So I have these 2 girl friends. Let’s name them Banna and Hissy. 1 of which I considered my best friend (Hissy). Earlier this year we went through it to lunch. Banna and Hissy started planning in my face to start gaslighting me. I took it as a joke. They said “let’s start manipulating her (me), because she says she doesn’t remember things. And if she gets upset, we’ll make her look crazy. She’s too positive. She needs some trauma in her life.”

Fast forward to this past weekend, which was my birthday celebration. My friends and I were sitting on the floor of Hissy’s house. Banna decided to give our mutual friends some pillows to lay on. All of a sudden Hissy goes “that’s so nice of you to give them pillows” and she was talking to me. My instant reaction was to say “huh? I didn’t even give them the pillows, Banna did.” Banna chimes in and says “you gotta do it when she’s (me) not paying attention Hissy.” I spoke up and said “uh that’s manipulation” Banna blurts out “EXACTLY!!”

The following day, Hissy and I go out to dinner. And Hissy does it again. “Remember when you gave them those pillows?!” And again, I was stunned and told her “no I didn’t, Banna did”

Hissy loudly said “NO IT WAS YOU”

I spent most of my day yesterday feeling freaking crazy. Making me question my own reality.

What would any sane person do in this messed up situation?

Is there a name for this ? So ive seen this happen to my mom and a few others in their relationships. Someone would create a narrative then prescribe a solution to get you to do something that actually satisfies their hidden agenda.

My dad insisted my mom need to manage resources, so how much soap was used. How much toilet paper was used. Granted we were a family of 6 but rationing certain things became invasive/ inappropriate and unneccesary. Like applying your 14 yr old sons deodarant so he doesnt apply to much and waste it... but hes capable of doing it.We werent that poor. My dad could afford the things he wanted.but i firmly believe it was to keep her home because she was "needed" and would physically punish her and my siblings if things didnt go a certain way. That way he had financial control over everything. I try to explain this dynamic to her and to others but i get looked at like it aint so deep or they say they get it but they repeat something back completely different.....

My neighbour has her license. Her bf bought her a 3k car( like a mazda lantis)to "make her life easier". She wants a 20k car ( honda accord look) and says she will buy it with her money and he need not worry. Her bf says her first car should be affordable. She agrees she then elaborates on customizing and driving her dream car when she gets more money. He says shes selfish because she should spend that future money on him. The future car would be her first car tho....technically.The one he "gifted" her has his name on it. And he stated he bought it before asking if she wanted it and he intends to drive it. So wouldnt that make it his?

Ive been thinking he may have convinced her to accept his gift, the car, solely for the purpose of hijacking a future financial investment in herself...

By making a future car seem unnecessary because hes already provided a practical solution...

Perhaps im just sensitive to certain things but it truly feels off to me

Hello. F 25 here. I recently realized I am a manipulator. Not just the regular kind either, the emotional kind which I think is worse. I’m starting to think I may be a sociopath or something, I use to think it was autism and my therapist told me so…but I feel much more evil than that. Now that I’ve become aware of the manipulation I’ve been doing, I simultaneously want to get better at it & also kick the habit. I’ve realized I’ve manipulated everyone in my life, including my therapist. People are often drawn to me and then once they get close they don’t want to be around me anymore because they can tell something is off. What is off is that I am manipulating the fuck out of them. Every single thing I say or do comes from a place of needing to get my way. If I don’t get my way, I become emotionally distraught. Through the years I’ve learned how to manage the distraught and fold it into something more palatable so that the people I’m manipulating don’t even realize they’re being manipulated. I subconsciously noticed that when people act distraught for not getting their way, they are less likely to get it. I lie every day. It eats me up inside because sometimes I lie so much I don’t even remember what I’ve said. Or, I lie so quickly that i dont even have time to tell the truth. It seems like no matter how many time I tell myself to stop, the lies and manipulation fly out like vomit. Has anyone ever recovered from being a manipulator? I was raised by alleged narcissists and I think this is why.

TLDR: I’ve recently realized I’m a liar and manipulator & want to stop.

Hello everyone,

He is one of the people who has supported me the most, but somehow he is also one of the people who has made me feel the most insecure and guilty. I genuinely don't know whether I'm dealing with a toxic friendship or just a complicated one.

I have a friend who is also my roommate. We’re very close and, for the most part, I would consider him my best friend. He is genuinely nice to me in many ways. He helps me, supports me, motivates me, cares about me, and has been there for me during difficult times.

That’s what makes this situation so confusing.

There is a recurring pattern in our friendship that I don’t know how to understand.

