Scrupulosity ocd

[u/saymastein]

I am on my last leg with this. I have a mixture of contamination ocd with religious ocd. I'm a muslim and in Islam cleanliness is a big part of faith and we do specific washing actions before the daily prayers (5 times a day). Because of the focus on cleanliness and washing , and the fact that not doing them kind of renders the prayer I feel like I am just a sinful person. No matter how hard I try there is always something to doubt, something to clean and if I dont then my prayers are invalidated.

I'm at work right now and it's been hell. My mind keeps spiralling, i feel like I have to wash my clothes all the time and the fear of missing prayers make me question my existance, ocd makes it too hard to pray, what should take 5 mins takes me 30 minutes to an hour. Sometimes I feel so 'unclean' that I feel like I cant pray at all. I feel like i am constantly sinning because I feel unhygienic. Because we have to pray 5 times a day (in specific times) my mind is constantly consumed by the thought of it in the worst way. I hate it. I dont want to feel so trapped but that is all I am feeling. Im so tired and hopeless.

I know that practising Islam isnt supposed to be this hard, and a lot of leeway is given with God being all Merciful but I cant make myself think in this way. No matter what I do or how hard I try and make myself be better, there is always an event which pulls me away.

At home it was bad enough, but during work? Shared bathrooms, no place to wash, and yet I feel the urge to. I feel like crying so hard. I dont know what to do.

[u/Trustworthychickpea]

I have a similar thing and what helps me is to think about expecting the better from God, which means if you cant decide wether God will accept this wuduu or not, you need to tell yourself that the answer is yes, because God wouldn't want you to think of him as a God who wants you to retake your wuduu for the tiniest detail, he knows you have ocd, when you have second thoughts about the validity of your prayers or your cleanliness try not to engage and remember that God is with you against OCD, he isn't going to expect you to listen to your ocd in order to accept you. it takes time but allow yourself to be "imperfect", you can't stop the thoughts telling u u are not clean enough, try to agree with them tell them that yes I am not 100% clean and God will accept me regardless.

[u/itsalex64]

The thing that worked for me is that I stepped away from my faith a little while until I can handle obsessive thoughts.

I stepped away from Christianity for a bit because these thoughts became too intense. Luckily there are religious OCD creators like Mark DeJesus that I can lean on. I’m sure there should be a content creator that looks at Islam in a more gentler, OCD friendly way.

Religious OCD is hard because the laws from the holy text are so black and white. When in reality, life is usually grey. You can’t always be perfect and you need to accept that. You have to learn to say “Maybe I’m clean, maybe I’m not, I’m not going to give in to these thought compulsions”. Chasing certainty and compulsions mean your thoughts will persist and become stronger.

I know your brain has the itch to be clean “or else…”. Or you don’t feel worthy enough or you feel unholy. Try avoiding itching. It’s like a mosquito bite, the more you scratch, the worse it feels and the more irritated your skin gets.

I can’t give you reassurance. Try not to engage with those thoughts.

Just know that these thoughts are a byproduct of an amygdala misfiring cortisol. Just because you feel something, doesn’t mean it is true.

A book that really helped me is Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, Or Disturbing Thoughts
Book by Martin N. Seif and Sally M. Winston

If you have the itch, listen to the audiobook instead.

[u/riverriverb]

My brother had the exact same issue. I don't know Islam terms in English but he would stay in bath for hours making sure he did the ritual bath (ghusl I guess it is called) thing correctly. It effected his life so hard. I never could relate because even though all my family is muslim, I have been an atheist for a long time. But I saw first hand how something like that could ruin a life so I'm trully so sad that you experience this also. What made him better in the end was therapy and medications. Now it has been years and he has a much more healty, peaceful relationship with religion. He makes all the Islamic rituals (again, sorry if I'm using a wrong term here, I only know religious terms in my own language) but he doesn't feel this feeling or pressure anymore. I would definetly recommend therapy for this, for your inner peace and for religion to be a safe place in your life ♥️

[u/No-Specialist-5273]

Asalaamu Alaykum

I suffer from a similar issue. I have a medical condition on top of my OCD which exacerbates the issue (largely fixation on ritual impurities/perfectionism). I’m not sure you are in the headspace for religious rulings on the matter. So instead I’ll share a Hadith and offer my support if you need to reach out.

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that."

You are strong and alive. Allah knows your intentions and loves those who are gentle. So be gentle to yourself. Do what you can and take small steps. The early sahaba didn’t become strong believers overnight. They had to learn and practice. Allah promises mercy and Allah always will fulfill a promise.

If you want to know more about fatwas related to waswas let me know. I have learned a lot from asking around different masjid’s/islamic counseling sessions.

Allah knows best.

May Allah make it easy on you and allow you to be gentle on yourself.