I felt closer to her than I did my whole family.

I just want to tell you that your progress doesn’t have to end with her. And the grief is going to come in waves. It’s really hard to lose someone who knows your whole history and understands your soul. But I do think it would be good for you to find a new therapist to process all of this with. I’ve recently started seeing someone else and it has been helpful. It’s helped me to see that the work that we were doing together doesn’t have to end just because I’ve lost the person who helped me begin the work.

For me and also helped to write a letter to her, to try to process everything. And I know you don’t have anyone to give it to you now, but maybe that would be an important part of your healing. ❤️‍🩹 Hugs.

[u/nanniej]

Hugs! Grief hits. And it sucks big time ❤️❤️
Btw, love the calamity mug. I love that take on Blue Willow.😝

[u/Intelligent_Egg_8217]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I recommend the song “Someone Great” by LCD Soundsystem, which is about the writers therapist dying. “I wish that we could talk about it… but there lies the problem.” It’s a very sweet tribute.

As a therapist, I feel so much care for my clients. I hope I never have to leave them unexpectedly. I’m sure she really cared about you, too.

[u/waterwoman76 → u/Intelligent_Egg_8217]

Thanks for the recommendation, and for the kindness.

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[u/Timid-Tlacuache]

This is a big loss .. I am so very sorry.
You have lost someone important to you, please allow yourself to grieve .

[u/dbtl87]

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️

[u/keencleangleam]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I have that same mug. Perfect for this occasion

[u/Big_Bowler8424]

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe you can find a special way to show your respects and thank her. Either flowers, donation to an organization in her name. Or simply show her by continuing on your journey with a new therapist.

Do you know who is taking over her caseload? If you don’t mesh with the new therapist, ask if your therapist’s notes can be forwarded to a new one. Her notes have so much history of your progress and areas you both were focusing on.

Your new counselor can help with identify and process her death. I’m sure it’s a tricky emotion jumble given the unique relationships between counselors and clients.

[u/goddessguided]

So sorry for your loss and their family

[u/Away_Amoeba5554]

Oh no! I didn’t expect that. That’s terrible!

[u/EnduringAloePlant]

Wow I'm very sorry for the loss, and not having a chance to say goodbye.  You might write her a letter (to send or not) or find another way to say goodbye

[u/RamenRat]

That’s so awful im sorry 😞

[u/Afterglow92]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Even though it was a professional relationship she clearly had an impact on your life for the past 14 years. Praying for your healing and that you find another therapist like her who can help you heal. ❤️🙏

[u/spudsoup]

So sorry for your loss. That’s my dream breakfast. Wishing you peace.

[u/inandoutof_limbo]

I’m so sorry! This is my fear; that someday I will lose my wonderful therapist, who is now in his 60s.

[u/peatypeacock]

This happened to me. For me, it helped to attend the funeral, just to sit in the back and hear people who knew and loved her talk about her. I still keep the funeral bulletin in the drawer by my front door, even though it’s been ages (I’ve been working with another therapist for at least two years now). I think about her often. I miss her. I wonder what she would think of where I am in my life now.

Also, I process things in writing, so I ended up writing a note for the “tribute wall” on the obituary page. I’ll paste it here in case anyone wants to hear about Deborah. She was an amazing woman.

[u/peatypeacock → u/peatypeacock]

Dear [redacted] family,

Thank you for a beautiful ceremony yesterday. Deb would have been so pleased. I hesitated to say anything at the event itself (I was the blue-haired woman no-one knew, sitting in the back), because in many ways it felt like not really my place, but I want to share with you a side of her you may not know as well.

Deb was my therapist for nearly a decade before she retired last spring to deal with the reoccurrence of the cancer. I'm sure you know that she was an exceptional therapist. How could she not be, when she was so smart, so well-read, so strong, and so compassionate? But the lived experience of working with her was so much more than that.

