(42F), (48M) married for 3 years. Husband and I recently moved because husband applied for a job that multiplied his income by 2.5x. His income is now four times more than mine. His monthly take Home is over 12,000 a month. My monthly take Home is 4,100 and rent is 3,700. He’s asking me to pay 1,400 towards rent which is more than what I was paying at the old place. I just think it’s not fair that I have to pay anything at all since my wages haven’t changed and his income can cover all expenses.

Alright, so basically title! Bit of a vent but also looking for advice here

I used to not use it afterwards because I just wanted to lay with him and relax… but I would just be sexually frustrated for the rest of the day, so I stopped doing that. I really love penetration + vib, so he’s been fingering me after he finishes. I’ve been noticing he hasn’t been enthusiastic about it, so I always stop us. I couldn’t tell if he was bored or what. He said it makes him feel inadequate and it feels like labor when he just wants to relax when he’s done. And I get that! But.. like hello lol. I would like to get mine too. I thought it was a good flow, idk. I mean he’d cum, and then I’d cum. 🤷‍♀️

He said he’s been feeling this way for a while, and would like to switch up the order of things, which seems like a no brainer… but if he’s been feeling this way for a while, why would he not focus on foreplay? He knows I like being dominated so seems like the obvious thing.

I’m glad he told me but the way he did it hurt my feelings. I told him I felt really bad he feels that way and I’m embarrassed, I feel like I’m bad at the whole sex thing now because I’m not having an orgasm, he said “maybe you feel bad because this is something to feel guilty about”.

It just felt? Backwards? Like how am I feeling guilty because I’m not having an orgasm??? 🫠😭

We have 4 children. He travels for work M-F. I am tired. I am tired. I am tired.

I’m a stay-at-home which I’m incredibly thankful for. I would 1000% consider it a luxury. Anyways….. my husband travels for work M-F. It can be very exhausting at times, especially when you have hard week of taking care of littles who are sick, and you’re also sick yourself. I also have an autoimmune condition, and goodness it is HARD staying of a flare when you have 3 nights in a row, up the entire night with 2 sick kids. Things definitely get built up around my house. Laundry, dishes, everything. Heavy on the laundry built up. There’s times I put it away immediately, and 80% of the time it will sit in baskets until I do it.

I never ever EVER take naps to catch up on lost sleep. NEVER. It’s impossible to squeeze it in. When my husband is home on the weekends, I dedicate my time to catching up on housework, or spending one-on-one time with some of the littles since I’m not able to do that during the week.

This morning i woke up with terrible chest pain and can barely talk. It was obvious in my voice and how I was carrying myself that I didn’t feel well. I voiced it to my husband multiple times that I didn’t feel well and needed to go pick up medicine for the nebulizer. Never even says anything back or anything.

As the day went on, about 4:00, I desperately needed to lay down. My eyes were closing on me, my husband was home for a random off day his job gives him once in awhile. I told my husband I was going to lay down… and he points at the 2 laundry baskets on our floor…. I said “what?” He said, “the laundry needs to be done.” I said… “you’re more than welcome to help with it.” Then I said “you’re really going to point out laundry when I’m finally prioritizing getting rest? After this long, hard week of 3 sleepless nights and the fact that I’m not feeling well today? You want to point out laundry, but when do YOU ever help with it?” He says something along the lines of, “you’re really going to get this upset over a nap?”

……. He randomly takes naps when he’s home. Always.

My husband and I currently rent a house from his parents for $1,400 per month. We’ve been doing this for 5 years and never missed a payment.

His parents plan to sell the house by next June because they need the proceeds to purchase the home where they intend to retire. The house would likely sell for around $300,000, and we originally hoped to buy it from them.
Unfortunately, we recently spoke with a mortgage broker and were told that we would not qualify for a $300,000 mortgage—or even a $150,000 mortgage under our current circumstances (My husband works full-time and earns $22 per hour. I am currently a full-time graduate student and do not have a regular job. We also have approximately $33,000 in combined credit-card debt, and our cards are essentially maxed out).

The broker told us that my husband would need to continue working 40 hours per week and that I would likely need a full-time job paying around $25 per hour before purchasing something at $150k would be realistic.

My biggest concern is figuring out what we should do between now and next June. My husband had plans of starting his masters program in the new year so that he can get upward mobility at his job (he needs a masters to get to the clinical supervisor level).

In a dream world we would purchase a small house before December, he go to school the next two years, and we move forward from there. If we want to buy a house, we’d have to do it before he applies for student loans. Alternatively, we downside to rent somewhere super small and just keep trekking along while we’re both in school. But we’re both in our early 30s and don’t want to keep renting forever.

