Being nice with myself

[u/NirvanaTheKidd]

Since I went to a therapist, I started to see things differently. I started to be kinder with myself especially with my old self. See, my themes are religious, moral and "cancellation" OCD, when I ruminate, I'm never able to stop.

I remember talking to my therapist about my fear of making a mistake, she listened and made a joke, something along the lines of "Would you really attack me, judge me or crucify me, if I made a random mistake?" I obviously answered "no". It suddenly hit me, every mistake I made/make, everytime Im scared of what will happen, it's all in my head, I'm the only one judging myself, no one remembers that embarrassing self deprecating joke I made because of how awkward I was when I were 9, no one is going to misinterpret that joke years later and if someone does, why do I care ? I don't know that.

Sometimes when I ruminate, I have a moment of "clarity" I just realize that all the things I say in my head are never going to stop, so I just put an end to it, with a sentence like "I don't actually care", most of the time, I'm just straight up lying to myself, but I just need to do it.

Yesterday, I was able to sleep for 8hrs, without having to fall asleep while listening to white noises or while watching a tv show (both distract me from the thoughts, but not really in a healthy way, because I'm unable to sleep most of the time)

I went to that therapist one month ago, and every time I tried that method of "shutting down" the thoughts, it didn't work, but this time it did, I'm happy to say, I'm proud of myself!

[u/Little_End_6670]

Congrats on the win!!