The relationship between a patient and a therapist is so weird — I didn't know a single soul of all those many attendees yesterday that she loved so dearly, I didn't know her passions and loves outside of our strictly-professional interactions. But she knew me — better than my parents, better than my partner, better than my very dearest friends — and she made me feel so valued and validated and loved. She treated the most broken parts of me with compassion bordering on reverence, and helped me recognize both when I was suffering from old wounds inflicted by others and when I was contributing to my own unhappiness by falling into unhealthy patterns. She brought unflagging kindness to every interaction we had — though that's not to say she was soft on me! I treasured her willingness to call me on my bullshit. :)

I will never forget that there were times when I'd tell her about something that had happened to me — often long ago, so long ago that the pain had completely faded from the memory and I'd be talking about it like it was yesterday's lunch — and she would cry. She cried for *me*, for the trauma that shaped me, for the wounds that'd long since healed into just slightly-achy scars.

I live every single day of my life with Deb in my mind. Would she be proud? Would she tell me to forgive myself? Would she tell me I could do better? While we were seeing each other weekly, she quite literally saved my life. And she will continue to, with her voice in my ear as I live out the rest of my life without her.

She was a truly extraordinary soul, and I'm so, so grateful to have known her.

[u/harleenquinzel044]

That’s so sad. I’m so sorry.

[u/captain_starcat]

Oh no I’m so sorry :(( also love ur calamityware mug!! I have a set of their dinner plates :)

[u/ladymacbeth999]

It must be devastating to lose your confidant of 14 years so suddenly. Did she have other therapists she referred clients to when she had to cancel all appointments? Sending you hugs and good juju.

[u/Consequence-Holiday]

I am so sorry for your loss, it must be very hard.

As an aside, I also have those coffee cups, and they are the right choice for the situation.

[u/hgielatan]

I am so very sorry for your loss, that has to be heartbreaking. Make sure you live your life as fully as she would have wanted you to--that's the best way to honor her memory!

[u/Automatic_Soil9814]

Sometimes when I’m sad, I like to lean into it. If you feel like doing that, here’s the song recommendation:

LCD sound system Someone great

It’s a true song that James Murphy wrote about the death of his therapist. It’s absolutely brutal. 10/10 would cry again.

[u/tarcinlina]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You can feel whatever you want, and allow yourself to. i'm a psychotherapist but never thought of this as i'm new in the field (I'm 26). But i also have a therapist i have been seeing for the past three years and I think about how much her death is going to break my heart. I can't imagine what 14 years of her being a witness to your pain, and holding it gently, and compassionately would feel like, and especially losing that person. Sending you support.

[u/wisegrace]

Damn that’s sad. Hope you get to commemorate her somehow🎀

[u/VictorTheCutie]

Oh my God how awful! I'm so, so sorry. Life is so unfair sometimes. Sending you the biggest hug. Be gentle with yourself. It's ok to feel hard feelings. 🩷

[u/LeekTop8468]

Holy shit. My therapist is my everything so I could not even begin to imagine. I am so sorry.

[u/BookNerdUnicorn]

It’s so hard to lose a therapist, even when it is one that you haven’t seen for a while. Two of my old therapists have passed and I grieved that.

[u/Otney]

I’m so very sorry. Condolences to you.

[u/Effective-Usual4152]

I’m sorry! It’s really hard to build that kind of relationship and lose it so tragically! Let your mug keep you smiling through the pain, and best wishes in finding a new therapist… ❤️

[u/Potential-Company117]

I’m so sorry friend

[u/Dylissa → u/Potential-Company117]

So sorry OP

[u/Mountain_Strain5507]

So sorry - my condolences.

[u/lawbabyesq]

I’m so sorry for your loss… I’ve had my therapist for 6 years and cannot imagine your heartbreak after 14 years.

Sending you big hugs… don’t let anyone minimize this grief for you. Close human connection and vulnerability is always sacred and should be mourned (regardless of how you know the individual)

[u/AgileMastodon0909]

I’m so sorry.

[u/27softtacos]

I’m very sorry for your loss. Hugs and love to you.