I have 3 main questions:

1. What would you prioritize in our situation? Are there any realistic options we should consider?

2. Should we stop considering homeownership for now and put every available dollar toward the credit cards and moving expenses?

3. How much should we try to save for moving costs, deposits, and an emergency fund before June?

I’m terrified because at this point we can’t buy a house and I don’t think we can prove enough financials to rent somewhere super small (it will look like we were unemployed for a year). We’re essentially starting from scratch (well in the negative really) and I feel paralyzed not being able to figure out where we’re gonna live next year.

BACKGROUND: My husband and I used to make collectively 6 figures and we had close to 40k in savings, but we put pretty much all of our savings into a business venture last year that failed miserably. Both of us quit our jobs early last year, and lived off of our savings until about March when we finally had to admit it wasn’t working. Our financial situation is a clusterfuck I know, and I never thought I’d be the the type of person to risk all my savings, but we were supremely burned out, and I fell into the trap of thinking if we were brave enough it would all work out .

I’m appalled that one year of bad decisions could put us in this bad of a situation.

Hello all I wrote a post about my wife never orgasming here https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/WRrWQ4oxPN

So since this post we’ve purchased some toys at the suggestion of some of the posters. We bought several but she found one she really liked. A vibrating anal plug. We had sex with it in and she orgasmed several times intensely. Since that day she’s wanted sex everyday multiple times a day. It’s getting exhausting.

I wasn’t complaining about frequency in the OP, as we were already having sex several times a week. Im not exactly complaining now because I know I’ll get some negative comments like “so many guys would give anything to be in your shoes” etc. I’ve created a little orgasm monster and it’s honestly getting to be a bit much. I’m worried if I tell her to tone it down a bit she’ll take it negatively and maybe ruin the progress we’ve made.

Idk anyways your suggestion were great and worked well, just perhaps Too Well.

My husband and I used to have exciting and frequent sex when we were dating, but it dwindled as we moved in together, got stressful jobs, had kids etc. Sex was unimportant and unpleasant for me for a long time. During my second pregnancy, my sex drive just shot through the roof and I had a sexual awakening. I thought I was just horny for sex initially but then realized I actually craved passion and connection. Suddenly I really wanted to work on our sex life. I had a talk with my husband and he wanted to do better. Things were improving but the thing is I am still not satisfied. Two things are lacking. One is I can’t orgasm. I can only cum in a specific way. He used to do a move to me and it would almost always make me orgasm. But over the years, he seemed less interested and has made comments here and there, nothing rude or insensitive, but it made me self conscious so I have stopped wanting it. Second is he just doesn’t seem too passionate. I am not talking about sex, just passion that shows he is hungry for me. He has hang ups on many things so being uninhibited doesn’t come natural to him. I am so frustrated and unsatisfied that I cry when I read spicy Reddit posts or after getting myself off with porn. I have communicated more since our first talk, but he doesn’t seem to get how sad I am. Just now, he suggested that I take my daughter for a mom and daughter weekend trip. Not a hotel night where we can experiment and lust over each other as a couple, just more motherly things I need to do. I know it comes well intentioned as he saw how sad I have been lately and I would love that, but how come he doesn’t get that’s not what I need right now?! If anyone has ideas of how to help with the communication I am all ears.

My wife is having an emotional affair. She is willing to stay and coparent with me to see if affair lasts. If I force her to break it off she will divorce me. Its a guy from high school and he lives two doors down. We have a 15 year old and 12 year old kids. My wife still loves me but not in love with me. Her and affair partner talked 110 hours over 4 weeks from July 26th to Aug 27th.

How can I get him to leave her alone? Offer him money?

I found out the majority of the truth last week. There was no indiscretion.

I have met the friend and this poor young lady has been physically, emotionally, and financially abused. My husband and her kept their friendship secret because the rotten husband started to threaten anyone connected to her. He hired her to help with portions of his business to give her some money because the rotten husband was not paying her.

He was trying to protect me, so if anyone came asking questions or attempted to harass me, I literally would not know.

We had a long talk about how all this secrecy really did affect me, my mind made up so many stories to fill in the blanks. I was very uncomfortable and hurt on how this was handled. We're making steps to repair and honestly it is so nice having my husband back. Turns out he is exactly the man I married and that brings me comfort.

I'm helping this young lady to help her find a job and friends as I was in a similar position after my first marriage 20 years ago. She's smart and capable, she just needs a little help in a new country.

