r/Marriage • u/RunJaded9856 • 4h ago
Ask r/Marriage Cheating?
I found explicit videos and texts in my husbands phone to a woman, we have been married less than a year and have a 5 month old baby. Is it a no brainer- Why is it so hard for me to walk away? We are currently in marriage counselling, do I keep trying and spending money for us to work or is it just not meant to be. Any advice is appreciated
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u/Known_Supermarket821 4h ago edited 1h ago
Leave now exactly, it will be harder when the baby is older and will form memories. And if it’s been under a year ….can you then get an annulment?
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u/kmarieanna 16 Years 4h ago
This happened to my SIL, minus the counseling. Their baby was just a few months old and he started cheating. He cheated and cheated throughout their whole marriage, and she dealt with years of disrespect and was at the point of suicide from being depressed and unloved. She finally got the courage to divorce him 20 years later. I doubt he'll change. Why waste time being with someone like that?
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u/biteme717 4h ago
Why are you the one who is trying to fix this and the one spending money? Hold him accountable and let him face the consequences for cheating.
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u/Repulsive-King7907 4h ago
Has it worked with just you two talking? Obviously not. Does he not care how you’re feeling? He must not think your feelings are valid. Fucking marriage counseling. Peace ✌️ our Girl Scout
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u/ImaginaryStudent9097 3h ago
If this was a friend, you’d have no problem helping them pack his belongings. It’s hard to walk away because this is your partner, the one you envisioned a future with. You’re not just faced with ending the relationship, you’re dealing with losing the life you had planned and it’s not fair.
I stayed far too long based on “what could be” instead of just acknowledging that at the very core, he was disrespectful and incapable of being the partner I needed him to be.
So sorry you’re having to deal with this, but you deserve better.
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u/ahdrielle 7 Years 4h ago
It's hard to walk away cause it'd be a lot and a big deal.
Does he know you know? That's step 1. Telling him you know and base your next step on his reaction.
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u/_nobounds_ 4h ago
He is showing who his is. Please believe him before it gets so bad that you can co parent peacefully.
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u/Bobber62 4h ago
I’m so sorry. Only you can know if it is better to stay or go, but listen carefully to your intuition. Protect yourself and your child from unhealthy situations.
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u/Impossible_Subject49 4h ago
Leave now before the baby is old enough to care when you do. If I had gone when my girl was 18 months I wouldn’t have an 8 and 12 year old wondering why Mommy and Daddy can’t get along. It’s hard…but trust me, ultimately that’s all you’ll care about and it makes it so hard.
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u/Stunning-Rough-4969 4h ago
This isn’t always true. My daughter was 9 months when we split and has had her stepparents in her life since she was 2/3. She’s 8 now and has started to ask questions about why we got divorced. She always has to miss someone and it still doesn’t feel fair to her, even if it’s all she’s ever known.
Just wanted you to know you didn’t hurt them more by waiting. Hugs!
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u/Impossible_Subject49 4h ago
Thanks so much, I beat myself up for it daily now that we have reached the actual end of our rope. It helps to know that no decision is without regrets.
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u/Stunning-Rough-4969 4h ago
I get it! I thought like you it would be easier for her bc it’s all she’s ever known, and I feel terrible for her now. She had younger siblings born in both houses two years ago and seeing them get both of their parents 24/7 made her see what she never got to experience. So maybe the silver lining for you to remember is that you gave your kids good years with you both under the same roof!
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u/beat_of_rice 4h ago
Girl leave early before the baby develops memories. They will never know the difference.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 3h ago
He’s shown you who he really is, and you should believe him. You can hang on, hoping he’ll change, but you’ll lose more of yourself every day, and when he cheats again—which he will—the sunk cost fallacy will keep you with him. Again. Do you really want to spend your life with a man you can’t trust, and who you’ll constantly be policing like it’s your job? You and your baby deserve so much better than that.
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u/NoSyllabub5932 3h ago
I would give the counseling a try longer and see what happens. This is so soon into marriage its a hard situation.
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u/WestStrength2719 2h ago
Is he someone you feel you can rebuild trust with? Are you confident he won't do it again? Can you truly accept what he did and move forward without having it bother you on a regular basis? If so, this will pass in time. If not, your in for a long painful ride.
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u/RunJaded9856 43m ago
There is a whole separate side of the story i didn’t get into on here that would have made him look A LOT worse. And tbh i didnt even have to share it before yall were as disgusted as I am. Sad long road ahead
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u/TheNarwhalTusk 4h ago
If he's cheating on you now (and yes, exchanging explicit texts and videos with someone else is cheating) when you've not been married a year and you've just had a child together - well he's shown you what sort of person he is. He'll do it again, and again, and again.