[u/Few-Chart1635]

Damn that hits hard, I am so sorry ;(

[u/Local-Possibility414]

I am so, so sorry

[u/quarkjet]

Devestating. Sorry for your loss.

[u/nichichanilemonade]

Oh gawd. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find support.

[u/strangeloop414]

How heartbreaking, I am so sorry.

[u/kindglitteringeyes]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[u/FluidAir1184]

I'm so sorry for your loss Hun 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[u/No_Trouble9808]

I’m sorry to hear that. A 14 year relationship is a long time to share your inner most thoughts and feelings. I wish I had advice for you.

[u/Babysub1]

I'm sorry for your loss

[u/mrsgberg]

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for your loss. This is a hard one...

[u/MiserableQuestion383]

My condolences on for your loss.

That mug is awesome.

[u/Murderousplantmom]

Oh no. I'm so so so sorry. That's heartbreaking. Are you ok, OP? Did you start working with someone else? Ugh 💔 

[u/MullberryBoy]

I am so sorry for your loss! This is something that you’ll need to grieve. You lost someone who was very important to you.

[u/poorexcuses]

My ARMHS worker quit all of a sudden once and his boss came over to my place to help me out. He was doing a bunch of stuff they're not supposed to do like cleaning my place and the dishes and stuff and I was like is this ok? He was like it's fine, I'm gonna retire soon. He was getting treated for cancer and things were not going well I guess. He passed a few months later but I'll never forget how good it felt to have him help clean my sink.

[u/Lurking_Goblin]

I also lost my therapist to cancer very quickly and shockingly. It’s a horrifying feeling. DM me if you want to chat about it.

[u/CadenceQuandry]

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. It's such a strange place to be in - this was a person who knew you almost inside out, but at the same time, you didn't know that much about her in return. And yet, you cared about them and they in turn cared about you.

I will say this - to be blessed with a therapist you liked and trusted and who actually helped you for fourteen years, is truly unusual and amazing.

I am not Jewish, but they have a saying I really find to be so appropriate at times like this :

May their memory be a blessing to you.

[u/honeyhoney21]

This makes me sad for you. I also battled cancer last year while having clients and I hated having to keep it on the down low because of this reason. Not being able to say goodbye if something happened. Truly awful but also shows that she made a difference in her life and that will be carried through you and all you do !!

[u/stellina_cookie]

Im so sorry, I hope she had a full life and a peaceful passing. I hope that you find the strength to find a now therapist

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Girls rule!

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[u/a_shootin_star]

Sorry for your loss. Did you first meet her 14 years ago, or you've been in therapy with her for 14 years?

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[u/ladyxanax]

Oh my dear, I am so sorry. Losing a close confidant like that is really tough, especially when it is so sudden. Please take some time for yourself to grieve and be kind to yourself. Sending you some virtual hugs. 🩷🩷

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[u/stpauliegrl]

I'm so sorry to read this. It must feel so jarring and a little unbelievable, honestly. My brother was diagnosed with cancer 3/24 and died 4/3, and when something like this happens to unexpectedly and too fast for our brains to catch up, it's a different kind of grief. Hugs to you. Side note: listen to "Someone Great" by LCD Soundsystem. The lead singer wrote it after his long time beloved therapist passed away. It's beautiful.

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[u/Kitty_5885]

I hope you are able to show your respects. You need closure too. I hope you are able to get their service info or at least visit where they were laid to rest.

[u/Grumpstress]

I’ve been working with my therapist for the past ten years and the thought of her passing genuinely makes me nauseated. She knows not just me but all the loonies in my family and she is so helpful.

She’s in her 80s so it’s not a completely out of left field idea.

[u/EvenPossible5918]

Omg, how terrible. :( I’m so sorry for your loss.

[u/Separate_Shoe_6916]

I’m so sorry. Losing a therapist after 14 years has to be a bit of a shock. Lovely breakfast though❣️

[u/PaleoSpeedwagon]

May her memory be a blessing. I'm glad that she was able to help you while she was here. 🙏 🫂

[u/Beck_burque]

I am so sorry. 14 years is a long time to build that relationship with. It’s very special to have someone in your life that you can trust. Are you going to their funeral? Is there some other way you can express your feelings IRL?