I'm glad I was able to contain my coolness, I have sought the help from a local therapist because this obviously brought up unresolved trauma. I'm also sleeping a lot better.

I am just venting here to blow off steam. Thanks for listening.

I am so, so, so done with my kids (12F and 15M) complaining about everything I cook for dinner. We have a large garden with lots of veggies coming up right now, and we buy sides of beef/whole pigs/chickens so we always have stuff in the freezer. I try to use as many veggies as I can while they are fresh, so that I don't have as many to process for freezing/canning. Lately, everything I make is "gross" or they are "not hungry" for dinner.

Why TF do I work my ass off at work, so that I can get home in time to cook dinner, just to hear how much it "sucks." My husband is a SAHD and can't be bothered to do anything inside, so there are loads of dishes to get through before I even start dinner, then I clean the whole kitchen afterwards too.

So, fuck this. I am going on strike. No more home cooked meals for these ungrateful brats. They can find something themselves. I am just. Fucking. Over. It.

Thanks for listening.

Edit: wow, lots of responses and things to think about. Thank you. To add some context:

My husband worked until our youngest was 3, then we made the decision together for him to stay home with the kids and move to an area where we could get out of the suburbs and have some space. It was an adjustment for both of us, and as part of my ?"mom guilt"? for being the one who worked, I wanted to cook the majority of the meals - I liked to contribute that way. I was also under the impression he would go back to work when the kids both started school, but they both started travel sports so that was a lot of running around that i couldn't take off work to do. Then the garden and the maintenance of the hundreds of trees and animals (just dogs and cats), and he spends all day "weeding." I wanted the garden, so how can I complain about getting what I wanted from that front?

I have asked him to go back to work, to take the mental load of paying bills, and just stopped cleaning until it gets gross and I can't handle it. The amazing part is, when I go TDY for 6 months everything gets done.

You are all right- I've been enabling this because I struggle asking for help and don't want to look like I can't handle everything. We need to have a serious talk - husband and I need to get on the same page and then bring in the kids. Fantasizing about divorce is silly, I need to deal with the issues or get out.

me(39m), wife(37f)

Not sure how to put this, my wife slowly changed pretty much everything about her. from non religious to religious, fron easygoing to judgemental.

She is completely different and we nonlonger have anything in common, we used to like the same music, had similar hobbies. now we don't, she is a stranger. she complains that i don't spend tone with her, but i really don't know what to do with her.

i really dislike transactional relationships, where you do something for your partner and the partner does something in return for you.

because we weren't like that, we liked the same things, we were on the same wavelength... we no longer are.

it was some kind of religious awakening she hid from me, i found evidence that the change startet slowly even before marriage. she never discussed it with me, maybe because she knew i didn't want to be married to her if she was this way.

i found out when our youngest was just 4 months old, after her birth my wifes change went into Overdrive. trying to convince me of her knew views but without naming them. so she used the rationalizations but never named it.

i am so done... our youngest is 2 now and our oldest 5. 50:50 in our country is usually only a thing if a kid is at least three years old. so i haven't confronted her, as i don't want to loose the kids.

we also fight constantly, the days we act like roomates are the good ones. i am confused how she changed so much but complains that i lost interest, but is unable to connect the dots.

i have to wait andother year before i can connect the dits for her and tell her why i want to end the marriage.

i mean "you grow together or you grow apart" is fine, and i can live with growing apart. but at least tell your partner your direction.

no idea, what to do. it feels hopeless. i miss the oerson she used to be...

My husband has always been a little moody with me from time to time, which I think is normal in a marriage. But lately, he’s been on edge every single day, and it’s starting to affect our whole family.
He works nights, so I make sure he gets plenty of uninterrupted sleep and try not to bother him during the day. I also handle most things with the kids and around the house so he can rest. Still, when he is awake, it often feels like he’s looking for something to be upset about….eye rolls, rude comments, snapping at the kids, and criticizing little things.
I cook every day, take care of the house and kids, and try to be supportive, yet I constantly feel like nothing I do is enough. Even things he normally enjoys, like my cooking, sometimes become something he criticizes.
I initially wondered if there was someone else, but there really isn’t anything that points to that. His phone is always around and I’ve never found anything suspicious.
At this point, I’m wondering if other women have experienced their husbands suddenly becoming angry or irritable like this. For the men: is there something that can cause this kind of behavior? Stress, burnout, feeling overwhelmed, something else?
I’m not looking to immediately leave my marriage. I’d really like to understand what could be behind this and whether there are ways to improve things. SOS

Edit: i have talked to him in the past but he says hes just “stressed ” again , i listed the reasons why i feel like it might be more than that

You ask your partner to watch the kids while you take a shower. You have not communicated how long you'll be gone. How long is a reasonable shower?