When we first became friends, he was extremely nice to me. He still is, most of the time. However, whenever we have disagreements — whether it’s a clash of opinions, plans, or something else — the situation often ends up being turned around on me.

If I genuinely make a mistake, I have no problem admitting it and apologizing. But when I feel that he is the one who caused the problem, he often reacts as though he is the one being wronged or victimized. Somehow, the situation gets twisted to the point where I end up feeling guilty and apologizing just to restore the friendship, even when I don’t believe I was the one at fault.

This was much more intense a few years ago.

There used to be a lot of silent treatment, sometimes even when there had been no actual fight. He would suddenly become cold toward me. There were also times when he would behave coldly toward me when he was having problems with his girlfriend, even though I had nothing to do with the situation.

When we started living together, I also felt like I was constantly adjusting my plans around him. I would often compromise or change what I wanted to do to accommodate his plans.

There have also been situations where some of his comments have contributed to a lot of my insecurities.

Sometimes he would point out things I wasn't good at or make comments about my appearance. There was even a period when he compared how many girls were interested in each of us. At one point, when some girls were interested in me, he called me “cheap” even though I hadn't actually done anything wrong. Later, when he was flirting with girls himself, he would compare the attention he was getting to the attention I was getting and say things along the lines of, “Look how many girls are chasing me, but no one is chasing you now.”

One incident from around three years ago still affects me.

When we first started sharing a 1BHK, his mother came to visit. I was there with them, and we went out together. After we came back, I was quiet because I had a headache.

He interpreted my quietness as me intentionally behaving badly or being disrespectful.

Later, I overheard him talking to his mother about me and my family. The conversation was very negative, and his mother said something along the lines of, “What kind of roommate have you brought in? He is neither good in studies nor good-looking, good for nothing.”

That really hurt me.

At the time, I was much more emotionally sensitive than I am now. I was so hurt that I woke up and was ready to leave. They stopped me from leaving, but later, when I tried to explain to my friend how deeply that situation had affected me, the conversation somehow became about how I was also at fault.

He then gave me the silent treatment.

This happened about three years ago, and there have been many other situations like this over the past 2–3 years. I would communicate that something hurt me, but somehow I would end up chasing him, apologizing, and trying to fix things — even when I didn't feel that I had actually done anything wrong.

Eventually, I became more avoidant. I stopped apologizing for things that I didn't believe were my fault and started giving him the same distance/coldness that I felt he was giving me.

Things improved for some time, but now I feel like the same cycle is happening again.

Nowadays, I often try not to fight with him at all. If something bothers me, I sometimes just let it slide because I already know where the argument might go — I might end up being blamed for my reaction to something that hurt me in the first place.

For example, if he says or does something that upsets me and I become quiet, he may respond by becoming cold toward me or giving me silent treatment.

If I say “no” to something he wants, I sometimes feel like I am punished with coldness or withdrawal.

And if I’m upset about something involving him, instead of feeling understood, I often end up feeling guilty for being upset in the first place.

There is another aspect that I’m not completely sure about, so I don't want to accuse him unfairly.

Sometimes I feel like he competes with me.

A couple of years ago, there was a girl I liked. He knew that I liked her, but he started talking and flirting with her too and then told me about it. It felt like he was making a comparison between what he was doing and what I was doing.

There was also another situation where someone close to him was considering me for a particular position/work opportunity. He then worked toward getting that position himself and ended up replacing me. When I expressed that it hurt me, I was again made to feel like I was the one at fault.

I don't know whether these situations actually mean that he is competing with me or whether I'm interpreting them that way because of everything that has happened before.

The confusing part is that he is not an entirely bad person.

He genuinely helps me. He motivates me. He supports me. He cares about me. There are many situations where he is a very good friend to me.

But whenever there is a disagreement, whenever I set a boundary, whenever I say no, or whenever I get hurt by something he has done, I feel like his behavior changes.

I feel punished with silence or coldness. I feel like my feelings get turned against me. I feel like I am made responsible for the reaction I have to something that hurt me.

And the biggest thing that hurts me is that I don't feel understood when he hurts me.

I don't expect him to be perfect, and I know I can make mistakes too. I'm completely willing to take responsibility when I actually do something wrong.

But I don't understand why, in situations where I feel genuinely hurt by something he has done, I so often end up feeling like the villain instead of feeling heard.

So I'm confused.

Is this a toxic friendship? Is this emotional manipulation? Is it a form of control through silent treatment? Is he simply emotionally immature and bad at handling conflict? Or am I interpreting these situations incorrectly?

How would you describe this kind of dynamic?

And more importantly, what should I do about it, especially since we live together and are very close friends?