[u/National-Job3918]

I'm so sorry, but also I'm coveting your Calamityware, HARD.

[u/MsBit_Commit]

I’m so sorry for your loss

[u/Consistent_Femme_Top]

Did she know about the cancer? This is so heartbreaking. May she rest in perfect peace and comfort. 💔

[u/TheeMost313]

Oh boy, I feel for you. My therapist is amazing, and to lose her without a goodbye, to not be able to thank her and tell her how transformative our work has been would be so sad. And just thinking about her loved ones and friends losing her light.

I am sorry for the loss you have experienced. My poor therapist is gonna get an earful tomorrow, and I am sending you some love. I hope you can find some comfort in all that she brought you during your work together.

[u/WannabeCanadian1738]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[u/SaltMarshGoblin]

I'm so sorry. You must feel so abandoned.

Your "Things Could Be Worse" mug is wonderful.

[u/tombatboots]

BIG HUGS

I am SO sorry. It has taken me a lot of trial and error w therapists in my time and it's only in the last 2 years that I was paired w someone that was able to help me the way I needed to be helped. I am like a new person now (but still very much growing and getting my footing) and I literally started sobbing when she gave me a goodbye hug at our most recent session and told me she was proud of how far I have come. I told her that she quite literally saved my life and I will never be able to express how meaningful her guidance has been to me.

I cannot imagine the devastation you must feel in a loss w that deep of a relationship. I hope you hold her words close to your heart always.

[u/Megzasaurusrex]

Awww. That happened to my primary doctor. I never got to know what she passed from but I think she was having migraines. And it got so bad she had to close her whole practice. And it really sucked because she was such a wonderful person and one of the few doctors who actually listened and tried to help.

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you're able to find another therapist you're comfortable with.

[u/Nubsie_Mupfel]

Das tut mir so unendlich leid 😔

[u/Littlewing1307]

🫂

[u/redhothoneypot]

I’m so sorry for your loss, this is devastating.

[u/witchspoon]

Calamity ware! Appropriate dish-ware. So sorry about your loss.

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[u/JadedINFP-T]

I'm currently and Oncology ICU nurse and sometimes it happens that quick. Fucking cancer, dude. It's hard on us too. I'm sorry for your loss 😔

[u/BluelunarStar]

GNU OP’s therapist. They live on in you. They cannot be truly done whilst you live, and you continue to be the good they put into the world.

If you have children, or nibblings, then that light continues on in them too.

I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope knowing you carry them with you brings you comfort.

[u/BlackMagicWorman]

She’d want you to have a good meal ♥️

[u/ChalkHorse]

I'm sorry for your loss, that must be very difficult. I love, however, that you have a Calamityware mug.

[u/317ant]

Omg I’m sooooo sorry. Hugs. Thinking of you. Please be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

[u/Esme_Nog]

Oh, that poor woman. That’s heartbreaking. I want to die like that, but when I’m 95!

[u/Sweaty-Resident1690]

How terribly sad. The best way to honor/ remember her is to live your life well and in good health 💛

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[u/MirabelleMac]

I’m so very sorry. I’m not a therapist, but I’ve been told I’m a good listener, if you want to talk. You can DM me.

[u/discombobubolated]

I'm sorry. I had the same thing happen to me, my psychiatrist was fine and passed away two months later from pancreatic cancer. I had been with him for 20 years or so. It's tough. My condolences.

[u/Winter-Implement9042]

losing a therapist is a horrible grief and i’m so sorry. i went through something incredibly similar some years back and i still think fondly of her regularly. she left an effect on me and changed me for the better in a way that will never disappear, and that helps me hold close to the memory of her. what a beautiful life therapists lead, leaving behind a positive mark on so many people ❤️

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[u/Sensitive_Lie_4393]

Shit dude. I’m so sorry. When my therapist got cancer I had a lot of concern and sadness. They were able to recover. I’m sorry for your loss.