Under 10 minutes

10–20 minutes

20–30 minutes

30–45 minutes

45–60 minutes

An hour+

Hi there. I’ve never really dealt with something like this before, so I’m looking for some perspective on how to handle it without jumping to conclusions.

My wife has always been the kind of person who leaves her phone lying around the house. She actually loses it pretty regularly because she forgets where she put it. Over the past few weeks, though, I’ve noticed that she keeps it very close to her, sometimes literally carrying it around tucked under her armpit.

Something happened today that really struck me. I couldn’t find my phone, so I asked if I could use hers to call mine. I walked over and casually slid her phone out from under her arm, which normally wouldn’t have been remotely unusual between us. Her reaction seemed strange, though. She didn’t get angry, but she almost seemed like she was restraining herself from reacting. She immediately said, “Oh, I’ll call it. It’ll be easier if I do.”

I told her it was fine and that I’d only need it for a second. As I walked around the house calling my phone, I noticed she was hovering around me in a way that felt unusual. Once I found my phone and handed hers back, she immediately tucked it back under her arm.

Maybe this is completely innocent, and I don’t want to convince myself that something is happening based on one interaction. But between her suddenly keeping her phone physically close to her and how uncomfortable she seemed when I had it, my gut is telling me something has changed.

So what’s the appropriate way to handle this? Do I simply tell her what I’ve noticed and ask if I can see her phone? Or, if I genuinely suspect something, do I wait until she leaves it unattended and check it myself? I realize secretly going through someone’s phone raises its own trust and privacy issues, which is why I’m asking before doing anything.

Please don’t tear me apart in the comments. I’m not accusing my wife of cheating or anything else at this point. My wife isn't the kind of person that I would suspect is having an affair due to some childhood trauma she has an inherent mistrust of men, but I'm wondering if there might be something else she is hiding. I noticed a change in behavior that made me uneasy, and I’m trying to figure out the healthiest way to respond to it.

(38M) (39F) is seeking a divorce. She was arguing with me and said she will take everything from me. Including my company. It’s a side company but I am in deep debt on this. She helps out and still gets paid. If she does want to claim this company does she inherit the debt? Or can the court see this can blame it on me for the debt.

Me and my husband have the sex life of retired elderly people. We are both 24 and have been together since we were 17/18 and I’m just so tired of our boring sex life. We don’t have sex very often at all and when we do it’s the same old thing over and over again. I’ve tried introducing toys but he gets offended over that and won’t even think about using one unless it’s something “he’s attached to” if you get what I mean. I fantasize every single day about having amazing sex but it’s not with him. We have been having a rough couple of weeks as well as I caught him using and paying for Only Fans and I just don’t know what to do. We’ve had arguments over our sex life because I’m just over the same old positions and how fast it goes. He is a great father and he does provide for our family but I don’t want to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I’m also finding myself losing attraction for him and I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for so many years and he was also my first everything so I don’t know anything other then him. I feel like we are too young to not have amazing sex almost every day. What do you guys suggest I do?

My husband drinks daily but denies when I ask him. I saw his bank statement and found out this. He sleeps at his mother’s house 4 days and 3 days in our home. His parents are not ready to accept me as our’s is a love marriage. I pay all the rent, grocery, wifi, electricity bills as he has debts to pay. I support him. Is this ok? I really love him and I am anxious that he might spoil his health and I will be left alone. How to tackle this situation?

This is probably a very beginner question but this is all completely new territory for me. I’ve never been married or really had a serious relationship before. I’m a Christian and always felt pretty strongly about waiting for the right woman rather than dating just for the sake of dating. I finally met her and I genuinely feel like God answered a prayer I’d been carrying around for years. I’ve been quietly saving for the ring she loves and I’m finally ready to buy it. I’m ridiculously excited. Even thinking about walking out of the jewelry store with it makes the whole thing feel real. But there’s one practical thing I somehow never thought about: what do I do with the ring between buying it and proposing? It’ll probably be a few weeks and having something that valuable sitting in a drawer at home makes me a little nervous. Do jewelers ever let you pay for the ring and leave it with them until you’re ready? Then I could just bring my receipt and pick it up the day of the proposal. Or is that overthinking it and most people just take the ring home and keep it somewhere safe?

You never orgasmed during it?

I’m pretty sure the answer is no.

I’m going to have another conversation with my husband btw.

I’m just so lost and it’s really impacting my feelings towards him in general. I’m turned off.

We have been married for 21yrs. Met young. Completely my fault but for the first 18ish years I faked it. Now, at 44yrs old, I want to be fulfilled!!! I’m sick of having sex just for him. I get a text every week asking if I’m available on “said day” for sex. I have told him things to do in the bedroom that would turn me on. He never did any of it. I told him I don’t have organisms during sex he said he bought a vibrator. That was over a month ago and I haven’t seen it. Also, I can do it myself, no problem 🤷🏼‍♀️.

So…men? What’s the deal? What do I need to do to help him understand?

Since we’ve been married, my husband seems to have become increasingly upset whenever I’m depressed or unhappy. He doesn’t usually get angry at me, but his entire energy shifts. If I’m having a bad day, he seems defeated or depressed himself. There are times when he does get angry, but even then, his anger seems directed at himself.

I’ve told him that this behavior feels suffocating. It makes me feel like I can’t simply have a bad day or experience negative emotions without also having to manage his reaction to them. I’ve told him that sometimes it feels like I have to be a perfectly happy, quiet wife or he’ll be upset. He’s always quick to tell me that I absolutely have the freedom to feel whatever I’m feeling, but I’ve never felt like those conversations actually resolve anything because his actions continue to make me feel otherwise.

The last year has also been unusually difficult for me. I’ve been dealing with some significant personal issues, including an autoimmune disorder and several changes at work that have left me unhappy with my job. About six months ago, I also lost access to my depression medication, so my depressive episodes have been significantly worse.

I know I’ve complained a lot during this period—probably more than I should. I tend to get stuck in my head and feel like every negative thing happening in my life is somehow connected. I recognize that this can be difficult to live with, and I’m not claiming that my husband should be unaffected by seeing me struggle.

But over the last six months, we’ve gotten into arguments almost every day about whether our home is a safe place for me to have negative emotions.
At one point, I stubbed my toe in our new house. My husband went into a pretty intense negative spiral because he felt responsible. He said he “should have checked for places I could stub my toe” before we moved in. I told him that was completely ridiculous and that I would never expect him to anticipate something like that. It didn’t matter. He shut down because he was so disappointed in himself.

This has gotten significantly worse over the last month. My husband has been struggling to eat and sleep, and he’s lost enough weight that his wedding band no longer fits his finger. He finally told me that he feels extremely stressed about keeping me happy and that he feels personally responsible for my happiness.

He also told me that he’s been having vivid dreams about me cheating on him and has become paranoid that he doesn’t satisfy me.

I’ve repeatedly told him that I don’t expect him to be responsible for my happiness. I don’t feel responsible for his happiness, either. I believe we should support each other, but I don’t think either person in a marriage can be responsible for managing the other person’s emotional state.

I’ve asked him to go to individual therapy, and I’ve asked him to go to couples therapy with me. He won’t take action. Instead, he seems to get angry at himself for feeling this way, which only seems to make the cycle worse.

I love my husband very much, but when I think about living with this dynamic for the rest of our lives, I feel incredibly scared. I don’t want to spend the rest of my marriage feeling like I have to monitor my emotions so that my husband doesn’t spiral. And I’m increasingly worried about his paranoia and where this could eventually lead.

I don’t want to assume that he is going to become dangerous, and he has not threatened me or physically harmed me. But when someone is losing sleep, losing a significant amount of weight, becoming increasingly paranoid about their spouse, and refusing to seek help, I don’t know how seriously I should take that concern.

I’m a big advocate for therapy and generally believe people need to take responsibility for getting help when they’re struggling. But what do you do when your spouse refuses to get help for a problem that is actively affecting the marriage?

Anyone ever had their spouse say something disrespectful to them? What was it? How did you react? Was it a pattern?

I found explicit videos and texts in my husbands phone to a woman, we have been married less than a year and have a 5 month old baby. Is it a no brainer- Why is it so hard for me to walk away? We are currently in marriage counselling, do I keep trying and spending money for us to work or is it just not meant to be. Any advice is appreciated

One of the guys at my office today said he doesn’t understand why men need paternity leave. It made me think back to a year ago when our first baby was born and my husband took such good care of me. He helped me in and out of bed, pushed our newborn in the stroller for hours so that I could get a much needed 4 hour block of sleep, cooked, cleaned the house, changed diapers.

He made it so that the only thing I had to worry about during those first few weeks was healing my body and breast feeding our new baby. And to this day I’m so filled with love and gratitude with how he took care of me in that vulnerable time. Like damn, I love that man and I’m so thankful to have such a good partner.

Anyways I couldn’t go on about all of that at work so I’m sharing it here.